Any Formerly SAHM's Back to Work for Economic Reasons and Hating It?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm banging your hubby, pp. He is leaving you after the holidays. I am 12 weeks pregnant.

Oh honey, your joke made me laugh, but unfortunately your pronouns and preposterous scenario (if only you knew!) call your bluff. After all, can you really get a leopard(ess) to change its spots?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Previous poster who has been a SAHP for twelve years now.

First, my SO and I have been happily together as Partners for 23 years now, so no, I am not worried that we will break up.

Second, we are committed to each other and to our children, and the domestic arrangement we have - in which I handle the home front, and they handle the professional front - has worked very well for us. SO absolutely loves and takes great pride in their professional and career success and accomplishments, and I absolutely love being a SAHP to several children.

Would I want every American family to have the same arrangement? No, that is precisely what makes this country so wonderful, that we can all make our own choices and live our own lives openly and free of condemnation.

Finally, we are no longer spring chickens, but rather a couple in our mid- to-late 40s with our oldest heading off to college, and several more still at home for the next nine years.

I will probably not return to work in my mid 50s, and with our current rate of savings, SO plans to retire in their early 60s, and we will have more than enough to do so comfortably.

Seriously, enough with the pronouns. We get it. You do the kids, "they" do the work. No way that that is a life I'd want to live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Previous poster who has been a SAHP for twelve years now.

First, my SO and I have been happily together as Partners for 23 years now, so no, I am not worried that we will break up.

Second, we are committed to each other and to our children, and the domestic arrangement we have - in which I handle the home front, and they handle the professional front - has worked very well for us. SO absolutely loves and takes great pride in their professional and career success and accomplishments, and I absolutely love being a SAHP to several children.

Would I want every American family to have the same arrangement? No, that is precisely what makes this country so wonderful, that we can all make our own choices and live our own lives openly and free of condemnation.

Finally, we are no longer spring chickens, but rather a couple in our mid- to-late 40s with our oldest heading off to college, and several more still at home for the next nine years.

I will probably not return to work in my mid 50s, and with our current rate of savings, SO plans to retire in their early 60s, and we will have more than enough to do so comfortably.

Seriously, enough with the pronouns. We get it. You do the kids, "they" do the work. No way that that is a life I'd want to live.

LOL - I was starting to wonder how many partners PP has. Sister Wives?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Previous poster who has been a SAHP for twelve years now.

First, my SO and I have been happily together as Partners for 23 years now, so no, I am not worried that we will break up.

Second, we are committed to each other and to our children, and the domestic arrangement we have - in which I handle the home front, and they handle the professional front - has worked very well for us. SO absolutely loves and takes great pride in their professional and career success and accomplishments, and I absolutely love being a SAHP to several children.

Would I want every American family to have the same arrangement? No, that is precisely what makes this country so wonderful, that we can all make our own choices and live our own lives openly and free of condemnation.

Finally, we are no longer spring chickens, but rather a couple in our mid- to-late 40s with our oldest heading off to college, and several more still at home for the next nine years.

I will probably not return to work in my mid 50s, and with our current rate of savings, SO plans to retire in their early 60s, and we will have more than enough to do so comfortably.

Seriously, enough with the pronouns. We get it. You do the kids, "they" do the work. No way that that is a life I'd want to live.

And no way is yours a life I'd want to live, and that is the benefit of living in a society in which we all get to choose and live our lives the way we want. Unfortunately even that is not true, though, as so many people in this country and around the world lack the most basic resources live their lives. Use your energy, pp, to make this world a better place for others in need, instead of criticizing the lives of those others on this thread.

[Anonymous]

have always personally liked pronouns, after all, where would be without

What next, an attack on nouns, verbs, adjectives, adverbs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Previous poster who has been a SAHP for twelve years now.

First, my SO and I have been happily together as Partners for 23 years now, so no, I am not worried that we will break up.

Second, we are committed to each other and to our children, and the domestic arrangement we have - in which I handle the home front, and they handle the professional front - has worked very well for us. SO absolutely loves and takes great pride in their professional and career success and accomplishments, and I absolutely love being a SAHP to several children.

Would I want every American family to have the same arrangement? No, that is precisely what makes this country so wonderful, that we can all make our own choices and live our own lives openly and free of condemnation.

Finally, we are no longer spring chickens, but rather a couple in our mid- to-late 40s with our oldest heading off to college, and several more still at home for the next nine years.

I will probably not return to work in my mid 50s, and with our current rate of savings, SO plans to retire in their early 60s, and we will have more than enough to do so comfortably.

Seriously, enough with the pronouns. We get it. You do the kids, "they" do the work. No way that that is a life I'd want to live.

And no way is yours a life I'd want to live, and that is the benefit of living in a society in which we all get to choose and live our lives the way we want. Unfortunately even that is not true, though, as so many people in this country and around the world lack the most basic resources live their lives. Use your energy, pp, to make this world a better place for others in need, instead of criticizing the lives of those others on this thread.

What exactly do you think my life involves?
You're an odd one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Previous poster who has been a SAHP for twelve years now.

First, my SO and I have been happily together as Partners for 23 years now, so no, I am not worried that we will break up.

Second, we are committed to each other and to our children, and the domestic arrangement we have - in which I handle the home front, and they handle the professional front - has worked very well for us. SO absolutely loves and takes great pride in their professional and career success and accomplishments, and I absolutely love being a SAHP to several children.

Would I want every American family to have the same arrangement? No, that is precisely what makes this country so wonderful, that we can all make our own choices and live our own lives openly and free of condemnation.

Finally, we are no longer spring chickens, but rather a couple in our mid- to-late 40s with our oldest heading off to college, and several more still at home for the next nine years.

I will probably not return to work in my mid 50s, and with our current rate of savings, SO plans to retire in their early 60s, and we will have more than enough to do so comfortably.

Seriously, enough with the pronouns. We get it. You do the kids, "they" do the work. No way that that is a life I'd want to live.

And no way is yours a life I'd want to live, and that is the benefit of living in a society in which we all get to choose and live our lives the way we want. Unfortunately even that is not true, though, as so many people in this country and around the world lack the most basic resources live their lives. Use your energy, pp, to make this world a better place for others in need, instead of criticizing the lives of those others on this thread.

What exactly do you think my life involves?
You're an odd one.

And what exactly do you think my life involves, when you first opened with the antagonistic "[n]o way that that is a life I'd want to live."

Guess what? I am not asking that anyone else live my life, or make the personal choices, that I have made (not even my children). I look at persons of different backgrounds, life choices, opinions, and points of view, and I respect those differences. You do not know me, and it is condescending to judge another person's life choices even if you did.

Your life appears to involve, in part, anonymously criticizing, putting down, belittling, and berating those persons whose life choices you disagree with, and for that, and that reason alone, I said that "[a]nd no way is yours a life I'd want to live."

You truly have the gift of insight, energy, reason, persuasion, thoughtful writing, so please use those gifts to help and advocate for those persons who - unlike you - make their life decisions based not on their wants, preferences, or desires, but on the basis of their most basic needs.

[Anonymous]

+1000

This is about grown-ups realizing that in order to support their family and lifestyle (be it trips to Europe or trips to grocery store), more income is needed. When grown-ups realize this, they do what they can to increase income. If they have the right combination of luck and determination and available hours in the day, then are able to find a way to increase income. And it's sunshine and roses when income can be increased by doing something (or doing more of something) one loves to do. But sadly, that's actually not that common for anyone, male or female.

Most people's hearts do not reside at their place of employment. That, my feminist and non-feminist friends, is life. Having been, or wanting to be, a SAHP doesn't change this.

Furthermore, taking a lengthy break from paid employment has long-term consequences that are frequently not appreciated by younger people. I myself worked part-time and as a contractor for many years. Now, at 50, I can see more clearly the cost of this decision. I probably earn less now than I would have had I devoted more time to my career. This means the cost of those part-time years (or time out of the work-force) is compounded well into the future, if not into one's personal perpetuity. And I will have to work much longer until I can retire with a pension (because I banked less time when I worked part-time and wasn't banking any time at all when I was a contractor--and though I diligently put aside money in retirement accounts during these years, the money I set aside is worth less than the banked time would be). For me, I don't have a lot of regret because I am very healthy and I enjoy my job, so the idea of working longer doesn't bother me much. And I am lucky in that I am still married to DH#1, who is himself is healthy and employed. But if had health problems or found it difficult to perform as I got older, or if I were single and facing the prospect of middle and old age without the assistance of DH's salary and future pension/retirement savings, I might have have deep, deep regrets.

DH#1? Wow.

And you seem very focused on money...guess if that makes you happy?

How is the PP focused on money when she was PT for years? Money didn't consume her then; she did what was best for her and the family.

Furthermore, as one whose situation is similar to PP's, I, too, was PT for years, which cut into my steps and pension. I should be close to retirement but will now have to put in extra years b/c of the sacrifices I made. So it's not being "very focused on money," dummy; it's about realizing that pensions and savings don't grow when you're not putting money and time into the system.

It's called a Dose of Reality with some Common Sense sprinkled into the mix.

If you don't understand that, I certainly hope that 1) you have a spouse who can care for you until you die or 2) you somehow have managed to keep a job despite your ignorance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

+1000

This is about grown-ups realizing that in order to support their family and lifestyle (be it trips to Europe or trips to grocery store), more income is needed. When grown-ups realize this, they do what they can to increase income. If they have the right combination of luck and determination and available hours in the day, then are able to find a way to increase income. And it's sunshine and roses when income can be increased by doing something (or doing more of something) one loves to do. But sadly, that's actually not that common for anyone, male or female.

Most people's hearts do not reside at their place of employment. That, my feminist and non-feminist friends, is life. Having been, or wanting to be, a SAHP doesn't change this.

Furthermore, taking a lengthy break from paid employment has long-term consequences that are frequently not appreciated by younger people. I myself worked part-time and as a contractor for many years. Now, at 50, I can see more clearly the cost of this decision. I probably earn less now than I would have had I devoted more time to my career. This means the cost of those part-time years (or time out of the work-force) is compounded well into the future, if not into one's personal perpetuity. And I will have to work much longer until I can retire with a pension (because I banked less time when I worked part-time and wasn't banking any time at all when I was a contractor--and though I diligently put aside money in retirement accounts during these years, the money I set aside is worth less than the banked time would be). For me, I don't have a lot of regret because I am very healthy and I enjoy my job, so the idea of working longer doesn't bother me much. And I am lucky in that I am still married to DH#1, who is himself is healthy and employed. But if had health problems or found it difficult to perform as I got older, or if I were single and facing the prospect of middle and old age without the assistance of DH's salary and future pension/retirement savings, I might have have deep, deep regrets.

DH#1? Wow.

And you seem very focused on money...guess if that makes you happy?

How is the PP focused on money when she was PT for years? Money didn't consume her then; she did what was best for her and the family.

Furthermore, as one whose situation is similar to PP's, I, too, was PT for years, which cut into my steps and pension. I should be close to retirement but will now have to put in extra years b/c of the sacrifices I made. So it's not being "very focused on money," dummy; it's about realizing that pensions and savings don't grow when you're not putting money and time into the system.

It's called a Dose of Reality with some Common Sense sprinkled into the mix.

If you don't understand that, I certainly hope that 1) you have a spouse who can care for you until you die or 2) you somehow have managed to keep a job despite your ignorance.

nice

PP is money focused but you're just a bitchy cunt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

+1000

This is about grown-ups realizing that in order to support their family and lifestyle (be it trips to Europe or trips to grocery store), more income is needed. When grown-ups realize this, they do what they can to increase income. If they have the right combination of luck and determination and available hours in the day, then are able to find a way to increase income. And it's sunshine and roses when income can be increased by doing something (or doing more of something) one loves to do. But sadly, that's actually not that common for anyone, male or female.

Most people's hearts do not reside at their place of employment. That, my feminist and non-feminist friends, is life. Having been, or wanting to be, a SAHP doesn't change this.

Furthermore, taking a lengthy break from paid employment has long-term consequences that are frequently not appreciated by younger people. I myself worked part-time and as a contractor for many years. Now, at 50, I can see more clearly the cost of this decision. I probably earn less now than I would have had I devoted more time to my career. This means the cost of those part-time years (or time out of the work-force) is compounded well into the future, if not into one's personal perpetuity. And I will have to work much longer until I can retire with a pension (because I banked less time when I worked part-time and wasn't banking any time at all when I was a contractor--and though I diligently put aside money in retirement accounts during these years, the money I set aside is worth less than the banked time would be). For me, I don't have a lot of regret because I am very healthy and I enjoy my job, so the idea of working longer doesn't bother me much. And I am lucky in that I am still married to DH#1, who is himself is healthy and employed. But if had health problems or found it difficult to perform as I got older, or if I were single and facing the prospect of middle and old age without the assistance of DH's salary and future pension/retirement savings, I might have have deep, deep regrets.

DH#1? Wow.

And you seem very focused on money...guess if that makes you happy?

How is the PP focused on money when she was PT for years? Money didn't consume her then; she did what was best for her and the family.

Furthermore, as one whose situation is similar to PP's, I, too, was PT for years, which cut into my steps and pension. I should be close to retirement but will now have to put in extra years b/c of the sacrifices I made. So it's not being "very focused on money," dummy; it's about realizing that pensions and savings don't grow when you're not putting money and time into the system.

It's called a Dose of Reality with some Common Sense sprinkled into the mix.

If you don't understand that, I certainly hope that 1) you have a spouse who can care for you until you die or 2) you somehow have managed to keep a job despite your ignorance.

nice

PP is money focused but you're just a bitchy cunt

a bitch cunt

lol! I love it.

Thanks! I'll take bitchy cunt any old time if it means I can 1) support myself and 2) have common sense.

[Anonymous]

Let us please be civil to one another during this holiday season, and into the new year. Some of us WOH and some of us SAH, but it is all good, as we have the freedom, health, support, and resources to make our individual choices.

Judge ye not, lest ye be judged. I love my SAHPs and I love my WOHPs all the same!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let us please be civil to one another during this holiday season, and into the new year. Some of us WOH and some of us SAH, but it is all good, as we have the freedom, health, support, and resources to make our individual choices.

Judge ye not, lest ye be judged. I love my SAHPs and I love my WOHPs all the same!

Your words mean nothing to an atheist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let us please be civil to one another during this holiday season, and into the new year. Some of us WOH and some of us SAH, but it is all good, as we have the freedom, health, support, and resources to make our individual choices.

Judge ye not, lest ye be judged. I love my SAHPs and I love my WOHPs all the same!

Your words mean nothing to an atheist.

+1 WTF

[Anonymous]

I'm actually pretty much in my ideal job right now. That happened because I never had the opportunity to SAH or work part-time, so my career made turns that it probably would not have if I had not been in the work force. Life is about trade offs - grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder what the husbands think. Do y'all remember the defaulted breadwinner post ??? He's not alone I think

some love it, some hate it. newsflash - outside of the D.C. area, there are a ton of SAHPs. and lots of people are...gasp...HAPPY.

Outside dc with its law partner and lobbyist breadwinners, moms staying is a distinct minority. Not a TON. No idea if they are happy or not; how do you know?

http://www.pewsocialtrends.org/2014/04/08/after-decades-of-decline-a-rise-in-stay-at-home-mothers/