Any Formerly SAHM's Back to Work for Economic Reasons and Hating It?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let's all take a moment to read the thread in off topic about the man who bashed a hole in the wall and cried on the phone with his wife when he has to take care of 3 school age children by himself ( after school and after a part time many left )
And then come back and tell me Sahms don't contribute a valued service unless they work

Haha, one incompetent dad doesn't prove anything. They have value but don't pretend sah is harder than working. I a DH who stayed home for a year with one 3 yr old and a baby after DW fmla ended. I loved it! I se why its a good choice, but don't try to be a martyr. You do it b/c its good for you and you feel it's good for kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This, PP! I cannot believe women, smart women do not realize how freaking risky it is to be a SAHM. I am the poster who's 51, with five girl friends going through horrific divorces. It is so, so short sighted to stay home beyond a short period of time and it is incredibly stupid to not take one's self seriously enough to make sure you have a plan to get back into the workforce once your kids are a bit older (i.e. retrain or new degree, etc.).

I am incredibly lucky. I did the SAHM thing for five years. But I also kept my certification valid, worked on professional development, went to conferences, and eventually went back and my career is fine. In fact, it is great. My friends who are going through divorces are all good, smart women. Their marriages weren't the strongest (obvi), but from an outside perspective, things really went downhill when the time came for them to look into working again and they just weren't ready for prime time. Their frustration, boredom, and angst manifested itself. The husbands clearly checked out and the whole mom does everything and is all knowing and dad works thing just sets the stage for affairs, checking out, and just leaving.

These women should have protected themselves. I'm not saying working would have saved their marriages. I am definitely saying their lives would have been easier now if they had taken the time to invest in themselves and their own worth by keeping their careers at least viable.

Are you a CPA?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I personally enjoy the freedom to do what I want from day-to-day, and I am in absolutely no hurry to ever return to a desk job (an outdoors one, maybe).

ME ME ME!!

Twelve years home and going strong, and my family likes it this way. We are lucky not to need my income, and everyone prefers having me around the house and at everyone's disposal. To each their own.

The point is that your initial post expresses the selfish mentality of so many SAHPs. Your husband now has more pressure on him, but hey, as long as YOURE happy, who cares? He'd probably like to not have a desk job, too. But as long as he's conducting the gravy train, he can't.

Actually, my SO has been very happy with this domestic arrangement. It gave them the flexibility to charge hard into their profession and career, travel and work long hours without regrets, and make moves and take promotions elsewhere as needed - all while knowing that the children's needs and commitments were always being looked after by someone who loved them with all their heart.

And guess what? Twelve years on, my Partner has risen to the very top of their corporate structure, in a position and job they call their "dream job". My SO tells everyone how much they love their job, because they absolutely do.

Look, I do understand that we are very, very fortunate that every piece fell into the right place at the right time, to make our happiness possible. What if SO had not been promoted over the years? What if they had not attained their Dream Job? What if their Profession did not pay a good-enough salary to maintain a household? What if I had hated or resented being a SAHP following a spouse and maintaining a household from NY to SC, and to DC?

So "they" never see the kids. Got it.

Wrong again, they have been very, very involved in family life, daily (except when traveling) and constantly throughout the children's lives. If you knew our children, you would see the impact of having two involved and devoted parents. I know that we are lucky, and believe me, I thank God for this every day. I love being a SAHP, my SO loves our family, and luckily for them, also enjoys a fruitful and rewarding career that gives them great professional and personal satisfaction. I know, from reading these posts and others, that there are countless WOHP and WAHPs also enjoy the feeling of accomplishment and validation that comes with the success of a job well done and well loved.

#Blessed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I personally enjoy the freedom to do what I want from day-to-day, and I am in absolutely no hurry to ever return to a desk job (an outdoors one, maybe).

ME ME ME!!

Twelve years home and going strong, and my family likes it this way. We are lucky not to need my income, and everyone prefers having me around the house and at everyone's disposal. To each their own.

The point is that your initial post expresses the selfish mentality of so many SAHPs. Your husband now has more pressure on him, but hey, as long as YOURE happy, who cares? He'd probably like to not have a desk job, too. But as long as he's conducting the gravy train, he can't.

Actually, my SO has been very happy with this domestic arrangement. It gave them the flexibility to charge hard into their profession and career, travel and work long hours without regrets, and make moves and take promotions elsewhere as needed - all while knowing that the children's needs and commitments were always being looked after by someone who loved them with all their heart.

And guess what? Twelve years on, my Partner has risen to the very top of their corporate structure, in a position and job they call their "dream job". My SO tells everyone how much they love their job, because they absolutely do.

Look, I do understand that we are very, very fortunate that every piece fell into the right place at the right time, to make our happiness possible. What if SO had not been promoted over the years? What if they had not attained their Dream Job? What if their Profession did not pay a good-enough salary to maintain a household? What if I had hated or resented being a SAHP following a spouse and maintaining a household from NY to SC, and to DC?

So "they" never see the kids. Got it.

Wrong again, they have been very, very involved in family life, daily (except when traveling) and constantly throughout the children's lives. If you knew our children, you would see the impact of having two involved and devoted parents. I know that we are lucky, and believe me, I thank God for this every day. I love being a SAHP, my SO loves our family, and luckily for them, also enjoys a fruitful and rewarding career that gives them great professional and personal satisfaction. I know, from reading these posts and others, that there are countless WOHP and WAHPs also enjoy the feeling of accomplishment and validation that comes with the success of a job well done and well loved.

#Blessed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I personally enjoy the freedom to do what I want from day-to-day, and I am in absolutely no hurry to ever return to a desk job (an outdoors one, maybe).

ME ME ME!!

Twelve years home and going strong, and my family likes it this way. We are lucky not to need my income, and everyone prefers having me around the house and at everyone's disposal. To each their own.

The point is that your initial post expresses the selfish mentality of so many SAHPs. Your husband now has more pressure on him, but hey, as long as YOURE happy, who cares? He'd probably like to not have a desk job, too. But as long as he's conducting the gravy train, he can't.

Actually, my SO has been very happy with this domestic arrangement. It gave them the flexibility to charge hard into their profession and career, travel and work long hours without regrets, and make moves and take promotions elsewhere as needed - all while knowing that the children's needs and commitments were always being looked after by someone who loved them with all their heart.

And guess what? Twelve years on, my Partner has risen to the very top of their corporate structure, in a position and job they call their "dream job". My SO tells everyone how much they love their job, because they absolutely do.

Look, I do understand that we are very, very fortunate that every piece fell into the right place at the right time, to make our happiness possible. What if SO had not been promoted over the years? What if they had not attained their Dream Job? What if their Profession did not pay a good-enough salary to maintain a household? What if I had hated or resented being a SAHP following a spouse and maintaining a household from NY to SC, and to DC?

So "they" never see the kids. Got it.

Wrong again, they have been very, very involved in family life, daily (except when traveling) and constantly throughout the children's lives. If you knew our children, you would see the impact of having two involved and devoted parents. I know that we are lucky, and believe me, I thank God for this every day. I love being a SAHP, my SO loves our family, and luckily for them, also enjoys a fruitful and rewarding career that gives them great professional and personal satisfaction. I know, from reading these posts and others, that there are countless WOHP and WAHPs also enjoy the feeling of accomplishment and validation that comes with the success of a job well done and well loved.

#Blessed

Respectfully, the rest of us might not see the same things you think you see. We might observe very different things.

[Anonymous]

I give you that.

My oldest was admitted early to either H/Y/S/P. My second oldest, is currently the top-ranked student at one of the highly regarded local high schools. The younger ones, though not yet in high school, are also top students in their grades.

All of them read books every night, play musical instruments at a high level of conservatory and orchestra training, and participate in club and school sports. One is a nationally recognized debater. The other an awarded writer. The older ones volunteer three hours every week with special needs children. They participate in school plays and concerts as well.

They take nothing for granted, and have good friendships. Their teachers love them, and I frequently receive compliments on my family when we are out - once we had dinner out paid for by a complete stranger who admired our family. But, yes, I understand that you might dislike them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I give you that.

My oldest was admitted early to either H/Y/S/P. My second oldest, is currently the top-ranked student at one of the highly regarded local high schools. The younger ones, though not yet in high school, are also top students in their grades.

All of them read books every night, play musical instruments at a high level of conservatory and orchestra training, and participate in club and school sports. One is a nationally recognized debater. The other an awarded writer. The older ones volunteer three hours every week with special needs children. They participate in school plays and concerts as well.

They take nothing for granted, and have good friendships. Their teachers love them, and I frequently receive compliments on my family when we are out - once we had dinner out paid for by a complete stranger who admired our family. But, yes, I understand that you might dislike them.

Do they also dig wells in Peru?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I give you that.

My oldest was admitted early to either H/Y/S/P. My second oldest, is currently the top-ranked student at one of the highly regarded local high schools. The younger ones, though not yet in high school, are also top students in their grades.

All of them read books every night, play musical instruments at a high level of conservatory and orchestra training, and participate in club and school sports. One is a nationally recognized debater. The other an awarded writer. The older ones volunteer three hours every week with special needs children. They participate in school plays and concerts as well.

They take nothing for granted, and have good friendships. Their teachers love them, and I frequently receive compliments on my family when we are out - once we had dinner out paid for by a complete stranger who admired our family. But, yes, I understand that you might dislike them.

Are you weird pronoun poster? Your myopia is evident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I give you that.

My oldest was admitted early to either H/Y/S/P. My second oldest, is currently the top-ranked student at one of the highly regarded local high schools. The younger ones, though not yet in high school, are also top students in their grades.

All of them read books every night, play musical instruments at a high level of conservatory and orchestra training, and participate in club and school sports. One is a nationally recognized debater. The other an awarded writer. The older ones volunteer three hours every week with special needs children. They participate in school plays and concerts as well.

They take nothing for granted, and have good friendships. Their teachers love them, and I frequently receive compliments on my family when we are out - once we had dinner out paid for by a complete stranger who admired our family. But, yes, I understand that you might dislike them.

Do they also dig wells in Peru?

No, we have never been to Peru. They try to serve the community we live in, which as you know from my previous posts, has been in those places we have lived in abroad, as well as around this country. They do observe their religious faith as well.

If you would consider me a "tiger parent", then I wear that title proudly as I think that my SO and I have together raised hard working, considerate, intelligent, kind, unconventional, thinking, talented, and good young people. But then, every parent - either WOH or SAH - who loves and cares for their children, deservedly also thinks all of those great things about their own children.

As first-generation American parents, I know that we have attempted to instill those values of hard work, openness and kindness to all, great appreciation for those things you have earned; as well as the knowledge that you are no better than anyone else by virtue of your wealth, job or position, connections, status, home, school, neighborhood, cars, or vacations, but that you can distinguish yourself among your peers through the strength and character of your deeds and words - which we observed in our own immigrant parents.

[Anonymous]

Hopefully, PP, your children will learn humility from someone in their lives, as it is clear they won't be learning it from you.

(Also, no one believes any of the fiction you have posted here. But, surely, you knew that already.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Agreed. Marriage is a partnership in which each person has a say, it's not just up to a wife to unilaterally decide she wants to SAH.

This was funny to me. I WOHM, but years before we had kids DH had a strong preference for me to be a SAHM and I was open to the idea. After a few months of unemployment (pre-kids) after finishing my degree where I was MISERABLE at home all day, it seemed pretty clear to us both that I would be a bad SAHM. I'm happy that DH has accepted that I'm just a WOH person. It probably helps that I make more money than him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I give you that.

My oldest was admitted early to either H/Y/S/P. My second oldest, is currently the top-ranked student at one of the highly regarded local high schools. The younger ones, though not yet in high school, are also top students in their grades.

All of them read books every night, play musical instruments at a high level of conservatory and orchestra training, and participate in club and school sports. One is a nationally recognized debater. The other an awarded writer. The older ones volunteer three hours every week with special needs children. They participate in school plays and concerts as well.

They take nothing for granted, and have good friendships. Their teachers love them, and I frequently receive compliments on my family when we are out - once we had dinner out paid for by a complete stranger who admired our family. But, yes, I understand that you might dislike them.

Do they also dig wells in Peru?

No, we have never been to Peru. They try to serve the community we live in, which as you know from my previous posts, has been in those places we have lived in abroad, as well as around this country. They do observe their religious faith as well.

If you would consider me a "tiger parent", then I wear that title proudly as I think that my SO and I have together raised hard working, considerate, intelligent, kind, unconventional, thinking, talented, and good young people. But then, every parent - either WOH or SAH - who loves and cares for their children, deservedly also thinks all of those great things about their own children.

As first-generation American parents, I know that we have attempted to instill those values of hard work, openness and kindness to all, great appreciation for those things you have earned; as well as the knowledge that you are no better than anyone else by virtue of your wealth, job or position, connections, status, home, school, neighborhood, cars, or vacations, but that you can distinguish yourself among your peers through the strength and character of your deeds and words - which we observed in our own immigrant parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hopefully, PP, your children will learn humility from someone in their lives, as it is clear they won't be learning it from you.

(Also, no one believes any of the fiction you have posted here. But, surely, you knew that already.)

Surely you understand that I would never tell my children any of these things, except to say that I am proud of them, because that would make them arrogant - and, as the grandchildren of immigrants who came to the U.S. with nothing, they know to be humble and deferential.

I suppose that it is hard for anyone to believe it when their neighbor's, friend's, or colleague's child is admitted to a top school, or graduates first in their class, because those things are hard to accomplish, and thus rare. I am grateful for those things - and I would like to think that, in some little way, my decision to give up a successful, and well-paid career to support my significant other and our children as we moved around for SO's career, contributed to an overall stability that led to their being well-adjusted and academically successful - BUT, I would be just as happy with my children if they were in the middle of their class and attended a community college (and my spouse's mother did).

And, finally, I think that a WOHP just as likely as a SAHP to raise wonderful, loved, successful children. Truly, I stayed at home not because I though that it was the better choice (I do not necessarily think that it is), but rather because my significant other's peripatetic career made it impossible for me to continue to work consistently, sustainedly, and meaningfully.

Let's raise a New Year's toast to WOHP and SAHP both! Previous poster, I have the feeling that we would be good friends if we met because we have more in common than you think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wohm mom. Guess what? We work for economic reasons too.

I'm a WOHM and I work because I enjoy my job, and the thought of being a SAHM makes me want to gouge my eyes out.

Cue the insecure, insufferable woman who has to start the flame war. I don't know why she's always so proud that spending time with her children is like torture to her. She should give them up for adoption.

[Anonymous]

Long-winded Tiger Mom makes me want to go back to work.