Is admiring the vibe of private students a shallow motivation for sending our children to private?

[Anonymous]

It's called having social graces. Private schools try to teach character and manners in addition to academics. My kids live in that world and know how to be respectful to adults and converse with people of all kinds. White-haired ladies tend to call my son "charming." I grew up barely middle class and went to a crappy public high school...and have learned all that stuff the hard way, much of it alongside my kids.

Point being, I know exactly what you are talking about, OP, and I don't blame you at all for wanting that for your kids. Probably best to keep your reasons to yourself, though.

[Anonymous]

It's definitely an important reason I sent my kids to private school. I made that point in a different thread on this board recently, and a number of people dumped on me.
To me, being poised, having a certain polish doesn't necessarily go hand in hand with being snobbish - although they can co-exist. In fact, the really polished person knows to be kind and generous to all.
This is not just a social attribute. It goes a long way to helping with career success, getting along with others in life, and a happy life.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, for better or for worse, people with soft skills are generally more likely to move up the ladder is most fields. And I suspect that private schools tend to be better at fostering the development of soft skills.

Which isn't to say that knowledge or technical competency are irrelevant, but those who have both that and soft skills are almost always going to win out career-wise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It means the kids are "cool" and confident because their parents have lots of money. It's not anything the private school actually does for them. -a private school graduate who was "poor"

If you are wealthy, and have kids who go to public school, you can also teach them manners, got to cotillion, etc... If you are a scholarship student in private school, or your parents are scrimping and saving to get you there, "cool and confident" will not come easily.

If you are wealthy enough to afford private school without issues, why not? If you aren't, it's not worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It means the kids are "cool" and confident because their parents have lots of money. It's not anything the private school actually does for them. -a private school graduate who was "poor"

If you are wealthy, and have kids who go to public school, you can also teach them manners, got to cotillion, etc... If you are a scholarship student in private school, or your parents are scrimping and saving to get you there, "cool and confident" will not come easily.

If you are wealthy enough to afford private school without issues, why not? If you aren't, it's not worth it.

To address your last paragraph, some of us don’t want our kids surrounded by the kind of people who are posting on this thread. And I went to a big 3.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids play travel sports, mix of public and private. There are a few really smart public schoolers but they're annoying as all hell. Maybe it's parents or maybe it's their schools, but they're just so abrasive and uncool; try-hards, as my kids say. The really smart private kids just seem to wear it better. It's very obvious side by side.

OMG you people are insufferable.

I truly wish this poster was joking, but I worry they aren't.

You all are triggered because you're public parents and you know this is on the button. This is where the jealousy and animosity comes from; it's not about college placement, it's not about money, it's about polished confident private kids with superior social acuity intimidating you and your public school kin. And there's nothing you can teach them at home or life lessons you can provide to make up for not marinating in a private school atmosphere for four to 13 years.

I have never in my entire life thought of private school kids as cool or "polished" or having "superior social acuity." Quite the opposite. To me, they've always seemed like either entitled brats or sheltered and mousy kids who think they'll be murdered if they go anywhere EOTP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have never in my entire life thought of private school kids as cool or "polished" or having "superior social acuity." Quite the opposite. To me, they've always seemed like either entitled brats or sheltered and mousy kids who think they'll be murdered if they go anywhere EOTP.

Makes me wonder if you've ever actually met or been friends with anyone who grew up attending private schools.

I went to public school around here. At most, 10 to 20 percent of private school kids that I met in HS/college/law school were as you described. Everyone else ranged from harmless to totally fine to completely likable/comfortable in their own skin/generally indistinguishable from those who went to public school (apart from family money).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids play travel sports, mix of public and private. There are a few really smart public schoolers but they're annoying as all hell. Maybe it's parents or maybe it's their schools, but they're just so abrasive and uncool; try-hards, as my kids say. The really smart private kids just seem to wear it better. It's very obvious side by side.

OMG you people are insufferable.

I truly wish this poster was joking, but I worry they aren't.

You all are triggered because you're public parents and you know this is on the button. This is where the jealousy and animosity comes from; it's not about college placement, it's not about money, it's about polished confident private kids with superior social acuity intimidating you and your public school kin. And there's nothing you can teach them at home or life lessons you can provide to make up for not marinating in a private school atmosphere for four to 13 years.

That is a very low class, vulgar mentality. I know you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids play travel sports, mix of public and private. There are a few really smart public schoolers but they're annoying as all hell. Maybe it's parents or maybe it's their schools, but they're just so abrasive and uncool; try-hards, as my kids say. The really smart private kids just seem to wear it better. It's very obvious side by side.

OMG you people are insufferable.

I truly wish this poster was joking, but I worry they aren't.

You all are triggered because you're public parents and you know this is on the button. This is where the jealousy and animosity comes from; it's not about college placement, it's not about money, it's about polished confident private kids with superior social acuity intimidating you and your public school kin. And there's nothing you can teach them at home or life lessons you can provide to make up for not marinating in a private school atmosphere for four to 13 years.

That is a very low class, vulgar mentality. I know you.

Who knew that having your rich, white kid grow up with a bunch of other rich, white kids could be so beneficial! Diversity, be damned!

[Anonymous]

The first time I mentioned to neighbors we were sending kids to private vs top-in-the-state public, the reaction was so toxic. Never would have thought I'd hear such negative reactions. I'm so glad we did - I can see the poise and polish the OP refers to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids play travel sports, mix of public and private. There are a few really smart public schoolers but they're annoying as all hell. Maybe it's parents or maybe it's their schools, but they're just so abrasive and uncool; try-hards, as my kids say. The really smart private kids just seem to wear it better. It's very obvious side by side.

OMG you people are insufferable.

I truly wish this poster was joking, but I worry they aren't.

You all are triggered because you're public parents and you know this is on the button. This is where the jealousy and animosity comes from; it's not about college placement, it's not about money, it's about polished confident private kids with superior social acuity intimidating you and your public school kin. And there's nothing you can teach them at home or life lessons you can provide to make up for not marinating in a private school atmosphere for four to 13 years.

That is a very low class, vulgar mentality. I know you.

Who knew that having your rich, white kid grow up with a bunch of other rich, white kids could be so beneficial! Diversity, be damned!

Top DC privates are extremely diverse but don't let that get in the way of your hate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids play travel sports, mix of public and private. There are a few really smart public schoolers but they're annoying as all hell. Maybe it's parents or maybe it's their schools, but they're just so abrasive and uncool; try-hards, as my kids say. The really smart private kids just seem to wear it better. It's very obvious side by side.

OMG you people are insufferable.

I truly wish this poster was joking, but I worry they aren't.

You all are triggered because you're public parents and you know this is on the button. This is where the jealousy and animosity comes from; it's not about college placement, it's not about money, it's about polished confident private kids with superior social acuity intimidating you and your public school kin. And there's nothing you can teach them at home or life lessons you can provide to make up for not marinating in a private school atmosphere for four to 13 years.

You sound like a racist who is trying very hard not to sound racist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get what you are saying- it sounds like self confidence. You are not shallow for desiring your children to have it, it makes life smoother.

So I'm not the only person who sees this? It's not that my public school nieces and nephews are uncool, they're different. I'd just prefer our kids turn out more like their private school nieces and nephews, and it would be disingenuous to claim it's because of SAT scores or college placement.

It doesn't work that way.

You sound idiotic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids play travel sports, mix of public and private. There are a few really smart public schoolers but they're annoying as all hell. Maybe it's parents or maybe it's their schools, but they're just so abrasive and uncool; try-hards, as my kids say. The really smart private kids just seem to wear it better. It's very obvious side by side.

OMG you people are insufferable.

I truly wish this poster was joking, but I worry they aren't.

You all are triggered because you're public parents and you know this is on the button. This is where the jealousy and animosity comes from; it's not about college placement, it's not about money, it's about polished confident private kids with superior social acuity intimidating you and your public school kin. And there's nothing you can teach them at home or life lessons you can provide to make up for not marinating in a private school atmosphere for four to 13 years.

That is a very low class, vulgar mentality. I know you.

Who knew that having your rich, white kid grow up with a bunch of other rich, white kids could be so beneficial! Diversity, be damned!

Top DC privates are extremely diverse but don't let that get in the way of your hate.

You probably have to go to West Virginia to find whiter schools than the DC privates. They are easily the least diverse schools in the metro area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids play travel sports, mix of public and private. There are a few really smart public schoolers but they're annoying as all hell. Maybe it's parents or maybe it's their schools, but they're just so abrasive and uncool; try-hards, as my kids say. The really smart private kids just seem to wear it better. It's very obvious side by side.

OMG you people are insufferable.

I truly wish this poster was joking, but I worry they aren't.

You all are triggered because you're public parents and you know this is on the button. This is where the jealousy and animosity comes from; it's not about college placement, it's not about money, it's about polished confident private kids with superior social acuity intimidating you and your public school kin. And there's nothing you can teach them at home or life lessons you can provide to make up for not marinating in a private school atmosphere for four to 13 years.

That is a very low class, vulgar mentality. I know you.

Who knew that having your rich, white kid grow up with a bunch of other rich, white kids could be so beneficial! Diversity, be damned!

Top DC privates are extremely diverse but don't let that get in the way of your hate.

You realize that truly underrepresented, low SES kids would not even have heard of these schools much less apply to them, right?