When should the grooms parents chip in on a wedding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the brides parents are paying at least $30K, anything above that is on the couple. $30K is a average wedding budget.

Some wedding dresses are $10K, that's not much.

LOL. Only fools pay that much coin on a dress. In todays day and age, no couple should expect anyone to pay for their wedding except themselves. Have the wedding you can afford. Cut the cord, kids.

No one in the younger generations thinks this way. I was stunned that my nanny who lived paycheck to paycheck with her dh spent 4x on her wedding than I did . She also had a Tiffany engagement ring. She and her dh put a lot of that on credit cards. She was pregnant when she worked for us and her baby shower registry was insane. I remember her ordering with gift money an infant bikini with sunglasses. Dh and I are professionals with good salaries. The majority of my kid's baby clothes were used. Bikinis/sunglasses were never considered.

You're using your nanny who has zero sense with money as a proxy for all younger generations? Maybe you should try to find other data points

As far as her ring goes, https://www.cnn.com/2023/04/25/business/engagement-gap-covid-signet-jewelers/index.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please don't do it afterwards. DH and I married at 25 and couldn't afford much. His parents gave us money after the wedding (like 1k) but it would have been so amazing before since we had to pay all our vendors 30 days in advance. It's cool, we were just a bit broke that month.

Probably they knew you would spend more if they gave it earlier. If you didn't have money, why there were vendors? Why not a simple exchange of wows and dinner in backyard or a restaurant?

We wanted a wedding with our families present. We paid cash. It was 27k, so it was simple. It was the best day of our lives. Inlaws said they'd pay for the rehearsal dinner, but wouldn't give us money. We planned a very simple rehearsal dinner that we could afford since we didn't know if they'd pay. We wouldn't have spent more on our wedding, but we did have a lot of out of town guests upset they couldn't be invited to the rehearsal dinner.

The main issue was that our car broke down right before the wedding which used up any spare cash we had.

My whole point was that if you're a parent who says they'll pay, pay ahead of time so that it's less financial strain.

We're the counter point. We had a nice wedding, but there was a set budget. On our first anniversary the inlaws gave us a 50k check. I am so glad they waited because when we were planning we probably would have spent most of it on the wedding or honeymoon. Instead, we invested it and it became a large downpayment three years which helped launch us financially

[Anonymous]

My now in-laws subscribe to the bride's-family-pays model and had already paid for two lavish affairs before I came along. My parents could not possibly afford to pay for my wedding. So, we planned a low-budget affair that I could afford but my in-laws' unfunded mandates ("Here is our guest list of our friends who you have never met." "No, you may not wear a $200 wedding dress.") drove up the cost so they did ultimately lend us money that I regret accepting. It's my own fault for not wanting to deal with the confrontation of refusing the money but I would have been much happier with my low-budget affair.

[Anonymous]

The couple should pay for it or opt for a smaller wedding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We happily paid for three weddings for our three daughters, which ranged in cost from around $40k to $100k depending on what they wanted. We didn’t ask or expect the grooms’ families to pay for anything, but accepted whatever they offered to contribute. While none actually contribute to the wedding costs themselves, they did things like hood very, very nice rehearsal dinners - one probably cost as much as many weddings! - gave the newlyweds large cash gifts, etc.

All of the brides were in their mid to late 20s on their wedding days.

You are very wealthy most are not.

Not sure if PP is wealthy or just stupid.

If they can afford it, why not? Not our place to decide how others spend their money.

But yes, I wouldn't spend that type of money unless I was wealthy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We happily paid for three weddings for our three daughters, which ranged in cost from around $40k to $100k depending on what they wanted. We didn’t ask or expect the grooms’ families to pay for anything, but accepted whatever they offered to contribute. While none actually contribute to the wedding costs themselves, they did things like hood very, very nice rehearsal dinners - one probably cost as much as many weddings! - gave the newlyweds large cash gifts, etc.

All of the brides were in their mid to late 20s on their wedding days.

How many of the divorces are you willing to pay for?

Wow are you bitter.

All three are quite happily married to this day. Sorry to disappoint.

I'm not disappointed, just realistic. There's plenty of time, wait and see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please don't do it afterwards. DH and I married at 25 and couldn't afford much. His parents gave us money after the wedding (like 1k) but it would have been so amazing before since we had to pay all our vendors 30 days in advance. It's cool, we were just a bit broke that month.

Probably they knew you would spend more if they gave it earlier. If you didn't have money, why there were vendors? Why not a simple exchange of wows and dinner in backyard or a restaurant?

We wanted a wedding with our families present. We paid cash. It was 27k, so it was simple. It was the best day of our lives. Inlaws said they'd pay for the rehearsal dinner, but wouldn't give us money. We planned a very simple rehearsal dinner that we could afford since we didn't know if they'd pay. We wouldn't have spent more on our wedding, but we did have a lot of out of town guests upset they couldn't be invited to the rehearsal dinner.

The main issue was that our car broke down right before the wedding which used up any spare cash we had.

My whole point was that if you're a parent who says they'll pay, pay ahead of time so that it's less financial strain.

We're the counter point. We had a nice wedding, but there was a set budget. On our first anniversary the inlaws gave us a 50k check. I am so glad they waited because when we were planning we probably would have spent most of it on the wedding or honeymoon. Instead, we invested it and it became a large downpayment three years which helped launch us financially

Much better use of $50K IMO. Wedding is one day, a huge downpayment like that will go far with shaping your actual life together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got married at 35 to a 46 year old. We had a very small ceremony and a second line (we’re from New Orleans and the band was childhood friends of mine). I, the bride, paid for everything, which was collectively under $10k all said and done. There’s no reason my parents who are in their 70s should have to come up with money when they’re retired and on a fixed income. I think/hope that becomes more of the norm as people continue to marry later in life.

This! I didn’t read the thread. But it’s absurd that 30 year olds are expecting their near-retired or already retired parents to pay for a lavish wedding. The couple absolutely needs to chip in or adjust expectations. It’s completely outdated that a bride’s family is supposed to pay — and what for?? Splitting it in thirds seems fair. At my family wedding, each side split it, and my DH and I paid for our honeymoon, rings, I bought my dress, and we paid for some of the food/drink bill. Everyone was generous and fair.

[Anonymous]

Another vote for bride and groom pay. The wedding should be what those 2 can afford and not more. Throw in once married, the bride and groom pay their own bills for everything else too. Old enough to marry, old enough to manage their $.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We happily paid for three weddings for our three daughters, which ranged in cost from around $40k to $100k depending on what they wanted. We didn’t ask or expect the grooms’ families to pay for anything, but accepted whatever they offered to contribute. While none actually contribute to the wedding costs themselves, they did things like hood very, very nice rehearsal dinners - one probably cost as much as many weddings! - gave the newlyweds large cash gifts, etc.

All of the brides were in their mid to late 20s on their wedding days.

How many of the divorces are you willing to pay for?

Wow are you bitter.

All three are quite happily married to this day. Sorry to disappoint.

I'm not disappointed, just realistic. There's plenty of time, wait and see.

So jealous. So bitter. So childish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We happily paid for three weddings for our three daughters, which ranged in cost from around $40k to $100k depending on what they wanted. We didn’t ask or expect the grooms’ families to pay for anything, but accepted whatever they offered to contribute. While none actually contribute to the wedding costs themselves, they did things like hood very, very nice rehearsal dinners - one probably cost as much as many weddings! - gave the newlyweds large cash gifts, etc.

All of the brides were in their mid to late 20s on their wedding days.

How many of the divorces are you willing to pay for?

Wow are you bitter.

All three are quite happily married to this day. Sorry to disappoint.

I'm not disappointed, just realistic. There's plenty of time, wait and see.

So jealous. So bitter. So childish.

You are so delusional to think they will all be married until they die.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We happily paid for three weddings for our three daughters, which ranged in cost from around $40k to $100k depending on what they wanted. We didn’t ask or expect the grooms’ families to pay for anything, but accepted whatever they offered to contribute. While none actually contribute to the wedding costs themselves, they did things like hood very, very nice rehearsal dinners - one probably cost as much as many weddings! - gave the newlyweds large cash gifts, etc.

All of the brides were in their mid to late 20s on their wedding days.

How many of the divorces are you willing to pay for?

Wow are you bitter.

All three are quite happily married to this day. Sorry to disappoint.

I'm not disappointed, just realistic. There's plenty of time, wait and see.

So jealous. So bitter. So childish.

You are so delusional to think they will all be married until they die.

I guess we’ll see, won’t we. But here’s the thing: even if it happens, we still won’t regret paying for their wedding.

[Anonymous]

I came from a much, much poorer family than the groom, later on my husband. My parents were fresh of the boat immigrants, DH' parents lived in the country for 30 years. He and I were both grad students and barely making it financially. His parents covered our wedding, it was a very nice wedding, and were genuinely offended when my parents offered to pay at least for something. Also, someone here assumes the bride or groom want a costly wedding. Our wedding was at a country club where FIL was a member but my dress cost approx. $300 and I did my own hair and makeup.

[Anonymous]

There are no rules. Parents, on either side, should chip in when (a) they want to; (b) they can afford to; and (c) when they are mature enough to do so with no strings attached.

Otherwise, the couple should pay their own way.

[Anonymous]

How cheap are your guests? Don’t people give you gifts. A $50,000 wedding does not cost $50,000.