Reply to Do men love their kids?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Do men love their kids?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I stayed in a bad marriage until my kids went to college because I love them.  My kids and I are still close.  Now that I'm divorced, I hear about dads who don't care about their kids much.  I also know a lot of grown women whose fathers didn't care much.  Some of those women really go after me hard.  Some of them really go after men who treat women and kids badly.  [/quote]

A lot of truth to this. I had a dad who just never really gave a damn about me or my siblings and still doesn't. I think he's a true narcissist -- I don't think he has the capacity to care about anyone but himself. He stayed married to my mom because she does everything for him including taking care of his kids. She's grown a bit of a spine in the last decade and while she stays with him for financial reasons (she has never had a full time job) she takes a bit more space for herself.

I don't assume every man is like my dad but I am probably suspicious of men automatically because within the community I grew up in I don't think people really recognized what a crap dad my dad was. He was a prominent business man and successful and I think people assumed he was a good father because of this. Ironically one of the ways in which my dad neglected us was by gambling away a lot of his money or just spending it on frivolous things for himself while making his kids go without. Like he'd blow two grand on tickets to a football game and then forget to go but if you asked him for new sneakers because your old ones were worn out he'd get mad. But people had no idea. Even now if I visit my home town people will gush over my dad and say how lucky I am. I guess people never really saw how he rarely spoke to us or about us. The assumed we were loved and cared for because people assume a well off family with a good provider and a sahm must be a good home.

Anyway so now I am skeptical about men. But my DH definitely loves his kids. Some part of me will likely always worry that he could stop though. That's childhood abuse and neglect though -- you never fully unlearn the lessons of your childhood. I judge my DH by what he does which is great. But some part of me would not be surprised if he walked out on his kids or just stopped loving them because they were too hard or pushed back too much. I learned from my dad that parents do not always love or care for their kids. It's not a given.[/quote]

Truth. I have seen this play out with many friends my current age and in my kids’ friends’ household.

No one knows what’s behind closed doors.

But I do notice when you go to a school bbq or community event and talk with everyone BUT your own wife and kids. Every. Single. Time. 
That’s just odd and terrible; you don’t have a relationship with your own nuclear family. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics