Should I assume my parents won’t help with the wedding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP if you vote Democrat then why are you trying to perpetuate your own generational wealth privilege? Where’s the “equity” in that?
Plus your life where your vote is.

OP if you vote Republican than why aren't you pulling yourself up by your bootstraps and instead waiting for someone else to pay your way? Where's the independence and self reliance in that? Put your life where your vote is.

We can do this all day.

But the literal point was that OP should pay their own way. So yes, it does, in fact, work both ways…

[Anonymous]

In this culture it’s not expected for a man to get money for a wedding beyond the rehearsal dinner especially when he isn’t in his 20s any longer. With daughters even today it’s different - but, once you are out of your 20s with a job, even that old fashioned expectation for daughters is fading.

Assume you aren’t getting funds.

[Anonymous]

I would pay for a downpayment for my kids, but never a wedding. Such a waste of money. Dh and I just had a backyard and restaurant wedding for 20.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family is UMC depending on who you ask. We are planning the wedding and my parents haven’t said anything about helping to pay for it. I don’t want to ask since it would be awkward. We don’t exactly need it but it would definitely help. It’s probably going to be about 40k. My fiances family is probably going to give a couple thousand.

Should I just assume my parents won’t give us anything if they didn’t bring it up?

Are you and fiance working? If so, why should parents subsidize you,?

[Anonymous]

I’m so offended that parents of boys don’t help with the wedding. I plan on paying exactly half, alongside the brides parents.

My in laws wouldn’t give me an amount for a rehearsal dinner so we had a super low budget one with pizzas that cost us $200. That was all we could afford after the wedding and our car had died and we had to buy a new one. So for my wedding my in-laws gave us $200. Didn’t even cover one plate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so offended that parents of boys don’t help with the wedding. I plan on paying exactly half, alongside the brides parents.

My in laws wouldn’t give me an amount for a rehearsal dinner so we had a super low budget one with pizzas that cost us $200. That was all we could afford after the wedding and our car had died and we had to buy a new one. So for my wedding my in-laws gave us $200. Didn’t even cover one plate.

Maybe your ILs were hoping their son would marry someone who doesn't think in terms of covering plates

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so offended that parents of boys don’t help with the wedding. I plan on paying exactly half, alongside the brides parents.

My in laws wouldn’t give me an amount for a rehearsal dinner so we had a super low budget one with pizzas that cost us $200. That was all we could afford after the wedding and our car had died and we had to buy a new one. So for my wedding my in-laws gave us $200. Didn’t even cover one plate.

Offended is a funny word for entitled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so offended that parents of boys don’t help with the wedding. I plan on paying exactly half, alongside the brides parents.

My in laws wouldn’t give me an amount for a rehearsal dinner so we had a super low budget one with pizzas that cost us $200. That was all we could afford after the wedding and our car had died and we had to buy a new one. So for my wedding my in-laws gave us $200. Didn’t even cover one plate.

Offended is a funny word for entitled.

Yes, grown adults de facto expecting their parents/in-laws to contribute a certain amount to weddings is entitled. However being offended if parents opt to provide different levels of financial assistance to their children based solely on their gender and out dated traditions is perfectly understandable and frankly it’s wild that so many people on DCUM (many of whom who would probably describe themselves as feminists) think this okay.


Would you tell a girl who was upset that her parents paid for college for her brother but refused to pay for her based on her gender that she was being entitled?

[Anonymous]

DH and I got married at the Santa Barbara courthouse.

I suggest a visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so offended that parents of boys don’t help with the wedding. I plan on paying exactly half, alongside the brides parents.

My in laws wouldn’t give me an amount for a rehearsal dinner so we had a super low budget one with pizzas that cost us $200. That was all we could afford after the wedding and our car had died and we had to buy a new one. So for my wedding my in-laws gave us $200. Didn’t even cover one plate.

Offended is a funny word for entitled.

Yes, grown adults de facto expecting their parents/in-laws to contribute a certain amount to weddings is entitled. However being offended if parents opt to provide different levels of financial assistance to their children based solely on their gender and out dated traditions is perfectly understandable and frankly it’s wild that so many people on DCUM (many of whom who would probably describe themselves as feminists) think this okay.


Would you tell a girl who was upset that her parents paid for college for her brother but refused to pay for her based on her gender that she was being entitled?

No, but if the bride's parents decide that they are going to pay for their daughter's wedding and their future SIL's parents think couples should pay for their own weddings, the bride's parents need to understand that this is not a gender thing.

Keep your hands out off other people's pockets. And don't get all righteously offended if someone slaps your wrist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every financial planner /analyst wile tell you a wedding is the worst investment you can make.

Cut that amount in half and invest the 20K for 10 years. You'll be happier.

Literally no one claims that a wedding is an “investment,” like honestly, wtf? If I called my financial planner and told him I was going to treat a few friends to a nice dinner and an expensive bottle of wine, I wouldn’t expect him to say, “you moron, that’s a terrible investment.”

A couple of dinners does not equal 40k.

Sounds like you are trying to defend your poor choices.

[Anonymous]

My father told me he would pay for the license and the parking. A party? "That's on your own dime."

He did, however, give me 50% of the down payment for my first house.

Smart man. Always gave me sound financial advice. He and my mom married at the courthouse. Married for 68 years, til they died 1 year apart.

[Anonymous]

fancy dress = bride's re$ponsibility

feeding dinner to 100 people = groom'$ responsility

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are adults with presumably a good income. You are spending $40k on a fancy party to celebrate yourselves. Yes, you should expect to pay all costs yourselves. If anyone gives you a cash gift, you should be grateful for their generosity and if they don't, you should still be grateful that you are able to afford such a lovely party.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A $40K wedding is absurd. I wouldn't pay for that.

+100. I have money. Spouse and I had money when we got married. We would never spend that much on a wedding. Op more than likely you'll end up divorced so why are you planning on spending so much on one day? Do you not realize that this amount would help you buy a home?

So, so stupid.

Do you not realize that it’s the expectation in most cultures to have an actual wedding and not elope at a courthouse? You don’t always get to tell your fiancée that it’s the financially prudent thing to cheap out and not have a traditional wedding, because they’re not going to agree with you and go along with it. Most men would be perfectly fine not having a wedding, but most women want weddings.

I am OP and I agree that weddings are dumb but my fiancée comes from a culture where this is important. 40k isn’t going to get you a crazy extravagant wedding it’s going to be fairly standard. I know multiple couples who are literally spending 10x this amount on a wedding. It’s dumb. But it’s the expectation.

If it's your expectation, pay for it.

If it's your fiancée's family's expectation, they pay for it.

You are entitled, OP.