Judgement and stares in public with a big family - a vent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only time I'm staring down large families is when their kids are out of control in public. Do what you want but when you have way more kids than the norm you need methods of keeping things under control in public. To be fair though I feel that way regardless of the number of children a family has. It's just been my experience, particularly with seemingly homeschooling families, that parents have large numbers of kids and bring them in public and expect that other people are going to help parent them and/or put up with their "gentle" permissive/lazy parenting.

I actually see the opposite. Most large families seem to have things better under control than most.

[Anonymous]

You need better friends, all mine have at least 5 and as many as 14.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only time I'm staring down large families is when their kids are out of control in public. Do what you want but when you have way more kids than the norm you need methods of keeping things under control in public. To be fair though I feel that way regardless of the number of children a family has. It's just been my experience, particularly with seemingly homeschooling families, that parents have large numbers of kids and bring them in public and expect that other people are going to help parent them and/or put up with their "gentle" permissive/lazy parenting.

I actually see the opposite. Most large families seem to have things better under control than most.

Yeah, like when a Duggar kid molested his sister, and they controlled it with a stern talking to by a friend of the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow - who'd of thought there'd be so much vitriol? I wouldn't do it (the 3 we have just about did me in physically in the younger years and emotionally during the teenage years), but I don't care what other families do. I can't imagine paying for 7 sets of braces, 7 sets of summer camp, 7 sets of college education, etc., but good for you!

It is unusual, which is why people stare

LOL. With rare exception, people with this many kids aren't paying for any of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have four and my closest friend has five. They are all similar ages, and they were all blond and blue eyed when they were little. There was a while there that we would go out with nine kids ages 7 and under that all looked like they could be siblings. We got lots of comments!

(My friend always told them that we were sister wives and our husband was traveling )

What color are their eyes now?

[Anonymous]

I am sorry OP, but you'd get the side eye from me as well. It's just not responsible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only time I'm staring down large families is when their kids are out of control in public. Do what you want but when you have way more kids than the norm you need methods of keeping things under control in public. To be fair though I feel that way regardless of the number of children a family has. It's just been my experience, particularly with seemingly homeschooling families, that parents have large numbers of kids and bring them in public and expect that other people are going to help parent them and/or put up with their "gentle" permissive/lazy parenting.

I actually see the opposite. Most large families seem to have things better under control than most.

Yeah, like when a Duggar kid molested his sister, and they controlled it with a stern talking to by a friend of the family.

The duggars are reality and not any more representative of large families than the Real Housewives are at portraying me as a housewife.

[Anonymous]

Having that many kids is weird, of course people will stare. They are trying to figure out why you made that choice. Its similar to facial tattoos, or really flashy cars, you want to know more, and assume the people are asking for attention.

I also feel sympathy for your kids because they didnt ask for any of that type of crazy.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't syare or say anything but I would wonder what kind of religious fundamentalism you were a part of.

[Anonymous]

Large families are always easy trolling! People just can’t resist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having seven kids is an imposition on other people. Everywhere you go, your family takes up too much space. Yes -- too much space. You go to a restaurant and you need them to put three table together just for your one family. You go to the pool or beach and you take up too much real estate and smaller families can't find space. You take up too much space walking down the street.

When people say things like "wow, how do you do it?" or "gosh, so many kids!" That is actually them being polite. They are suppressing what they actually want to say, which is that they think it was dumb and selfish of you to have that many kids and then to expect the whole world to accommodate your huge family. It's not 1950 anymore. None of your kids is dying of typhus and you didn't need to create a workforce to maintain the family farm.

You better find a way to deal with the comments and the looks because you will be getting them until all your kids are grown and gone.

Come on that’s silly. Two families of 3 kids each would take up just as much space at the beach. In fact, more. And you wouldn’t be saying anything about that.

Two families with three is totally different. More parents per child, tighter age gap within each family. Those families are not going to impose as much on the people around them because the kids are going to get what they need from their parents. They won't need special accommodations most places, and they won't expect it because they have a more typical family size.

A family with seven kids is an actual burden in the people around them. When I encounter families like this in public spaces, it's harder to move or get around them, they are louder, it's more stressful. Even if the kids are reasonably well behaved. It's just too many people for a nuclear family. If you want to do this, expect people to be aggravated with you a lot. You've done an annoying, selfish thing.

This is nuts. You are a crazy selfish person if you can’t handle navigating around a large family when out in public. That’s a burden to you?

Selfish is the person who produced so many kids that they will consume the same resources as 5 other families. The planet can’t sustain every family having that many kids so what gives OP the right to take more resources than their fair share?

They are nine people living in the same house and sharing resources. Why would that be better split into two or three families with people in multiple houses with three times as many cars?

Because that is a false comparison. Not every family has a car and not every family has a house. Wealthy people consume more resources than the poor so to take and already over consuming family a then grow it to such an absurd size is nothing but selfish. It’s not right to do to the kids or the community. It’s only for the satisfaction of the parents. Selfish.

I’m sure everyone who lives in a house larger than 1500 sq ft asks themselves if it’s for their satisfaction or the community’s. /s/

This isn’t a communist country yet. Get over it.

God forbid you consider your impact on the larger society and world, right? That would be communist! Only communists think about their community! Idiot.

[Anonymous]

If I saw that many kids, I would assume cousins or friends. I may give you a look if kids are misbehaving, not because there are so many kids.

My son had a friend who had 5 kids in his family. I often would think and say how they had so many kids. I didn’t mean it as an insult. I never even saw the whole family together. Mom would often take little kids and I would not see the teens. I had my hands full with just two kids back then. I now have 3 kids. No one says anything about three kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having seven kids is an imposition on other people. Everywhere you go, your family takes up too much space. Yes -- too much space. You go to a restaurant and you need them to put three table together just for your one family. You go to the pool or beach and you take up too much real estate and smaller families can't find space. You take up too much space walking down the street.

When people say things like "wow, how do you do it?" or "gosh, so many kids!" That is actually them being polite. They are suppressing what they actually want to say, which is that they think it was dumb and selfish of you to have that many kids and then to expect the whole world to accommodate your huge family. It's not 1950 anymore. None of your kids is dying of typhus and you didn't need to create a workforce to maintain the family farm.

You better find a way to deal with the comments and the looks because you will be getting them until all your kids are grown and gone.

Come on that’s silly. Two families of 3 kids each would take up just as much space at the beach. In fact, more. And you wouldn’t be saying anything about that.

Two families with three is totally different. More parents per child, tighter age gap within each family. Those families are not going to impose as much on the people around them because the kids are going to get what they need from their parents. They won't need special accommodations most places, and they won't expect it because they have a more typical family size.

A family with seven kids is an actual burden in the people around them. When I encounter families like this in public spaces, it's harder to move or get around them, they are louder, it's more stressful. Even if the kids are reasonably well behaved. It's just too many people for a nuclear family. If you want to do this, expect people to be aggravated with you a lot. You've done an annoying, selfish thing.

This is nuts. You are a crazy selfish person if you can’t handle navigating around a large family when out in public. That’s a burden to you?

Selfish is the person who produced so many kids that they will consume the same resources as 5 other families. The planet can’t sustain every family having that many kids so what gives OP the right to take more resources than their fair share?

Using that logic, no one should have any kids.
And how do you get using the same resources as 5 other families? Are you only allowing 1 child per family?

Not having any kids is far more honorable and much less selfish than having 7. Who said anything about “allowing”? Are people not able to do the right thing without being forced to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only time I'm staring down large families is when their kids are out of control in public. Do what you want but when you have way more kids than the norm you need methods of keeping things under control in public. To be fair though I feel that way regardless of the number of children a family has. It's just been my experience, particularly with seemingly homeschooling families, that parents have large numbers of kids and bring them in public and expect that other people are going to help parent them and/or put up with their "gentle" permissive/lazy parenting.

I actually see the opposite. Most large families seem to have things better under control than most.

Yeah, like when a Duggar kid molested his sister, and they controlled it with a stern talking to by a friend of the family.

+ 1000000000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only time I'm staring down large families is when their kids are out of control in public. Do what you want but when you have way more kids than the norm you need methods of keeping things under control in public. To be fair though I feel that way regardless of the number of children a family has. It's just been my experience, particularly with seemingly homeschooling families, that parents have large numbers of kids and bring them in public and expect that other people are going to help parent them and/or put up with their "gentle" permissive/lazy parenting.

I actually see the opposite. Most large families seem to have things better under control than most.

Yeah, like when a Duggar kid molested his sister, and they controlled it with a stern talking to by a friend of the family.

The duggars are reality and not any more representative of large families than the Real Housewives are at portraying me as a housewife.

No the Duggars affect every family in the state of Arkansas

The Duggars are the epitome of Projdct 2025 and the cult of stupids who worry about trans and indoctrination when in fact theses large garbage way more child abuse like churches do.