Would you have a first baby at age 50 or 51? Assume a surrogate and $ but not a lot of

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had two kids, one at 41 and another at 43. I was viewed as geriatric as a parent by literally everyone. It gets tiring having everyone assume you are the grandparent. It’s hard to find mom friends for me. It’s a lonely road! Money helps but doesn’t solve this. Also, your kids need and want YOU, not the nanny. It’s going to be harder than you imagine. That said it’s your life do do what you want, I’m just relaying my experience.

I also had kids in my late 30s and struggle to find mom friends. In my area, women are done by 30, so I’m a decade older. It will be lonely.

Also, this couple needs to consider whether they can change their routines. For example, could they quit traveling for a few years? Babies do not want to travel. I’ve regretted every plane flight I’ve taken with a child under 5. Sure, other people do it, and it’s not a hill to die on, but it’s the principle that life will change drastically. Can they put the baby’s needs first?

If you are in the DC area, the above is simply not true. I had mine in mid-40s and most of the other parents are similar ages. I'm now late 50s and still in great health, have plenty of friends who are also older parents. Definitely go fo it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had two kids, one at 41 and another at 43. I was viewed as geriatric as a parent by literally everyone. It gets tiring having everyone assume you are the grandparent. It’s hard to find mom friends for me. It’s a lonely road! Money helps but doesn’t solve this. Also, your kids need and want YOU, not the nanny. It’s going to be harder than you imagine. That said it’s your life do do what you want, I’m just relaying my experience.

I also had kids in my late 30s and struggle to find mom friends. In my area, women are done by 30, so I’m a decade older. It will be lonely.

Also, this couple needs to consider whether they can change their routines. For example, could they quit traveling for a few years? Babies do not want to travel. I’ve regretted every plane flight I’ve taken with a child under 5. Sure, other people do it, and it’s not a hill to die on, but it’s the principle that life will change drastically. Can they put the baby’s needs first?

Not having mom friends is a dumb reason not to have children. Is this what kids are now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:local family support.

Yes. There are risks but it's preferable to having no children. Especially if I froze eggs when I was still reasonably young (35 or younger.)

[Anonymous]

Yes do it! I have a friend who did - I’m in my 30’s, she’s in her 50’s, and we met through our kids who are the same age. All the people saying you’re selfish are AGEIST. Their arguments are no different from the people saying that anyone who has lead anything less than a stereotypical, golden, easy “perfect” life are selfish for having children. Even though NEWS FLASH - there are countless, countless “normal”-looking families full of crappy partners, less than ideal financial stability, bad morals, lack of prioritizing physical health, bad decision-making etc etc etc problems that have a way worse effect on children, and they want to shame you for being a woman a few years older with a baby.

[Anonymous]

If you can afford it, do it. You will be tired but the joy will make up for it.

Why is this any different if the woman was 43 and the man was 50?

Do it … fast!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:local family support.

I had to make this decision quickly because I had a chance to use some embryos that were offered to me and I wanted children but was unable to have them with my now exhusband. I ultimately decided no because it didn't seem fair to the kid but I have a friend who opted yes and that kid is adorable and thriving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. If you have a lot of money, you can always buy the support you need.

Correction:
You can’t buy love. A child needs to be loved.

[Anonymous]

NP. No, but I also think paid surrogacy should largely be outlawed because it’s horribly exploitative.

[Anonymous]

I know someone that used frozen embryos (hers and her partners) and had their baby when she was almost 55 (and partner was 57). They did not use a surrogate. The child is still very young, but so far so good.

[Anonymous]

I'd do it in a heartbeat if I had no children. Being a parent is the best thing in the world; nobody who wants to experience it should miss the opportunity. Had my kids at 32, 35 and 41. I'm definitely older than most of the moms of classmates of my youngest, but I definitely don't feel lonely or left out. The moms are nice. Literally no one seems to care about how old I am, and I really don't care about how old they are. We bond over parenting stuff. There's a mom in her late 50s who runs our elementary school's PTA. She's a total go getter and everyone loves her, respects her, and appreciates what she does for our school and our kids. She had her babies in her late 40s/early 50s.

[Anonymous]

Having my second at 51 (almost 52) if everything goes well and had my first at 47 (almost 48)- (no surrogate involved in either pregnancy) so I'm a yes. I know several people who had kids kids between 50-52 and kids are thriving and moms are happy. I don't think at least at this stage that I'm more tired than the young mom friend I have who complains on facebook. I'm definitely much healthier and a better parent than I would have been at a younger age. Actually my second pregancy at 51 has been a lot easier than my first even with a 3 year old. I'm an SMC so no younger husband so the couple you know is in a better situation than I am.

[Anonymous]

Hell no.

[Anonymous]

I’m a healthy 55 year old mom of 4DC but a new empty nester. Heck, no. I simply don’t have the stamina anymore to deal with a 4 or 5 year old and then to know that life gets even busier as your DC grows up. I am enjoying this age and stage - lots of rest, relaxation, travel and freedom.

[Anonymous]

Do you have two sets of friends or relatives who would be ready to adopt your child(ren) if you both die? That’s the most important question. If you do, go for it!

[Anonymous]

My friend did. Married later in life so this was her first opportunity. She could get pregnant on her own but kept losing the pregnancy. They used a surrogate.