Daughter married a doctor, he’s pressuring her to pay off his student debt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course. When you marry a person, you marry their debts too. If she didn’t want to deal with his school debt, she shouldn’t have married him. They could’ve just cohabitated.

Where do you draw the line for debt not only pre-marriage but before you even met?

You marry a deadbeat dad, you should pay off all of his back child support?

What if your husband put your engagement ring on an Amex, you’d be happy about paying off your own engagement ring?

Go to ritzy private colleges, rack up a mortgage worth of debt, then coerce a new spouse—who made more responsible college decisions—to pay off the loans feels wrong. I’m sorry.

These are not apples to apples comparisons. Most likely the medical school debt will pay off in the future as higher earnings for the husband that will benefit them both. Back child support (or consumer debt for jewelry) isn't the same kind of debt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. Does she have a lump sum of money she could use to pay it off?

Is he just saying she needs to help monthly pay it off?

What % rate? It's probably $100K or more right?

Multiple times $100K.

[Anonymous]

When I met my DH, I earned more than him, had no debt while he had medical school debt. Now I am a SAHM, while he earns over seven figures. I helped him pay his debt off. I mean your DD is married and once he is an attending he may very well earn more than her.

[Anonymous]

100% should have talked about this before they got married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re not meddling, our daughter came to us about this. She has a great career, advanced degree, and zero student debt. She met her husband while he was a medical resident, so all of his debt accumulated not just pre-marriage, but before they even met. It’s an eye popping sum I think in part because he attended prestigious private colleges, while she attended public universities our family could afford.

Should she be helping him wipe out such debts?

The short answer is yes, since they're a single financial unit now and wiping out his debt is beneficial to the family's finances.

+1

Why did she marry him if the debt was such concern? Ideally that should be a part of remarriage discussions. If you aren't on the same page of working together to pay it all off, then you really shouldn't be a married couple or plan on having a family together (IMO).
Then again, I've never understood separate finances for married/committed couples. All money was "family money"/ours. So we paid down all of the college debt ASAP simply so we could start living life without that around.
We still maintain joint accounts and it all goes into the same pot. Any purchase over $500 or so is discussed and not made until both are in agreementThen again, we are both savers and don't waste money so it's never been an issue

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course. When you marry a person, you marry their debts too. If she didn’t want to deal with his school debt, she shouldn’t have married him. They could’ve just cohabitated.

Where do you draw the line for debt not only pre-marriage but before you even met?

You marry a deadbeat dad, you should pay off all of his back child support?

What if your husband put your engagement ring on an Amex, you’d be happy about paying off your own engagement ring?

Go to ritzy private colleges, rack up a mortgage worth of debt, then coerce a new spouse—who made more responsible college decisions—to pay off the loans feels wrong. I’m sorry.

That's why it's better not to marry elites who go to ritzy private schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course. When you marry a person, you marry their debts too. If she didn’t want to deal with his school debt, she shouldn’t have married him. They could’ve just cohabitated.

Where do you draw the line for debt not only pre-marriage but before you even met?

You marry a deadbeat dad, you should pay off all of his back child support?

What if your husband put your engagement ring on an Amex, you’d be happy about paying off your own engagement ring?

Go to ritzy private colleges, rack up a mortgage worth of debt, then coerce a new spouse—who made more responsible college decisions—to pay off the loans feels wrong. I’m sorry.

Then that should have been discussed before marriage. She will likely benefit from his salary as a doctor as it contributes to the family (even if she is also a high earner).

[Anonymous]

I see divorce in the future for your daughter. It seems sad and unnecessary since theoretically they talked about this before they got married. I hope he marries someone nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course. When you marry a person, you marry their debts too. If she didn’t want to deal with his school debt, she shouldn’t have married him. They could’ve just cohabitated.

Where do you draw the line for debt not only pre-marriage but before you even met?

You marry a deadbeat dad, you should pay off all of his back child support?

What if your husband put your engagement ring on an Amex, you’d be happy about paying off your own engagement ring?

Go to ritzy private colleges, rack up a mortgage worth of debt, then coerce a new spouse—who made more responsible college decisions—to pay off the loans feels wrong. I’m sorry.

If your potential spouse has debt you don’t want to take on as you combine your incomes then don’t get married. You can live together as roommates. Getting married is a whole different level of commitment.

[Anonymous]

Divorce coming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was debt before the marriage? She should let him take care of it himself.

In the meantime she should pay all the bills out of her income and let him focus on his debt? What's the difference? She's no better off.

[Anonymous]

Why wasn’t this discussed pre marriage? My husband had law school debt which he paid with his own earnings. I became a SAHM and then he paid my undergrad debt for me too. I ran the house and made sure we stuck to a budget and lived frugally. We were/are a team, long ago debt free and now have a high NW.

[Anonymous]

When you’re married, you’re one financial unit. For us, I had $60k in law school loans and one of our first acts as a married couple was to pay it all off from a joint account that had funds from both of us.

[Anonymous]

My husband paid off my high 5 figure law school debt while we were still engaged. Now 10 years later I make 500k, and we didn’t waste money on interest. It’s a no brainer jnless you aren’t confident in the relationship

[Anonymous]

Maybe get an annulment?