Are we ready for the Thanksgiving Vent thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This year I have my kids for thanksgiving. I’m not a holiday person, and overall hate cooking and cleaning, so usually for holidays we’ll just go out or get a pizza.

My new BF (who doesn’t have kids) grew up in a very broken family and later on foster care, so my holiday plan troubled him greatly. He likes the idea of the wholesome family during the holidays. So he said I can’t do pizza, don’t worry, he’ll handle thanksgiving dinner.

Then every night this week has talked about how stressed he is trying to plan dinner and asking me a million questions. Should we do ham or turkey? Should we cook or get it catered? Who should we buy it from? What do we do if it isn’t shipped in time?

Finally I was like omg, shut up, I’ll just handle it. So now here I am making a damn thanksgiving dinner I didn’t want to make so my BF can try to heal his childhood trauma.

And yes, I know I did this to myself.

At least on the plus side, I found a recipe for a one sheet pan thanksgiving dinner. So just a matter of sticking things on the pan over 3 hours. Hoping it’s not too difficult.

And thus you perpetuated the Hapless Man Agenda.

Instead of taking the time to talk through and teach and coach, and help him understand the process of thinking through and making decisions and making a time table, and shopping for ingredients and pre-prep, making ahead, etc., you just “handled it.” Instead of passing on wisdom and planning and thought processes, you just did it yourself. And now you’re resentful.

I know. I KNOW. I just did NOT want to feel like mommy teaching her baby boy how to shop and cook. I got a BF because I feel like mommy most of the time and wanted to feel like a sexy, desirable woman some of the time.

I’m also PMSing and overall just mad at the world.

Lesson learned. From now on, I’m just sticking to whatever my original plan is.

Well, he never had proper parents and a stable household, so how would he know how? Teaching and helping a partner to learn a skill they actively want to learn is not “babying.”

But you don’t want a partner, you want a toy boy, so there’s that.

If he’s over 25 he’s had many thanksgivings to attempt this before telling OP that he would handle it. He may still have some trauma from his childhood, which is very sad but he would not be a fit for my life, sounds like not for OP either.

This. Honestly, what the PP describes her sounds like a classic man move where he claims he's going to do something, performatively flounders at it ("this is so hard! I can't figure it out! gosh, can you help me?" and then slinks away while the woman in his life does it for him.

+100

Exactly that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ILs sit in total silence. They speak to no one including their son and grandkids, unkess its answerin a question. Any and all socializing is torture for these people. I am indeed afraid that my kids have inherited this defect and as my husband ages he seems to be getting more like them.
My dad sits in blissful solitude because he "forgot" his hearing aids again.
My mom is telling my ILs various sob stories trying desperately to get a reaction or sympathy out of them. She will get nothing and end up tipsy on my deck, in tears, asking why I married into such a weird family.

They just want to be left alone! Why is your mother torturing them?! She can chit chat with someone else.

Introverted people like being at the fringes of the event, without engaging too much socially.

I would much rather have introverted people as guests than have people who cannot let a silence go unchallenged.

There's no one else to talk to. The joys of a small family. She's dying to chit chat with someone new and they won't do it.
Truly, these people go beyond introversion into rudeness. "Do you have any plans for summer?" "No." "How's your daughter in city?" Awkward pause "she's fine." "Are you looking forward to grandkids performance next weekend? He's been practicing a lot." Awkward pause as they look at each other.

I feel for you. I have small gatherings, and depending on who is there, conversations can run dry. Tomorrow…,relax!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This year I have my kids for thanksgiving. I’m not a holiday person, and overall hate cooking and cleaning, so usually for holidays we’ll just go out or get a pizza.

My new BF (who doesn’t have kids) grew up in a very broken family and later on foster care, so my holiday plan troubled him greatly. He likes the idea of the wholesome family during the holidays. So he said I can’t do pizza, don’t worry, he’ll handle thanksgiving dinner.

Then every night this week has talked about how stressed he is trying to plan dinner and asking me a million questions. Should we do ham or turkey? Should we cook or get it catered? Who should we buy it from? What do we do if it isn’t shipped in time?

Finally I was like omg, shut up, I’ll just handle it. So now here I am making a damn thanksgiving dinner I didn’t want to make so my BF can try to heal his childhood trauma.

And yes, I know I did this to myself.

At least on the plus side, I found a recipe for a one sheet pan thanksgiving dinner. So just a matter of sticking things on the pan over 3 hours. Hoping it’s not too difficult.

And thus you perpetuated the Hapless Man Agenda.

Instead of taking the time to talk through and teach and coach, and help him understand the process of thinking through and making decisions and making a time table, and shopping for ingredients and pre-prep, making ahead, etc., you just “handled it.” Instead of passing on wisdom and planning and thought processes, you just did it yourself. And now you’re resentful.

I know. I KNOW. I just did NOT want to feel like mommy teaching her baby boy how to shop and cook. I got a BF because I feel like mommy most of the time and wanted to feel like a sexy, desirable woman some of the time.

I’m also PMSing and overall just mad at the world.

Lesson learned. From now on, I’m just sticking to whatever my original plan is.

You are sexy without the man-boy. You can't fix him. Break up after the holidays, at the latest.

She is definitely not sexy. How hard is it to order a Thanksgiving meal? Geez. Do it for your BF and kids. I can't believe kids have to be subjected to pizza for every holiday.

If it's so easy, why can't the BF do it since he volunteered to take charge?

It sounds like he asked for input and she didn't give it to him. "Ham or turkey?" "Cook or cater?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This year I have my kids for thanksgiving. I’m not a holiday person, and overall hate cooking and cleaning, so usually for holidays we’ll just go out or get a pizza.

My new BF (who doesn’t have kids) grew up in a very broken family and later on foster care, so my holiday plan troubled him greatly. He likes the idea of the wholesome family during the holidays. So he said I can’t do pizza, don’t worry, he’ll handle thanksgiving dinner.

Then every night this week has talked about how stressed he is trying to plan dinner and asking me a million questions. Should we do ham or turkey? Should we cook or get it catered? Who should we buy it from? What do we do if it isn’t shipped in time?

Finally I was like omg, shut up, I’ll just handle it. So now here I am making a damn thanksgiving dinner I didn’t want to make so my BF can try to heal his childhood trauma.

And yes, I know I did this to myself.

At least on the plus side, I found a recipe for a one sheet pan thanksgiving dinner. So just a matter of sticking things on the pan over 3 hours. Hoping it’s not too difficult.

And thus you perpetuated the Hapless Man Agenda.

Instead of taking the time to talk through and teach and coach, and help him understand the process of thinking through and making decisions and making a time table, and shopping for ingredients and pre-prep, making ahead, etc., you just “handled it.” Instead of passing on wisdom and planning and thought processes, you just did it yourself. And now you’re resentful.

I know. I KNOW. I just did NOT want to feel like mommy teaching her baby boy how to shop and cook. I got a BF because I feel like mommy most of the time and wanted to feel like a sexy, desirable woman some of the time.

I’m also PMSing and overall just mad at the world.

Lesson learned. From now on, I’m just sticking to whatever my original plan is.

This is not on you. He wanted the dinner, he can cook it. He’s not helpless. He can find recipes and videos and learn how to do it. That was not cool of him. I’d be out if a man did this to me.

[Anonymous]

Not a huge thing, but I've had major medical issues this year. I’m starting to feel better, but I have strong food aversions as a side effect of meds. I normally cook Thanksgiving dinner and love it, bur this year im ki d of just offering my recipes ans small amounts of help.

The only thing I was looking forward to and feel I could stomach is pumpkin pie which my niece baked yesterday. The first one she baked came out weird (seems likely she left out an ingredient). DH went out to get ingredients again last night, and she baked it again
I was exhausted so went to sleep while it baked. This morning I discovered they had left it out on the counter...there is no way with my health issues I can risk eating it...but everyone else seems fine, and the oven is needed for other things today

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not a huge thing, but I've had major medical issues this year. I’m starting to feel better, but I have strong food aversions as a side effect of meds. I normally cook Thanksgiving dinner and love it, bur this year im ki d of just offering my recipes ans small amounts of help.

The only thing I was looking forward to and feel I could stomach is pumpkin pie which my niece baked yesterday. The first one she baked came out weird (seems likely she left out an ingredient). DH went out to get ingredients again last night, and she baked it again
I was exhausted so went to sleep while it baked. This morning I discovered they had left it out on the counter...there is no way with my health issues I can risk eating it...but everyone else seems fine, and the oven is needed for other things today

Can you go buy one? It might not be too late! I want you to have your pumpkin pie, PP. I know what it's like to be struggling through a holiday or event and kind of lean into the one thing you are looking forward to in order to get your through.

[Anonymous]

Hi Op, can you cut a slice and bake it in oven to kill any germs them put to fridge or eat it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not a huge thing, but I've had major medical issues this year. I’m starting to feel better, but I have strong food aversions as a side effect of meds. I normally cook Thanksgiving dinner and love it, bur this year im ki d of just offering my recipes ans small amounts of help.

The only thing I was looking forward to and feel I could stomach is pumpkin pie which my niece baked yesterday. The first one she baked came out weird (seems likely she left out an ingredient). DH went out to get ingredients again last night, and she baked it again
I was exhausted so went to sleep while it baked. This morning I discovered they had left it out on the counter...there is no way with my health issues I can risk eating it...but everyone else seems fine, and the oven is needed for other things today

Can you go buy one? It might not be too late! I want you to have your pumpkin pie, PP. I know what it's like to be struggling through a holiday or event and kind of lean into the one thing you are looking forward to in order to get your through.

I thought about this, but I also can’t eat gluten, so I doubt we could find one i can eat.

It's fine...I haven't enjoy food much at all lately, so its possible that avoiding it now will preserve my positive associations for when I'm a bit better.

[Anonymous]

In the old days, without fridge you boiled everything before eating next day, same concept..is what I was thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WOW, YOUR DAUGHTER SURE LIKES TO SLEEP!
GRANDDAUGHTER SUREEEEEE LIKES TO SLEEP!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU ALL SLEEP SO LATE!
GOOD MORNING, SLEEPYHEAD!
WOW, THERE SHE IS!

This nonsense goes on from 6 a.m. forward.

Same. We are not in that person's house today, but we hear this all the time when we are.

I'm adding this to my list of things never to say.

+1. Along with “well, good AFTERNOON!” When someone comes downstairs after 11:00 am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WOW, YOUR DAUGHTER SURE LIKES TO SLEEP!
GRANDDAUGHTER SUREEEEEE LIKES TO SLEEP!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU ALL SLEEP SO LATE!
GOOD MORNING, SLEEPYHEAD!
WOW, THERE SHE IS!

This nonsense goes on from 6 a.m. forward.

Same. We are not in that person's house today, but we hear this all the time when we are.

I'm adding this to my list of things never to say.

My dad used to say "She lives!" when I'd get up at like 9am on a holiday. So grating. I will never understand people who are resentful that someone is getting rest. Unless there are chores to be done and someone has an obligation or commitment to do them early, why do you care?

I’m crying at the mental picture of this! Thanks for the good laughs.

[Anonymous]

My MIL said 4 PM. That’s a little later than usual and we asked a couple times if she was sure.

It’s 2 PM and she just called to say she wants us to come over now. We live 45 minutes away and everyone isn’t ready to go yet, so we could make 3 PM. Apparently, this is very inconvenient.

[Anonymous]

One of my visitors eats so loud, imagine the loudest gum chewer. I cannot stand to be in the same room when she is eating. I don't know how I will survive tonight. I have managed to avoid it for the last three meals, but I will not be able to avoid it for Thanksgiving dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my visitors eats so loud, imagine the loudest gum chewer. I cannot stand to be in the same room when she is eating. I don't know how I will survive tonight. I have managed to avoid it for the last three meals, but I will not be able to avoid it for Thanksgiving dinner.

Do you have any gummies? If not, wine!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws are from a third world country and grew up without any sense of food safety. We are at their house and every single thing I've personally observed them prepping so far has some sort of food safety problem.

At this point I think I am only comfortable eating the things I am cooking myself, and not even the pie I brought, since they took it out of the fridge after I put it in and left it in the warm garage for 24 hours.

The interesting thing is that they probably won't get sick, if they've been eating foods with moderate bacterial loads all their lives. But YOU will, because your body is not used to it. This leads to a permanent difference of opinion about food safety. My husband escaped a third world country as a child, and his family is quite lax with food safety. His older brother ferments rice in the rice cooker and eats it (this is not recommended). DH has eaten rotten and moldy food with no side effects, except that one time when a rotten radish sent him into bradycardia. I, on the other hand, cannot eat like this, and I don't let him serve iffy dishes to the kids, who have westernized digestive systems.

Steak tips PP here. This is interesting. My DH definitely grew up in a home with looser ideas about food safety than I was raised with. He now follows recommended rules about food safety (his brother, on the other hand...) but I have a WAY more sensitive stomach than he does. I've gotten food poisoning twice in the years we've been together and both times it was after eating something he also ate (once after eating identical entrees at a restaurant, the second time after splitting a salad with him from the grocery store). He had no symptoms at all while I had the standard 48-72 hour effects, it was so baffling.

I've previously thought that maybe our family's approaches to food safety were the result of different constitutions. Like maybe my family is stricter about it because we are more sensitive to food issues as a group and therefore learned to be more careful. But the suggestion that maybe his stomach is stronger because he was exposed to more bacteria on food as a kid is interesting.

Neither of us are eating the steak tips though!

Update: we have convinced BIL they don't work with today's meal. They are in the fridge pending a decision tomorrow. They will not be consumed, we're hoping he just forgets about them and we can toss them after he leaves. If necessary I'll pull out FDA guidelines. Ugh.

Thanks for the update. Hopefully the steak tips will get “lost” in the way back of the fridge behind the leftovers.