Does anyone actually care where someone, other than their child, goes to college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. My autistic DS is attached to his friend group. Hopefully they can be all at nearby schools.

I feel you on this one, PP. My son has ASD too and I worry so much about finding the right fit.

[Anonymous]

yes and no. Yes, in all anonymous honesty, I am impressed by a kid who goes to an IVY or Stanford, etc. It says something about the kid, and in some regard their parents, that they had what it takes to accomplish this impressive goal. However, going to a less selective school does not make me think less of another kid. So I do think more of a kid who goes to an ivy, but do not judge kids who don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lots of people do in my east Asian circles, because it affects marriage prospects and socialization. A "lowly" college status can be erased if the kid has a successful career, but in the moment, before you know what kids make of their college experience, yes it matters to some people.

Sad, isn't it?

Which schools are considered lowly? Which aren't?

"Yale or Jail" is the saying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone else’s kid gets into HYPS and yours is at JMU (or maybe even UVA) then you know on some level you’re going to feel salty about it.

Why? Why not just be happy for them and their kid?

So thankful my friends are not like you

They are, though, if your kid did better than theirs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone else’s kid gets into HYPS and yours is at JMU (or maybe even UVA) then you know on some level you’re going to feel salty about it.

I wouldn't. We didn't do the HYSP prep that some others did. One spent years on getting the right awards for her kid. The kid was a legacy, etc.

My kids would not put up with being crafted or molded into a HYSP contender, so I don't feel a bit bad they didn't go there. I couldn't afford it anyway.

My kid wouldn't put up with "being molded" either. We chose to let them pick their own path in HS---that included taking 8APs, but no APUSH or APEnglish--AP Psych was the only Non-STem course (and no AP FL as it conflicted with WindEnsemble). Also let kid do their "outside of school advanced sport for 15-20+hours/week". Didn't make them try for tons of extra clubs/activities, as I prefer they get some sleep and actually have some time to socialize in HS.

Worked out fine. Kid got Deferred/Rejected from T10, WL at T30, 1st year abroad at T55, accepted at two in the T30-50 and attending the T30-40 school. They love it and are excelling. They are happier there than if they'd gotten into their ED (T10) (IMO---as they like to do well but are not a striver, striver, striver, 200% of the time---I attended that T10 and I think they definately ended up where they should be--it's really the best fit for them).

Wtf? I didn’t mold my kid or design its life and he got into an Ivy unhooked. They did what they wanted (played a sport, joined 1 club they liked), plenty of free time and frankly if you asked sophomore year of HS- kid had idea of any colleges they would apply to. They were getting good grades but not at all thinking of college yet, didn’t even decide to apply to an Ivy until December of Senior year. It’s a fallacy all these kids are scripted or molded. Frankly, the ones I knew gunning for that with tiger parents did not get in to any Ivies. Having a great time in college, not stressed one bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t care at all. Education is education,

I've been to both an elite school and a state university, and this is not true. You absolutely will get a better education at some schools than others. Better professors and better peers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t care at all. Education is education,

I've been to both an elite school and a state university, and this is not true. You absolutely will get a better education at some schools than others. Better professors and better peers.

[Anonymous]

"I don’t care at all. Education is education,"

I've been to both an elite school and a state university, and this is not true. You absolutely will get a better education at some schools than others. Better professors and better peers.

(stupid quotes, grrrr)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone else’s kid gets into HYPS and yours is at JMU (or maybe even UVA) then you know on some level you’re going to feel salty about it.

I wouldn't. We didn't do the HYSP prep that some others did. One spent years on getting the right awards for her kid. The kid was a legacy, etc.

My kids would not put up with being crafted or molded into a HYSP contender, so I don't feel a bit bad they didn't go there. I couldn't afford it anyway.

My kid wouldn't put up with "being molded" either. We chose to let them pick their own path in HS---that included taking 8APs, but no APUSH or APEnglish--AP Psych was the only Non-STem course (and no AP FL as it conflicted with WindEnsemble). Also let kid do their "outside of school advanced sport for 15-20+hours/week". Didn't make them try for tons of extra clubs/activities, as I prefer they get some sleep and actually have some time to socialize in HS.

Worked out fine. Kid got Deferred/Rejected from T10, WL at T30, 1st year abroad at T55, accepted at two in the T30-50 and attending the T30-40 school. They love it and are excelling. They are happier there than if they'd gotten into their ED (T10) (IMO---as they like to do well but are not a striver, striver, striver, 200% of the time---I attended that T10 and I think they definately ended up where they should be--it's really the best fit for them).

Wtf? I didn’t mold my kid or design its life and he got into an Ivy unhooked. They did what they wanted (played a sport, joined 1 club they liked), plenty of free time and frankly if you asked sophomore year of HS- kid had idea of any colleges they would apply to. They were getting good grades but not at all thinking of college yet, didn’t even decide to apply to an Ivy until December of Senior year. It’s a fallacy all these kids are scripted or molded. Frankly, the ones I knew gunning for that with tiger parents did not get in to any Ivies. Having a great time in college, not stressed one bit.

Ha! My kid is at an Ivy and “same”. And, spending all free time on working out and socializing. Not stressing and striving. Doing really well, acing courses, well-prepared.

[Anonymous]

I'm curious where classmates end up. Not judging. Just nosey I guess. Don't give a $hit what others think about mine.

[Anonymous]

I do when reviewing resumes for candidates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone else’s kid gets into HYPS and yours is at JMU (or maybe even UVA) then you know on some level you’re going to feel salty about it.

I wouldn't. We didn't do the HYSP prep that some others did. One spent years on getting the right awards for her kid. The kid was a legacy, etc.

My kids would not put up with being crafted or molded into a HYSP contender, so I don't feel a bit bad they didn't go there. I couldn't afford it anyway.

My kid wouldn't put up with "being molded" either. We chose to let them pick their own path in HS---that included taking 8APs, but no APUSH or APEnglish--AP Psych was the only Non-STem course (and no AP FL as it conflicted with WindEnsemble). Also let kid do their "outside of school advanced sport for 15-20+hours/week". Didn't make them try for tons of extra clubs/activities, as I prefer they get some sleep and actually have some time to socialize in HS.

Worked out fine. Kid got Deferred/Rejected from T10, WL at T30, 1st year abroad at T55, accepted at two in the T30-50 and attending the T30-40 school. They love it and are excelling. They are happier there than if they'd gotten into their ED (T10) (IMO---as they like to do well but are not a striver, striver, striver, 200% of the time---I attended that T10 and I think they definately ended up where they should be--it's really the best fit for them).

Wtf? I didn’t mold my kid or design its life and he got into an Ivy unhooked. They did what they wanted (played a sport, joined 1 club they liked), plenty of free time and frankly if you asked sophomore year of HS- kid had idea of any colleges they would apply to. They were getting good grades but not at all thinking of college yet, didn’t even decide to apply to an Ivy until December of Senior year. It’s a fallacy all these kids are scripted or molded. Frankly, the ones I knew gunning for that with tiger parents did not get in to any Ivies. Having a great time in college, not stressed one bit.

I believe you. Not all the kids are molded. The one where this is all natural shine thru (and are largely the unhooked kids who get admitted). But don't kid yourself, large portions of those applying to T25 schools are scripted and molded. Ones who started with College counselors in 8/9th grade to make the "perfect HS experience". (Now I get using one if you truly don't understand the college process, but in reality, most parents like that are not finding a CC in 8th grade). Ones who hire multiple tutors for essay writing.

But many parents are pushy/tiger parents. Most would have pushed their kid to take AP French/Spanish and APUSH/APENG in addition to all the AP stem courses. I knew my kid could take those classes and get A/A-, but it would take a ton of work (in our school APUSH/APEng are very time consuming) and I chose to let them dance more (15-20+hours) and do what they loved instead of a 5th or 6th AP course Junior year.

But I know many parents who would have required their kid to do it all (because my kid could have). I thought it was better for them to pick and choose and learn to not overwhelm themselves (and hey, get some sleep because as a teen that is a good thing).

[Anonymous]

I care mainly because I’m curious about all the options out there. I also like to celebrate all wins for the kids I know.

[Anonymous]

I only cared during the application year. How can you not when everyone is comparing? It was interesting to see how the acceptances came iin. The top kids got the top schools. The next tier got T25. The tier after that got BC and Villanova etc etc. There were no surprises. Literally none. So now that that’s over, nope don’t care at all where any random kid of some colleague goes.

[Anonymous]

I’ve known some of these kids since they were five. Sure, I like to see where they end up, and I love to hear when they are doing well and finding their friends and majors and places in the world.

Do I care in a “look down on the kid and gossip” / whisper at a cocktail party sort of way? No, besides telling DH if he knows the kid and maybe one of my kids if it’s a childhood friend they’ve lost touch with. I know peers of my kids at FCPS Davis Career Canter and kids at NOVA and kids at all the VA colleges and kids at Ivy’s and I’m happy for all of them.

It’s nice to see where kids you’ve known forever end up. And even the once who struggle usually end up in great, interesting places. So, to that extent I care. Am I invested to the point I’m comparing them to my kids? Nope. My kids are where they should be, and that’s what I really care about.