Trying to avoid failure to launch adults

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You avoid failure to launch by doing the work when they are young. Build them up, help them find a sense of self and a sense of purpose. Encourage their interests and invest in opportunities to grow and deepen those interests. Get them academic support if they need it. Give them chances to grow their confidence and make sure they feel secure in your love for them and their place in your family.

Model healthy adult behaviors -- healthy eating, regular exercise, positive social lives with friends and family who contribute to well being. Teach them about financial responsibility from a young age and give them opportunities to see the benefit of saving and investing in the future.

Parents whose kids flounder in their 20s or even 30s will claim they did all this but they didn't. A well-raised person will not want to live at home doing nothing in adult hood. They might live at home for periods of time, to save for a downpayment or grad school, to help an ailing parent, to regroup after a job loss or breakup. That's fine and normal. But they won't get stuck there because they'll have the confidence and self-respect to go out and try again. Adults who don't have that didn't get the right support as minors.

THIS. My siblings and I had a brief period of what I think could be called failure to launch...or maybe crashed after briefly launching. In any case, I agree it was caused by all of the above. We were in a very good school district and that helped cushion some of the worst of it. However, our parents did not do any of the above and it resulted in crashing and burning in our late 20s. Our parents helped us course correct, so we are all fine--but it could have been prevented had they done at least some of the above early on...mainly 0 to 3. If doing all of the above is difficult for you, please at least hug your babies and children, bite your tongue and seek therapy.

[Anonymous]

Three failure to launches in my family - all males in their late 30s to mid 40s - two cousins (one on maternal side, one from paternal side), and a brother in law. All three are either an only or the youngest by a lot (ie next sibling is 8+ years older), all given constant excessive financial support including for non-essential things like a kitchen remodel and have never paid their own way, all three waited on hand and foot by the mom, all three with with an MIA dad (due to demanding career, divorce, passed away, you name it). It’s really striking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The world is changing and what has worked before isn’t working anymore.
Living on one’s own is expensive, working doesn’t always guarantee financial security or independence. Between AI, unhinged government moves, the world becoming truly global where you have to compete against the whole world vs just others from your area - it all makes it hard for young people to become independent. Upward mobility is severely stunted. Their hope is not to build up, but to keep at least what their parents have, and not to squander it all on insanely expensive elder care for their parents who seemingly intend to live forever.
The world has changed, yet our expectations and our understanding of younger generations remain desperately outdated.

Thank you, pp. I was wondering when someone was going to say this.

[Anonymous]

Reading some of these responses, it’s easy to see why so many American kids dump their parents into nursing homes.