Daughter married a doctor, he’s pressuring her to pay off his student debt

[Anonymous]

How long have they been married? Do they have kids?
Does he seem comfortable doing his doctor job?

[Anonymous]

Is she going to benefit from his likely high earnings after residency - the house they buy the vacations, the lifestyle, etc.? Isn't that what joining your lives together means in a marriage?

[Anonymous]

OPs daughter doesnt seem very bright. Did she just assume he was also debt free, even though he was a doctor who went to "ritzy" schools? Does she not realize the implications of marrying someone with a "mortgage worth" of student loans?

All of a sudden NOW she wants to back out and thinks her husband is trying to "soak" her? Just divorce now, sounds like she is going to resent him for the rest of their lives - whether she contributes to the loans or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is something that should have been discussed before marriage; they are now a financial unit and need to work together -- unless she thinks he is doing this to get his loans paid off and then plans to divorce her. Did they not talk about this before the wedding?

We as a family made very specific choices so she would have zero student debt. I can’t fault her, someone who’s never had student debt, for not gaming out how her future husband would deal with his student debt he racked up before they even met. Student debt is a foreign concept to our daughter. And now she’s feeling uncomfortable that he’s trying to soak her to quickly pay off his ritzy private degrees.

I assume many responses are from people my age. College costs and loans were much more manageable in the 80s and early 90s. Her husband took out a mortgage worth of debt to attend pricy colleges. His debt would be much more manageable had he gone to less expensive public universities as she did. I don’t know how married kids their age are dealing with this, but it feels unfair and almost coercive to anyone in my daughter’s shoes.

My friend met and married a guy who had just finished his MBA at Stanford University. He took loans and had a lot of student debt. She went to an average public college and had no student debt. She had a good job out of college making 100k at 25. He was going through a difficult time working at a startup. She didn’t want to be soaked into his debt and felt like he would slow her down financially. She divorced him.
That guy met another girl and remarried. His career took. Today he’s the CFO of a Fortune 500 company making tens of millions.
She was wrong and still regret her choice today.
She failed to see that the Stanford MBA student debt was a massive investment into the future.

[Anonymous]

My husband had $100k in law school loans, graduated law school in 1992. I had no loans. I didn’t go to law school and have no graduate degree and paid off his loans with him. We are a team.

[Anonymous]

I got married in 2009 with sig student debt. My husband had no student debt and sig savings. He used his savings to pay off my debt. It put us in much better financial situation as a couple as we started buying real estate etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think he's just trying to financially abuse her. She should NOT pay off his debt.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married a dentist with over a hundred grand in student loan debt and 32 years ago. I had no debt. We worked 6 days a week to pay if off. We're a team.

Sucker

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is something that should have been discussed before marriage; they are now a financial unit and need to work together -- unless she thinks he is doing this to get his loans paid off and then plans to divorce her. Did they not talk about this before the wedding?

We as a family made very specific choices so she would have zero student debt. I can’t fault her, someone who’s never had student debt, for not gaming out how her future husband would deal with his student debt he racked up before they even met. Student debt is a foreign concept to our daughter. And now she’s feeling uncomfortable that he’s trying to soak her to quickly pay off his ritzy private degrees.

I assume many responses are from people my age. College costs and loans were much more manageable in the 80s and early 90s. Her husband took out a mortgage worth of debt to attend pricy colleges. His debt would be much more manageable had he gone to less expensive public universities as she did. I don’t know how married kids their age are dealing with this, but it feels unfair and almost coercive to anyone in my daughter’s shoes.

You can't be for real. Either your daughter is extremely stupid or you are. I'm sure you were very impressed by those "ritzy" degrees but now the piper must be paid and it's a problem? Why are you lecturing people about the costs of college? People your age know exactly how much it costs because they, like you, have kids who recently attended. Stop trolling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you’re married, you’re one financial unit. For us, I had $60k in law school loans and one of our first acts as a married couple was to pay it all off from a joint account that had funds from both of us.

Sucks for your spouse. Surprised they married you. You should take care of your own debt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you’re married, you’re one financial unit. For us, I had $60k in law school loans and one of our first acts as a married couple was to pay it all off from a joint account that had funds from both of us.

Sucks for your spouse. Surprised they married you. You should take care of your own debt.

DP here. My spouse's law school debt is around 2% interest. We are still making payments despite a NW over $5M.

[Anonymous]

It is The couple’s decision not yours.

If she fears getting used and dumped, maybe they could do postnup?

Would you question this if the spouse in debt was female? Did she discuss money with him before getting married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, she should help kill the, as fast as possible. It’s her debt too. The longer it takes them both to pay it off the less time they will have for investing. He will eventually start making much more, but by throwing down much more now and not delaying the couple reduces the amount of interest paid.


He will just be forced to pay more later, which means diverting less towards something like a house or investments. That will affect them both too. It’s really a dumb argument because it is couples finances. There’s no such thing as his and her debt, his and her money. It’s all fungible.

And if they get divorced?

[Anonymous]

No she should not. If he works for a nonprofit hospital it will all be wiped out in 10 years. It’s also just wrong for him to ask. I have law school debt and have been married for 12 years. I never once thought to ask my DH to pay it. I’ve been making the monthly payment since before I know him and nothing has changed. It’s my debt and has nothing to do with him. I find it concerning that he would ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, she should help kill the, as fast as possible. It’s her debt too. The longer it takes them both to pay it off the less time they will have for investing. He will eventually start making much more, but by throwing down much more now and not delaying the couple reduces the amount of interest paid.


He will just be forced to pay more later, which means diverting less towards something like a house or investments. That will affect them both too. It’s really a dumb argument because it is couples finances. There’s no such thing as his and her debt, his and her money. It’s all fungible.

And if they get divorced?

She will be back in the dating market and will start all over again. Maybe her OLD profile should specifically say "must have no student debt" because the values her mother taught her require that. Otherwise she's a sucker.