NYT: 30 somethings still being bankrolled by their parents

[Anonymous]

I'd rather be bankrolled than by like my parents. My parents are much wealthier than us. They complain nonstop about our choice of house, vacations, we don't have our kids in enough extracurriculars, they dislike our public schools and they like to go to dinner with us instead of cooking (they don't pay for our dinners out). I just want to scream. It's my money and I'll do what's financially viable for my family. If you want more, pay up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not allowing your children to make it on their own is psychologically damaging to them. Deep inside they always know they are not fully developed and know they are not as strong as those who have proven they could do it themselves.

Eh also not as weak as those who would turn their theoretical back on a theoretical gift of money- which is widely agreed would be helpful to ensuring the success of their marriage and children.

[Anonymous]

I accept all types of help from anyone who wants to give me any. Dad used to fix things in my house and clean the gutters so I didn't have to hire someone to do it. MIL gave us 529 money. Are the two so different. Grandparents want to help their children & grandchildren. As long as the parents are generally supporting themselves, what's so wrong with extra help in the form of free babysitting, college fund contributions or gardening?! I don't see the problem. Life is hard enough, accept the gifts when they come. Soon enough, those parents will be gone and then you're really on your own!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I accept all types of help from anyone who wants to give me any. Dad used to fix things in my house and clean the gutters so I didn't have to hire someone to do it. MIL gave us 529 money. Are the two so different. Grandparents want to help their children & grandchildren. As long as the parents are generally supporting themselves, what's so wrong with extra help in the form of free babysitting, college fund contributions or gardening?! I don't see the problem. Life is hard enough, accept the gifts when they come. Soon enough, those parents will be gone and then you're really on your own!

I’m curious what you do for these parents/grandparents in your life — whose free gifts will only last til they’re dead.

[Anonymous]

I’m 33 and have been totally self-sufficient since age 18. Can not relate to these people, but good for them - I guess?

[Anonymous]

I just love mine. I mean- besides the gifting and the LOC and the trusts for each child they are my family- my parents- I adore them and they adore me. The “free” gifts as you call them amount to annual disbursements of bereeen 100-150k from my trust.

You are correct in that when they pass that will stop- as I will have my portion of their estate to cover me. We have annual meetings to review those trusts and based upon value and age I be leaving money that will help multiple generations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I accept all types of help from anyone who wants to give me any. Dad used to fix things in my house and clean the gutters so I didn't have to hire someone to do it. MIL gave us 529 money. Are the two so different. Grandparents want to help their children & grandchildren. As long as the parents are generally supporting themselves, what's so wrong with extra help in the form of free babysitting, college fund contributions or gardening?! I don't see the problem. Life is hard enough, accept the gifts when they come. Soon enough, those parents will be gone and then you're really on your own!

I’m curious what you do for these parents/grandparents in your life — whose free gifts will only last til they’re dead.

NP. Gifts and help should go downhill to the youngest generation.

[Anonymous]

I will admit that I'm still on my parents cell phone plan. I'm almost 40. However, my parents will be moving into our downstairs unit soon and paying discounted rent...for the rest of their lives.

I think families should help each other, but the difference between those that can and those that can't or don't is pretty significant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I accept all types of help from anyone who wants to give me any. Dad used to fix things in my house and clean the gutters so I didn't have to hire someone to do it. MIL gave us 529 money. Are the two so different. Grandparents want to help their children & grandchildren. As long as the parents are generally supporting themselves, what's so wrong with extra help in the form of free babysitting, college fund contributions or gardening?! I don't see the problem. Life is hard enough, accept the gifts when they come. Soon enough, those parents will be gone and then you're really on your own!

I’m curious what you do for these parents/grandparents in your life — whose free gifts will only last til they’re dead.

You aren't making much sense. What did I do for them? Regular daughter & granddaughter stuff. Send birthday cards & gifts, call, write, visit. Go on vacations together (that I paid my way for). Send photos of the grandchildren. WTF? Real families do things for each other, they pay it forward. Dad didn't need me to buy him lunch. He wanted to treat us to something nice. Sorry if you don't have that type of family, but many (most?) people do.

[Anonymous]

Questioner makes it seem like we are all down our knees to choke down our gifting.


Not so, dear. My only stipulation ever has been giving a portion to the charity of my choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m tremendously grateful for the help I’ve received from my parents, who came here as Immigrants, and dear mom died here. They worked hard all their lives and my mom scrimped and saved so we could have a better future. I always told them their money gifts were not necessary, but in truth, the helped me very much: paid for college, helped with grad school loans, picking up the monthly payment at times, paid my share of down payment, and now have left me and my brother with a very modest trust fundthat has helped us immensely when one of us has lost a job, for instance. I’m grateful, mom and dad. I hope to be able to do the same, or even more, for my kids and grandkids. Pay it forward.

My DH and I are immigrants - I used to be so jealous of my friends w babysitting family help - who knew there were so many school closings and then the summer! - we have done well and will be giving these type of help to our children too!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Baby boomer.

Life was simpler then--cell phones and computers did not exist and so no need to pay for internet and cell access. If you really needed to call someone you could use a pay phone. TV was not a necessity--plenty of us had just a radio. Also, almost no one worried about health insurance. You could buy a used car for not much and gasoline was cheap if you lived where there was little public transportation.

Housing and college were also a heckuva lot cheaper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m tremendously grateful for the help I’ve received from my parents, who came here as Immigrants, and dear mom died here. They worked hard all their lives and my mom scrimped and saved so we could have a better future. I always told them their money gifts were not necessary, but in truth, the helped me very much: paid for college, helped with grad school loans, picking up the monthly payment at times, paid my share of down payment, and now have left me and my brother with a very modest trust fundthat has helped us immensely when one of us has lost a job, for instance. I’m grateful, mom and dad. I hope to be able to do the same, or even more, for my kids and grandkids. Pay it forward.

My DH and I are immigrants - I used to be so jealous of my friends w babysitting family help - who knew there were so many school closings and then the summer! - we have done well and will be giving these type of help to our children too!!

+1. Unfortunately, my parents don't believe/want to help out (and one of them gets handouts from DH and me every once in a while). But I've noticed that many of my friends who have been very successful at work have parents (kids' grandparents) who are able to help so that they can advance their careers. It's really hard to move up, even if you've done well in school, unless you are able to travel, go to conferences, network, etc. Of course, many of these parents also bankrolled their kids' college and graduate schools and may be helping with college savings for the grandkids. For my immigrant parents, this sort of help is not even on their radar. DH and I are likely to help out our children when they become adults in ways that our own parents did not. To be fair, DH and I have been successful by all accounts, but I definitely feel like we have had to struggle a bit more than some of our peers in getting here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m tremendously grateful for the help I’ve received from my parents, who came here as Immigrants, and dear mom died here. They worked hard all their lives and my mom scrimped and saved so we could have a better future. I always told them their money gifts were not necessary, but in truth, the helped me very much: paid for college, helped with grad school loans, picking up the monthly payment at times, paid my share of down payment, and now have left me and my brother with a very modest trust fundthat has helped us immensely when one of us has lost a job, for instance. I’m grateful, mom and dad. I hope to be able to do the same, or even more, for my kids and grandkids. Pay it forward.

My DH and I are immigrants - I used to be so jealous of my friends w babysitting family help - who knew there were so many school closings and then the summer! - we have done well and will be giving these type of help to our children too!!

+1. Unfortunately, my parents don't believe/want to help out (and one of them gets handouts from DH and me every once in a while). But I've noticed that many of my friends who have been very successful at work have parents (kids' grandparents) who are able to help so that they can advance their careers. It's really hard to move up, even if you've done well in school, unless you are able to travel, go to conferences, network, etc. Of course, many of these parents also bankrolled their kids' college and graduate schools and may be helping with college savings for the grandkids. For my immigrant parents, this sort of help is not even on their radar. DH and I are likely to help out our children when they become adults in ways that our own parents did not. To be fair, DH and I have been successful by all accounts, but I definitely feel like we have had to struggle a bit more than some of our peers in getting here.

I've definitely seen this -- in the dual working successful professional couples, they have moved up in part bc they NEVER have to say no to business travel sometimes even on a day's notice. And it doesn't much matter if their spouse is traveling/working late at the same time -- bc grandparents on either side will step in and help. If you're a grandparent that can't give money, just being there -- even if you aren't doing all the babysitting but just overseeing a nanny and sleeping over at night if the parents have to travel -- is HUGE. It allows your DS/DIL or DD/SIL to both get to those 300k+ jobs and once they're there with their HHI of 600k+ -- you know your grandkids are totally taken care of for life with full tuition for college/med/law school, down payments on houses etc. If you're a parent who can't afford to gift your adult kids $$, this is another way to help them build generational wealth.

[Anonymous]

This isn't weird or new. My parents helped me out too when I was starting out. I'll do the same thing for my kids.