Why is it taboo for adult children to leech off their parents, but not for parents to leech off their adult children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of you are too entitled to see the contradiction between

"My parents should not only help me through college, they should also help me in my 20s with rent/car/down payment/wedding."

and

"Mom and dad don't have any retirement savings, that's their fault so why should I help them out?"

Retirement is a luxury, just like cars, houses, and weddings. It shouldn't be a given. It should be earned. If you can save up enough to retire on your own, then great, but expecting someone else to make sacrifices so that you can ample fun and free time is wrong. I don't see why an adult child should sacrifice their occasional bit of free time so that their parents can have nothing but free time.

You will see when you get old that it is much harder to work the older you get.

Retired people are not lazy, they are (often) tired or sick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

What we need is safe and supportive childcare and eldercare in this world. These are basics, weapons and designer goods aren't. We as a society should be supportive to each other.

Traditionally, family filled those roles.

But when in your 40s, full time job, menopause, demanding kids and also need to look after your parents...


... you get suicidal.

The in-family eldercare has gone the way of the dodo, except in countries where household help is still cheap, or in places so underdeveloped that women are always home.

Finally someone who gets it.

No one requires women to work… If you are that stressed, downsize your lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a spoiled 18-24 year old asking this.
Stats show Parents spend approx. $300,000 raising a child until age 18, plus tons more if they pay for college. That is enough.

For this, an adult child should then return the gift and help care for a parent for the last 5-10 years of their life when they become frail and need care. That’s the circle of life.

An adult age 22ish- age 60 shouldn’t need help or be leeching off anyone.

So a 25-year-old with a debilitating illness is less deserving of help than a healthy and able-bodied 75-year-old?

[Anonymous]

Both are taboo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IDK, but sounds like you have a terrible relationship with your family. If my parents ever had a need, I would 100% take them into my home and take care of them. Right now they live with my brother. In our culture we take care of our elders. I have also told my kids they can always come back to me for help. It might be that they need an extra push to be more productive and get off video games and get a real job, but I'm not there yet with my kids. I will always have a room for them at my house when they are in need. However, if you're at the point when you feel that "I didn't ask to be born" that doesn't seem like a good place to support their parents. Seems like deeper issues.

Like I said before, I understand both arguments on their own. What I don't understand is the double-standard; why the "You have a moral obligation to help a family member in need even if you have no legal obligations towards them." argument is valid when an adult child has a parent in need, but not when a parent has an adult child in need.

Idk about others but my parents would've done everything if I needed help and I do everything I can for my children. Its not an obligation, real term is unconditional love.

Parents may choose not to continue to help an adult child to help said adult child “grow up” and be less dependent on them. Withholding non-life saving help can be seen as good parenting necessary to help their adult children “launch”.

On the other hand, parents give children life and most adults like being alive. In fact, most consider life the most precious gift they have. That in itself is enough to be grateful and feel some obligation.

But what if you had good parents? Good parents shouldn’t be taken for granted. There is no guarantee that a child will end up with parents who will provide for them and love them to the best of their abilities. So if you are privileged enough to end up with some good parents through no merit of your own, you ought to feel extra grateful and willing to give back to those who raised you.

If nothing else, consider it a delayed tip for good parental service

Wow! So love is something that has to be earned?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are obvious reasons for why it’s reasonable for a 25 yr old to fend for themselves that we can’t say the same of for an 85 yr old. Even if the 85 yr old made serious mistakes to need the help, they can’t just fix it by getting 2 jobs.

What about a 25-year-old with a debilitating illness?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a spoiled 18-24 year old asking this.
Stats show Parents spend approx. $300,000 raising a child until age 18, plus tons more if they pay for college. That is enough.

For this, an adult child should then return the gift and help care for a parent for the last 5-10 years of their life when they become frail and need care. That’s the circle of life.

An adult age 22ish- age 60 shouldn’t need help or be leeching off anyone.

This. Parents spend money on their kids that they could have used to save for retirement, so they have less savings at retirement than if they didn't have kids. Or they could have used the money spent on kids to take great vacations.

Point is, they sacrificed one way or another.

"The kids didn't ask to be born" is a cop-out. If you asked any of these kids I'm certain they'd all say they're glad to be alive. They're also glad their parents put a roof over their heads and fed them.

If you don't want to make sacrifices your kids, don't have any!

[Anonymous]

It IS taboo for adults to leech off of other adult family members. Full stop.

Parents should want to NOT be a burdens
And adult children need to grow the f up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

What we need is safe and supportive childcare and eldercare in this world. These are basics, weapons and designer goods aren't. We as a society should be supportive to each other.

Traditionally, family filled those roles.

But when in your 40s, full time job, menopause, demanding kids and also need to look after your parents...


... you get suicidal.

The in-family eldercare has gone the way of the dodo, except in countries where household help is still cheap, or in places so underdeveloped that women are always home.

Finally someone who gets it.

No one requires women to work… If you are that stressed, downsize your lifestyle.

No one requires men to work out of the home either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Both are taboo

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents are supposed to love their children unconditionally. Your parents are supposed to be the two people in the world who don't expect anything in return for whatever help and support they give you. Otherwise, what separates parents from a bank?

Agree.
Pay it forward.

[Anonymous]

Children usually outlive their parents. If adult children haven't learned to take care of themselves by the time their parents are gone, they're screwed. However, adult children caring for elderly parents are going to outlive said elderly parents, so this same issue isn't applicable. Elderly parents need care because they are dying.

In a caregiving situation where the caregiver is going to die before the person they're caring for, the person being cared for needs to learn to care for themselves, because their caregiver won't always be around. But in a caregiving situation where the caregiver is going to outlive the person they're caring for, the caregiving can just continue caring for person in need of care for the rest of their life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of you are too entitled to see the contradiction between

"My parents should not only help me through college, they should also help me in my 20s with rent/car/down payment/wedding."

and

"Mom and dad don't have any retirement savings, that's their fault so why should I help them out?"

No, what I can't see the difference between is

"My parents should provide me with food and shelter if I need it and they can."

and

"I should provide my parents with food and shelter if they need it and I can."

[Anonymous]

There are a lot more government resources for older adults than young adults. Older adults get social security, Medicare, subsidized housing, and SNAP. In some states, they also get assistance with utilities and property taxes.

For that reason, U will be helping my adult children a lot more than my retired parents.

[Anonymous]

“I” not “U”