Judgement and stares in public with a big family - a vent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow - who'd of thought there'd be so much vitriol? I wouldn't do it (the 3 we have just about did me in physically in the younger years and emotionally during the teenage years), but I don't care what other families do. I can't imagine paying for 7 sets of braces, 7 sets of summer camp, 7 sets of college education, etc., but good for you!

It is unusual, which is why people stare

Seven kids will get them lots of financial aid for college. Parents aren’t paying. Seven kids are probably on Medicaid, so parents aren’t paying for that either. And if Medicaid doesn’t cover for braces, the kids will have crooked teeth until they are old enough to get them fixed ad an adult. With seven kids, there’s no need for summer camp. They are the camp.

As someone who raised 6 kids on two blue-collar parent wages-NOT TRUE! Not even remotely close.

Don't get me started on the financial aid thing. It's like a myth, like a narwhal or bigfoot.

We were nowhere near the threshold for Medicaid. Again, this is two modest incomes. I guess if I had quit, we might have qualified, but then we couldn't eat or live anywhere so...anyhow, we had/have FEP BCBS, which we pay for and all the copays and coinsurance.

Here's the way to do braces-dental school! One kid needed minor course of braces, but one needed extensive work. The cost was about half of a regular ortho, and they did interest-free payment plans.

No sleepaway camps-we didn't want that anyways, and preferred to go camping as a family. The city we lived in had day camps for a reasonable cost so they did theater camps, ect.

Anyhow, now that most of them are adults, I am SO GLAD they are all here and we've had a great life!

Narwhals are real.

They're not exactly falling into people's laps. Neither is financial aid for big families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow - who'd of thought there'd be so much vitriol? I wouldn't do it (the 3 we have just about did me in physically in the younger years and emotionally during the teenage years), but I don't care what other families do. I can't imagine paying for 7 sets of braces, 7 sets of summer camp, 7 sets of college education, etc., but good for you!

It is unusual, which is why people stare

Seven kids will get them lots of financial aid for college. Parents aren’t paying. Seven kids are probably on Medicaid, so parents aren’t paying for that either. And if Medicaid doesn’t cover for braces, the kids will have crooked teeth until they are old enough to get them fixed ad an adult. With seven kids, there’s no need for summer camp. They are the camp.

My college roommate was one of 7 kids. Her dad was an orthodontist.
Paying an extra $30k/yr for these things doesn’t take you from being UMC to being on Medicaid.


The oldest three had athletic scholarships for college (that was how I knew her…we were teammates). The third oldest swam at the Olympics.
Number 4 went to a state school that was known for a subject she was interested in. Number 5 had some special needs and went to Wittenberg. I don’t know about the twins. I had lost touch with her by the time they were in college.
The financial aid form asks how many kids you have in college, but not how many younger siblings you have at home.

Their dad was an orthodontist, so braces weren’t an issue.

Their mom was a SAHM, so they didn’t do summer camp other than ones associated with their athletics.

[Anonymous]

I'm a mom of 5. The 4th time around, I just happened to have twins, which is usually the reason for most of the comments I get. I also understand that big families are not something you usually see in the DMV area.

We are both fed employees and somehow managing to make it work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only time I'm staring down large families is when their kids are out of control in public. Do what you want but when you have way more kids than the norm you need methods of keeping things under control in public. To be fair though I feel that way regardless of the number of children a family has. It's just been my experience, particularly with seemingly homeschooling families, that parents have large numbers of kids and bring them in public and expect that other people are going to help parent them and/or put up with their "gentle" permissive/lazy parenting.

I actually see the opposite. Most large families seem to have things better under control than most.

Yeah, like when a Duggar kid molested his sister, and they controlled it with a stern talking to by a friend of the family.

The duggars are reality and not any more representative of large families than the Real Housewives are at portraying me as a housewife.

No the Duggars affect every family in the state of Arkansas

The Duggars are the epitome of Projdct 2025 and the cult of stupids who worry about trans and indoctrination when in fact theses large garbage way more child abuse like churches do.

That has nothing to do with whether they are representative of large families. They’re not. I have 6 and we’re not religious at all. We vote liberal.
Go start a thread about why you don’t like the Duggars. I don’t either but to somehow go from Op having 7 is exactly like the Duggars is some mental gymnastics.

DP but I’d venture to say that the majority of American families with over 4 kids are religious. Not all, but the majority. So no, pointing out the Duggars isn’t some huge leap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 7 babies. 4 DD’s ages 4,9,12,17 and 3 DS’s ages 7,13 & 15 and one thing that really bothers me is comments in public when we’re all out about how many kids we have, about how we do it, why we had that many, etc. We’ve gotten a lot of rude comments and looks. It’s summer now so we get more. I know it’s expected and most people are curious and don’t mean any harm but it’s really annoying and feels invasive. We’re just a typical UMC family, not rich or anything, and have just had a bit more kids than most others.

I’m staring with mildly horrified fascination and thanking my lucky stars I’m not you.

Seriously. How do you keep everyone fed? Someone must be hungry, not everyone can get as much as they need with 9 people to feed at every meal. Is the dishwasher going constantly? The laundry? How do you make it to the kid’s back to school nights? How do they get to sports/activity practice?

What?
I have four kids and my in-laws live with us. All eight of us have enough to eat at every meal. Usually I make a side in the crockpot, we have bread, and my 11 year old son makes a salad. Then I cook some kind of meat in the oven or on the grill.

I do three loads of laundry a day. Kids and my in-laws fold their own mostly, but they don’t wash it. It’s too much to schedule it.
We have two dishwashers that we run every day.

Everyone gets to their stuff. My daughters do dance, which is pretty intense, but we do it.

My husband and I are both doctors. I have a small outpatient clinic with a friend from residency. I work about 20 hours/wk.

You have four adults living in your house and two dishwashers in your kitchen and you can’t imagine why people think this set up requires a lot outside the norm? I guess critical thinking wasn’t required in med school.

Pp here. I’m not the OP. I don’t have seven kids…

Sigh. I know you’re not the OP. You were shocked at the PP who asked how OP kept them all fed, clean, and driven around. Your response was “really?” we manage it just fine…with four adults in the house and two dishwashers. 🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow - who'd of thought there'd be so much vitriol? I wouldn't do it (the 3 we have just about did me in physically in the younger years and emotionally during the teenage years), but I don't care what other families do. I can't imagine paying for 7 sets of braces, 7 sets of summer camp, 7 sets of college education, etc., but good for you!

It is unusual, which is why people stare

Seven kids will get them lots of financial aid for college. Parents aren’t paying. Seven kids are probably on Medicaid, so parents aren’t paying for that either. And if Medicaid doesn’t cover for braces, the kids will have crooked teeth until they are old enough to get them fixed ad an adult. With seven kids, there’s no need for summer camp. They are the camp.

As someone who raised 6 kids on two blue-collar parent wages-NOT TRUE! Not even remotely close.

Don't get me started on the financial aid thing. It's like a myth, like a narwhal or bigfoot.

We were nowhere near the threshold for Medicaid. Again, this is two modest incomes. I guess if I had quit, we might have qualified, but then we couldn't eat or live anywhere so...anyhow, we had/have FEP BCBS, which we pay for and all the copays and coinsurance.

Here's the way to do braces-dental school! One kid needed minor course of braces, but one needed extensive work. The cost was about half of a regular ortho, and they did interest-free payment plans.

No sleepaway camps-we didn't want that anyways, and preferred to go camping as a family. The city we lived in had day camps for a reasonable cost so they did theater camps, ect.

Anyhow, now that most of them are adults, I am SO GLAD they are all here and we've had a great life!

Narwhals are real.

You win the internet today. This made me spit out my water.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow - who'd of thought there'd be so much vitriol? I wouldn't do it (the 3 we have just about did me in physically in the younger years and emotionally during the teenage years), but I don't care what other families do. I can't imagine paying for 7 sets of braces, 7 sets of summer camp, 7 sets of college education, etc., but good for you!

It is unusual, which is why people stare

Seven kids will get them lots of financial aid for college. Parents aren’t paying. Seven kids are probably on Medicaid, so parents aren’t paying for that either. And if Medicaid doesn’t cover for braces, the kids will have crooked teeth until they are old enough to get them fixed ad an adult. With seven kids, there’s no need for summer camp. They are the camp.

As someone who raised 6 kids on two blue-collar parent wages-NOT TRUE! Not even remotely close.

Don't get me started on the financial aid thing. It's like a myth, like a narwhal or bigfoot.

We were nowhere near the threshold for Medicaid. Again, this is two modest incomes. I guess if I had quit, we might have qualified, but then we couldn't eat or live anywhere so...anyhow, we had/have FEP BCBS, which we pay for and all the copays and coinsurance.

Here's the way to do braces-dental school! One kid needed minor course of braces, but one needed extensive work. The cost was about half of a regular ortho, and they did interest-free payment plans.

No sleepaway camps-we didn't want that anyways, and preferred to go camping as a family. The city we lived in had day camps for a reasonable cost so they did theater camps, ect.

Anyhow, now that most of them are adults, I am SO GLAD they are all here and we've had a great life!

Narwhals are real.

You win the internet today. This made me spit out my water.

You know what is even more funny- Financial aid-real or mythical?

[Anonymous]

Of course people are going to look at you, you are an unusual sight.

[Anonymous]

It's just that I think you, presumably the mother, are wholly insane. Like to the point you belong in a mental hospital.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's just that I think you, presumably the mother, are wholly insane. Like to the point you belong in a mental hospital.

So, how do you feel about the father?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only time I'm staring down large families is when their kids are out of control in public. Do what you want but when you have way more kids than the norm you need methods of keeping things under control in public. To be fair though I feel that way regardless of the number of children a family has. It's just been my experience, particularly with seemingly homeschooling families, that parents have large numbers of kids and bring them in public and expect that other people are going to help parent them and/or put up with their "gentle" permissive/lazy parenting.

I actually see the opposite. Most large families seem to have things better under control than most.

Yeah, like when a Duggar kid molested his sister, and they controlled it with a stern talking to by a friend of the family.

The duggars are reality and not any more representative of large families than the Real Housewives are at portraying me as a housewife.

No the Duggars affect every family in the state of Arkansas

The Duggars are the epitome of Projdct 2025 and the cult of stupids who worry about trans and indoctrination when in fact theses large garbage way more child abuse like churches do.

That has nothing to do with whether they are representative of large families. They’re not. I have 6 and we’re not religious at all. We vote liberal.
Go start a thread about why you don’t like the Duggars. I don’t either but to somehow go from Op having 7 is exactly like the Duggars is some mental gymnastics.

DP but I’d venture to say that the majority of American families with over 4 kids are religious. Not all, but the majority. So no, pointing out the Duggars isn’t some huge leap.

The Duggars are members of a cult. They also have 20 children. That is an enormous leap from a family with 6 or 7 kids who are part of a mainstream denomination.

We are a blended family with 6 kids, some of whom are here all the time, and some part time. We attend a church from a mainstream denomination. So far the only things I can relate to are that my teenager sons do their own laundry, and one of our vehicles fits all 8 of us

We have way more in common with my neighbors with 2 kids, than we do with the Duggars.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only time I'm staring down large families is when their kids are out of control in public. Do what you want but when you have way more kids than the norm you need methods of keeping things under control in public. To be fair though I feel that way regardless of the number of children a family has. It's just been my experience, particularly with seemingly homeschooling families, that parents have large numbers of kids and bring them in public and expect that other people are going to help parent them and/or put up with their "gentle" permissive/lazy parenting.

I actually see the opposite. Most large families seem to have things better under control than most.

Yeah, like when a Duggar kid molested his sister, and they controlled it with a stern talking to by a friend of the family.

The duggars are reality and not any more representative of large families than the Real Housewives are at portraying me as a housewife.

No the Duggars affect every family in the state of Arkansas

The Duggars are the epitome of Projdct 2025 and the cult of stupids who worry about trans and indoctrination when in fact theses large garbage way more child abuse like churches do.

That has nothing to do with whether they are representative of large families. They’re not. I have 6 and we’re not religious at all. We vote liberal.
Go start a thread about why you don’t like the Duggars. I don’t either but to somehow go from Op having 7 is exactly like the Duggars is some mental gymnastics.

DP but I’d venture to say that the majority of American families with over 4 kids are religious. Not all, but the majority. So no, pointing out the Duggars isn’t some huge leap.

The Duggars aren’t the norm. They are on TV because they are so far out of the norm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only time I'm staring down large families is when their kids are out of control in public. Do what you want but when you have way more kids than the norm you need methods of keeping things under control in public. To be fair though I feel that way regardless of the number of children a family has. It's just been my experience, particularly with seemingly homeschooling families, that parents have large numbers of kids and bring them in public and expect that other people are going to help parent them and/or put up with their "gentle" permissive/lazy parenting.

I actually see the opposite. Most large families seem to have things better under control than most.

Yeah, like when a Duggar kid molested his sister, and they controlled it with a stern talking to by a friend of the family.

The duggars are reality and not any more representative of large families than the Real Housewives are at portraying me as a housewife.

No the Duggars affect every family in the state of Arkansas

The Duggars are the epitome of Projdct 2025 and the cult of stupids who worry about trans and indoctrination when in fact theses large garbage way more child abuse like churches do.

That has nothing to do with whether they are representative of large families. They’re not. I have 6 and we’re not religious at all. We vote liberal.
Go start a thread about why you don’t like the Duggars. I don’t either but to somehow go from Op having 7 is exactly like the Duggars is some mental gymnastics.

DP but I’d venture to say that the majority of American families with over 4 kids are religious. Not all, but the majority. So no, pointing out the Duggars isn’t some huge leap.

The Duggars are members of a cult. They also have 20 children. That is an enormous leap from a family with 6 or 7 kids who are part of a mainstream denomination.

We are a blended family with 6 kids, some of whom are here all the time, and some part time. We attend a church from a mainstream denomination. So far the only things I can relate to are that my teenager sons do their own laundry, and one of our vehicles fits all 8 of us

We have way more in common with my neighbors with 2 kids, than we do with the Duggars.

+1

[Anonymous]

If I saw a family with 7 kids I'd stare. Like I'd stare at a chick with G cups. No judgement or anything, it's just a spectacle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only time I'm staring down large families is when their kids are out of control in public. Do what you want but when you have way more kids than the norm you need methods of keeping things under control in public. To be fair though I feel that way regardless of the number of children a family has. It's just been my experience, particularly with seemingly homeschooling families, that parents have large numbers of kids and bring them in public and expect that other people are going to help parent them and/or put up with their "gentle" permissive/lazy parenting.

I actually see the opposite. Most large families seem to have things better under control than most.

Yeah, like when a Duggar kid molested his sister, and they controlled it with a stern talking to by a friend of the family.

The duggars are reality and not any more representative of large families than the Real Housewives are at portraying me as a housewife.

No the Duggars affect every family in the state of Arkansas

The Duggars are the epitome of Projdct 2025 and the cult of stupids who worry about trans and indoctrination when in fact theses large garbage way more child abuse like churches do.

That has nothing to do with whether they are representative of large families. They’re not. I have 6 and we’re not religious at all. We vote liberal.
Go start a thread about why you don’t like the Duggars. I don’t either but to somehow go from Op having 7 is exactly like the Duggars is some mental gymnastics.

DP but I’d venture to say that the majority of American families with over 4 kids are religious. Not all, but the majority. So no, pointing out the Duggars isn’t some huge leap.

The Duggars are members of a cult. They also have 20 children. That is an enormous leap from a family with 6 or 7 kids who are part of a mainstream denomination.

We are a blended family with 6 kids, some of whom are here all the time, and some part time. We attend a church from a mainstream denomination. So far the only things I can relate to are that my teenager sons do their own laundry, and one of our vehicles fits all 8 of us

We have way more in common with my neighbors with 2 kids, than we do with the Duggars.

No it is not an enormous leap.

99 percent of families with kids more than four are uber religious
Having a ton of kids is selfish and bad parenting

Your comparison of a blended family is not apples to apples

No you don’t have much in common with a family of two kids

My kids always did their own laundry so what?

Large families rely on the orders to do more work and baby sit . Emotional needs can not be met . Abuse is more common .