Does anyone actually care where someone, other than their child, goes to college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I don’t care at all. Education is education,"

I've been to both an elite school and a state university, and this is not true. You absolutely will get a better education at some schools than others. Better professors and better peers.

(stupid quotes, grrrr)

I actually think the opposite. I feel like night school might have the best "peers" because you will have people who worked, have life experiences, were in the military.

"Elite" universities will have a bunch of douchbags, mama's boys, sheltered girls, people who will find loopholes in the market to crash the economy, rapists, rich kids, etc.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If someone's going to an Ivy, I'm impressed.
If someone's going to my alma mater, I'm interested.
If someone's going to Liberty, I'm side-eying them.

Otherwise, I don't care.
I do some hiring in my job and look at a fair number of resumes. Most of the time I have no clue what the college's reputation is. I have no idea if, for example, Auburn is a better school than Bucknell, and TBH it really doesn't matter to me.

same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone else’s kid gets into HYPS and yours is at JMU (or maybe even UVA) then you know on some level you’re going to feel salty about it.

I wouldn't. We didn't do the HYSP prep that some others did. One spent years on getting the right awards for her kid. The kid was a legacy, etc.

My kids would not put up with being crafted or molded into a HYSP contender, so I don't feel a bit bad they didn't go there. I couldn't afford it anyway.

My kid wouldn't put up with "being molded" either. We chose to let them pick their own path in HS---that included taking 8APs, but no APUSH or APEnglish--AP Psych was the only Non-STem course (and no AP FL as it conflicted with WindEnsemble). Also let kid do their "outside of school advanced sport for 15-20+hours/week". Didn't make them try for tons of extra clubs/activities, as I prefer they get some sleep and actually have some time to socialize in HS.

Worked out fine. Kid got Deferred/Rejected from T10, WL at T30, 1st year abroad at T55, accepted at two in the T30-50 and attending the T30-40 school. They love it and are excelling. They are happier there than if they'd gotten into their ED (T10) (IMO---as they like to do well but are not a striver, striver, striver, 200% of the time---I attended that T10 and I think they definately ended up where they should be--it's really the best fit for them).

Wtf? I didn’t mold my kid or design its life and he got into an Ivy unhooked. They did what they wanted (played a sport, joined 1 club they liked), plenty of free time and frankly if you asked sophomore year of HS- kid had idea of any colleges they would apply to. They were getting good grades but not at all thinking of college yet, didn’t even decide to apply to an Ivy until December of Senior year. It’s a fallacy all these kids are scripted or molded. Frankly, the ones I knew gunning for that with tiger parents did not get in to any Ivies. Having a great time in college, not stressed one bit.

+1 another unhooked kid at ivy, unmolded, picked their own activities, aced all the classes/perfect score on almost all testing, piled on EC hours because they loved it, did not suffer in high school. He did not ED just waited for RD to have options open.
For the true brightest, they can do it all and still sleep in high school. When you have a kid like this it makes sense why they get into multiple T10s and others do not. They are a different level. College has been intense and challenging since he picked engineering yet rewarding to be around so many similar kids.

The fact you and PP are both on this specific sub-forum and using college admissions buzzwords teases out you're both full of sh*t.

Wrong. I am a third poster with a kid who let me know early to stay out of their way, and I did. Working hard came easy and they excelled at anything they decided to put time and attention to. They were accepted at all the most selective schools. Yes, I feel lucky but also know how wrong it is for a stirver parent to try and copy my kids trajectory bc it will not result in the same outcome. Your child will be deeply hurt by trying to be anything other than who they are. Not all kids should be at a top school, and you can't force it or make it happen if they just are not "that kid."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Absolutely love gossip.

Now, that's a real Mom posting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone else’s kid gets into HYPS and yours is at JMU (or maybe even UVA) then you know on some level you’re going to feel salty about it.

I wouldn't. We didn't do the HYSP prep that some others did. One spent years on getting the right awards for her kid. The kid was a legacy, etc.

My kids would not put up with being crafted or molded into a HYSP contender, so I don't feel a bit bad they didn't go there. I couldn't afford it anyway.

My kid wouldn't put up with "being molded" either. We chose to let them pick their own path in HS---that included taking 8APs, but no APUSH or APEnglish--AP Psych was the only Non-STem course (and no AP FL as it conflicted with WindEnsemble). Also let kid do their "outside of school advanced sport for 15-20+hours/week". Didn't make them try for tons of extra clubs/activities, as I prefer they get some sleep and actually have some time to socialize in HS.

Worked out fine. Kid got Deferred/Rejected from T10, WL at T30, 1st year abroad at T55, accepted at two in the T30-50 and attending the T30-40 school. They love it and are excelling. They are happier there than if they'd gotten into their ED (T10) (IMO---as they like to do well but are not a striver, striver, striver, 200% of the time---I attended that T10 and I think they definately ended up where they should be--it's really the best fit for them).

Wtf? I didn’t mold my kid or design its life and he got into an Ivy unhooked. They did what they wanted (played a sport, joined 1 club they liked), plenty of free time and frankly if you asked sophomore year of HS- kid had idea of any colleges they would apply to. They were getting good grades but not at all thinking of college yet, didn’t even decide to apply to an Ivy until December of Senior year. It’s a fallacy all these kids are scripted or molded. Frankly, the ones I knew gunning for that with tiger parents did not get in to any Ivies. Having a great time in college, not stressed one bit.

+1 another unhooked kid at ivy, unmolded, picked their own activities, aced all the classes/perfect score on almost all testing, piled on EC hours because they loved it, did not suffer in high school. He did not ED just waited for RD to have options open.
For the true brightest, they can do it all and still sleep in high school. When you have a kid like this it makes sense why they get into multiple T10s and others do not. They are a different level. College has been intense and challenging since he picked engineering yet rewarding to be around so many similar kids.

The fact you and PP are both on this specific sub-forum and using college admissions buzzwords teases out you're both full of sh*t.

Wrong. I am a third poster with a kid who let me know early to stay out of their way, and I did. Working hard came easy and they excelled at anything they decided to put time and attention to. They were accepted at all the most selective schools. Yes, I feel lucky but also know how wrong it is for a stirver parent to try and copy my kids trajectory bc it will not result in the same outcome. Your child will be deeply hurt by trying to be anything other than who they are. Not all kids should be at a top school, and you can't force it or make it happen if they just are not "that kid."

THIS!! Some sanity finally. These schools are not for everyone! The ones that struggle the most with imposter syndrome are the ones who were pushed and prodded by tigermoms and ended up in a place out of their league. It is sad. We hear tales from both of ours about kids who should not be there. Some are athletes or hooked but some just got lucky and got in TO or whatever. The majority who succeed at T15/ivy are independent driven creative people who thrive on competition. TO has caused more mental health problems by opening doors that should have been closed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone else’s kid gets into HYPS and yours is at JMU (or maybe even UVA) then you know on some level you’re going to feel salty about it.

I wouldn't. We didn't do the HYSP prep that some others did. One spent years on getting the right awards for her kid. The kid was a legacy, etc.

My kids would not put up with being crafted or molded into a HYSP contender, so I don't feel a bit bad they didn't go there. I couldn't afford it anyway.

My kid wouldn't put up with "being molded" either. We chose to let them pick their own path in HS---that included taking 8APs, but no APUSH or APEnglish--AP Psych was the only Non-STem course (and no AP FL as it conflicted with WindEnsemble). Also let kid do their "outside of school advanced sport for 15-20+hours/week". Didn't make them try for tons of extra clubs/activities, as I prefer they get some sleep and actually have some time to socialize in HS.

Worked out fine. Kid got Deferred/Rejected from T10, WL at T30, 1st year abroad at T55, accepted at two in the T30-50 and attending the T30-40 school. They love it and are excelling. They are happier there than if they'd gotten into their ED (T10) (IMO---as they like to do well but are not a striver, striver, striver, 200% of the time---I attended that T10 and I think they definately ended up where they should be--it's really the best fit for them).

Wtf? I didn’t mold my kid or design its life and he got into an Ivy unhooked. They did what they wanted (played a sport, joined 1 club they liked), plenty of free time and frankly if you asked sophomore year of HS- kid had idea of any colleges they would apply to. They were getting good grades but not at all thinking of college yet, didn’t even decide to apply to an Ivy until December of Senior year. It’s a fallacy all these kids are scripted or molded. Frankly, the ones I knew gunning for that with tiger parents did not get in to any Ivies. Having a great time in college, not stressed one bit.

+1 another unhooked kid at ivy, unmolded, picked their own activities, aced all the classes/perfect score on almost all testing, piled on EC hours because they loved it, did not suffer in high school. He did not ED just waited for RD to have options open.
For the true brightest, they can do it all and still sleep in high school. When you have a kid like this it makes sense why they get into multiple T10s and others do not. They are a different level. College has been intense and challenging since he picked engineering yet rewarding to be around so many similar kids.

The fact you and PP are both on this specific sub-forum and using college admissions buzzwords teases out you're both full of sh*t.

Wrong. I am a third poster with a kid who let me know early to stay out of their way, and I did. Working hard came easy and they excelled at anything they decided to put time and attention to. They were accepted at all the most selective schools. Yes, I feel lucky but also know how wrong it is for a stirver parent to try and copy my kids trajectory bc it will not result in the same outcome. Your child will be deeply hurt by trying to be anything other than who they are. Not all kids should be at a top school, and you can't force it or make it happen if they just are not "that kid."

THIS!! Some sanity finally. These schools are not for everyone! The ones that struggle the most with imposter syndrome are the ones who were pushed and prodded by tigermoms and ended up in a place out of their league. It is sad. We hear tales from both of ours about kids who should not be there. Some are athletes or hooked but some just got lucky and got in TO or whatever. The majority who succeed at T15/ivy are independent driven creative people who thrive on competition. TO has caused more mental health problems by opening doors that should have been closed

I agree the schools are not for everyone, none are, better to thrive and not survive for any student at any level of selectivity. My unhooked and unmolded got into ivies and top schools, by no means all like someone else mentioned. They attended a top high school and were top of class, naturally very mature and intelligent. Perfect test score with no prep, great study skills and easily managed top rigor load. They are doing well at a so-called inflation school but it’s not a cakewalk, and I genuinely wonder sometimes how others fare that come in less prepared whether if be academically, executive function, study skills, socially, maturity etc., especially in tough majors. My kid mentions how they were the go-getter in high school that things came easily to and now that’s pretty much everyone in class. You don’t stick out as a standout anymore in that crowd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of people do in my east Asian circles, because it affects marriage prospects and socialization. A "lowly" college status can be erased if the kid has a successful career, but in the moment, before you know what kids make of their college experience, yes it matters to some people.

Sad, isn't it?

Which schools are considered lowly? Which aren't?

DP

This is only kinda sorta true.

Anything below VT is probably considered low.

What ab penn state

PP

I think that's a bit low, especially for a boy.
His first job is going to matter.
A pretty girl from a good family can get away with VCU fine arts

NP: I think it is important for people to recognize that tons of people posting on here and giving "advice" about colleges, especially the obsessive ranking comparisons, come from this mindset, and so should be completely ignored by sane people who are not using in-community perceived college prestige as a marriage criteria.

If actual education and the experience of the college years is what matters to you, not to mention mental health, ranking should be utterly ignored.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone else’s kid gets into HYPS and yours is at JMU (or maybe even UVA) then you know on some level you’re going to feel salty about it.

I wouldn't. We didn't do the HYSP prep that some others did. One spent years on getting the right awards for her kid. The kid was a legacy, etc.

My kids would not put up with being crafted or molded into a HYSP contender, so I don't feel a bit bad they didn't go there. I couldn't afford it anyway.

My kid wouldn't put up with "being molded" either. We chose to let them pick their own path in HS---that included taking 8APs, but no APUSH or APEnglish--AP Psych was the only Non-STem course (and no AP FL as it conflicted with WindEnsemble). Also let kid do their "outside of school advanced sport for 15-20+hours/week". Didn't make them try for tons of extra clubs/activities, as I prefer they get some sleep and actually have some time to socialize in HS.

Worked out fine. Kid got Deferred/Rejected from T10, WL at T30, 1st year abroad at T55, accepted at two in the T30-50 and attending the T30-40 school. They love it and are excelling. They are happier there than if they'd gotten into their ED (T10) (IMO---as they like to do well but are not a striver, striver, striver, 200% of the time---I attended that T10 and I think they definately ended up where they should be--it's really the best fit for them).

Wtf? I didn’t mold my kid or design its life and he got into an Ivy unhooked. They did what they wanted (played a sport, joined 1 club they liked), plenty of free time and frankly if you asked sophomore year of HS- kid had idea of any colleges they would apply to. They were getting good grades but not at all thinking of college yet, didn’t even decide to apply to an Ivy until December of Senior year. It’s a fallacy all these kids are scripted or molded. Frankly, the ones I knew gunning for that with tiger parents did not get in to any Ivies. Having a great time in college, not stressed one bit.

+1 another unhooked kid at ivy, unmolded, picked their own activities, aced all the classes/perfect score on almost all testing, piled on EC hours because they loved it, did not suffer in high school. He did not ED just waited for RD to have options open.
For the true brightest, they can do it all and still sleep in high school. When you have a kid like this it makes sense why they get into multiple T10s and others do not. They are a different level. College has been intense and challenging since he picked engineering yet rewarding to be around so many similar kids.

The fact you and PP are both on this specific sub-forum and using college admissions buzzwords teases out you're both full of sh*t.

Wrong. I am a third poster with a kid who let me know early to stay out of their way, and I did. Working hard came easy and they excelled at anything they decided to put time and attention to. They were accepted at all the most selective schools. Yes, I feel lucky but also know how wrong it is for a stirver parent to try and copy my kids trajectory bc it will not result in the same outcome. Your child will be deeply hurt by trying to be anything other than who they are. Not all kids should be at a top school, and you can't force it or make it happen if they just are not "that kid."

THIS!! Some sanity finally. These schools are not for everyone! The ones that struggle the most with imposter syndrome are the ones who were pushed and prodded by tigermoms and ended up in a place out of their league. It is sad. We hear tales from both of ours about kids who should not be there. Some are athletes or hooked but some just got lucky and got in TO or whatever. The majority who succeed at T15/ivy are independent driven creative people who thrive on competition. TO has caused more mental health problems by opening doors that should have been closed

You have zero backing for this statement, sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of people do in my east Asian circles, because it affects marriage prospects and socialization. A "lowly" college status can be erased if the kid has a successful career, but in the moment, before you know what kids make of their college experience, yes it matters to some people.

Sad, isn't it?

Which schools are considered lowly? Which aren't?

DP

This is only kinda sorta true.

Anything below VT is probably considered low.

What ab penn state

PP

I think that's a bit low, especially for a boy.
His first job is going to matter.
A pretty girl from a good family can get away with VCU fine arts

NP: I think it is important for people to recognize that tons of people posting on here and giving "advice" about colleges, especially the obsessive ranking comparisons, come from this mindset, and so should be completely ignored by sane people who are not using in-community perceived college prestige as a marriage criteria.

If actual education and the experience of the college years is what matters to you, not to mention mental health, ranking should be utterly ignored.

You are full of it. You will absolutely ask where they went to school and develop your impression of your children's gf/bf based at least in part on this.

If your harvard daughter brings home a northeastern psych major, you are going to be polite but not happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone else’s kid gets into HYPS and yours is at JMU (or maybe even UVA) then you know on some level you’re going to feel salty about it.

I wouldn't. We didn't do the HYSP prep that some others did. One spent years on getting the right awards for her kid. The kid was a legacy, etc.

My kids would not put up with being crafted or molded into a HYSP contender, so I don't feel a bit bad they didn't go there. I couldn't afford it anyway.

My kid wouldn't put up with "being molded" either. We chose to let them pick their own path in HS---that included taking 8APs, but no APUSH or APEnglish--AP Psych was the only Non-STem course (and no AP FL as it conflicted with WindEnsemble). Also let kid do their "outside of school advanced sport for 15-20+hours/week". Didn't make them try for tons of extra clubs/activities, as I prefer they get some sleep and actually have some time to socialize in HS.

Worked out fine. Kid got Deferred/Rejected from T10, WL at T30, 1st year abroad at T55, accepted at two in the T30-50 and attending the T30-40 school. They love it and are excelling. They are happier there than if they'd gotten into their ED (T10) (IMO---as they like to do well but are not a striver, striver, striver, 200% of the time---I attended that T10 and I think they definately ended up where they should be--it's really the best fit for them).

Wtf? I didn’t mold my kid or design its life and he got into an Ivy unhooked. They did what they wanted (played a sport, joined 1 club they liked), plenty of free time and frankly if you asked sophomore year of HS- kid had idea of any colleges they would apply to. They were getting good grades but not at all thinking of college yet, didn’t even decide to apply to an Ivy until December of Senior year. It’s a fallacy all these kids are scripted or molded. Frankly, the ones I knew gunning for that with tiger parents did not get in to any Ivies. Having a great time in college, not stressed one bit.

+1 another unhooked kid at ivy, unmolded, picked their own activities, aced all the classes/perfect score on almost all testing, piled on EC hours because they loved it, did not suffer in high school. He did not ED just waited for RD to have options open.
For the true brightest, they can do it all and still sleep in high school. When you have a kid like this it makes sense why they get into multiple T10s and others do not. They are a different level. College has been intense and challenging since he picked engineering yet rewarding to be around so many similar kids.

The fact you and PP are both on this specific sub-forum and using college admissions buzzwords teases out you're both full of sh*t.

Wrong. I am a third poster with a kid who let me know early to stay out of their way, and I did. Working hard came easy and they excelled at anything they decided to put time and attention to. They were accepted at all the most selective schools. Yes, I feel lucky but also know how wrong it is for a stirver parent to try and copy my kids trajectory bc it will not result in the same outcome. Your child will be deeply hurt by trying to be anything other than who they are. Not all kids should be at a top school, and you can't force it or make it happen if they just are not "that kid."

THIS!! Some sanity finally. These schools are not for everyone! The ones that struggle the most with imposter syndrome are the ones who were pushed and prodded by tigermoms and ended up in a place out of their league. It is sad. We hear tales from both of ours about kids who should not be there. Some are athletes or hooked but some just got lucky and got in TO or whatever. The majority who succeed at T15/ivy are independent driven creative people who thrive on competition. TO has caused more mental health problems by opening doors that should have been closed

NP. I agree the majority who succeed at a T15 or Ivy are independent, driven, and competitive. But they are the exact opposite of creative. True creativity is smothered in that group, and they typically had none to start with anyhow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone else’s kid gets into HYPS and yours is at JMU (or maybe even UVA) then you know on some level you’re going to feel salty about it.

I wouldn't. We didn't do the HYSP prep that some others did. One spent years on getting the right awards for her kid. The kid was a legacy, etc.

My kids would not put up with being crafted or molded into a HYSP contender, so I don't feel a bit bad they didn't go there. I couldn't afford it anyway.

My kid wouldn't put up with "being molded" either. We chose to let them pick their own path in HS---that included taking 8APs, but no APUSH or APEnglish--AP Psych was the only Non-STem course (and no AP FL as it conflicted with WindEnsemble). Also let kid do their "outside of school advanced sport for 15-20+hours/week". Didn't make them try for tons of extra clubs/activities, as I prefer they get some sleep and actually have some time to socialize in HS.

Worked out fine. Kid got Deferred/Rejected from T10, WL at T30, 1st year abroad at T55, accepted at two in the T30-50 and attending the T30-40 school. They love it and are excelling. They are happier there than if they'd gotten into their ED (T10) (IMO---as they like to do well but are not a striver, striver, striver, 200% of the time---I attended that T10 and I think they definately ended up where they should be--it's really the best fit for them).

Wtf? I didn’t mold my kid or design its life and he got into an Ivy unhooked. They did what they wanted (played a sport, joined 1 club they liked), plenty of free time and frankly if you asked sophomore year of HS- kid had idea of any colleges they would apply to. They were getting good grades but not at all thinking of college yet, didn’t even decide to apply to an Ivy until December of Senior year. It’s a fallacy all these kids are scripted or molded. Frankly, the ones I knew gunning for that with tiger parents did not get in to any Ivies. Having a great time in college, not stressed one bit.

+1 another unhooked kid at ivy, unmolded, picked their own activities, aced all the classes/perfect score on almost all testing, piled on EC hours because they loved it, did not suffer in high school. He did not ED just waited for RD to have options open.
For the true brightest, they can do it all and still sleep in high school. When you have a kid like this it makes sense why they get into multiple T10s and others do not. They are a different level. College has been intense and challenging since he picked engineering yet rewarding to be around so many similar kids.

The fact you and PP are both on this specific sub-forum and using college admissions buzzwords teases out you're both full of sh*t.

Wrong. I am a third poster with a kid who let me know early to stay out of their way, and I did. Working hard came easy and they excelled at anything they decided to put time and attention to. They were accepted at all the most selective schools. Yes, I feel lucky but also know how wrong it is for a stirver parent to try and copy my kids trajectory bc it will not result in the same outcome. Your child will be deeply hurt by trying to be anything other than who they are. Not all kids should be at a top school, and you can't force it or make it happen if they just are not "that kid."

THIS!! Some sanity finally. These schools are not for everyone! The ones that struggle the most with imposter syndrome are the ones who were pushed and prodded by tigermoms and ended up in a place out of their league. It is sad. We hear tales from both of ours about kids who should not be there. Some are athletes or hooked but some just got lucky and got in TO or whatever. The majority who succeed at T15/ivy are independent driven creative people who thrive on competition. TO has caused more mental health problems by opening doors that should have been closed

NP. I agree the majority who succeed at a T15 or Ivy are independent, driven, and competitive. But they are the exact opposite of creative. True creativity is smothered in that group, and they typically had none to start with anyhow.

Oh FFS so not true. One of the ivies is affiliated with the best art and design school in the country. My kid has a total creative artistic side in addition to excelling in “regular” school topics and sports. The creativity of classmates and their varied interests is wild. My kid is thriving, was never molded- but since a young age he was really mature and got humor and topics of a more advance age. I sometimes felt like the child by MS because he was so “together”.

The stereotypes “that group”…lol. Top innovators and artists and actors and tech moguls come out of “that group”.

[Anonymous]

^ people are so goddamn stem warped they are the same people parroting “no creativity” when their kids are all in the same strict math/engineering path with no ability to excel in liberal arts.

[Anonymous]

The lack of creativity is so tired and so not true. Have a very creative kid at an Ivy in a stem major, cross discipline study is encouraged and the depth in many diverse areas is celebrated. Innovation comes from these type of people that can look at problems through many different lenses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone else’s kid gets into HYPS and yours is at JMU (or maybe even UVA) then you know on some level you’re going to feel salty about it.

I wouldn't. We didn't do the HYSP prep that some others did. One spent years on getting the right awards for her kid. The kid was a legacy, etc.

My kids would not put up with being crafted or molded into a HYSP contender, so I don't feel a bit bad they didn't go there. I couldn't afford it anyway.

My kid wouldn't put up with "being molded" either. We chose to let them pick their own path in HS---that included taking 8APs, but no APUSH or APEnglish--AP Psych was the only Non-STem course (and no AP FL as it conflicted with WindEnsemble). Also let kid do their "outside of school advanced sport for 15-20+hours/week". Didn't make them try for tons of extra clubs/activities, as I prefer they get some sleep and actually have some time to socialize in HS.

Worked out fine. Kid got Deferred/Rejected from T10, WL at T30, 1st year abroad at T55, accepted at two in the T30-50 and attending the T30-40 school. They love it and are excelling. They are happier there than if they'd gotten into their ED (T10) (IMO---as they like to do well but are not a striver, striver, striver, 200% of the time---I attended that T10 and I think they definately ended up where they should be--it's really the best fit for them).

Wtf? I didn’t mold my kid or design its life and he got into an Ivy unhooked. They did what they wanted (played a sport, joined 1 club they liked), plenty of free time and frankly if you asked sophomore year of HS- kid had idea of any colleges they would apply to. They were getting good grades but not at all thinking of college yet, didn’t even decide to apply to an Ivy until December of Senior year. It’s a fallacy all these kids are scripted or molded. Frankly, the ones I knew gunning for that with tiger parents did not get in to any Ivies. Having a great time in college, not stressed one bit.

+1 another unhooked kid at ivy, unmolded, picked their own activities, aced all the classes/perfect score on almost all testing, piled on EC hours because they loved it, did not suffer in high school. He did not ED just waited for RD to have options open.
For the true brightest, they can do it all and still sleep in high school. When you have a kid like this it makes sense why they get into multiple T10s and others do not. They are a different level. College has been intense and challenging since he picked engineering yet rewarding to be around so many similar kids.

The fact you and PP are both on this specific sub-forum and using college admissions buzzwords teases out you're both full of sh*t.

Wrong. I am a third poster with a kid who let me know early to stay out of their way, and I did. Working hard came easy and they excelled at anything they decided to put time and attention to. They were accepted at all the most selective schools. Yes, I feel lucky but also know how wrong it is for a stirver parent to try and copy my kids trajectory bc it will not result in the same outcome. Your child will be deeply hurt by trying to be anything other than who they are. Not all kids should be at a top school, and you can't force it or make it happen if they just are not "that kid."

THIS!! Some sanity finally. These schools are not for everyone! The ones that struggle the most with imposter syndrome are the ones who were pushed and prodded by tigermoms and ended up in a place out of their league. It is sad. We hear tales from both of ours about kids who should not be there. Some are athletes or hooked but some just got lucky and got in TO or whatever. The majority who succeed at T15/ivy are independent driven creative people who thrive on competition. TO has caused more mental health problems by opening doors that should have been closed

NP. I agree the majority who succeed at a T15 or Ivy are independent, driven, and competitive. But they are the exact opposite of creative. True creativity is smothered in that group, and they typically had none to start with anyhow.

Oh FFS so not true. One of the ivies is affiliated with the best art and design school in the country. My kid has a total creative artistic side in addition to excelling in “regular” school topics and sports. The creativity of classmates and their varied interests is wild. My kid is thriving, was never molded- but since a young age he was really mature and got humor and topics of a more advance age. I sometimes felt like the child by MS because he was so “together”.

The stereotypes “that group”…lol. Top innovators and artists and actors and tech moguls come out of “that group”.

MIT and CalTech are exceptions, true. But the Ivies? No, not really. The vast majority of the student body has had the creativity systematically crushed out of them, by their own choice. There are a few exceptions but in general creative people just aren’t in this student population. They all have exceptional executive function skills, but not creativity.

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Anonymous wrote:If someone else’s kid gets into HYPS and yours is at JMU (or maybe even UVA) then you know on some level you’re going to feel salty about it.

I wouldn't. We didn't do the HYSP prep that some others did. One spent years on getting the right awards for her kid. The kid was a legacy, etc.

My kids would not put up with being crafted or molded into a HYSP contender, so I don't feel a bit bad they didn't go there. I couldn't afford it anyway.

My kid wouldn't put up with "being molded" either. We chose to let them pick their own path in HS---that included taking 8APs, but no APUSH or APEnglish--AP Psych was the only Non-STem course (and no AP FL as it conflicted with WindEnsemble). Also let kid do their "outside of school advanced sport for 15-20+hours/week". Didn't make them try for tons of extra clubs/activities, as I prefer they get some sleep and actually have some time to socialize in HS.

Worked out fine. Kid got Deferred/Rejected from T10, WL at T30, 1st year abroad at T55, accepted at two in the T30-50 and attending the T30-40 school. They love it and are excelling. They are happier there than if they'd gotten into their ED (T10) (IMO---as they like to do well but are not a striver, striver, striver, 200% of the time---I attended that T10 and I think they definately ended up where they should be--it's really the best fit for them).

Wtf? I didn’t mold my kid or design its life and he got into an Ivy unhooked. They did what they wanted (played a sport, joined 1 club they liked), plenty of free time and frankly if you asked sophomore year of HS- kid had idea of any colleges they would apply to. They were getting good grades but not at all thinking of college yet, didn’t even decide to apply to an Ivy until December of Senior year. It’s a fallacy all these kids are scripted or molded. Frankly, the ones I knew gunning for that with tiger parents did not get in to any Ivies. Having a great time in college, not stressed one bit.

+1 another unhooked kid at ivy, unmolded, picked their own activities, aced all the classes/perfect score on almost all testing, piled on EC hours because they loved it, did not suffer in high school. He did not ED just waited for RD to have options open.
For the true brightest, they can do it all and still sleep in high school. When you have a kid like this it makes sense why they get into multiple T10s and others do not. They are a different level. College has been intense and challenging since he picked engineering yet rewarding to be around so many similar kids.

The fact you and PP are both on this specific sub-forum and using college admissions buzzwords teases out you're both full of sh*t.

Wrong. I am a third poster with a kid who let me know early to stay out of their way, and I did. Working hard came easy and they excelled at anything they decided to put time and attention to. They were accepted at all the most selective schools. Yes, I feel lucky but also know how wrong it is for a stirver parent to try and copy my kids trajectory bc it will not result in the same outcome. Your child will be deeply hurt by trying to be anything other than who they are. Not all kids should be at a top school, and you can't force it or make it happen if they just are not "that kid."

THIS!! Some sanity finally. These schools are not for everyone! The ones that struggle the most with imposter syndrome are the ones who were pushed and prodded by tigermoms and ended up in a place out of their league. It is sad. We hear tales from both of ours about kids who should not be there. Some are athletes or hooked but some just got lucky and got in TO or whatever. The majority who succeed at T15/ivy are independent driven creative people who thrive on competition. TO has caused more mental health problems by opening doors that should have been closed

NP. I agree the majority who succeed at a T15 or Ivy are independent, driven, and competitive. But they are the exact opposite of creative. True creativity is smothered in that group, and they typically had none to start with anyhow.

Oh FFS so not true. One of the ivies is affiliated with the best art and design school in the country. My kid has a total creative artistic side in addition to excelling in “regular” school topics and sports. The creativity of classmates and their varied interests is wild. My kid is thriving, was never molded- but since a young age he was really mature and got humor and topics of a more advance age. I sometimes felt like the child by MS because he was so “together”.

The stereotypes “that group”…lol. Top innovators and artists and actors and tech moguls come out of “that group”.

MIT and CalTech are exceptions, true. But the Ivies? No, not really. The vast majority of the student body has had the creativity systematically crushed out of them, by their own choice. There are a few exceptions but in general creative people just aren’t in this student population. They all have exceptional executive function skills, but not creativity.

You couldn’t be more wrong. Can tell by what’s written that mine is at same school as above.

How have you come to your conclusions out of curiosity? I think it’s hard to paint 8 schools within a sports conference by the same brush also, but I have no doubt that all of them are not short on creativity. Even for stem kids have to show top notch writing skills and creative narratives just for admission.