Every couple should spend a week with children before having a family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP The only person you have convince is yourself. Your DH being 45 and you don't have kids yet speaks a lot to me.

I had my first kid and 43 and the second at 47. I had plenty of energy for fatherhood. Still do. If this guy is such a wreck that he can't handle it, oh well. Enjoy your lonely old age and bitter regret for missed opportunities...

Missed oppurtunities for what? If your shitty fucking attitude is any indication of the type of people you're raising, the world would have been better off if you'd just busted a nut into a tissue.

Missed opportunities for children, genius, what else.

It's those who whine that they're too old, too tired, and too broke to have babies who have a shitty attitude, not me.

I'm looking forward to the follow-up post we'll see in a year or two:

"My husband left me for a younger, fertile woman because he changed his mind about not having children"

Costco sells them in bundle packs. Please go buy some.

[Anonymous]

People are responding this way because OP came to a parenting site and basically said THANK GOD I don't have your shitty lives, not because they care she doesn't want kids or are unhappy in their own lives. I don't think OP was trying to be mean, but it came off a little rude. I'm not going to go on some childless by choice website and start extolling the virtues of parenthood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP The only person you have convince is yourself. Your DH being 45 and you don't have kids yet speaks a lot to me.

I had my first kid and 43 and the second at 47. I had plenty of energy for fatherhood. Still do. If this guy is such a wreck that he can't handle it, oh well. Enjoy your lonely old age and bitter regret for missed opportunities...

I had twins at 46 and have plenty of energy as a father. In fact, our kids have various classmates and or playmates whose parents are 15-20 years younger than I am and I often have more energy than they do. Plus, for my longevity, my parents are still alive and kicking and pretty active at 83 and 89. Some of those parents of my children's friends have parents who have been dying in their 60's. There's a good chance that I'll outlive those parents or at least live as long as they do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are responding this way because OP came to a parenting site and basically said THANK GOD I don't have your shitty lives, not because they care she doesn't want kids or are unhappy in their own lives. I don't think OP was trying to be mean, but it came off a little rude. I'm not going to go on some childless by choice website and start extolling the virtues of parenthood.

YES, because this site only offers a place for people w/ children? Are you serious? I am pretty sure the most epic thread on here in recent times was about #pochingbobcats, no? I also see SEVERAL posts about 20's somethings and people asking about dating advice and most if not all of those people are child free. Also, there is an entire explicit section where people are certainly not talking about their kids, or maybe you have never ventured over to that section? LOL....SERIOUSLY get off your soap box, the OP was not telling YOU or any one else who is a parent that THEIR lives are shitty, but that it is not what she or her husband want to sign up for!

I don't think you should take this so personal. I am a parent and I certainly don't feel like she is telling me my life sucks, just that we wanted/want to lead a different life style....and guess what? WHO CARES? her advice is good and all childless parents should try out what they did, just so they can experience the work aspect that goes into child rearing irregardless of this whole "it's different when they are your own and you have raised them since birth. I guess all those people are completely forgetting about the portion of the population who adopts older children, or people who are foster parents. Humans can love a child even if they are older and it is not their own by birth.

[Anonymous]

OP I'm happy for you that you are comfortable with your decision. I'm so comfortable with ours that I'm not going to try to talk you out of yours. We have three-2,4 and 6.5

Best of luck to you and I'm glad you are such an awesome aunt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Obviously I don't know what it's like to be a parent.
I agree with that 100%.
This experience did give me a good idea of what day to day life would be like.
These are my observations:
1. My house was an absolute mess by the time the children left.
2. I can't have nice furniture and have children.
3. I barely spoke to my husband. We were both too busy wrangling children to communicate about anything other than what was happening at the exact moment.
4. I didn't want to be touched by my husband at the end of the day.
5. I spent A LOT of money.
6. I felt like a zombie amd was exhausted the entire time.

I took 2 personal days in order to do this. I can't imagine having to work full-time, raise children and keep a house in order. These things, I feel, are fair representations of things you experience and go through being a parent. These things happen whether you're caring for your own children or someone else's child.

but OP, this is like if you didn't exercise and then ran a 10K one day. you'd be saying "wow that was hard! I had to stop to walk all the time and now I am super sore and can barely move. Running is so hard." Well, ok, but you came it at pretty differently than everyone else out there did, so your experience is not exactly comparable. Of course if I take a day in my current life and compare it to a day from my pre-kid life it looks vastly different. But I didn't get there overnight, as you are advocating. Is it harder to keep a clean house and keep a relationship with your husband and maintain your energy level? of course. but you get a lot of practice by the time you have kids as old as the ones you watched.

Based on the above comment Op sounds pretty superficial and self centered. I would not recommend that she have children. You've made a good decision to stay childless, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Obviously I don't know what it's like to be a parent.
I agree with that 100%.
This experience did give me a good idea of what day to day life would be like.
These are my observations:
1. My house was an absolute mess by the time the children left.
2. I can't have nice furniture and have children.
3. I barely spoke to my husband. We were both too busy wrangling children to communicate about anything other than what was happening at the exact moment.
4. I didn't want to be touched by my husband at the end of the day.
5. I spent A LOT of money.
6. I felt like a zombie amd was exhausted the entire time.

I took 2 personal days in order to do this. I can't imagine having to work full-time, raise children and keep a house in order. These things, I feel, are fair representations of things you experience and go through being a parent. These things happen whether you're caring for your own children or someone else's child.

but OP, this is like if you didn't exercise and then ran a 10K one day. you'd be saying "wow that was hard! I had to stop to walk all the time and now I am super sore and can barely move. Running is so hard." Well, ok, but you came it at pretty differently than everyone else out there did, so your experience is not exactly comparable. Of course if I take a day in my current life and compare it to a day from my pre-kid life it looks vastly different. But I didn't get there overnight, as you are advocating. Is it harder to keep a clean house and keep a relationship with your husband and maintain your energy level? of course. but you get a lot of practice by the time you have kids as old as the ones you watched.

Based on the above comment Op sounds pretty superficial and self centered. I would not recommend that she have children. You've made a good decision to stay childless, OP!

Can you please provide other examples of reasons why someone might choose to be childless? Or are you someone who just thinks that anyone who does not want kids is "superficial and self centered"? I am being serious...I would like to know what other examples you have for remaining child free by choice? I am not talking about people who want children and cannot for a variety of reasons.

[Anonymous]

Can you please provide other examples of reasons why someone might choose to be childless? Or are you someone who just thinks that anyone who does not want kids is "superficial and self centered"? I am being serious...I would like to know what other examples you have for remaining child free by choice? I am not talking about people who want children and cannot for a variety of reasons.

Sorry but OP's focus on money, the tidiness of her house and having 'nice furniture' just seems superficial to me.

I don't think that all people who chose to be childless and superficial and self centered. On the contrary.... I actually applaud the voluntarily childless folks for having the strength to go against societal expectation and remain childless. They are doing everyone a favor by not having kids if they already know they will not be that into them. A lot of people don't have what it takes to raise children and give them what they need (which is a lot), and I'm relieved when I hear that people who are like OP decide not to have kids.

[Anonymous]

[b]

Anonymous wrote:

Can you please provide other examples of reasons why someone might choose to be childless? Or are you someone who just thinks that anyone who does not want kids is "superficial and self centered"? I am being serious...I would like to know what other examples you have for remaining child free by choice? I am not talking about people who want children and cannot for a variety of reasons.

Sorry but OP's focus on money, the tidiness of her house and having 'nice furniture' just seems superficial to me.


I don't think that all people who chose to be childless and superficial and self centered. On the contrary.... I actually applaud the voluntarily childless folks for having the strength to go against societal expectation and remain childless. They are doing everyone a favor by not having kids if they already know they will not be that into them. A lot of people don't have what it takes to raise children and give them what they need (which is a lot), and I'm relieved when I hear that people who are like OP decide not to have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[b]

Anonymous wrote:

Can you please provide other examples of reasons why someone might choose to be childless? Or are you someone who just thinks that anyone who does not want kids is "superficial and self centered"? I am being serious...I would like to know what other examples you have for remaining child free by choice? I am not talking about people who want children and cannot for a variety of reasons.

Sorry but OP's focus on money, the tidiness of her house and having 'nice furniture' just seems superficial to me.


I don't think that all people who chose to be childless and superficial and self centered. On the contrary.... I actually applaud the voluntarily childless folks for having the strength to go against societal expectation and remain childless. They are doing everyone a favor by not having kids if they already know they will not be that into them. A lot of people don't have what it takes to raise children and give them what they need (which is a lot), and I'm relieved when I hear that people who are like OP decide not to have kids.

How about the other reasons given? Why do you discount those? Lack of communication in a marriage? Lack of physical intimacy? Exhaustion?
Do those not deserve mention or do you just want to choose the "superficial" ones to suit your point?

[Anonymous]

How about the other reasons given? Why do you discount those? Lack of communication in a marriage? Lack of physical intimacy? Exhaustion?
Do those not deserve mention or do you just want to choose the "superficial" ones to suit your point?

Honestly I think those are lame excuses. Plenty of couples who are parents have marriages where they communicate well and have good sex. Its kind of insulting that she assumes they don't based on her week long experiment. And in my opinion, many things that are worth doing are also exhausting, including having kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

How about the other reasons given? Why do you discount those? Lack of communication in a marriage? Lack of physical intimacy? Exhaustion?
Do those not deserve mention or do you just want to choose the "superficial" ones to suit your point?

Honestly I think those are lame excuses. Plenty of couples who are parents have marriages where they communicate well and have good sex. Its kind of insulting that she assumes they don't based on her week long experiment. And in my opinion, many things that are worth doing are also exhausting, including having kids.

Those are lame excuses?? Communication is a lame excuse?
Please do tell me why there are so many unhappily married people on the relationship forum?
Almost all of them have children. This is am excuse?
You are miserable in your life and are jealous that someone else has the freedom and fulfilment that you lack.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is very different with your own kids.

This.

[Anonymous]

I'm not miserable, quite happy actually! And I'm glad that OP is making the right decision for her. I must say though that you are sounding pretty illogical to me.

Some couples who are married and with children have communication issues.

Some couples who are married and childless have communication issues.

Therefore I think communication is a lame excuse. You can't seriously assume that married people with children have communication problems because that's what you see on DCUM? Are you a troll?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not miserable, quite happy actually! And I'm glad that OP is making the right decision for her. I must say though that you are sounding pretty illogical to me.

Some couples who are married and with children have communication issues.

Some couples who are married and childless have communication issues.

Therefore I think communication is a lame excuse. You can't seriously assume that married people with children have communication problems because that's what you see on DCUM? Are you a troll?!

Different PP. I didn't read that as you are miserable, but you are a miserable (e.g. very unpleasant and obnoxious) person, which I agree with. You are the judgmental type that has to put others and their decisions down to make yourself feel superior. You are the type that perpetuates mommy wars. You aren't just satisfied that OP is making the right decision, you think she's making the right decision because she isn't capable of raising children well, hence you feel superior because you feel you can do all the "superficial" things that she desires and still raise children.

I'm sorry your children have to be raised by such a petty person. I hope that they will learn not to be so judgmental and unkind, but unfortunately, it's probably too late because kids tend to mimic those they are reared by.