Are we ready for the Thanksgiving Vent thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spending time with my mom is like being cross-examined. She asks question after question after question. When I ask about what's going on in her life, she gives one or two word answers. It feels less like a conversation and more like a demand that I entertain her.

If she doesn’t later judge you on what you told her, like my late mother did, then she is discussing it in the strangest of contexts with people you don’t even know (like my dad does). I had no idea he did that, and he does it seemingly non judgmentally but I once received a butt call from him and he was discussing how small my apartment was with someone he barely knew. Mind you, the man was poor all his life and I shared a bedroom with my brother for the longest time. Now he is “upset” about my living conditions!
Anyway, I barely tell him anything and I avoid having him over.

Are you me? These are my parents precisely. I learned a long time ago to be judicious about what I told them because they are so judgmental and will blab anything I tell them to literally anyone. They live in the small town where I grew up and they've said incredibly critical, personal things about me to random people who wind up being related to some friend from high school, and it will get back to me and it's embarrassing and unkind. So now I tell them very little and they complain about that, but it's the only way to keep them from gossiping about me.

We don’t tell MIL 90% of the “real” stuff in our lives (the hard, imperfect, messiness; the health issues or job issues or whatever other normal life stuff) because she will tell everyone, be judgy, and claim she isn’t being judgy while also being casually racist/classist/etc. (her go-to is the “I can’t be homophobic/racist/etc because so-and-so in their circle is whatever) My sibling transitioned several years ago and we haven’t told MIL because she’s met my sibling exactly once (at our wedding) and has no right to get to say a single word about them.

The first pp here. My mother was great at finding something to criticize even in the good things I told her. I’d tell her oh your grandson is reading chapter books (it was early for his age) and she’d complain it wasn’t the author she deemed worth of reading.

I finally realized never to tell my mother anything at all. Just let her talk. Because if I give her anything it's like
"Mikey got 100% on his book report."
"What was the book?" "Redwall"
"I've never heard of that. Why do you make him read such junk? He wouldn't pick books like that if you didn't push them on him."
"What on earth are you talking about? You don't even know what it is."
"If I've never heard of it it must not be any good. You should be making sure he reads quality books. Your sister only gives good books to her kids."
Ready to hang up the phone at that point.

NP. And same. Silly example but I once told my mom that my oldest had straight As for her first 3 quarters in middle school. My mom sighed and said (to my kid) well that's almost the whole year. It was only the end of 3rd quarter at the time. I knew better than to tell her that because she always turns a positive into a negative. Now we tell her nothing but my family uses "well, that's almost the whole year" all the time to crack us up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sister who was overweight her entire adult life is now on Ozempic and bordering on emaciated. Now she’s telling me I need to go on it. So fun. I just said, “I don’t want to talk about this.”

There is so much to unpack here. I am confident this is not how it went down.

Oh, there's a lot of baggage between us, but that's exactly how it went down.

I believe you PP. I know several emaciated women on GLP-1s who look frightening (and I also know many who look great...this isn't some dig on GLP-1s). They want to tell you all about it constantly and seem to have zero self-awareness they look like muscle-wasted ghouls. It's creepy.

Like my almond mom!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sister who was overweight her entire adult life is now on Ozempic and bordering on emaciated. Now she’s telling me I need to go on it. So fun. I just said, “I don’t want to talk about this.”

My sister went on Ozempic, but won't admit that to our parents. So she claims that she lost all the weight by cutting out gluten after being diagnosed as celiac. Now my mom makes this elaborate production of gluten-free meals or finding a restaurant that can accommodate my "gluten free" sister. Sister eats gluten like it's going out of style when my parents aren't around. I make a point of eating gluten around them. Sister is very peeved with me, "why are you eating pizza in front of me when you know I can't eat gluten around mom?!" Girl, you got yourself into this mess with your lies, I have no interest in making this easier on you. Own your Ozempic use.

I don't care that she uses it. I care about the lying and I'm immensely irritated that now my mom looks at me, slightly overweight, and goes "tsk tsk, you should really stop eating gluten....like your sister! Look at how skinny she is now!"

Telling people you have celiac, a very serious disease, when it's not true is terrible.

Agreed, and yet it's weirdly common. I know multiple people who claim to have "developed" celiac in their late 30s and 40s. But it's also the kind of celiac where apparently you can consume gluten sometimes if you really, really want to and it's a special occasion. I have a close family member who actually has celiac and so much resentment towards these attention seekers who fake it for attention or to conceal things. It creates a dangerous situation because when lots of people are faking celiac, it disincentivizes restaurants and others from taking the restriction seriously, and creates the risk that someone with celiac will wind up ingesting gluten in something they have been told is gluten free.

I just generally hate the trend of people inventing food allergies for their own convenience. Food allergies suck! Why would you do this?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now that I’ve had time to think about it after the last guest left, my SIL told me she’d bring cherry pie because she likes to bake. She and my brother showed up an hour and a half late empty handed. She had spent the day visiting her family even though she RSVPed to me. When I texted them their eta because the turkey was cold and sides were drying out,, they said they hadn’t left yet and go ahead and start without them. After dinner she went straight to the living room and did not help with cleanup at all.

Why blaming SIL for not helping with cleanup? Did your brother bring a cherry pie or help clean after dinner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sister who was overweight her entire adult life is now on Ozempic and bordering on emaciated. Now she’s telling me I need to go on it. So fun. I just said, “I don’t want to talk about this.”

My sister went on Ozempic, but won't admit that to our parents. So she claims that she lost all the weight by cutting out gluten after being diagnosed as celiac. Now my mom makes this elaborate production of gluten-free meals or finding a restaurant that can accommodate my "gluten free" sister. Sister eats gluten like it's going out of style when my parents aren't around. I make a point of eating gluten around them. Sister is very peeved with me, "why are you eating pizza in front of me when you know I can't eat gluten around mom?!" Girl, you got yourself into this mess with your lies, I have no interest in making this easier on you. Own your Ozempic use.

I don't care that she uses it. I care about the lying and I'm immensely irritated that now my mom looks at me, slightly overweight, and goes "tsk tsk, you should really stop eating gluten....like your sister! Look at how skinny she is now!"

Telling people you have celiac, a very serious disease, when it's not true is terrible.

Agreed, and yet it's weirdly common. I know multiple people who claim to have "developed" celiac in their late 30s and 40s. But it's also the kind of celiac where apparently you can consume gluten sometimes if you really, really want to and it's a special occasion. I have a close family member who actually has celiac and so much resentment towards these attention seekers who fake it for attention or to conceal things. It creates a dangerous situation because when lots of people are faking celiac, it disincentivizes restaurants and others from taking the restriction seriously, and creates the risk that someone with celiac will wind up ingesting gluten in something they have been told is gluten free.

I just generally hate the trend of people inventing food allergies for their own convenience. Food allergies suck! Why would you do this?!

The gluten free people who do it as part of a general health kick and a self-diagnosed "gluten intolerance" know they are viewed as insufferable and want to be taken more seriously. So they lie.

To bring it back to thanksgiving vents, we had a gluten and dairy free guest (same deal...makes exceptions when they feel like it) at our meal (significant other of family member) and I did absolutely zero to accommodate and didn't pay attention to what this person ate. Gave it zero thoughts. That's about what it deserves. And please never bring your gluten-free baked products and tell me all about it and make me pretend they taste good. They don't.

[Anonymous]

My MIL went on and on about these "family recipes" she was cooking that were absolutely VILE. I've been in the family for 20 years and never seen these recipes before (thank god) but for some reason they just had to be on the table this year. She lectured us about which relative came up with each recipe. They were not worth handing down.

[Anonymous]

Fun thread to read through...

No real drama...my cousin hosts and really has things down in terms of how to handle things. There were probably about 30 of us and zero dinner drama.

But, family's always seem to have the spouse that doesn't mesh. In this case, it's my cousin's wife who happens to have been my elementary music teacher. Long story, but my Mom introduced them and they got married later in life. Poor women is just flaky.

For example, my Aunt and Uncle celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary earlier this month. Their kids organized a really nice surprise reception for them on Friday after Thanksgiving.

Flaky cousin's wife was talking to my son, who is 19, and couldn't remember if she was at Aunt & Uncle's wedding. Well, DS was like, it was 50 years ago, right? And she was like, yeah, I was in HS then. DS was like, well, don't think you were there since you didn't get married until like 2002. Light bulb goes off, oh yeah, guess that's right.

Geez. I think my Mom feels bad that she introduced them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spending time with my mom is like being cross-examined. She asks question after question after question. When I ask about what's going on in her life, she gives one or two word answers. It feels less like a conversation and more like a demand that I entertain her.

If she doesn’t later judge you on what you told her, like my late mother did, then she is discussing it in the strangest of contexts with people you don’t even know (like my dad does). I had no idea he did that, and he does it seemingly non judgmentally but I once received a butt call from him and he was discussing how small my apartment was with someone he barely knew. Mind you, the man was poor all his life and I shared a bedroom with my brother for the longest time. Now he is “upset” about my living conditions!
Anyway, I barely tell him anything and I avoid having him over.

Are you me? These are my parents precisely. I learned a long time ago to be judicious about what I told them because they are so judgmental and will blab anything I tell them to literally anyone. They live in the small town where I grew up and they've said incredibly critical, personal things about me to random people who wind up being related to some friend from high school, and it will get back to me and it's embarrassing and unkind. So now I tell them very little and they complain about that, but it's the only way to keep them from gossiping about me.

We don’t tell MIL 90% of the “real” stuff in our lives (the hard, imperfect, messiness; the health issues or job issues or whatever other normal life stuff) because she will tell everyone, be judgy, and claim she isn’t being judgy while also being casually racist/classist/etc. (her go-to is the “I can’t be homophobic/racist/etc because so-and-so in their circle is whatever) My sibling transitioned several years ago and we haven’t told MIL because she’s met my sibling exactly once (at our wedding) and has no right to get to say a single word about them.

The first pp here. My mother was great at finding something to criticize even in the good things I told her. I’d tell her oh your grandson is reading chapter books (it was early for his age) and she’d complain it wasn’t the author she deemed worth of reading.

I finally realized never to tell my mother anything at all. Just let her talk. Because if I give her anything it's like
"Mikey got 100% on his book report."
"What was the book?" "Redwall"
"I've never heard of that. Why do you make him read such junk? He wouldn't pick books like that if you didn't push them on him."
"What on earth are you talking about? You don't even know what it is."
"If I've never heard of it it must not be any good. You should be making sure he reads quality books. Your sister only gives good books to her kids."
Ready to hang up the phone at that point.

As a book person I love the ease with which she dismisses a book that’s been continuously in print for 40 years. I wish I could walk through the world with her confidence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Steak tips PP here. I see some people asked for an update. Thankfully, nothing really to report. BIL left on Saturday after eating the steak tips Friday night, to my knowledge he did not get sick (at least not in my house).

He did fail to fully clean the pan you used to make the steak, which I discovered on Saturday when I found a pan on the drying rack that had been rinsed but not actually washed. As I stated up front, I really, really hope my kids aren't getting whatever DNA leads to this level of idiocy.

I'm pretty excited to have my home back and the scent of rotten steak tips eradicated.

My ILs have weird ideas about food safety and are also rinsers vs scrubbers. It seems to go hand-in-hand.

Gross!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Steak tips PP here. I see some people asked for an update. Thankfully, nothing really to report. BIL left on Saturday after eating the steak tips Friday night, to my knowledge he did not get sick (at least not in my house).

He did fail to fully clean the pan you used to make the steak, which I discovered on Saturday when I found a pan on the drying rack that had been rinsed but not actually washed. As I stated up front, I really, really hope my kids aren't getting whatever DNA leads to this level of idiocy.

I'm pretty excited to have my home back and the scent of rotten steak tips eradicated.

My ILs have weird ideas about food safety and are also rinsers vs scrubbers. It seems to go hand-in-hand.

Gross!

Having too many “I was going to wash it later and just letting it soak for now” people in a house full guests is no fun as the sink piles up with dishes. Usually followed by same people actually washing the dishes and the soakers walking my saying again, “I was going to do that.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom always focuses on everyone’s body type and weight. She had already asked me how much three people weigh. I always say it’s rude but she doesn’t care. It is so annoying.

How on earth would you know how much someone else weighs? 😂

My MIL is this way, she comments incessantly on everyone's weight. It makes having even minor weight fluctuations stressful because I know she will clock it and then for the next three months be telling everyone she knows that I look like I recently lost or gained like 10 lbs. I feel bad for her because it's obviously because she also pays that kind of attention to her own weight and has her entire life, but also she is totally oblivious to how toxic it is and how it impacts others.

I have managed to get her to not comment on my DD's weight in front of her, but I have no control over what she says about DD when we aren't around -- I'm certain she's discussing DD's weight with everyone she knows. I hope this never gets back to DD but ugh, it might.

The weight comments! My MIL got banned after ranking DD’s entire Girl Scout troop by weight (NOT in front of them, thank god) after we all went to a Girl Scout event while she was visiting. And then refused to use their real names for the rest of the week and just called them by the nicknames she’d made up for them, because names like “Emma” were “so unusual”. So instead my DD would be telling an anecdote about Emma and MIL would say “who? Do you mean the Chubby One? Or do you mean Big Cheeks?”.

She is awful.

Wow. She is awful. I have a cousin who gives little digs to her DIL who is slightly overweight. People are strange (or mean, stupid, etc).

Ugh. My MIL finds a way to insult all of DD’s friends. One who dyes her hair pink has “weird hair.” Another is “fluffy.”

Pink hair IS weird hair, and a cry for attention, which she is now getting.

Not really, but commenting later just so you know how dumb this take is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom always focuses on everyone’s body type and weight. She had already asked me how much three people weigh. I always say it’s rude but she doesn’t care. It is so annoying.

How on earth would you know how much someone else weighs? 😂

My MIL is this way, she comments incessantly on everyone's weight. It makes having even minor weight fluctuations stressful because I know she will clock it and then for the next three months be telling everyone she knows that I look like I recently lost or gained like 10 lbs. I feel bad for her because it's obviously because she also pays that kind of attention to her own weight and has her entire life, but also she is totally oblivious to how toxic it is and how it impacts others.

I have managed to get her to not comment on my DD's weight in front of her, but I have no control over what she says about DD when we aren't around -- I'm certain she's discussing DD's weight with everyone she knows. I hope this never gets back to DD but ugh, it might.

The weight comments! My MIL got banned after ranking DD’s entire Girl Scout troop by weight (NOT in front of them, thank god) after we all went to a Girl Scout event while she was visiting. And then refused to use their real names for the rest of the week and just called them by the nicknames she’d made up for them, because names like “Emma” were “so unusual”. So instead my DD would be telling an anecdote about Emma and MIL would say “who? Do you mean the Chubby One? Or do you mean Big Cheeks?”.

She is awful.

Wow. She is awful. I have a cousin who gives little digs to her DIL who is slightly overweight. People are strange (or mean, stupid, etc).

Ugh. My MIL finds a way to insult all of DD’s friends. One who dyes her hair pink has “weird hair.” Another is “fluffy.”

Pink hair IS weird hair, and a cry for attention, which she is now getting.

Did my MIL find this thread? You're in the wrong thread, this is the venting thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sister who was overweight her entire adult life is now on Ozempic and bordering on emaciated. Now she’s telling me I need to go on it. So fun. I just said, “I don’t want to talk about this.”

My sister went on Ozempic, but won't admit that to our parents. So she claims that she lost all the weight by cutting out gluten after being diagnosed as celiac. Now my mom makes this elaborate production of gluten-free meals or finding a restaurant that can accommodate my "gluten free" sister. Sister eats gluten like it's going out of style when my parents aren't around. I make a point of eating gluten around them. Sister is very peeved with me, "why are you eating pizza in front of me when you know I can't eat gluten around mom?!" Girl, you got yourself into this mess with your lies, I have no interest in making this easier on you. Own your Ozempic use.

I don't care that she uses it. I care about the lying and I'm immensely irritated that now my mom looks at me, slightly overweight, and goes "tsk tsk, you should really stop eating gluten....like your sister! Look at how skinny she is now!"

Telling people you have celiac, a very serious disease, when it's not true is terrible.

Agreed, and yet it's weirdly common. I know multiple people who claim to have "developed" celiac in their late 30s and 40s. But it's also the kind of celiac where apparently you can consume gluten sometimes if you really, really want to and it's a special occasion. I have a close family member who actually has celiac and so much resentment towards these attention seekers who fake it for attention or to conceal things. It creates a dangerous situation because when lots of people are faking celiac, it disincentivizes restaurants and others from taking the restriction seriously, and creates the risk that someone with celiac will wind up ingesting gluten in something they have been told is gluten free.

I just generally hate the trend of people inventing food allergies for their own convenience. Food allergies suck! Why would you do this?!

The gluten free people who do it as part of a general health kick and a self-diagnosed "gluten intolerance" know they are viewed as insufferable and want to be taken more seriously. So they lie.

To bring it back to thanksgiving vents, we had a gluten and dairy free guest (same deal...makes exceptions when they feel like it) at our meal (significant other of family member) and I did absolutely zero to accommodate and didn't pay attention to what this person ate. Gave it zero thoughts. That's about what it deserves. And please never bring your gluten-free baked products and tell me all about it and make me pretend they taste good. They don't.

Food stuff is hard.

My family has one person with a serious gluten intolerance, one with a dairy allergy (carries an epi-pen for it), and one person who can't do gluten or dairy without terrible stomach issues. I take those all very seriously when I cook and do it happily, because I don't want to make anyone sick.

And then there's my BIL who is a vegetarian and kind of obnoxious about it. I make all the sides vegetarian and make him a separate vegetarian gravy and make a vegetarian main dish for him every year. And every couple of years, he wants me to reinvent the wheel with a new main dish for him. And I get that he doesn't just want to have sides, but it's hard to keep coming up with different mains for him every other year, especially when the rest of the menu is pretty much on repeat. He doesn't like stuffed mushrooms or stuffed peppers, because "everyone always makes that for vegetarians." He won't do tofurkey anymore. He's over stuffed squash and over pot pie. The new thing this year was a vegetarian chili. I will bend over backwards to keep people safe around food, but it's grating when it's a choice that you just want everyone to cater to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sister who was overweight her entire adult life is now on Ozempic and bordering on emaciated. Now she’s telling me I need to go on it. So fun. I just said, “I don’t want to talk about this.”

My sister went on Ozempic, but won't admit that to our parents. So she claims that she lost all the weight by cutting out gluten after being diagnosed as celiac. Now my mom makes this elaborate production of gluten-free meals or finding a restaurant that can accommodate my "gluten free" sister. Sister eats gluten like it's going out of style when my parents aren't around. I make a point of eating gluten around them. Sister is very peeved with me, "why are you eating pizza in front of me when you know I can't eat gluten around mom?!" Girl, you got yourself into this mess with your lies, I have no interest in making this easier on you. Own your Ozempic use.

I don't care that she uses it. I care about the lying and I'm immensely irritated that now my mom looks at me, slightly overweight, and goes "tsk tsk, you should really stop eating gluten....like your sister! Look at how skinny she is now!"

Telling people you have celiac, a very serious disease, when it's not true is terrible.

Agreed, and yet it's weirdly common. I know multiple people who claim to have "developed" celiac in their late 30s and 40s. But it's also the kind of celiac where apparently you can consume gluten sometimes if you really, really want to and it's a special occasion. I have a close family member who actually has celiac and so much resentment towards these attention seekers who fake it for attention or to conceal things. It creates a dangerous situation because when lots of people are faking celiac, it disincentivizes restaurants and others from taking the restriction seriously, and creates the risk that someone with celiac will wind up ingesting gluten in something they have been told is gluten free.

I just generally hate the trend of people inventing food allergies for their own convenience. Food allergies suck! Why would you do this?!

The gluten free people who do it as part of a general health kick and a self-diagnosed "gluten intolerance" know they are viewed as insufferable and want to be taken more seriously. So they lie.

To bring it back to thanksgiving vents, we had a gluten and dairy free guest (same deal...makes exceptions when they feel like it) at our meal (significant other of family member) and I did absolutely zero to accommodate and didn't pay attention to what this person ate. Gave it zero thoughts. That's about what it deserves. And please never bring your gluten-free baked products and tell me all about it and make me pretend they taste good. They don't.

Food stuff is hard.

My family has one person with a serious gluten intolerance, one with a dairy allergy (carries an epi-pen for it), and one person who can't do gluten or dairy without terrible stomach issues. I take those all very seriously when I cook and do it happily, because I don't want to make anyone sick.

And then there's my BIL who is a vegetarian and kind of obnoxious about it. I make all the sides vegetarian and make him a separate vegetarian gravy and make a vegetarian main dish for him every year. And every couple of years, he wants me to reinvent the wheel with a new main dish for him. And I get that he doesn't just want to have sides, but it's hard to keep coming up with different mains for him every other year, especially when the rest of the menu is pretty much on repeat. He doesn't like stuffed mushrooms or stuffed peppers, because "everyone always makes that for vegetarians." He won't do tofurkey anymore. He's over stuffed squash and over pot pie. The new thing this year was a vegetarian chili. I will bend over backwards to keep people safe around food, but it's grating when it's a choice that you just want everyone to cater to.

Damn, I'm a vegetarian and the sides are the best part. I host Thanksgiving and don't even make myself a main dish. You're a saint to even try.

[Anonymous]

OP. did Steak tops BIL croak? I don't give a fig about pink hair but I need to know what happened to your BIL. It keeps me awake wondering how it all came out!