Does anyone actually care where someone, other than their child, goes to college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I found it interesting where kids went and what majors they chose. Some predictable. Some not. Yes, there were some, "how the heck did he get into Berkeley, U Texas" etc kids. Some schools I hadn't heard of but sounded really good. Feel like I learned a lot about what's out there.

+1 I think it's interesting but have zero snob attitude about colleges. I think it's interesting to learn about different schools and why a student chooses where they want to go. I love to hear about a school I didn't know.

Me too. I’m an education buff!

[Anonymous]

I have written about this on this board before. The DC area is the first place where I encountered parents who tell me where their kid is going to school apologetically. Often immediately followed by some kind of explanation or a lament about how competitive college admissions are these days. I am not talking about kids who are attending community college or for-profit colleges. I'm talking about kids attending perfectly respectable state schools or private colleges outside the very tippy top programs which yes, I am aware are a crapshoot to get into.

Please stop doing this. Regardless of whether you or your child is disappointed by their college choices, I am not disappointed in your child or in you if they are going to a school with a less selective admit rate. I truly don't care.

Also FYI, I attended a state school that a lot of people consider a "party school" and when fellow parents report apologetically that their kid is attending a similar type of school, I wonder if these people would look down on me if they knew where I went to school. So there is also an element of rudeness with this attitude that you may not even realize you are engaging in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I found it interesting where kids went and what majors they chose. Some predictable. Some not. Yes, there were some, "how the heck did he get into Berkeley, U Texas" etc kids. Some schools I hadn't heard of but sounded really good. Feel like I learned a lot about what's out there.

+1 I think it's interesting but have zero snob attitude about colleges. I think it's interesting to learn about different schools and why a student chooses where they want to go. I love to hear about a school I didn't know.

Me too. I’m an education buff!

Same. You can learn so much about a person by asking why they chose their school.

[Anonymous]

I think it's an interesting about a person, but it doesn't define them. For example, if my friend is talking about their friend and says "well you know Emily went to Colgate and you can tell" then I believe have a more informed idea of who they are as a person. But this is obviously just based on schools' stereotypes.

[Anonymous]

I'm curious, but I wouldn't say that I care. I am impressed sometimes on facebook when I see that one of my slacker/druggie high school friends sent their kid to a highly competitive college. Makes me wonder about nature and nurture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have written about this on this board before. The DC area is the first place where I encountered parents who tell me where their kid is going to school apologetically. Often immediately followed by some kind of explanation or a lament about how competitive college admissions are these days. I am not talking about kids who are attending community college or for-profit colleges. I'm talking about kids attending perfectly respectable state schools or private colleges outside the very tippy top programs which yes, I am aware are a crapshoot to get into.

Please stop doing this. Regardless of whether you or your child is disappointed by their college choices, I am not disappointed in your child or in you if they are going to a school with a less selective admit rate. I truly don't care.

Also FYI, I attended a state school that a lot of people consider a "party school" and when fellow parents report apologetically that their kid is attending a similar type of school, I wonder if these people would look down on me if they knew where I went to school. So there is also an element of rudeness with this attitude that you may not even realize you are engaging in.

I probably will feel tempted to do what you describe. I don't look down on any schools, but a lot of people do. I would never bring up my dd's school unless I am directly asked. It's just not pleasant having someone judge your entire child and parenting as "less than" because of where they go to college. These people are all over this board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will not share where my dd is going with anyone. Tbh I feel bad even telling family because they will gossip and assume bad things about her based on it. It makes me sad.

That’s sad. I’m sorry you’re in that position. I think any child that gets into any college deserves to have it shouted from the rooftops. Not everyone gets to go to college, and the “prestigious” schools are also not for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do. To a degree. I like seeing other kids get into their schools of choice just like mine did.

+1
I care in that I think, “oh what a great spot for them!” and then imagine them in the student the next time I watch a Clemson game on tv. But I don’t care about judging the college choices kids make.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that society and the workplace need to change when it comes to this: Excellent students now pick in-state or lesser-known schools simply because of tuition costs. It doesn't mean they are less deserving. But it's still very much 45+yos hiring and that segment had it easier and cheaper so they do not all get it.

Ivy was far cheaper than UVA in state for ours, and a little cheaper than the T16-20 ranked privates that gave DC aid. We get need based aid and ivies are a great deal. It is less than 25k per year for us. UVA gave us only a small amount of beed based aid.

Ugh . Not us donut holes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that society and the workplace need to change when it comes to this: Excellent students now pick in-state or lesser-known schools simply because of tuition costs. It doesn't mean they are less deserving. But it's still very much 45+yos hiring and that segment had it easier and cheaper so they do not all get it.

Ivy was far cheaper than UVA in state for ours, and a little cheaper than the T16-20 ranked privates that gave DC aid. We get need based aid and ivies are a great deal. It is less than 25k per year for us. UVA gave us only a small amount of beed based aid.

That's great but you knew that wasn't what I meant. A lot of kids are in that limbo of not qualifying for a lot or any aid and not having wealthy parents.

Nope not buying it is “not having wealthy parents” when ivies give need aid to families with HHI in the low to mid 200s. Come off it that’s rich . Ok so 250-260+ is about the lowest HHI that can get some aid. So what?? That’s easily full pay level for one kid, and for many if you have half a brain and saved 20k each year for some years. And yes DMV and people like us in that range (upper 200s) are full pay and fine. Not poor. Not in limbo. We are rich. We just spend it on an ivy education because we know what the name of an elite college can do and we know the difference in education

You sound quite angry about this.

Can you fix the Ivy school financial aid calculators then? I filled them out, and they all said they would give us no aid. But we earn very little. If I withdrew money from my 401K, I'd have to pay 10% to the government, which adds to the costs.

So, before you think about things only from your rich person pov, realize that other people have different situations...

If my it’s and quit his job and we had my $200k salary only. We’d qualify. I get bitter when I think - 1-parent working families are getting aid after 18 years of the kid’s life not working. They should require both parents work and disperse aid after that.

[Anonymous]

*if my husband quit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that society and the workplace need to change when it comes to this: Excellent students now pick in-state or lesser-known schools simply because of tuition costs. It doesn't mean they are less deserving. But it's still very much 45+yos hiring and that segment had it easier and cheaper so they do not all get it.

Ivy was far cheaper than UVA in state for ours, and a little cheaper than the T16-20 ranked privates that gave DC aid. We get need based aid and ivies are a great deal. It is less than 25k per year for us. UVA gave us only a small amount of beed based aid.

You're one of few of several thousand who are that fortunate. Those of us in the donut hole would not have that same experience.

+1

$11k/month hurts.

[Anonymous]

i do believe there are a small number of kind people who wish well for their kids’ extended friend group.

then there are the rest - who may hide it, but are secretly rooting for failure from all but their kid

in the words of Gore Vidal, “Every time a friend succeeds, I die a little".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that society and the workplace need to change when it comes to this: Excellent students now pick in-state or lesser-known schools simply because of tuition costs. It doesn't mean they are less deserving. But it's still very much 45+yos hiring and that segment had it easier and cheaper so they do not all get it.

Ivy was far cheaper than UVA in state for ours, and a little cheaper than the T16-20 ranked privates that gave DC aid. We get need based aid and ivies are a great deal. It is less than 25k per year for us. UVA gave us only a small amount of beed based aid.

That's great but you knew that wasn't what I meant. A lot of kids are in that limbo of not qualifying for a lot or any aid and not having wealthy parents.

Nope not buying it is “not having wealthy parents” when ivies give need aid to families with HHI in the low to mid 200s. Come off it that’s rich . Ok so 250-260+ is about the lowest HHI that can get some aid. So what?? That’s easily full pay level for one kid, and for many if you have half a brain and saved 20k each year for some years. And yes DMV and people like us in that range (upper 200s) are full pay and fine. Not poor. Not in limbo. We are rich. We just spend it on an ivy education because we know what the name of an elite college can do and we know the difference in education

You sound quite angry about this.

Can you fix the Ivy school financial aid calculators then? I filled them out, and they all said they would give us no aid. But we earn very little. If I withdrew money from my 401K, I'd have to pay 10% to the government, which adds to the costs.

So, before you think about things only from your rich person pov, realize that other people have different situations...

If my it’s and quit his job and we had my $200k salary only. We’d qualify. I get bitter when I think - 1-parent working families are getting aid after 18 years of the kid’s life not working. They should require both parents work and disperse aid after that.

I doubt that is true. I make less than you do from salary and my husband was laid off earlier this year and has not found a job since. He ran the calculators and even without his income we don't get aid. Maybe because of investment income-- or they look at assets beyond just annual income. Something to think about-- it's maybe not just income that gets calculated when they determine aid.

Luckily we have $ saved up so that if the kiddo gets into an expensive school we should be able to pay for it even with "only" $150k income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious about where my kid's friends are going, and always happy to hear about *any* school they're going to, be it community college, technical school, or the big state university.

I couldn't care less what anyone else thinks about my kids' college choices.

Same, I want to celebrate DS and their friend group. They’ve all worked their butts off and all have different interests, majors and goals in terms of which schools etc. so acceptances will be all over the shop and I can’t wait to congratulate them.