Should I give up tenured professor position to help DH move higher?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I need some advices on whether I should give up my career to help DH move higher.

I am a tenured full professor making about 190k and my DH's career skyrocketed past couple years and now is in an EVP position in corporate making around 7 figures. We have four young children but between outsourcing for help and my flexible hours, we managed to make it work while keeping both our careers in track. However, for my DH to progress further, the fastest way is for him to take an international position within his own company for 3-5 years, which means I may need to give up my job if the family needs to move with him.

I am not sure what to do in this situation. On one hand, I love my job, feel respected in my institution, and find the research part intellectually stimulating and the teaching part very rewarding. The job is cushy with good benefits (we are on my health insurance), amazing flexibility, and summer/winter off. On the other hand, I also know that my earnings/growth has pretty much plateaued as I am not interested in moving into admin nor have the time to become a superstar in my field while my DH still has room for growth. But if I do give up and move overseas, it would be very hard to get back into academia as the job market is super competitive.

I know we are very privileged to even be in this position, but what do you think I should do in this situation?

Hell no

[Anonymous]

Also, there is the tuition benefit for OP's kids to consider. Now with husband making bank, in state tuition at a state univ is probably not much (250K total for 4 kids), but if it is at some place generous like Duke (75% of Duke tuition anywhere in the country), then that is a pretty chunk of change. The OP seems to be concerned about health insurance, so I'm guessing that college tuition is a decent amount to not forego.

Finally, if the OP is in Econ/Business and going to London (her words), she can get a teaching gig and not resign at her Univ.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, take the sabbatical and a 1 year LOA and see about getting some work done while abraod but also reflect on what you want to do. Also write some research grants so you can take a buy out when like 2nd semester, year 3 or 4.

For year 3, remember semesters are short. Fly in the day before it starts, get your 15 weeks. If you can give a take home final that can be upload to canvas or scanned by a TA. That will shave off a week or so--you might be able to swing it with no class after Thanksgiving for fall. I have seen faculty do this and if the staff like you as well as the admin, then it is entirely do-able.

Thank you. I haven’t thought about this angle where kids staying with DH with me flying in/out. The most likely international location will be London, which is close enough to us for me to go there on Thursday or Fridays.

Pp here. OP do you have a good relationship with the director/staff/chair? If so, take your sabbatical/LOA, write a book and a grant or two, and then if in London, in year 3, schedule your classes on Mondays Wednesdays. That way you get the holidays off (no class on Monday) and you can fly in and out and only leave DH and the kids for like 3 days out of the week. The airline points will build quickly and you can use them to fly out family to stay for a week or two during the semester and hang out with kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, take the sabbatical and a 1 year LOA and see about getting some work done while abraod but also reflect on what you want to do. Also write some research grants so you can take a buy out when like 2nd semester, year 3 or 4.

For year 3, remember semesters are short. Fly in the day before it starts, get your 15 weeks. If you can give a take home final that can be upload to canvas or scanned by a TA. That will shave off a week or so--you might be able to swing it with no class after Thanksgiving for fall. I have seen faculty do this and if the staff like you as well as the admin, then it is entirely do-able.

Thank you. I haven’t thought about this angle where kids staying with DH with me flying in/out. The most likely international location will be London, which is close enough to us for me to go there on Thursday or Fridays.

Pp here. OP do you have a good relationship with the director/staff/chair? If so, take your sabbatical/LOA, write a book and a grant or two, and then if in London, in year 3, schedule your classes on Mondays Wednesdays. That way you get the holidays off (no class on Monday) and you can fly in and out and only leave DH and the kids for like 3 days out of the week. The airline points will build quickly and you can use them to fly out family to stay for a week or two during the semester and hang out with kids.

Thank you. I teach only on Mondays and Wednesdays now, so this is definitely a potential solution I can take. Hopefully we won't get overly worn out by these weekly international travels if DH needs to stay there closer to 5 years instead of 3. But it does sound like a price I should be willing to pay to keep my career while accommodating DH's needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reflecting on this post, as someone with a PhD and had many friends with PhDs. PPs are right I don't know a single one, even my very religious friends, that were able to have 4 kids. And know none with tenure. I'm 38. So OP, with 4 kids under 6 can't be that much older than me.

I have tenured friends at 38 with 4 kids. They'd never dream of giving up their jobs they worked forever to secure. Also don't think people on this thread understand academia- it's majority research not teaching. Even if you can get approval to teach online you have to maintain your research which most likely involves either students to supervise and/or technical equipment

[Anonymous]

I don't think OP is real and is someone making up a story for fun. Some people do like to live out hypothetical fantasies and start conversations about it.

EVP isn't a 7 figure role in major corps. That's c-level. You hit 7 figs with the bonuses, not base salaries.

How can OP not know where DH is going? Seems random to say "probably London." Serious moves abroad are for specific roles in specific locations.

Universities are pretty generous with tenured faculty leave and these kinds of circumstances. There are limits but sabbatical plus leave of absence or alternating semesters for a few years is extremely doable. OP should know all of this already.

Or DH goes alone and comes back for visits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, children are very young (oldest is only 6) so we are not too concerned about disruption to their lives. DH isn't sure either, he will likely need to find another job in another company if he does not want to move into international P/L roles in his company.

You're a full tenured professor, have 4 kids, and the oldest is 6?

That's...unusual.

OP here, we only started having kids after I got tenure and had my research pipeline setup. We also received a lot of help (nannies, in-laws etc.) and the covid years with remote teaching also helped too with schedule management (we had a live-in nanny who decided to stay with us). Even with all that, my research productivity definitely suffered and I feel I got lucky with the bid for promotion to full. With all the kids now, it is hard to see how I can become more productive and I guess I will remain as an average scholar in a middling university.

Hold on, hold on. People rarely get tenured until late 30s. You're in academia doing the PhD till late 20s, even 30 or later. Then 1-2 visiting roles, then an assistant professorship, then tenure review. You become associate in your late 30s by that point. There are a few hotshot rare exceptions (like my father who made full professor before he was 40 but they are very rare and he also got his PhD at a young age as times were different in the 60s). But four kids after your late 30s is a whoa moment. And you managed to get full professorship pretty quickly? Something doesn't add up unless you're an incredible hotshot, which is theoretically possible, but in real life incredible hotshots don't post on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

OP, never leave your job. He can go if he wants. You can travel in summer breaks/spring break and Christmas break. He will also get a good chunk of vacation time. Ask him to negotiate 40 day vacation time ..etc. So, he can visit you guys. Don't give up all you have now.. take baby steps.

Personally, I would not give up my position at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reflecting on this post, as someone with a PhD and had many friends with PhDs. PPs are right I don't know a single one, even my very religious friends, that were able to have 4 kids. And know none with tenure. I'm 38. So OP, with 4 kids under 6 can't be that much older than me.

Same, thinking through the faculty when I was in grad school. Can't think of one person with similar stats...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
EVP isn't a 7 figure role in major corps. That's c-level. You hit 7 figs with the bonuses, not base salaries.

How can OP not know where DH is going? Seems random to say "probably London." Serious moves abroad are for specific roles in specific locations.

Even c-level won’t make 7 figure base in most companies. I think it goes without saying the comp OP mentioned includes bonuses, stock incentives etc.

I feel OP’s husband is still in the planning stage for next career move, otherwise the information would be more specific.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, children are very young (oldest is only 6) so we are not too concerned about disruption to their lives. DH isn't sure either, he will likely need to find another job in another company if he does not want to move into international P/L roles in his company.

You're a full tenured professor, have 4 kids, and the oldest is 6?

That's...unusual.

OP here, we only started having kids after I got tenure and had my research pipeline setup. We also received a lot of help (nannies, in-laws etc.) and the covid years with remote teaching also helped too with schedule management (we had a live-in nanny who decided to stay with us). Even with all that, my research productivity definitely suffered and I feel I got lucky with the bid for promotion to full. With all the kids now, it is hard to see how I can become more productive and I guess I will remain as an average scholar in a middling university.

Hold on, hold on. People rarely get tenured until late 30s. You're in academia doing the PhD till late 20s, even 30 or later. Then 1-2 visiting roles, then an assistant professorship, then tenure review. You become associate in your late 30s by that point. There are a few hotshot rare exceptions (like my father who made full professor before he was 40 but they are very rare and he also got his PhD at a young age as times were different in the 60s). But four kids after your late 30s is a whoa moment. And you managed to get full professorship pretty quickly? Something doesn't add up unless you're an incredible hotshot, which is theoretically possible, but in real life incredible hotshots don't post on DCUM.

PhD here. I know faculty like OP. I know academic Deans like OP. Also, there is a thing called twins. At one job, I had four sets of twins born in my building on campus--and it was on the smaller side. I was there 4 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I need some advices on whether I should give up my career to help DH move higher.

I am a tenured full professor making about 190k and my DH's career skyrocketed past couple years and now is in an EVP position in corporate making around 7 figures. We have four young children but between outsourcing for help and my flexible hours, we managed to make it work while keeping both our careers in track. However, for my DH to progress further, the fastest way is for him to take an international position within his own company for 3-5 years, which means I may need to give up my job if the family needs to move with him.

I am not sure what to do in this situation. On one hand, I love my job, feel respected in my institution, and find the research part intellectually stimulating and the teaching part very rewarding. The job is cushy with good benefits (we are on my health insurance), amazing flexibility, and summer/winter off. On the other hand, I also know that my earnings/growth has pretty much plateaued as I am not interested in moving into admin nor have the time to become a superstar in my field while my DH still has room for growth. But if I do give up and move overseas, it would be very hard to get back into academia as the job market is super competitive.

I know we are very privileged to even be in this position, but what do you think I should do in this situation?

Sabbatical? Move to Singapore or Germany or wherever, put your kids in international school, hire four nannies and write a book. Semi-serious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does your husband need to progress more? It sounds like you're in a fantastic situation right where you are.

No, I would not give up your job!

I would not do this. I made a lot of sacrifices so my DH could progress in his career and then he plateaued at a salary way beneath where we thought he would top off. If I had just done my own thing, I would have easily surpassed him. Plus, not to be negative but if he divorces you, you will have to work at some point - better to have a current resume.

[Anonymous]

3-5 year sabbatical is virtually unheard of. Why are people recommending this? Too many non-academics here, I guess.

My answer is no, don't do this. But if you are seriously considering it:

Start networking for a lateral move if your husband has locked down a location. Some tenured people move, but it has to be done differently. You have to reach out to people directly rather than applying through a job board. I suspect this will not be easy if you are not a top-tier researcher in your field.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:3-5 year sabbatical is virtually unheard of. Why are people recommending this? Too many non-academics here, I guess.

My answer is no, don't do this. But if you are seriously considering it:

Start networking for a lateral move if your husband has locked down a location. Some tenured people move, but it has to be done differently. You have to reach out to people directly rather than applying through a job board. I suspect this will not be easy if you are not a top-tier researcher in your field.

And it is overseas -- so the system is very likely different. If the OP was in the sciences, then a move is near impossible. The European (I am guessing here but the OP did slip in London and the like somewhere) system is pretty rigid and moves/hires are essentially by invitation only. Not to mention the tenure system and negotiating that. And then there's the headache of teaching in the language, if the move is to a Uni rather than an independent institute. Same thing goes for econ as well.