Hosting a birthday party dinner at restaurant, but want everyone to go dutch
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Anonymous
| I may be wrong, but hosting get together for ten people at the house, including booze, isn't really going to be that much cheaper than treating at a restaurant, is it? Unless you do a potluck or really limit the food to things like a big pot of chili and cornbread. Since it doesn't seem like you enjoy entertaining at home much, if I were you I'd pay for dinner out and leave it at that, no home party. Call the place and ask about a cake, either them providing one for a fee or bringing in your own. |
Anonymous
That was my thought too. It's a birthday party also which I think is not the ideal setting for introducing new adults to each other. I am also confused how the OP said in this circle they do potlucks but then mentioned that the friends don't really all know each other. I also wonder if the "potluck" is more a case of the hostess being gracious when guests insist they want to bring something not necessarily the hostess requesting. Other random thoughts: If I am coming it sit around your house, why can't I bring my kid? Your kid is going to be there after all and I don't want waste time and energy getting a sitter to come sit around someone's house eating cake and coffee or even drinking a glass of wine. Your kids are going to interupt, parenting is going to interupt, your house is small so its unavoidable. I have a small house. We don't entertain here because after one other couple is in the living room/dining room the house feels full. I don't judge people with small homes but I question their judgement when they host gatherings. Be realstic and limit the number of people who attend. Also I do judge when people have a small home and way too much crap and clutter. At least OP doesn't seem to have that problem. Birthday brunch seems far more reasonable of an idea. There is no good way to invite people to a birthday celebration and expect them to pay or contribute to the hosting of the party. I am 40. I would think if I received an invite to a party for another 40 yr old that I was not supposed to contribute to the actually hosting of the party. |
Anonymous
No, what I've decided now (after reading this thread) is to either do 1) a brunch at my house, which would be low-key, 2) invite everyone to a pizza/bowling type place (though need to figure out what kind of places are in NoVA, I'm not that familiar with the area), and pay for everyone, or 3) do a dessert themed party at my house, from say 8 pm-11pm. We have established that I will not invite people to a restaurant and expect them to pay. That was my original thought, but apparently it is a social faux pas (which I didn't know). My friends, as well as myself and DH, are very informal types who tend to have potluck dinners or mini golf outings to celebrate birthdays, so I think they would be happy with any of these options. Though these are indeed new friends, some of whom don't know each other, so there is that to consider. DH and I are newish to the area so we really want to celebrate this big birthday with our new friends, even though we don't have a "group"--only friends from different areas (work, volunteering, etc.). So because of that fact not sure how well a party at our house would work. Will have to think more about this. I don't have much experience with entertaining (DH and I mainly host brunches, in which we make all the food, which have all been very nice and low key). I've never hosted a party at home and so while it sounds like a fun idea I worry it will be too much work/stress. I appreciate everyone's ideas, and now I know definitively that the restaurant idea was a bad idea. Good thing I posted on here before sending out an e-vite! Though honestly, my friends are so laid back and informal that I don't think they would have batted an eye at the dutch thing at a restaurant, since it was going to be an Olive Garden type restaurant anyway (i.e. relatively inexpensive). |
Anonymous
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please don't invite new friends to a "dutch" birthday dinner. You'll be humiliated. Long-time college era friends maybe. Even then I would never expect to pay at a birthday dinner to which I received an invitation by the honoree's spouse.
Also, do these couples know each other? It's a trickier thing socially to host a party or dinner where the other parties don't know you well or each other. I'm comfortable entertaining but this type of event is definitely more stressful than hosting couples that know each other to some degree. If you are going to throw an "event" then I like what the previous poster suggested--a birthday brunch. Much easier and more casual. Invite the other people's kids as well--they will lighten the atmosphere and if the other couple's don't know each other they'll provide a commonality or at least a distraction (attending to kids is a great way to fill dead moments at party when you don't know people). |
Anonymous
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"I appreciate everyone's ideas, and now I know definitively that the restaurant idea was a bad idea. Good thing I posted on here before sending out an e-vite! Though honestly, my friends are so laid back and informal that I don't think they would have batted an eye at the dutch thing at a restaurant, since it was going to be an Olive Garden type restaurant anyway (i.e. relatively inexpensive). "
OP - you write like a teenager. Thanks for wasting our time. Again. |
Anonymous
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OP the more you post the more I wonder. You keep writing as though it is a baffling, inconceivable task to have a few friends over for dinner. You also seem to think it is a law of nature that you must find a group of people to pay homage to you on a "big" birthday. Here's a nifty idea: just celebrate with your spouse and family. It won't be stressful, traumatizing or any of the other words you keep using in association with the idea of having a party.
And btw you keep insisting that your friends are so laid back so they probably wouldn't have minded you organizing a dinner for your husband and expecting them to foot the bill. Guess what? They probably do mind, but if they're laid back they'll let it slide. Grownups don't host parties for themselves and then hand their guests a bill. |
Anonymous
Olive Garden has terrible food, loud, and lots of kids and would have added insult to injury. |
Anonymous
| OP, seriously, you're worried about what your friends will think of your house, yet you seem to think they'd be perfectly content going to an Olive Garden-type restaurant for dinner where they'd pay for themselves to celebrate your husband's birthday. I doubt they'll be judging you on your house, if that's the type of place you normally go to dinner. I'm thinking at this point though that you may have made this entire thing up. |
Anonymous
| OP- The desert themed idea is a TERRIBLE idea... Party flop!!!! Go with the bowling and pizza, which by te way will cost juat as much a paying for everyones dinner!!! Bowling fees, shoes, pizza and coke will cost just as much as dinner. Stop bring an idiot and just pay for dinner!!!! Is this how you make all your decisions?!!! |
Anonymous
This is bizarre. We have adult dinner parties at our house routinely. When our kids were little, we had them in bed, or close to going to bed, at the start of the party. Now that they are older, they entertain themselves with a movie or the like while the adult guests (without children) enjoy themselves. There is no reason to expect that children have to be part of the occasion and that it's not "worth it" to get a sitter just because the party is at someone's home. |
Anonymous
OP, maybe you could do a Chuck E. Cheese birthday party. If your friends (?) are as immature as you, it would be fine. |
Anonymous
| OP, you sound nice and your friends sound nice (unlike some of the people who have posted here). I can't believe this thread generated so many responses, but, despite the meanies, I think you got some good advice. I'm a bit like you in that I find hosting stressful, so I'd probably do something casual out of the house. Bowling, bar, or the like. I'm sure your friends will be happy to celebrate with you. Don't stress too much about it. |
Anonymous
I agree - OP, ignore the meanies and don't stress about it. |
Anonymous
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11:09, I think we are not talking about an adult dinner party, but about dessert. I don't know that many people who'd want to get a sitter for 4 hours to eat desserts at the 40th birthday party of someone they don't know all that well, especially if it was going to be a gathering of people who don't really know each other. This is just me, I am sure, but I wanted to throw it out there.
OP, do you have kids? It sounds like you want to make an occasion of it -- no kids, at night -- but don't want much expense. Is that right? Is it really important to you to celebrate with these new friends? Do your gatherings usually include kids? Do you not want to host a brunch this time? |
Anonymous
They aren't "friends". They're acquaintances of 6 months duration. 8) OP is a totally social awkward drama queen at age 36. And stubborn, to boot! Thanks for the laffs! 8) |