At odds with spouse ove how much house we can afford

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn't just first world problems. It's zeroth world problems.

I have no freaking idea what you're spending your money on if you're making $1mn a year and can only spend $1.7mn on a house. Even with law+medical school debt of 300k, you can pay that off in a year or two if you can "get by" in a 3BR TH paying $4k a in rent.

10:19 makes a good point, make sure hubby's not making you do more work to make HIM feel better financially.

That's the point of my post- bridging the gap between what we "can" afford and what DH is inclined to spend. Please remember the income figures were quoted in gross not net figures so you can safely lop off 35% for taxes. PLease don't forget ~60K year for childcare and preschool expenses.

$60K?

We have two in private (about $13K per year) and a nanny we share who only comes mornings ($13K/year).
total - $26K



Our home is on 2 acres with a pool. We paid about $550K. It's a fantastic SAFE area that feeds into a good school cluster, as our children will be attending public high school.

We make about $150K combined and are doing fine.

And my commute is about 30 minutes. (I'm also only PT with summers off.)

I think that those with these high incomes are always trying to keep up with the Joneses when they really don't have to. You're in that category - and your post, btw, makes you look absurd.

Who exactly do you think we are trying to keep up with and why is my post absurd? Find me a 4-5BR home in walking distance to a metro stop or main artery bus stop with commutes to downtown DC in ~30minutes during rush hours, in Fairfax, Arlington or Montgomery County with a decent sized yard for under $1M. It sounds like you spent almost 4x your combined yearly salary on a house, and it just so happens my husband is not comfortable going much above 1x a yearly salary. I wish he would move to 1.5 or 1.75x but he's not convinced. I'm glad you are comfortable in your situation, our situation would be improved if we could agree to move into the scenario above, within our price range.

i am with you on that OP. We were looking in this price range < 1mil in same ares you describe and the only few places we found were complete dumps + on busy streets, or something wrong was with them. You need 1.7 mil if you want to live in some parts of Arlington, Bethesda or NWDC and want a house that's built with 21st century family needs, and I am not even talking about new construction.

you do not NEED 1.7 mil to live in any of these areas, and many of us do for half of that in nice small houses... which is why this whole post is absolutely ridiculous. you might WANT to live in a 1.7 mil house... jesus, 1.2 million would buy you a perfectly nice house in any area in this region, and I dont' care how many kids you have, you do not NEED a 4000+ sq. ft. tear down mcmansion, although you might WANT it...

you don't really NEED indoor plumbing, either. people have done without it for centuries, you know. 1.7mil at top location buys you a nice house that is not over the top. if you have a large family and entertain a lot this is what you need. of course, you can also buy a condo in fairfax, dress at goodwill and eat bread and salt for lunch.

Were you born with the silver spoon shoved up your ass, or did you have it platinum plated and then have a plastic surgeon shove it up? But okay, yes, you might need 1.7 mil to buy in great falls for the luxury of crapping in your own back yard, but hey I guess it makes your 2 acres of grass quite green...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn't just first world problems. It's zeroth world problems.

I have no freaking idea what you're spending your money on if you're making $1mn a year and can only spend $1.7mn on a house. Even with law+medical school debt of 300k, you can pay that off in a year or two if you can "get by" in a 3BR TH paying $4k a in rent.

10:19 makes a good point, make sure hubby's not making you do more work to make HIM feel better financially.

That's the point of my post- bridging the gap between what we "can" afford and what DH is inclined to spend. Please remember the income figures were quoted in gross not net figures so you can safely lop off 35% for taxes. PLease don't forget ~60K year for childcare and preschool expenses.

$60K?

We have two in private (about $13K per year) and a nanny we share who only comes mornings ($13K/year).
total - $26K



Our home is on 2 acres with a pool. We paid about $550K. It's a fantastic SAFE area that feeds into a good school cluster, as our children will be attending public high school.

We make about $150K combined and are doing fine.

And my commute is about 30 minutes. (I'm also only PT with summers off.)

I think that those with these high incomes are always trying to keep up with the Joneses when they really don't have to. You're in that category - and your post, btw, makes you look absurd.

Who exactly do you think we are trying to keep up with and why is my post absurd? Find me a 4-5BR home in walking distance to a metro stop or main artery bus stop with commutes to downtown DC in ~30minutes during rush hours, in Fairfax, Arlington or Montgomery County with a decent sized yard for under $1M. It sounds like you spent almost 4x your combined yearly salary on a house, and it just so happens my husband is not comfortable going much above 1x a yearly salary. I wish he would move to 1.5 or 1.75x but he's not convinced. I'm glad you are comfortable in your situation, our situation would be improved if we could agree to move into the scenario above, within our price range.

i am with you on that OP. We were looking in this price range < 1mil in same ares you describe and the only few places we found were complete dumps + on busy streets, or something wrong was with them. You need 1.7 mil if you want to live in some parts of Arlington, Bethesda or NWDC and want a house that's built with 21st century family needs, and I am not even talking about new construction.

you do not NEED 1.7 mil to live in any of these areas, and many of us do for half of that in nice small houses... which is why this whole post is absolutely ridiculous. you might WANT to live in a 1.7 mil house... jesus, 1.2 million would buy you a perfectly nice house in any area in this region, and I dont' care how many kids you have, you do not NEED a 4000+ sq. ft. tear down mcmansion, although you might WANT it...

you don't really NEED indoor plumbing, either. people have done without it for centuries, you know. 1.7mil at top location buys you a nice house that is not over the top. if you have a large family and entertain a lot this is what you need. of course, you can also buy a condo in fairfax, dress at goodwill and eat bread and salt for lunch.

Were you born with the silver spoon shoved up your ass, or did you have it platinum plated and then have a plastic surgeon shove it up? But okay, yes, you might need 1.7 mil to buy in great falls for the luxury of crapping in your own back yard, but hey I guess it makes your 2 acres of grass quite green...

I am not the OP. My budget is (unfortunately) merely 600k. I would never buy in Great Falls and I prefer to live in a condo in the city.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you want to figure out how to reach a compromise that you both can live with? Or do you want help convincing him that you're right and he's wrong?

A compromise is the best I could hope for, I am definitely never going to convince him I'm right and he's wrong. Working on a budget as I type. Any other ideas how to get to a concrete number as to what we can comfortably/compromisingly afford?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn't just first world problems. It's zeroth world problems.

I have no freaking idea what you're spending your money on if you're making $1mn a year and can only spend $1.7mn on a house. Even with law+medical school debt of 300k, you can pay that off in a year or two if you can "get by" in a 3BR TH paying $4k a in rent.

10:19 makes a good point, make sure hubby's not making you do more work to make HIM feel better financially.

That's the point of my post- bridging the gap between what we "can" afford and what DH is inclined to spend. Please remember the income figures were quoted in gross not net figures so you can safely lop off 35% for taxes. PLease don't forget ~60K year for childcare and preschool expenses.

$60K?

We have two in private (about $13K per year) and a nanny we share who only comes mornings ($13K/year).
total - $26K



Our home is on 2 acres with a pool. We paid about $550K. It's a fantastic SAFE area that feeds into a good school cluster, as our children will be attending public high school.

We make about $150K combined and are doing fine.

And my commute is about 30 minutes. (I'm also only PT with summers off.)

I think that those with these high incomes are always trying to keep up with the Joneses when they really don't have to. You're in that category - and your post, btw, makes you look absurd.

Who exactly do you think we are trying to keep up with and why is my post absurd? Find me a 4-5BR home in walking distance to a metro stop or main artery bus stop with commutes to downtown DC in ~30minutes during rush hours, in Fairfax, Arlington or Montgomery County with a decent sized yard for under $1M. It sounds like you spent almost 4x your combined yearly salary on a house, and it just so happens my husband is not comfortable going much above 1x a yearly salary. I wish he would move to 1.5 or 1.75x but he's not convinced. I'm glad you are comfortable in your situation, our situation would be improved if we could agree to move into the scenario above, within our price range.

i am with you on that OP. We were looking in this price range < 1mil in same ares you describe and the only few places we found were complete dumps + on busy streets, or something wrong was with them. You need 1.7 mil if you want to live in some parts of Arlington, Bethesda or NWDC and want a house that's built with 21st century family needs, and I am not even talking about new construction.

you do not NEED 1.7 mil to live in any of these areas, and many of us do for half of that in nice small houses... which is why this whole post is absolutely ridiculous. you might WANT to live in a 1.7 mil house... jesus, 1.2 million would buy you a perfectly nice house in any area in this region, and I dont' care how many kids you have, you do not NEED a 4000+ sq. ft. tear down mcmansion, although you might WANT it...

you don't really NEED indoor plumbing, either. people have done without it for centuries, you know. 1.7mil at top location buys you a nice house that is not over the top. if you have a large family and entertain a lot this is what you need. of course, you can also buy a condo in fairfax, dress at goodwill and eat bread and salt for lunch.

Were you born with the silver spoon shoved up your ass, or did you have it platinum plated and then have a plastic surgeon shove it up? But okay, yes, you might need 1.7 mil to buy in great falls for the luxury of crapping in your own back yard, but hey I guess it makes your 2 acres of grass quite green...

I am not the OP. My budget is (unfortunately) merely 600k. I would never buy in Great Falls and I prefer to live in a condo in the city.

OPhere, totally would too, if it weren''t for a yard and the school system!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you want to figure out how to reach a compromise that you both can live with? Or do you want help convincing him that you're right and he's wrong?

A compromise is the best I could hope for, I am definitely never going to convince him I'm right and he's wrong. Working on a budget as I type. Any other ideas how to get to a concrete number as to what we can comfortably/compromisingly afford?[/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who wants to fly to France for lunch tomorrow? Ask your hubby's if it's okay.

Silly. Who do you think lives in 20814, 20815, 20817? Most of those homes are $1M+ with dual income working parents. It's not that rare at all in this region.

[Anonymous]

Very interesting thread. It seems to me that you are not in agreement with the kind of home that you want. If you want all the comforts of the 21st century, big yard, big single fam home, walk to everything urban lifestyle, that can very easily put you into 1.7, living in NW, and other very pricey neighborhoods. Your DH may not want to have a mortgage forever-- he may think that he should have something he can pay off in a short or reasonable amount of time. He may want a second home. He may not want a yard, and all the maintence and higher price tag. There is much more to real estate than price.
Also many in his income bracket have mulitple homes, boats, vacation homes, club memberships and investments.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you going to let us know what you figured out? How much does your budget say you can afford? Did you talk to your husband?

[Anonymous]

Just tell you husband a divorce will be more expensive than a 1.7 million dollar home. This thread is ridiculous sorry but you're husband is a cheap skate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just tell you husband a divorce will be more expensive than a 1.7 million dollar home. This thread is ridiculous sorry but you're husband is a cheap skate.

Agree that this thread is ridiculous, but I think the op is the spoiled brat, not the husband...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:HHI is a bit over 1M, healthy accessible savings of $750K, and we are about $500K apart with how much house we can afford. What is reasonable, and how do we resolve this?

I sense troll.

What couple with a HHI of over $1m with that much in savings posts such an inane question on this forum?

either troll or "working mom" who feels the need to brag to cover up some insecurities

seriously - Move on if your real.

No troll. Why is this an inane question? Seeking opinions on how to bridge a philosophy difference, and hoping for facts to back it up. Should I post in relationship forum? Not bragging. If you are more comfortable answering the questions with different numbers (still the same fundamental dilemma) please see below.

FOR THE THIRD TIME:
Wow. Not asking for sympathy. Just for conflict resolution and how to go about it. If it makes everyone happier, divide everything in half or in 1/4ths- still the same problem and still trying to ascertain comfort level. How about "We make about $250K per year, have a healthy savings of $200K, but are $150K apart on how much house we can afford" What can we really afford and how do we go about it? Is that more palatable?

It's not your income that people are objecting to, other than the fact that given the healthy amounts you quoted, your question is utterly absurd. My HH income is quite a bit less than half of yours, but we are exceedingly fortunate and comfortable with what we have, and when we are at odds about what to purchase, we don't ask a bunch of ill-informed strangers on an internet forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be conservative. What if one of you loses tour job? Never say never. Happened to a friend out of the blue...just after putting on an addition to their nearly two million dollar home. Things happen. Don't spend more just bc you think you can.

+1 Sorry OP but I agree with your husband. Spending money just because you can is not a wise decision. There are TONS of good neighborhoods that are near a Metro where you can buy a house for $1M with comfortable SF and a decent sized yard.

It sounds to me like you've fallen in love with a $1.7M house somewhere and nothing else is going to do it for you now, so you're trying to find a way to justify buying the house you want instead of looking elsewhere for something that is more in DH's comfort zone price-wise. Keep looking.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP, here's a house in Friendship Heights for $1M - 5 BR, 4 bath, 2K SF, patio, backyard, walking distance to Metro.

http://www.redfin.com/DC/Washington/4517-River-Rd-NW-20016/home/9948862

Seriously, these houses are out there in spades. Some us would kill to be in a situation to buy one of them.

[Anonymous]

Here's another, not far from Bethesda Metro:

http://www.redfin.com/MD/Bethesda/5602-Mclean-Dr-20814/home/10673273

[Anonymous]

Here's another one, $1.2M, patio, huge backyard for anything near the city, detached garage, 5BR, 3.5bath, near FH Metro:

http://www.redfin.com/MD/Chevy-Chase/121-Grafton-St-20815/home/10640727