Do men love their kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a different kind of love.

I rarely see men who truly try to improve as a parent and not make the mistakes their parents did. It’s more that they try their best, and if their kid gets messed up, they don’t worry about it.

Sort of like romantic relationships. Women are generally the ones who read relationship books and take responsibility for monitoring how the relationship is going. Men rarely do that.

Also far less guilt and shame.

You are dumb and narrow minded

I think it's a generalization, but it's true for many men.

-dp

And many women. So what’s your point?

My point is that more men do this than women. Why do you think the term "deadbeat dad" exists, and not "deadbeat mom" ? Because dads leaving their kids is a lot more common than moms doing so.

Women are generally more connected to their children than men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a different kind of love.

I rarely see men who truly try to improve as a parent and not make the mistakes their parents did. It’s more that they try their best, and if their kid gets messed up, they don’t worry about it.

Sort of like romantic relationships. Women are generally the ones who read relationship books and take responsibility for monitoring how the relationship is going. Men rarely do that.

Also far less guilt and shame.

You are dumb and narrow minded

I think it's a generalization, but it's true for many men.

-dp

And many women. So what’s your point?

My point is that more men do this than women. Why do you think the term "deadbeat dad" exists, and not "deadbeat mom" ? Because dads leaving their kids is a lot more common than moms doing so.

Women are generally more connected to their children than men.

Generalize much?

[Anonymous]

Lots of women who chose poor partners on this thread!

I think men can love their children as much as women. The men in my life are good examples of this. Are they perfect? Of course not. I also know plenty of not perfect moms. They also love their kids.

[Anonymous]

I know one "dad" who fought for 50/50 custody, moved 30 minutes away and forbade his kid to participate in any sports or other activity on "HIS" time, which resulted in the kid losing his spot on a competitive sports team that he'd done since he was young and loved/obsessed over it. His ex was willing to pay for 100% of the costs and do 100% of the driving, even bringing the kid back and forth from dad's house to the sport. The kid also couldn't do things like play in the school band because of his dad's position. I've heard of some other dads taking this position after a divorce, but never a mom (although I'm sure someone can think of an exception). As a mom of a kid similarly obsessed with a sport, I can't fathom doing this to my child. It would be soul-crushing, and he'd hate me forever for it.

That said, many dads love their kids fiercely. DH's connection with DD is entirely independent of his relationship with me. When he's upset or angry, he'll play a recording on his phone of her doing something cute when she was young. He hasn't missed a single parent/teacher conference, game, play, or ballet recital.

[Anonymous]

This tweet reminded me of this thread:

https://x.com/jamilahlemieux/status/1828905553407684661?s=46&t=U-oSRAen5m2tvI5Vn4iVaw

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This tweet reminded me of this thread:

https://x.com/jamilahlemieux/status/1828905553407684661?s=46&t=U-oSRAen5m2tvI5Vn4iVaw

Now do the mom who have kids and want to provide. Occupation: stripper.

[Anonymous]

Men are very selfish. Throughout history men needed children to help out on the farm. It wasn't that long ago. A friend of mine asked, "Who is going to take care of you in your old age?" Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a different kind of love.

I rarely see men who truly try to improve as a parent and not make the mistakes their parents did. It’s more that they try their best, and if their kid gets messed up, they don’t worry about it.

Sort of like romantic relationships. Women are generally the ones who read relationship books and take responsibility for monitoring how the relationship is going. Men rarely do that.

Also far less guilt and shame.

You are dumb and narrow minded

I think it's a generalization, but it's true for many men.

-dp

And many women. So what’s your point?

My point is that more men do this than women. Why do you think the term "deadbeat dad" exists, and not "deadbeat mom" ? Because dads leaving their kids is a lot more common than moms doing so.

Women are generally more connected to their children than men.

Generalize much?

But the PP is right. Men, when they divorce, often walk away from their kids. They threaten their exes with non-payment of support, they TELL THEIR KIDS they won't support them if their mom does XYZ. They put conditions on their love for their children.

Not all men. And occasionally women walk away, but those women are OUTLIERS. They are often mentally ill, or maybe have a drug or alcohol problem. But everybody -EVERYBODY- can probably think of at least ONE man who has been a sup-par father after leaving the mom. One of my cousins -- has littered the state with little kids he doesn't see or support. My sibling's ex put conditions on seeing his child based on what my sister did. Two neighbors divorced - I haven't seen the dads again. The bad behaviour is everywhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a different kind of love.

I rarely see men who truly try to improve as a parent and not make the mistakes their parents did. It’s more that they try their best, and if their kid gets messed up, they don’t worry about it.

Sort of like romantic relationships. Women are generally the ones who read relationship books and take responsibility for monitoring how the relationship is going. Men rarely do that.

Also far less guilt and shame.

You are dumb and narrow minded

I think it's a generalization, but it's true for many men.

-dp

And many women. So what’s your point?

My point is that more men do this than women. Why do you think the term "deadbeat dad" exists, and not "deadbeat mom" ? Because dads leaving their kids is a lot more common than moms doing so.

Women are generally more connected to their children than men.

Generalize much?

But the PP is right. Men, when they divorce, often walk away from their kids. They threaten their exes with non-payment of support, they TELL THEIR KIDS they won't support them if their mom does XYZ. They put conditions on their love for their children.

Not all men. And occasionally women walk away, but those women are OUTLIERS. They are often mentally ill, or maybe have a drug or alcohol problem. But everybody -EVERYBODY- can probably think of at least ONE man who has been a sup-par father after leaving the mom. One of my cousins -- has littered the state with little kids he doesn't see or support. My sibling's ex put conditions on seeing his child based on what my sister did. Two neighbors divorced - I haven't seen the dads again. The bad behaviour is everywhere.

Oh man I guess I should tap myself on the back because I am now more involved with my kids that I have been before my divorce. For this reason I am glad I am divorced because when I was married I didn't want to be around my kids as much as I do now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a different kind of love.

I rarely see men who truly try to improve as a parent and not make the mistakes their parents did. It’s more that they try their best, and if their kid gets messed up, they don’t worry about it.

Sort of like romantic relationships. Women are generally the ones who read relationship books and take responsibility for monitoring how the relationship is going. Men rarely do that.

Also far less guilt and shame.

You are dumb and narrow minded

I think it's a generalization, but it's true for many men.

-dp

And many women. So what’s your point?

My point is that more men do this than women. Why do you think the term "deadbeat dad" exists, and not "deadbeat mom" ? Because dads leaving their kids is a lot more common than moms doing so.

Women are generally more connected to their children than men.

Generalize much?

well, yes? OP's thread topic is a generalization.

Are there some specific men who really love their children and interact with them a lot day to day? Yes.

But, in GENERAL, more men are disengaged with their kids than women are.

If you really love someone, you would actively engage with them, not just make sure they are fed and clothed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a different kind of love.

I rarely see men who truly try to improve as a parent and not make the mistakes their parents did. It’s more that they try their best, and if their kid gets messed up, they don’t worry about it.

Sort of like romantic relationships. Women are generally the ones who read relationship books and take responsibility for monitoring how the relationship is going. Men rarely do that.

Also far less guilt and shame.

You are dumb and narrow minded

I think it's a generalization, but it's true for many men.

-dp

And many women. So what’s your point?

My point is that more men do this than women. Why do you think the term "deadbeat dad" exists, and not "deadbeat mom" ? Because dads leaving their kids is a lot more common than moms doing so.

Women are generally more connected to their children than men.

Generalize much?

But the PP is right. Men, when they divorce, often walk away from their kids. They threaten their exes with non-payment of support, they TELL THEIR KIDS they won't support them if their mom does XYZ. They put conditions on their love for their children.

Not all men. And occasionally women walk away, but those women are OUTLIERS. They are often mentally ill, or maybe have a drug or alcohol problem. But everybody -EVERYBODY- can probably think of at least ONE man who has been a sup-par father after leaving the mom. One of my cousins -- has littered the state with little kids he doesn't see or support. My sibling's ex put conditions on seeing his child based on what my sister did. Two neighbors divorced - I haven't seen the dads again. The bad behaviour is everywhere.

Oh man I guess I should tap myself on the back because I am now more involved with my kids that I have been before my divorce. For this reason I am glad I am divorced because when I was married I didn't want to be around my kids as much as I do now.

? why? Did your love for you kids increase after your divorce? Did you see them as a reflection of your feelings for your ex? How sad for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a different kind of love.

I rarely see men who truly try to improve as a parent and not make the mistakes their parents did. It’s more that they try their best, and if their kid gets messed up, they don’t worry about it.

Sort of like romantic relationships. Women are generally the ones who read relationship books and take responsibility for monitoring how the relationship is going. Men rarely do that.

Also far less guilt and shame.

You are dumb and narrow minded

I think it's a generalization, but it's true for many men.

-dp

And many women. So what’s your point?

My point is that more men do this than women. Why do you think the term "deadbeat dad" exists, and not "deadbeat mom" ? Because dads leaving their kids is a lot more common than moms doing so.

Women are generally more connected to their children than men.

Generalize much?

But the PP is right. Men, when they divorce, often walk away from their kids. They threaten their exes with non-payment of support, they TELL THEIR KIDS they won't support them if their mom does XYZ. They put conditions on their love for their children.

Not all men. And occasionally women walk away, but those women are OUTLIERS. They are often mentally ill, or maybe have a drug or alcohol problem. But everybody -EVERYBODY- can probably think of at least ONE man who has been a sup-par father after leaving the mom. One of my cousins -- has littered the state with little kids he doesn't see or support. My sibling's ex put conditions on seeing his child based on what my sister did. Two neighbors divorced - I haven't seen the dads again. The bad behaviour is everywhere.

+1 of the divorced couples I know, in most of the situations where one parent is fairly absent from the kids lives are the dads.

Again, the term "deadbeat dads" came into our lexicon for a reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I stayed in a bad marriage until my kids went to college because I love them. My kids and I are still close. Now that I'm divorced, I hear about dads who don't care about their kids much. I also know a lot of grown women whose fathers didn't care much. Some of those women really go after me hard. Some of them really go after men who treat women and kids badly.

A lot of truth to this. I had a dad who just never really gave a damn about me or my siblings and still doesn't. I think he's a true narcissist -- I don't think he has the capacity to care about anyone but himself. He stayed married to my mom because she does everything for him including taking care of his kids. She's grown a bit of a spine in the last decade and while she stays with him for financial reasons (she has never had a full time job) she takes a bit more space for herself.

I don't assume every man is like my dad but I am probably suspicious of men automatically because within the community I grew up in I don't think people really recognized what a crap dad my dad was. He was a prominent business man and successful and I think people assumed he was a good father because of this. Ironically one of the ways in which my dad neglected us was by gambling away a lot of his money or just spending it on frivolous things for himself while making his kids go without. Like he'd blow two grand on tickets to a football game and then forget to go but if you asked him for new sneakers because your old ones were worn out he'd get mad. But people had no idea. Even now if I visit my home town people will gush over my dad and say how lucky I am. I guess people never really saw how he rarely spoke to us or about us. The assumed we were loved and cared for because people assume a well off family with a good provider and a sahm must be a good home.

Anyway so now I am skeptical about men. But my DH definitely loves his kids. Some part of me will likely always worry that he could stop though. That's childhood abuse and neglect though -- you never fully unlearn the lessons of your childhood. I judge my DH by what he does which is great. But some part of me would not be surprised if he walked out on his kids or just stopped loving them because they were too hard or pushed back too much. I learned from my dad that parents do not always love or care for their kids. It's not a given.

Truth. I have seen this play out with many friends my current age and in my kids’ friends’ household.

No one knows what’s behind closed doors.

But I do notice when you go to a school bbq or community event and talk with everyone BUT your own wife and kids. Every. Single. Time.
That’s just odd and terrible; you don’t have a relationship with your own nuclear family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I ask this because all the men that I know spend very little time with their kids. They provide financially but make very little effort to spend time with their kids or parent. It seems like many men love the idea of a family but don’t actually want to be an active parent.

I remember watching Jimmy Kimmel and the dad’s couldn’t even get their kid’s birthday’s right. The mom’s knew all the answer’s

The problem is that you are thinking that spending time with the kids equals loving them. You can spend time with kids and hate them. There are different ways to show love.
Men and women express love differently.

I've always heard that for men, they need to physically spend time with a woman to maintain that connection. Is that not the same for their relationship with their kids?

Ewwww

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a different kind of love.

I rarely see men who truly try to improve as a parent and not make the mistakes their parents did. It’s more that they try their best, and if their kid gets messed up, they don’t worry about it.

Sort of like romantic relationships. Women are generally the ones who read relationship books and take responsibility for monitoring how the relationship is going. Men rarely do that.

Also far less guilt and shame.

You are dumb and narrow minded

I think it's a generalization, but it's true for many men.

-dp

And many women. So what’s your point?

My point is that more men do this than women. Why do you think the term "deadbeat dad" exists, and not "deadbeat mom" ? Because dads leaving their kids is a lot more common than moms doing so.

Women are generally more connected to their children than men.

Generalize much?

But the PP is right. Men, when they divorce, often walk away from their kids. They threaten their exes with non-payment of support, they TELL THEIR KIDS they won't support them if their mom does XYZ. They put conditions on their love for their children.

Not all men. And occasionally women walk away, but those women are OUTLIERS. They are often mentally ill, or maybe have a drug or alcohol problem. But everybody -EVERYBODY- can probably think of at least ONE man who has been a sup-par father after leaving the mom. One of my cousins -- has littered the state with little kids he doesn't see or support. My sibling's ex put conditions on seeing his child based on what my sister did. Two neighbors divorced - I haven't seen the dads again. The bad behaviour is everywhere.

Oh man I guess I should tap myself on the back because I am now more involved with my kids that I have been before my divorce. For this reason I am glad I am divorced because when I was married I didn't want to be around my kids as much as I do now.

Me too. Disney dad’ing it is fun and easy.!
She can deal with whatever else the kids need.