People who do nothing all day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, I am a SAHM to teens if that's what OP means. I do all the cooking and cleaning and child schlepping though. DH helps a little. I would do this forever but I know DH doesn't want that. He'd have me working now if it were up to him but I'm waiting until the youngest leaves because he won't have a serious discussion with me about what chores he's taking on if I start working outside the home.

It is a bit odd to care so much about him doing a chore when you have abdicated all financial responsiblity and put it 100% on him. You had kids without taking on any of the massive responsibility to keep them housed, or fed, or clothed, or for any of the extras they need or wanted. You don't even look after yourself - someone else pays all your expenses. I find it strange when one partner does absolutely nothing for a major responsibility of being a parent or an adult but then complains the other won't clean a toilet.

Maybe you had an agreement that 100% of everything hands on child and home related was on you and he has never lifted a finger in the home or with the kids and 100% of all basic needs (housing, food, clothes), financial responsibility, extras (vacations, cars, tuition, sports etc) was all on him and neither of you would ever help the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, I am a SAHM to teens if that's what OP means. I do all the cooking and cleaning and child schlepping though. DH helps a little. I would do this forever but I know DH doesn't want that. He'd have me working now if it were up to him but I'm waiting until the youngest leaves because he won't have a serious discussion with me about what chores he's taking on if I start working outside the home.

It is a bit odd to care so much about him doing a chore when you have abdicated all financial responsiblity and put it 100% on him. You had kids without taking on any of the massive responsibility to keep them housed, or fed, or clothed, or for any of the extras they need or wanted. You don't even look after yourself - someone else pays all your expenses. I find it strange when one partner does absolutely nothing for a major responsibility of being a parent or an adult but then complains the other won't clean a toilet.

Maybe you had an agreement that 100% of everything hands on child and home related was on you and he has never lifted a finger in the home or with the kids and 100% of all basic needs (housing, food, clothes), financial responsibility, extras (vacations, cars, tuition, sports etc) was all on him and neither of you would ever help the other.

. NP here. Reading comprehension fail. She’s clearly talking about which chores he’d be willing to do IF she starts working outside the home. She thinks doing everything at home AND working outside the home is a bad deal and she is right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Question for people who do nothing much. Who is financially supporting you? What would you do if that person decided not to do so anymore. Would you look for someone else to support you?

The people supporting me financially are all dead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, I am a SAHM to teens if that's what OP means. I do all the cooking and cleaning and child schlepping though. DH helps a little. I would do this forever but I know DH doesn't want that. He'd have me working now if it were up to him but I'm waiting until the youngest leaves because he won't have a serious discussion with me about what chores he's taking on if I start working outside the home.

It is a bit odd to care so much about him doing a chore when you have abdicated all financial responsiblity and put it 100% on him. You had kids without taking on any of the massive responsibility to keep them housed, or fed, or clothed, or for any of the extras they need or wanted. You don't even look after yourself - someone else pays all your expenses. I find it strange when one partner does absolutely nothing for a major responsibility of being a parent or an adult but then complains the other won't clean a toilet.

Maybe you had an agreement that 100% of everything hands on child and home related was on you and he has never lifted a finger in the home or with the kids and 100% of all basic needs (housing, food, clothes), financial responsibility, extras (vacations, cars, tuition, sports etc) was all on him and neither of you would ever help the other.

People are on dcum tend to assume that a job is the only source of money, which is weird for such a rich board.

I don’t know that many SAHMs but the ones I do mostly have income from family money. The husband’s job is not fully supporting them, in some cases not even closely. The ones I know where that’s not the case are all religious, so for them the SAHM thing was baked in to their partnership from the start.

[Anonymous]

I feel it is different for those who have retired and are now relaxing until they die

The ones that are younger I find harder to understand, particularly if they don’t have young children. Who is paying for them to do nothing? I would get sick of supporting someone that just sat around doing nothing all day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Question for people who do nothing much. Who is financially supporting you? What would you do if that person decided not to do so anymore. Would you look for someone else to support you?

I’d be fine with half the marital assets. Lifestyle would go down some, but still fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those people aren't posting on DCUM.

People in DCUM are performing a community service are peer mentoring.

Ongoing anonymous group therapy /fantasy writing. It’s not easy.

+1, hidden heroes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel it is different for those who have retired and are now relaxing until they die

The ones that are younger I find harder to understand, particularly if they don’t have young children. Who is paying for them to do nothing? I would get sick of supporting someone that just sat around doing nothing all day.

Retiring at 40 though? If you are not rich? If you complain your spouse doesn’t make enough money? What do you think he “owes” you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel it is different for those who have retired and are now relaxing until they die

The ones that are younger I find harder to understand, particularly if they don’t have young children. Who is paying for them to do nothing? I would get sick of supporting someone that just sat around doing nothing all day.

Grifters. Ew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know anyone like that. Seriously, not a single person.

I know a couple. My sister has never worked. Her children are in college. She doesn't volunteer anywhere. She doesn't have hobbies. She doesn't read. She doesn't have the attention span to watch a movie. I would die of boredom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know anyone like that. Seriously, not a single person.

I know a couple. My sister has never worked. Her children are in college. She doesn't volunteer anywhere. She doesn't have hobbies. She doesn't read. She doesn't have the attention span to watch a movie. I would die of boredom.

Anyone with a brain needs to be productive.

[Anonymous]

I’m like that, during the summer at least, when I’m not working. And weekends.

I’m depressed and most days it was a struggle to get out of bed and spent the days with a constant feeling of impending doom and wishing for death.

Going back to work has helped immensely.

I KNEW if I went out there, for a walk or to the gym it would gave helped, but while you are at the midst of it, there is just no energy.

I did NOTHING I had planned during the summer, not even baked with my children.

It is miserable op.

[Anonymous]

I think OP is talking about Federal workers, who are doing something BTW - they are trying to look busy. It's exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know anyone like that. Seriously, not a single person.

I know a couple. My sister has never worked. Her children are in college. She doesn't volunteer anywhere. She doesn't have hobbies. She doesn't read. She doesn't have the attention span to watch a movie. I would die of boredom.

I think you would succumb to fatal jealousy before boredom.

[Anonymous]

OP you seem like you have enough idle time to monitor people inactivity, maybe you should get a hobby or side gig. Or do you include coveting and judging as an activity?