Should I give up tenured professor position to help DH move higher?

[Anonymous]

My husband left me for someone younger. Don't sell yourself short. Don't do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, take the sabbatical and a 1 year LOA and see about getting some work done while abraod but also reflect on what you want to do. Also write some research grants so you can take a buy out when like 2nd semester, year 3 or 4.

For year 3, remember semesters are short. Fly in the day before it starts, get your 15 weeks. If you can give a take home final that can be upload to canvas or scanned by a TA. That will shave off a week or so--you might be able to swing it with no class after Thanksgiving for fall. I have seen faculty do this and if the staff like you as well as the admin, then it is entirely do-able.

Thank you. I haven’t thought about this angle where kids staying with DH with me flying in/out. The most likely international location will be London, which is close enough to us for me to go there on Thursday or Fridays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would do it only if 1) I was excited about raising kids abroad for several years (I would be depending on place and think it can be amazing for kids, I lived in Europe for 1.5 years as a kid and it shaped me to this day) and 2) I could find a way to reach and research abroad. I would not do it and then became an expat sahm. Also I would not decide asap. I would negotiate sabbatical/year or two off to decide. If after 2 years it’s misery you go back or leave or figure out next steps.

Realistically you don’t need the money. Tenure gives you flexibility but also there are all the administrative demands. Academia is a bit of a cult so your colleagues will think you are nuts but once outside, you can see it with better perspective.

Would you be happy with a career where you taught and researched but don’t have tenure? A semi independent academic professional? Thatsbwould I would do if I didn’t need the money (I’m in a parallel type of field and one of my friends left and is basically writing a lot of essays and doing research and giving talks and is much happier..her spouse founded /sold a company that had made her salary totally unnecessary).

Thanks, yeah I think people in academia can be limited by our experience and get this tunnel vision. Since I need datasets to do research and write, I guess being a semi independent academic professional means being affiliated with a think tank etc?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:^WTF are you on about? They are 6 and under, they don't know sh*t.

They certainly don’t know what it’s like to have a mother who gives them a single thought, that’s for sure.

Oh shut up. What inane babble.

OP is either a liar or a horrible mother, there’s no in between. I suspect she’s a liar.

There’s a zero percent chance these two “rock star” high earners have four kids and all the time, freedom and choice in the world. And not even the worst parents I know would talk so much about their careers and lives and moving without a single MENTION of their children. If nothing else, OP should care about how much the children will miss the nannies who are clearly the only loving and caring presence they know.

OP mentions her kids in the OP. You sound unhinged.

No, she just mentions “family.” That could just be her and DH. All of this is lies though, so never mind.

In the future, OP, if you want to be a believable troll, you would have mentioned the number of kids, their ages, and your current and possible care/schooling scenarios in your original post.

Maybe you can't read?
"We have four young children but between outsourcing for help and my flexible hours, we managed to make it work while keeping both our careers in track."
JFC why bother replying if you dont even read the OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friends who are in academia are fairly bored with their jobs by the time they are in their 50's (none of them are at the top of their fields -- just tenured professors at middling universities). For that reason alone, I'd think about leaving a tenure position to support a spouse who could really do something interesting. If you are smart enough to get tenure by age 35, you are smart enough to figure out a path forward outside of your current position.

I love what I do now and find fulfillment in it but yes I can totally imagine getting bored in my 50’s in my current career trajectory. I guess part of the reason for the dilemma is this sense of mid career crisis while I feel I have plateaued.

[Anonymous]

I call BS, no full professor (that’s a promotion earned at least 7 years after promotion to tenure) has 4 kids under 6, unless they’re a man. And the salary is really questionable too.

But to the OP, if you are real and fudging some important details, no, I don’t recommend giving up tenure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't give up the job, OP. Figure out how to work it so you can be apart some of the 3 years and together some of it.

A couple of things to consider - does your college/university offer free tuition to offspring of tenured faculty? If so, that's a huge bonus to throw away by giving up the job.

And I'm sorry to have to bring it up, but what if your husband strays and leaves you?

Keep the job, you like it, jobs like that are very hard to come by, who knows what will happen with DH and his career.

+1 this is what I was thinking. The 4 kids could go to your school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, children are very young (oldest is only 6) so we are not too concerned about disruption to their lives. DH isn't sure either, he will likely need to find another job in another company if he does not want to move into international P/L roles in his company.

You're a full tenured professor, have 4 kids, and the oldest is 6?

That's...unusual.

Mommas are old nowadays

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What professorship pays $190k??? Talk about double brass rings…

Law or business, most likely.

Law business math Econ engineering computer science….. Maryland posts how much professors make and the ones I listed make about $300+

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, children are very young (oldest is only 6) so we are not too concerned about disruption to their lives. DH isn't sure either, he will likely need to find another job in another company if he does not want to move into international P/L roles in his company.

You have children?! And you didn’t mention them ONCE in your original post? Not one word about their schooling, needs, wants, friends? Wow. You are some kind of parent.

The kids are younger than 6. So at least half of them aren’t even in school unless she has a multiple birth situation. Their friendships aren’t that deep at this age and they can quickly learn any foreign language

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^WTF are you on about? They are 6 and under, they don't know sh*t.

They certainly don’t know what it’s like to have a mother who gives them a single thought, that’s for sure.

Or their mother doesn’t need your input on raising her children. Stick to the question at hand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^WTF are you on about? They are 6 and under, they don't know sh*t.

They certainly don’t know what it’s like to have a mother who gives them a single thought, that’s for sure.

Oh shut up. What inane babble.

OP is either a liar or a horrible mother, there’s no in between. I suspect she’s a liar.

There’s a zero percent chance these two “rock star” high earners have four kids and all the time, freedom and choice in the world. And not even the worst parents I know would talk so much about their careers and lives and moving without a single MENTION of their children. If nothing else, OP should care about how much the children will miss the nannies who are clearly the only loving and caring presence they know.

Nannies go with them, you idiot. Don't be so poor.

Ahhh DCUM never disappoints

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reflecting on this post, as someone with a PhD and had many friends with PhDs. PPs are right I don't know a single one, even my very religious friends, that were able to have 4 kids. And know none with tenure. I'm 38. So OP, with 4 kids under 6 can't be that much older than me.

I know two women like that.
One is 35, a star in her field, 4 kids, and a husband in the same field but much less of a star

I also know many tenured female profs with 3 kids, know those who had kids in college but it did not deter them from getting a PhD and being well-known in their respective fields. Many of them are my friends and I see that they are great mothers, researchers, and teachers.
Some people are very smart and very organized.

I am saying this as someone who left academia for a corporate job, only has 2 kids because of infertility, and makes 130k.

I am less of an achiever but I admire women who manage to rock it.

You go OP! I am sure if you have tenure and 4 little kids, you'll manage to make it outside of academia too.

My boss is a vp with 4 kids and has been a vp for 3 years now. He’ll be 41 this year and had his last kid last year. I’d think op was his wife but we don’t have an international company.

[Anonymous]

Something's odd here. OP mentions that she has summers/winters off, which is certainly a thing in the humanities/econ/law. But in the hard sciences and to some extent in econ, summers are pretty much when you get time to either get your research/grant writing/book writing done. So summers aren't free by any means.

If she is in the hard sciences, then the timeline is all off -- Ph.Ds take 5 years (4 if you are lucky or a superstar), a postdoc of 3-5 years is a must, promotion to tenure takes 4-5 years at least and then and 4 years to a full professor promotion. So 16 years at a minimum after an undergrad. And a 38 year full professor is a rarity. And you can't get off the treadmill ever if you want to maintain funding for your lab, your research space etc. Econ is a different story but not by much. But if you have tenure and are not in the hard sciences, then taking a leave of absence is fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Something's odd here. OP mentions that she has summers/winters off, which is certainly a thing in the humanities/econ/law. But in the hard sciences and to some extent in econ, summers are pretty much when you get time to either get your research/grant writing/book writing done. So summers aren't free by any means.

If she is in the hard sciences, then the timeline is all off -- Ph.Ds take 5 years (4 if you are lucky or a superstar), a postdoc of 3-5 years is a must, promotion to tenure takes 4-5 years at least and then and 4 years to a full professor promotion. So 16 years at a minimum after an undergrad. And a 38 year full professor is a rarity. And you can't get off the treadmill ever if you want to maintain funding for your lab, your research space etc. Econ is a different story but not by much. But if you have tenure and are not in the hard sciences, then taking a leave of absence is fine.

OP mentioned she is in a high paying field that doesn’t require much postdoc experience, so definitely not hard science. I also think she is in Econ or Business School. Since she is full now, she will have more flexibility with summer time off, especially if she does not have lab to take care of.