Neither AC wants kids. I can't help feeling like I failed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And let’s be honest, it’s hard to at times bordering on miserable. You’ll get the highest highs and the lowest lows as a parent — but you’re not allowed to talk about or admit the lows.

Is this a joke? The only socially acceptable thing to talk about are the lows!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a really hard time understanding all these posts crying about adult kids not having kids. I had kids because I like kids and wanted them. It never entered my mind that they were there to continue my genetic line. Who cares about that?

I have a hard time understanding how people don’t get that we are relational beings. We gain meaning and fulfillment through relationships with others. And one of, if not the most, meaningful relationship one can have is between a parent and a child. It’s not that I care about my children not continuing my genetic line- I care about them making a deliberate choice to impoverish their own lives. Even the people saying they don’t care generally are also saying how much they enjoyed having children.

It would be the same disappointment I would feel if they never found useful work. Would you find it weird if you someone posted that they were disappointed that their child refused to work and lived off of friends and family even though they had no impediment to working?

[Anonymous]

Getting married and intentionally deciding not to have kids is quite strange. This is not normal human behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And let’s be honest, it’s hard to at times bordering on miserable. You’ll get the highest highs and the lowest lows as a parent — but you’re not allowed to talk about or admit the lows.

Is this a joke? The only socially acceptable thing to talk about are the lows!

Not true. Nobody is allowed to talk about the actual lows — only the ones that are humorous. Even my own mother does not want to hear about how hard it is to parent our child who has mental health issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Getting married and intentionally deciding not to have kids is quite strange. This is not normal human behavior.

Oh shut up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a really hard time understanding all these posts crying about adult kids not having kids. I had kids because I like kids and wanted them. It never entered my mind that they were there to continue my genetic line. Who cares about that?

I have a hard time understanding how people don’t get that we are relational beings. We gain meaning and fulfillment through relationships with others. And one of, if not the most, meaningful relationship one can have is between a parent and a child. It’s not that I care about my children not continuing my genetic line- I care about them making a deliberate choice to impoverish their own lives. Even the people saying they don’t care generally are also saying how much they enjoyed having children.

It would be the same disappointment I would feel if they never found useful work. Would you find it weird if you someone posted that they were disappointed that their child refused to work and lived off of friends and family even though they had no impediment to working?

You need to ponder that there is not only one way to live your life. Having children and career that meets your standards is great for some people but there are many other options. There are many happy and fulfilled childless people. As you’ve never lived this life, you can’t say that they are missing out on anything. In fact, those of us with kids may have missed out on a lot that would have been more fulfilling than kids. We just don’t know because that isn’t the path we chose.

If you can’t wrap your little limited noodle around that one, then just remind yourself that they are adults now. They own their own lives and decisions. You need to learn how to develop an adult relationship with them based on respecting and accepting their life choices not seeing them as a reflection of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me guess OP. You were the type of mom who guilted their kids when they didn't do what you wanted them to do.

Not OP. You are just amazingly dumb. Hard to even believe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t want kids until I did. Give it time

This. For me it was about 33.

Please stop saying stuff like this. My kids aren't having kids, and they didn't. The ship has sailed.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry OP. I do have empathy for your situation. Your kids' decisions may or may not have to do with the way you parented. It could be that the life goals they made with the partners don't easily align with having children.

If it is important to you to have children in your life, maybe you can volunteer. Check your public school system. Ours recruits tutoring volunteers. For a bigger role, try Big Brothers/Big Sisters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly with the way the world is, better not to bring children into this mess.

The problem with this mentality is that it's only held by those with above average intelligence. Anti natalism is flawed because those with below average IQs tend to breed like rabbits, while smarter than average people tend to have fewer kids on average. If you're smart you should be having as many kids as possible and discouraging lower IQ folks from breeding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD has said she was a teen that she didn't want kids. Ha-ha ok you will change your mind is what everyone always told her. No, she's never wavered. She's in her late 20s and has been married for 3 years now (with her husband for 8 years total). She just told me that she found a doctor who was willing to do a tubal ligation so she could be done with birth control. It felt like a gut punch when she told me.

DS is in his early 30s and is getting married this fall. He's been with his fiancée for 4 years and they too have told us they have zero desire for kids. I thought for sure they would have kids as she's an elementary teacher and works at a kids camp in the summer.

How do I get over these feelings of failure? I know I raised great kids but at the same time, I feel like both are being selfish and it makes me angry. Is this something therapy helps with?

I'm so sorry OP.

My thoughts are prayers are with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. I do have empathy for your situation. Your kids' decisions may or may not have to do with the way you parented. It could be that the life goals they made with the partners don't easily align with having children.

If it is important to you to have children in your life, maybe you can volunteer. Check your public school system. Ours recruits tutoring volunteers. For a bigger role, try Big Brothers/Big Sisters.

It has less to do with how OP parented, and more to do with the kids lifetimes of listening to doomer sources, such as NPR and the Social they choose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. I do have empathy for your situation. Your kids' decisions may or may not have to do with the way you parented. It could be that the life goals they made with the partners don't easily align with having children.

If it is important to you to have children in your life, maybe you can volunteer. Check your public school system. Ours recruits tutoring volunteers. For a bigger role, try Big Brothers/Big Sisters.

+1. My PT church preschool has a lot of lovely older teachers who retrained for their second careers. I am guessing it doesn’t pay a lot but they seem to enjoy it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. I do have empathy for your situation. Your kids' decisions may or may not have to do with the way you parented. It could be that the life goals they made with the partners don't easily align with having children.

If it is important to you to have children in your life, maybe you can volunteer. Check your public school system. Ours recruits tutoring volunteers. For a bigger role, try Big Brothers/Big Sisters.

It has less to do with how OP parented, and more to do with the kids lifetimes of listening to doomer sources, such as NPR and the Social they choose.

This could very well be the case. Most of the people I know do not listen excessively to liberal media or social media and as a result they are generally hopeful people. I feel like SJWs are perpetually angry and depressed, and it’s not the right way to live life.

Note: I’ve voted Dem since I could vote but am sick of liberal doomsayers

[Anonymous]

People change. Just because someone in their twenties doesn’t want kids (pretty normal) doesn’t mean they won’t change their minds 10 years later (also pretty normal). People around here have kids late.