Should I assume my parents won’t help with the wedding?

[Anonymous]

If you force your parents to take out a 2nd mortgage to finance your wedding party, you're insane. There's no reason to invite 200+ people to your wedding. Nobody is close to 200 people. 200 people come if your parents are rich and invite their business partners and other connections, not just friends and relatives. Let's stop the crazy. Bride wants a fancy party: let her earn the money first!

[Anonymous]

And I agree: some people need to get a grip on what a mean, median and average is.

[Anonymous]

Every financial planner /analyst wile tell you a wedding is the worst investment you can make.

Cut that amount in half and invest the 20K for 10 years. You'll be happier.

[Anonymous]

I love backyard weddings. They are lovely, meaningful, and personal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wanted to add that a lot of UMC people do have backyard weddings, as they actually have a big enough space to accommodate it. Bill Gates' daughter also had her's on their equestrian farm.

I don’t think if you own a horse farm you are middle class. That’s rich territory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think your family is UMC based on the fact they didn’t pay for your college. That’s not the norm for UMC. They are probably in debt and you should not expect anything from them.

OP here they paid for about 70% of my college (public in state but 1 of us out of state). They didn’t have enough saved for the 3 of us to attend fully paid. This was also not too long after the great financial crisis so portfolios were still recovering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think your family is UMC based on the fact they didn’t pay for your college. That’s not the norm for UMC. They are probably in debt and you should not expect anything from them.

OP here they paid for about 70% of my college (public in state but 1 of us out of state). They didn’t have enough saved for the 3 of us to attend fully paid. This was also not too long after the great financial crisis so portfolios were still recovering.

Also you:

I don’t know, I don’t want to sound entitled but it seems weird my parents haven’t really helped with life costs while they had theirs paid for by the previous generation.

Paying for 70% of your college is a lot of help with life costs. Yes you sound entitled. Kind of makes me question the rest of your judgement.

Anyway, the answer is to talk to your parents instead of asking anonymous strangers if they owe you a wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think your family is UMC based on the fact they didn’t pay for your college. That’s not the norm for UMC. They are probably in debt and you should not expect anything from them.

OP here they paid for about 70% of my college (public in state but 1 of us out of state). They didn’t have enough saved for the 3 of us to attend fully paid. This was also not too long after the great financial crisis so portfolios were still recovering.

Also you:

I don’t know, I don’t want to sound entitled but it seems weird my parents haven’t really helped with life costs while they had theirs paid for by the previous generation.

Paying for 70% of your college is a lot of help with life costs. Yes you sound entitled. Kind of makes me question the rest of your judgement.

Anyway, the answer is to talk to your parents instead of asking anonymous strangers if they owe you a wedding.

It’s because ‘he’ is lying and a troll. Changing story midway is a clear sign.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every financial planner /analyst wile tell you a wedding is the worst investment you can make.

Cut that amount in half and invest the 20K for 10 years. You'll be happier.

Literally no one claims that a wedding is an “investment,” like honestly, wtf? If I called my financial planner and told him I was going to treat a few friends to a nice dinner and an expensive bottle of wine, I wouldn’t expect him to say, “you moron, that’s a terrible investment.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A $40K wedding is absurd. I wouldn't pay for that.

Not that difficult to reach that number with a 200 person wedding, even easier if there are 200+.

Not only is it not difficult to reach 40k with 200 people, it would be comically impossible to do a 200 person wedding for LESS than 40k. Have any of you bought anything recently, much less planned and paid for a party or a catered dinner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family is UMC depending on who you ask. We are planning the wedding and my parents haven’t said anything about helping to pay for it. I don’t want to ask since it would be awkward. We don’t exactly need it but it would definitely help. It’s probably going to be about 40k. My fiances family is probably going to give a couple thousand.

Should I just assume my parents won’t give us anything if they didn’t bring it up?

No. If they can help, they'll offer. If they aren't, there must be a reason. You don't need to ask, just do whatever you can within your budget, no need to be spending money you don't have. You aren't going through a hardship needing help, its a want to spend on wedding. Let them keep their money for their retirement.

[Anonymous]

If it's an arranged marriage and you two are minors then you can ask. If you are adults and marrying of your own accord, have a wedding you can afford.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends on your relationship with them and the traditions in your family, OP. Do you have any siblings who had weddings before you? Any cousins whose weddings were paid for by your aunts and uncles?

We have a pretty good relationship, I visit and call them all the time. I know for a fact their wedding was paid for by my grandparents (they told me a few years ago) and my cousins weddings were most definitely paid for by their parents because there’s no way they could afford them without crippling debt (6 figure weddings and they weren’t making a lot at the time). I don’t know, I don’t want to sound entitled but it seems weird my parents haven’t really helped with life costs while they had theirs paid for by the previous generation. I had student loans upon graduation and didn’t get any help paying for my first house. My parents were gifted significant amounts by their parents when they were my age. I’ve had to do it all alone.

WHAT AGE IS THAT?

Why can't these OP's ever identify themselves when they reply??

Has she stated how old she is yet, or does she keep avoiding the question?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends on your relationship with them and the traditions in your family, OP. Do you have any siblings who had weddings before you? Any cousins whose weddings were paid for by your aunts and uncles?

We have a pretty good relationship, I visit and call them all the time. I know for a fact their wedding was paid for by my grandparents (they told me a few years ago) and my cousins weddings were most definitely paid for by their parents because there’s no way they could afford them without crippling debt (6 figure weddings and they weren’t making a lot at the time). I don’t know, I don’t want to sound entitled but it seems weird my parents haven’t really helped with life costs while they had theirs paid for by the previous generation. I had student loans upon graduation and didn’t get any help paying for my first house. My parents were gifted significant amounts by their parents when they were my age. I’ve had to do it all alone.

WHAT AGE IS THAT?

Why can't these OP's ever identify themselves when they reply??

Has she stated how old she is yet, or does she keep avoiding the question?

I agree it’s annoying. But I also think if someone is old enough to get married they should pay for their own wedding. To think otherwise is entitled and bratty. If her parents want to gift her something, great. But she shouldn’t expect it, or ask for it.

[Anonymous]

My daughter just got engaged. She and her fiancé are paying for their wedding.