NYT: 30 somethings still being bankrolled by their parents

[Anonymous]

I grew up poor and black (gen Xer, not millenial). I was able to get into college and then law school. I paid for both with loans. My husband is comes from a UMC white family and didn't have loans because his parents paid. He works hard and so do I. We paid for our own wedding and the down payment on our house ourselves. Both of his parents are still alive but have resources because they worked hard and because they inherited sums of money when their parents passed. Meanwhile, I pay my mother's pharmacy co-pays, any new clothes she needs, her phone and cable bill, newspaper and magazine subscriptions and all of her luxuries in life. This is the story of this country. His family continues to benefit from wealth inherited for generations while there is none in my side of the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m an old millennial (37). My parents paid for my undergrad, started 529s for each of my two kids ($5000 initial investment + $50 each month), and gave us $25k at one point because my sibling needed money and they wanted to treat me equally. I don’t feel bad about it. It’s their money. They worked trade and retail jobs but were frugal and savvy investors who retired as millionaires.

The biggest piece is obviously paying for college. I feel like that alone has given me such a huge leg up and I plan to do whatever I can to make sure my kids have the same advantage.

There’s such a “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” mentality in this country, but the deck has been stacked for the wealthy for generations and generations so I don’t know why people are in a twist over it now when the middle class boomers are able to do similarly for their kids.

There is no way a family with two kids would work this kind of job in 2018 and be able to retire as millionaires. The Boomers were amazingly lucky.

I’m not sure. My father was an hvac guy turned welder turned master electrician. When he got calls to work on a holiday weekend, he was earning $60/hr. And that was during the 90s. The trades are still a viable option for motivated individuals.

The unions are begging for people to enter the skilled trades for jobs that will pay well into six figures (without student loan debt). However, society has convinced everyone that they are a failure if they don't pay $200,000 to go to college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who are “enraged” by this: I hope you remember your rage at the voting booth when you consider the tax policies that make this so advantageous.

Yep yep yep.

Pathetic you think taking more money from these people would actually financially benefit you and the likes.

Rich people already pay MOST of the taxes in this country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who are “enraged” by this: I hope you remember your rage at the voting booth when you consider the tax policies that make this so advantageous.

Yep yep yep.

Pathetic you think taking more money from these people would actually financially benefit you and the likes.

Rich people already pay MOST of the taxes in this country.

How could they not? They make most of the money and then they hoard it and then they pass on their hoard to their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the real story here is how well Boomers have done as a generation. I don't think the premise that previous generations were "emancipated" from their families because of some moral choice is right. Rich people gonna rich, and that means passing money to their children throughout their lives. It always has! There are just more of those families. These examples aren't of boomer parents eating canned soup so they can pay grandson's NYC private school tuition. These are boomer parents who can afford it.

Most of these examples are directly related to the tax code. If you are a rich boomer and you're trying to minimize your/your heirs tax burden, it makes sense to max out the cash gift every year (I think it's $14k?) and pay any tuition or medical expense you can, because it avoids the gift tax. I think the Times is really irresponsible for writing this story without pointing out the estate planning angle - not that it's not still a huge and arguably unfair boost for the millennials, but it is only logical that affluent boomers would do that.

The current estate tax exemption is $22.8 million for a couple (and it's portable, so the last spouse to die can use the whole amount). There aren't that many people who will exceed that. They're certainly out there, but as a percentage of the population, it's very small. It may be that some are concerned that the exemption will be lowered (pretty sure it will be if the Dems take control of the Senate and White House), but I really think it's more that there are quite a few well-off people who are living longer, and who realize that the extra $$ can make a big difference in their kid's lives now vs. 20-30 years from now when they would otherwise inherit. There are some tax advantages for a grandparent to put $$ in a 529, for example, but it's not huge, and I think the incentive is really to relieve financial stress for their kids while they're just getting established (vs. add to their retirement fund later).

The estate tax exemption has bounced all over the place in the last 20 years. I think it’s very reasonable for someone who is 60 years old to be thinking about the possibility of a lower limit in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I am one of these millennials and I don’t really care how “sad” it seems to other people. I would have my life together fine without parental help. They have offered me money and support, and so my standard of living is somewhat better. So what? I am married, have 2 great kids, have a great job and they are happy too. Thanks to them we are saving like crazy and ahead of most people financially.


You answered your own question


And? Is your point that you’re jealous or life is unfair? Either way it sounds like a lot of whining.


I'm not the PP, but here is my two cents, Everyone hates a smug, entitled, "born on third" kind of person, always have and most always will. sorry. Life is unfair. most people hate you. I kind of hate you and I don't even know you.


So again it boils down to you’re jealous of me and you’re whining about it. I don’t think I’m the one who needs to worry about being hated.


DP: I think it is a cultural shift or a difference in mindsets in what it means to be an adult. There was a time when letting someone else pay your due (outside of an inheritance) was undignified, or as some DCUM threads say, low-class. People were ashamed that they took money from their parents, which probably carried over from times before there were any social safety nets. Now its almost shameful to admit your parents aren't paying chunks of your house, car, tuition, day-care etc.

This is a very interesting shift indeed. The poster from another country who says this is common in his part of the world is really just pointing out that this is now common in the US. Why is it common? Because people now realize that the opportunity to rise is much, much more limited than it was in the past. I grew up in a time (yes I am old) when you could buy a house on one income (truly) and that income was from a blue collar job. That is no longer the case and people know it. So, yes, those who have parents with money are at a huge advantage. But my generation still holds onto the hope that our kids can make it on their own. The truth is that they cannot and will not. We are becoming more like those countries where it is who you know and how much money you were born into. Sad. Middle class Americans are waking up to this for sure. Just look at the division in this country.

I agree with you that the US is becoming very much like those corrupt, dog eat dog third world countries. You say the middle class is waking up to it, but what actually is being done or can be done to stop our descent into feudalism? Nothing much, it looks like, which is why I don’t blame the umc and upper class for doing whatever they can to ensure their kids’ success.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up poor and black (gen Xer, not millenial). I was able to get into college and then law school. I paid for both with loans. My husband is comes from a UMC white family and didn't have loans because his parents paid. He works hard and so do I. We paid for our own wedding and the down payment on our house ourselves. Both of his parents are still alive but have resources because they worked hard and because they inherited sums of money when their parents passed. Meanwhile, I pay my mother's pharmacy co-pays, any new clothes she needs, her phone and cable bill, newspaper and magazine subscriptions and all of her luxuries in life. This is the story of this country. His family continues to benefit from wealth inherited for generations while there is none in my side of the family.

You're great. And a great daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I am one of these millennials and I don’t really care how “sad” it seems to other people. I would have my life together fine without parental help. They have offered me money and support, and so my standard of living is somewhat better. So what? I am married, have 2 great kids, have a great job and they are happy too. Thanks to them we are saving like crazy and ahead of most people financially.


You answered your own question


And? Is your point that you’re jealous or life is unfair? Either way it sounds like a lot of whining.


I'm not the PP, but here is my two cents, Everyone hates a smug, entitled, "born on third" kind of person, always have and most always will. sorry. Life is unfair. most people hate you. I kind of hate you and I don't even know you.


So again it boils down to you’re jealous of me and you’re whining about it. I don’t think I’m the one who needs to worry about being hated.


DP: I think it is a cultural shift or a difference in mindsets in what it means to be an adult. There was a time when letting someone else pay your due (outside of an inheritance) was undignified, or as some DCUM threads say, low-class. People were ashamed that they took money from their parents, which probably carried over from times before there were any social safety nets. Now its almost shameful to admit your parents aren't paying chunks of your house, car, tuition, day-care etc.

This is a very interesting shift indeed. The poster from another country who says this is common in his part of the world is really just pointing out that this is now common in the US. Why is it common? Because people now realize that the opportunity to rise is much, much more limited than it was in the past. I grew up in a time (yes I am old) when you could buy a house on one income (truly) and that income was from a blue collar job. That is no longer the case and people know it. So, yes, those who have parents with money are at a huge advantage. But my generation still holds onto the hope that our kids can make it on their own. The truth is that they cannot and will not. We are becoming more like those countries where it is who you know and how much money you were born into. Sad. Middle class Americans are waking up to this for sure. Just look at the division in this country.

I agree with you that the US is becoming very much like those corrupt, dog eat dog third world countries. You say the middle class is waking up to it, but what actually is being done or can be done to stop our descent into feudalism? Nothing much, it looks like, which is why I don’t blame the umc and upper class for doing whatever they can to ensure their kids’ success.

Yeah ok the country that enslaved people and didn’t let black people sit in the front of the bus wasn’t “dog eat dog,” it’s the countries where family support matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our son lives at home and buys his own food and pays the cable bill. His field does pay well and we will allow him to stay home for no more than two more years.
Our daughter makes $70,000 and we pay her monthly garage fee of $250. She has a student loan of $400 she will pay for the next year. Once the loan is paid we won’t pay for the garage. At some point, hubby wants to give them $20,000 each for a deposit on a home.

Just curious why you do these things for someone making $70k/year??

We would definitely do this when the time is right. My reasoning would be to get them a head start on savings discipline - I would have goals around them saving market rent every month and if they managed to do that for a month, I would probably give back what they paid me in rent - something like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who are “enraged” by this: I hope you remember your rage at the voting booth when you consider the tax policies that make this so advantageous.

Yep yep yep.

Pathetic you think taking more money from these people would actually financially benefit you and the likes.

Rich people already pay MOST of the taxes in this country.

How could they not? They make most of the money and then they hoard it and then they pass on their hoard to their children.

So 100 people go out to dinner. Everyone decides where to go and what to eat with the majority deciding, so everyone has an equal share in deciding what's eaten how nice the restaurant is, etc.

The bill comes and it's $1,000

and the woman at the end of the table pays 396 dollars because everyone voted and that is the amount they agreed was 'fair'. The 9 people next to her pay an additional 480 dollars so the 10 of them have paid roughly 880 dollars.

The other 90 people cover the rest. 47 of those people paid nothing - ate for free

The 10 at the end of the table didn't eat more yet most of the 90, and even some of the 9, complain that the woman at the end didn't pay enough just because 'she has the means and she could have'.


According to this thread they are also upset by the fact that she is doing everything she can, within the boundaries of the system, to save money for her children with her extra money, rather than increasing her share of the dinner bill.

According to many other DCUM threads the group also stiffed the waiter because 'that's their job and they don't deserve a tip' and most of the conversation at dinner revolved around people bragging about how old their car is and the fact that realtors are just a big scam.

[Anonymous]

Not allowing your children to make it on their own is psychologically damaging to them. Deep inside they always know they are not fully developed and know they are not as strong as those who have proven they could do it themselves.

[Anonymous]

So many jealous types on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who are “enraged” by this: I hope you remember your rage at the voting booth when you consider the tax policies that make this so advantageous.

Yep yep yep.

Pathetic you think taking more money from these people would actually financially benefit you and the likes.

Rich people already pay MOST of the taxes in this country.

How could they not? They make most of the money and then they hoard it and then they pass on their hoard to their children.

So 100 people go out to dinner. Everyone decides where to go and what to eat with the majority deciding, so everyone has an equal share in deciding what's eaten how nice the restaurant is, etc.

The bill comes and it's $1,000

and the woman at the end of the table pays 396 dollars because everyone voted and that is the amount they agreed was 'fair'. The 9 people next to her pay an additional 480 dollars so the 10 of them have paid roughly 880 dollars.

The other 90 people cover the rest. 47 of those people paid nothing - ate for free

The 10 at the end of the table didn't eat more yet most of the 90, and even some of the 9, complain that the woman at the end didn't pay enough just because 'she has the means and she could have'.


According to this thread they are also upset by the fact that she is doing everything she can, within the boundaries of the system, to save money for her children with her extra money, rather than increasing her share of the dinner bill.

According to many other DCUM threads the group also stiffed the waiter because 'that's their job and they don't deserve a tip' and most of the conversation at dinner revolved around people bragging about how old their car is and the fact that realtors are just a big scam.

TL DR trying too hard

Another sniveling worker bee trying to justify the all encompassing greed of the rich in the hopes that by some magic he may join their ranks.

[Anonymous]

I’m tremendously grateful for the help I’ve received from my parents, who came here as Immigrants, and dear mom died here. They worked hard all their lives and my mom scrimped and saved so we could have a better future. I always told them their money gifts were not necessary, but in truth, the helped me very much: paid for college, helped with grad school loans, picking up the monthly payment at times, paid my share of down payment, and now have left me and my brother with a very modest trust fundthat has helped us immensely when one of us has lost a job, for instance. I’m grateful, mom and dad. I hope to be able to do the same, or even more, for my kids and grandkids. Pay it forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
It is neither wrong nor right. We are in our 40s and our parents pitch in for our kids’ extra curriculars.

However it points to one critical point: that inherited wealth or generational financial help significantly contributes to inequalities.

is inequality also "neither wrong nor right"? It seems like you're suggesting that it's wrong. But apparently, your behavior that contributes to it is neither wrong nor right. Interesting.