Child Submitting Application Without You Seeing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was a junior at a small private high school circa early 90’s, the students and parents were told that the college application process is our first step towards independence and adulthood, and that it wasn’t the parents’ responsibility to book college tours, keep track of deadlines, read essays, etc. Obviously these are different times and while I didn’t see or proofread my kid’s applications, I did my share of nagging/reminding about deadlines and went onto college websites to see when tours are available. Many of us are struggling with this cultural shift, and it’s hard to strike that balance between nurturing/supporting and helicoptering.

It’s different times because so many have raised incapable young adults. We have an entire generation that cannot problem solve, freaks out at anything uncomfortable or adverse, and has a staggering number of mental health issues because parents have done absolutely everything for their kids.

It’s good to see a fair number of parents here being hands off and the late teens owning the responsibility for the next phase of life. These will be the kids that succeed.

[Anonymous]

I am far from a helicopter parent, truly. My kids have grown up with tons of freedom, level of which many of you would judge me for.

But those who say it's because today's generation of kids are helpless, they're not. It's that everything is more complicated - and I'm not only talking about getting into colleges. It's the systems. There's Naviance or something else for requesting LOR and transcripts. Common App for the app. Individual school portals once you apply to schools. The process is bizarrely convoluted, and it took me a long time to understand it. Our high school (Whitman) did a pretty bad job of explaining it to students, in my opinion. I believe that's because so many of the kids whose parents would be squeaky wheels just hire college counselors.

Not looking at your kids Common App is crazy. It's important. They should fill it in on their own, or with you. But the level of detail and the potential for making mistakes or even missing whole sections is significant. It doesn't mean a kid is not ready for college if they can't figure out this complicated, multi-step system. Gone are the days where we typed or printed neatly our applications and mailed them off.

I would be upset if my kid didn't show me their app or have someone else look at it who we truly trusted to give it a good lookover. This is not something a typical 17 year old has been trained to do. There are some who can, sure. And that's great - and my guess is that capability shows up other places in their app too. But to diminish your child's chances in pursuit of independence - give me a break. I also think many of the smug "I never even looked" parents were paying private counselors. That's not the same as the kids doing it themselves.

[Anonymous]

The stakes are so much higher now and the margin for error a lot less. It’s hard to say what came first- the chicken or the egg. Are parents extra vested in this process because it’s harder or has the process become harder because there are all these parents producing super-curated, super-edited college applicants? Maybe both, that that’s a topic for another thread.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t look at any of my son’s applications. If he’s ready to go to college, he needs to do the applications on his own.

[Anonymous]

Yes, that's normal. Why would you need to see it first?

[Anonymous]

My kids go to a private school and their college office reviews the entire application for every school before kid submits. They literally sit down with kid and read every word. They review every essay. I think it also may be a way to make sure the kid submits real and not fabricated info. For ex, counselor thought my kid overstated hours of an activity and made them change it. They corrected spacing, punctuation, grammar, etc, etc. Our school college office oversight enabled me to pull back and let my kid feel 'independent' yet there was a lot of adult support behind them. If we didn't have that, I would have assumed that role.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine having the kind of relationship where my kid wouldn't ask for input or insight from us on probably the biggest thing they had ever submitted. People don't turn in research papers or work proposals or legal briefs without having multiple people review them. Why would a college application be different?

I had a fine relationship with my parents, but I didn’t ask for any upper or insight because I was smarter than them.

+1. My parents didn't proofread my applications, because they wouldn't have any idea how they were supposed to look.

We have a great relationship, but once I started applying to selective colleges they were out of their depth.

Nobody cares what you did on your Smith Corona typewriter decades ago when it was dead easy to get into the best schools. Things are different now. A smart parent will make it their business to know exactly how college applications work now so that they're not "out of their depth" and can provide useful feedback.

"People don't turn in research papers or work proposals or legal briefs without having multiple people review them."

Why are we pretending that high school seniors can write research papers, work proposals, or legal briefs? They can't. You need experience to do that, and they don't have that experience.

Ah, see, I knew the high school research stuff was BS!

[Anonymous]

My kid's job is to do the application. My job is to brag about it on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid's job is to do the application. My job is to brag about it on DCUM.

When your kid misses a section of doesn’t input something correctly or has typos because they didn’t get a 2nd pair of eyes to review it, you won’t have much to brag about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid's job is to do the application. My job is to brag about it on DCUM.

When your kid misses a section of doesn’t input something correctly or has typos because they didn’t get a 2nd pair of eyes to review it, you won’t have much to brag about.

You can feel good about telling people to land the helicopter and lie on DCUM about how your kid got into HYPSM with no help.

[Anonymous]

After two kids going through this process and spending time on this forum for each, I’m thoroughly convinced so many of these posters claiming their kids did every single thing without their help or input and they didn’t see the kid’s app before submission are purposely trying to sabotage other applicants. Seriously.

And if it’s true it’s probably because the kid put a bunch of lies and BS in it and don’t want the parents to see it.

[Anonymous]

After college I took a five year break, worked, then went to law school.

At 30, I made a mistake on the bar application that I had explain at the interview.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s certainly what I did applying in 2007. What’s the problem?

You have a kid applying to college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The stakes are so much higher now and the margin for error a lot less. It’s hard to say what came first- the chicken or the egg. Are parents extra vested in this process because it’s harder or has the process become harder because there are all these parents producing super-curated, super-edited college applicants? Maybe both, that that’s a topic for another thread.

Are the stakes higher? It is becoming less and less important where kids go to college and more what they do when they are there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s certainly what I did applying in 2007. What’s the problem?

You have a kid applying to college?

DP. The teenage troll outed themselves right there.