How would you react if you found out your daughter is having an affair with a professor?

[Anonymous]

Lawyer here. Some really idiotic suggestions in this thread, but I got a good laugh out of the PP who insisted that law firm partners will be impressed that she married her prof instead of a "junior associate" or i-banker. That is honestly the funniest thing I've read all day.

And to the PPs who think the daughter is "mature" and making a smart choice, I do not understand your value system and don't really think I want to. I graduated from law school only 2 years ago and I can definitely remember who had a reputation for flirting with professors. Two of our professors had already married previous students and the joke in our 1L class was that our Con Law professor was on the hunt for his third wife - and the hunting ground was our classroom. Hint: this was not a flattering kind of joke, it was a joke full of judgment. Not only on the students who sleep with professors, but on the sleazy professors themselves.

OP: I'm pretty amazed that your DD has treated you with so little respect and consideration - not only did she not give you any warning before dumping this on you, but she also didn't explain herself and she stopped talking to you? While you're paying her tuition? Wow, what an entitled little brat.

If we are going to be strictly correct about this, your obligations to your daughter ended when she turned 18. You didn't have to pay for college and you definitely didn't have to pay for law school. You don't owe her shit and you're doing her a favor by paying her way. If she is going to act as if she is entitled to your financial support but in return has no obligations to you, I would definitely reconsider paying all that money out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[b

Anonymous



Am I the only one who is shocked the DD just met her parents for dinner with a much older man who is a professor with no warning?

Other than that, it's her life. But I think there should have been a heads up

Sounds like she was going for the shock factor--which is actually quite immature.

No it doesn't. It sounds like she knew that it would be awkward for her parents.

Yes, and she intensified the awkwardness by withholding information about her relationship until the dinner. OP is portraying her daughter as a mature, smart woman, but she's understandably biased. I agree with earlier PP. The daughter's quite immature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Yes, and she intensified the awkwardness by withholding information about her relationship until the dinner. OP is portraying her daughter as a mature, smart woman, but she's understandably biased. I agree with earlier PP. The daughter's quite immature.

+1 from the 18:37 PP. This kid is incredibly immature.

[Anonymous]

Just feel sad reading this. A friend of mine had an 8 year affair with a prof in her grad program. She stretched out getting her PhD so as not to leave him and then did a post doc at the same univ. so as not to leave him. She finally took a job in an English speaking country in the southern hemisphere, but it really wasn't as good a job as her classmates were getting in the USA. She wrote a very clever and widely cited master's thesis, but people always suspected her lover gave her many of the ideas (and he sort of acted like the thesis was his own work). She came back to the US, but for many years things did not work out well for her although she now works in a government lab.

I think research has shown that young women who have affairs with their profs suffer long term self confidence problems.

[Anonymous]

"I think research has shown that young women who have affairs with their profs suffer long term self confidence problems. "

Looking for Mr. Goodbar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Yes, and she intensified the awkwardness by withholding information about her relationship until the dinner. OP is portraying her daughter as a mature, smart woman, but she's understandably biased. I agree with earlier PP. The daughter's quite immature.

+1 from the 18:37 PP. This kid is incredibly immature.

Agree. Guess who's coming to dinner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just feel sad reading this. A friend of mine had an 8 year affair with a prof in her grad program. She stretched out getting her PhD so as not to leave him and then did a post doc at the same univ. so as not to leave him. She finally took a job in an English speaking country in the southern hemisphere, but it really wasn't as good a job as her classmates were getting in the USA. She wrote a very clever and widely cited master's thesis, but people always suspected her lover gave her many of the ideas (and he sort of acted like the thesis was his own work). She came back to the US, but for many years things did not work out well for her although she now works in a government lab.

I think research has shown that young women who have affairs with their profs suffer long term self confidence problems.

Does your friend regret those 8 years?

[Anonymous]

Well I am going to add a ray of sunshine to a rather gloomy subject.

My very own sister was one such girl and ended up marring her professor. Full disclosure- she was an "older" law student 27 and he was 42. He taught at her university but did not teach her. He was not married, they were dating and everyone knew it. She had never done that before, nor had he. When she graduated he proposed and today they are married for 6 years and have a darling little girl.

Not all of these stories end in heartbreak or doom. Good luck OP.

[Anonymous]

I would be furious at her lack of good judgement. But hope he was at least good looking

I was enamored with my humanities professor who was quite young for a professor but never would have or could have thought of doing anything about it!

[Anonymous]

If a 40+ year old man can date a 22 year old woman, the prospects for 40+ year old single women are not too promising. I know that probably wouldn't matter to the 22 year old NOW, but it might one day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If a 40+ year old man can date a 22 year old woman, the prospects for 40+ year old single women are not too promising. I know that probably wouldn't matter to the 22 year old NOW, but it might one day.

How can you possibly generalize on that? So if you see a 50 year old woman and a 25 year old guy together are you going to say all chances for 25 year old women are gone? This is one case and obviously a very unique situation, hardly the norm. At 22, you really cannot tell her anything. She will need to understand on her own the consequences of her actions (if there are any) who know maybe they really are in love and will make a life together..its possible!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a 40+ year old man can date a 22 year old woman, the prospects for 40+ year old single women are not too promising. I know that probably wouldn't matter to the 22 year old NOW, but it might one day.

How can you possibly generalize on that? So if you see a 50 year old woman and a 25 year old guy together are you going to say all chances for 25 year old women are gone? This is one case and obviously a very unique situation, hardly the norm. At 22, you really cannot tell her anything. She will need to understand on her own the consequences of her actions (if there are any) who know maybe they really are in love and will make a life together..its possible!

In the real world do you happen to notice that there are CONSIDERABLY more 50ish male 25ish female couples than the other way around? It's not easy being 40+ and single as a woman.

[Anonymous]

I would seriously question the worth of a degree from a law school which doesnt have a policy prohibiting this kind of a relationship. Most good schools instituted no dating policies in the 1980s.
Ask your daughter- would she want to be his ex-wife? Thats probably how she will end up.

[Anonymous]

This thread is not really related to the forum topic of "college discussions."