When should the grooms parents chip in on a wedding?

[Anonymous]

Why weddings are so expensive? Is it one reason for people to delay or avoid marriage?

[Anonymous]

Our sons know: we told them from a very early age that we would help (50%) with college and 20% of the down payment on a house. But on a party (wedding)? Nooo waayy. What a gross waste of money.

So, it never came up. Both sons sons had very small weddings they could afford on their own.

[Anonymous]

I have been to more weddings than i count over the past 30 years. The prettiest wedding dress I have seen on all these brides turned out to be an off-the-rack one from JC Penney.

When i finally got married at 41 (DH 36) I bought a gorgeous white tea-length dress on sale from Macy's for $140. The alterations were about $60. Rings a few hundred each from a local artist.

Our entire wedding costs were about 18K. Of course we could have afforded more, but no reason to. Focus on good friends and family.

[Anonymous]

I got married in 2021. It was very small and cost under 10k. My husband and I fully expected to pay for it ourselves. Neither one of our families are rich, however his family has significantly more money than mine does, while mine live paycheck to paycheck.

My parents surprised us by paying off our bill with the venue, while his parents gave us a check for a similar amount. I did not want to accept either gift, especially the gift from my parents because I know how much they struggle, but they absolutely insisted and would not take no for an answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our sons know: we told them from a very early age that we would help (50%) with college and 20% of the down payment on a house. But on a party (wedding)? Nooo waayy. What a gross waste of money.

So, it never came up. Both sons sons had very small weddings they could afford on their own.

Dead Beat Parents. Not for wedding but for only 50 percent college?

[Anonymous]

How does not having a wedding save money?

I got married engagement ring, honeymoon. That I do without or without a big wedding reception.

The actual wedding reception itself cost me way back 25 years ago 20k and I got 20k in checks.

With or without reception same cost.

[Anonymous]

Really, everyone needs to communicate expectations and realities, among bride, groom, and families.

I have 2 kids married already. Both in early 20's, so youngish. The DS and his bride did not really want either family to pay much, it was a nice event at a local firehouse that DIL's family volunteered at (not local to me). Her family made much of the food and me/my mom made the cake. This is what ds/dil wanted and it was simple yet nice. I made a donation to the firehouse after as a thank you.

DD and SIL, I had a set amount to contribute, they put in another third, and his family hosted the wedding on their property (it's gorgeous). His parent situation is difficult (one parent deceased already and one in poor health) but his extended family was awesome to host it. It was really pretty and dd loved it!

Both these weddings were nice, not fancy/expensive, but you do need to communicate about these things. It's not about rules, it's about communicating expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If bride's parents can't afford to pay for the type of wedding that the couple wants, shouldn't the grooms family step up and contribute? What are the rules now for paying for a wedding?

Each party paid a third of the total wedding costs of the venue, food, drink, band. I paid for my own dress and bridesmaid stuff too.

So 1/3 from each brides parents, grooms parents, bride/groom.

Nothing was egregious though in costs. I think it was $200/attendee, of the costs I listed below that were split.

[Anonymous]

Clothes and make up and photographer etc all me and groom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How does not having a wedding save money?

I got married engagement ring, honeymoon. That I do without or without a big wedding reception.

The actual wedding reception itself cost me way back 25 years ago 20k and I got 20k in checks.

With or without reception same cost.

not everyone gets that much in wedding gifts.

[Anonymous]

My parents really did not have money, so I didn't ask/expect any. My ILs were fairly well off by flyover standards yet my MiL was very clear that they were only paying for the rehearsal dinner as "that is all the groom's parents are obligated to do." Totally get that as that was their generation. We paid for the wedding out of our own pocket - married in middle of country so that helped tremendously with prices.

ILs gave us a very generous wedding gift only for us to learn much later that it was not their money, but money that had been given to them by one set of the grandparents to give to their grandchildren on their wedding day. That kind of rubbed me wrong as it did DH. We weren't expecting a gift, but to then claim that their wedding gift was from them seems when it was really from one of their parents just seemed so weird to me.

DH and I will offer to pay half, perhaps more if necessary. I don't want a family bankrupting themselves for a wedding.

[Anonymous]

I don't think that any set of parents should be paying for a wedding. It's a tradition that needs to go away.

But, because it still exists, I don't think the brides family should pay the brunt of it (I only have sons). We will chip in a certain amount. Not sure yet what that amount will be but we'll communicate that in advance. It will be more than the rehearsal dinner.

[Anonymous]

https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=2501480

"‘A Diamond is Forever’ and Other Fairy Tales: The Relationship between Wedding Expenses and Marriage Duration

Abstract

In this paper, we evaluate the association between wedding spending and marriage duration using data from a survey of over 3,000 ever-married persons in the United States. Controlling for a number of demographic and relationship characteristics, we find evidence that marriage duration is inversely associated with spending on the engagement ring and wedding ceremony. "

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We happily paid for three weddings for our three daughters, which ranged in cost from around $40k to $100k depending on what they wanted. We didn’t ask or expect the grooms’ families to pay for anything, but accepted whatever they offered to contribute. While none actually contribute to the wedding costs themselves, they did things like hood very, very nice rehearsal dinners - one probably cost as much as many weddings! - gave the newlyweds large cash gifts, etc.

All of the brides were in their mid to late 20s on their wedding days.

You are very wealthy most are not.

And if you cannot afford it, you are not obligated to pay that much for a wedding.
But if you can afford it, why wouldn't' you?

Maybe some of us don’t subscribe to the mindset that women are a burden and paying for the wedding as a way to thank the groom for taking the pesky daughter of our hands?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We happily paid for three weddings for our three daughters, which ranged in cost from around $40k to $100k depending on what they wanted. We didn’t ask or expect the grooms’ families to pay for anything, but accepted whatever they offered to contribute. While none actually contribute to the wedding costs themselves, they did things like hood very, very nice rehearsal dinners - one probably cost as much as many weddings! - gave the newlyweds large cash gifts, etc.

All of the brides were in their mid to late 20s on their wedding days.

Did you help with their college costs too?