Daughter married a doctor, he’s pressuring her to pay off his student debt

[Anonymous]

What is the situation with his parents? If they’re rich this would annoy me even more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was debt before the marriage? She should let him take care of it himself.

In the meantime she should pay all the bills out of her income and let him focus on his debt? What's the difference? She's no better off.

They both pay their bills half-and-half, and he pays down his debt with whatever he has left.

If that’s your view of marriage, that makes sense. If your view is a team and partnership and all resources go for the good of the family then this is a violation of that agreement because there would be no separate money.

Thing about this type of relationship is that it leads to bean counting. So what if later someone sues her and gets a judgment for a million dollars or even just results in running up six figure attorney bills, is that hers is fit related to separate conduct/transactions. And what about time. That’s a relationship resource. A transactional type of relationship would t work for me but it probably does for others.

You must be the poor one who has been freeloading from their spouse. Gross.

[Anonymous]

What does she make and what does he make?

Someone upthread mentioned PSLF which is probably a good plan financially. It also covers her in that if they divorce before 10 years he keeps the rest of his debt. I get it that some of their joint income will go towards his debt but surely that is more than offset by his higher earnings.

[Anonymous]

This is not bean counting. He needs to get on a payment plan like everyone else. And maybe have it paid by the government through PSLF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was debt before the marriage? She should let him take care of it himself.

In the meantime she should pay all the bills out of her income and let him focus on his debt? What's the difference? She's no better off.

They both pay their bills half-and-half, and he pays down his debt with whatever he has left.

If that’s your view of marriage, that makes sense. If your view is a team and partnership and all resources go for the good of the family then this is a violation of that agreement because there would be no separate money.

Thing about this type of relationship is that it leads to bean counting. So what if later someone sues her and gets a judgment for a million dollars or even just results in running up six figure attorney bills, is that hers is fit related to separate conduct/transactions. And what about time. That’s a relationship resource. A transactional type of relationship would t work for me but it probably does for others.

You must be the poor one who has been freeloading from their spouse. Gross.

The poors need to stay in their lane and only marry their kind. Right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your daughter wants to have her cake and eat it too! She will get many benefits being the spouse of a doctor, but wants to balk at mutually paying down debt? Not a great start in a marriage to be so selfish.

That said, he should absolutely not be pressuring her. Spouses can and should have financial discussions, and if he's actually pressuring (rather than just happening to bring it up), that is a red flag on it's own. But the entire family benefits when debt is paid off, and that includes your daughter.

She’s not gonna get more benefits. She already makes way more money.

She’s just looking for somebody to act like an equal.

So.. whats the issue?

The issue is she makes more money and does not need to fund another adult. Freeloader!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She needs to help pay their joint debts out of their combined current / future income. She should not use her premarital savings and assets to pay off his debt in a lump sum without a post-nup.

This!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, is he asking her to pay off his debts using her pre marital assets? That is an absolute NO in my opinion?

Or is he asking her to pay off the debts at a higher rate now, using her income she is earning now, which is a marital asset? As opposed to just paying what he can afford from his salary while he contributes the same to household expenses etc?

I would not do either without a legal agreement in place confirming that if they get divorced, he owes her this money back with interest.

If you are not confident in your marriage, then why get married or stay married? Leave and find someone you trust fully

Because it is smRT TO PROTECT YOURSELF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your daughter wants to have her cake and eat it too! She will get many benefits being the spouse of a doctor, but wants to balk at mutually paying down debt? Not a great start in a marriage to be so selfish.

That said, he should absolutely not be pressuring her. Spouses can and should have financial discussions, and if he's actually pressuring (rather than just happening to bring it up), that is a red flag on it's own. But the entire family benefits when debt is paid off, and that includes your daughter.

She’s not gonna get more benefits. She already makes way more money.

She’s just looking for somebody to act like an equal.

So.. whats the issue?

The issue is she makes more money and does not need to fund another adult. Freeloader!

Only men should found another adult

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my friend’s moms used her entire pension to pay for four kids’ college tuition. In their early golden years the dad divorces her and doesn’t pay any support. She had to go back to work as an administrative assistant for all of her 70s.

So no, I don’t think she should do it.

And her four kids with college degrees couldn’t chip in to support her in retirement? That story isn’t about divorce, it’s about making bad choices for financing college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is something that should have been discussed before marriage; they are now a financial unit and need to work together -- unless she thinks he is doing this to get his loans paid off and then plans to divorce her. Did they not talk about this before the wedding?

We as a family made very specific choices so she would have zero student debt. I can’t fault her, someone who’s never had student debt, for not gaming out how her future husband would deal with his student debt he racked up before they even met. Student debt is a foreign concept to our daughter. And now she’s feeling uncomfortable that he’s trying to soak her to quickly pay off his ritzy private degrees.

I assume many responses are from people my age. College costs and loans were much more manageable in the 80s and early 90s. Her husband took out a mortgage worth of debt to attend pricy colleges. His debt would be much more manageable had he gone to less expensive public universities as she did. I don’t know how married kids their age are dealing with this, but it feels unfair and almost coercive to anyone in my daughter’s shoes.

This is a conversation they should have had before the wedding. And not one she should be bringing her parents into.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is something that should have been discussed before marriage; they are now a financial unit and need to work together -- unless she thinks he is doing this to get his loans paid off and then plans to divorce her. Did they not talk about this before the wedding?

We as a family made very specific choices so she would have zero student debt. I can’t fault her, someone who’s never had student debt, for not gaming out how her future husband would deal with his student debt he racked up before they even met. Student debt is a foreign concept to our daughter. And now she’s feeling uncomfortable that he’s trying to soak her to quickly pay off his ritzy private degrees.

I assume many responses are from people my age. College costs and loans were much more manageable in the 80s and early 90s. Her husband took out a mortgage worth of debt to attend pricy colleges. His debt would be much more manageable had he gone to less expensive public universities as she did. I don’t know how married kids their age are dealing with this, but it feels unfair and almost coercive to anyone in my daughter’s shoes.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is something that should have been discussed before marriage; they are now a financial unit and need to work together -- unless she thinks he is doing this to get his loans paid off and then plans to divorce her. Did they not talk about this before the wedding?

We as a family made very specific choices so she would have zero student debt. I can’t fault her, someone who’s never had student debt, for not gaming out how her future husband would deal with his student debt he racked up before they even met. Student debt is a foreign concept to our daughter. And now she’s feeling uncomfortable that he’s trying to soak her to quickly pay off his ritzy private degrees.

I assume many responses are from people my age. College costs and loans were much more manageable in the 80s and early 90s. Her husband took out a mortgage worth of debt to attend pricy colleges. His debt would be much more manageable had he gone to less expensive public universities as she did. I don’t know how married kids their age are dealing with this, but it feels unfair and almost coercive to anyone in my daughter’s shoes.

My friend met and married a guy who had just finished his MBA at Stanford University. He took loans and had a lot of student debt. She went to an average public college and had no student debt. She had a good job out of college making 100k at 25. He was going through a difficult time working at a startup. She didn’t want to be soaked into his debt and felt like he would slow her down financially. She divorced him.
That guy met another girl and remarried. His career took. Today he’s the CFO of a Fortune 500 company making tens of millions.
She was wrong and still regret her choice today.
She failed to see that the Stanford MBA student debt was a massive investment into the future.

Actually sounds like she dodged a bullet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is something that should have been discussed before marriage; they are now a financial unit and need to work together -- unless she thinks he is doing this to get his loans paid off and then plans to divorce her. Did they not talk about this before the wedding?

We as a family made very specific choices so she would have zero student debt. I can’t fault her, someone who’s never had student debt, for not gaming out how her future husband would deal with his student debt he racked up before they even met. Student debt is a foreign concept to our daughter. And now she’s feeling uncomfortable that he’s trying to soak her to quickly pay off his ritzy private degrees.

I assume many responses are from people my age. College costs and loans were much more manageable in the 80s and early 90s. Her husband took out a mortgage worth of debt to attend pricy colleges. His debt would be much more manageable had he gone to less expensive public universities as she did. I don’t know how married kids their age are dealing with this, but it feels unfair and almost coercive to anyone in my daughter’s shoes.

You should not have married him. Lucky you didn't!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you’re married, you’re one financial unit. For us, I had $60k in law school loans and one of our first acts as a married couple was to pay it all off from a joint account that had funds from both of us.

Sucks for your spouse. Surprised they married you. You should take care of your own debt.

DP here. My spouse's law school debt is around 2% interest. We are still making payments despite a NW over $5M.

Sucker