Why is it taboo for adult children to leech off their parents, but not for parents to leech off their adult children?

[Anonymous]

Families are united units and things go both ways. Whoever needs it gets help. If the children or siblings need help the family steps in. If the parents or grandparents need help the family steps in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Families are united units and things go both ways. Whoever needs it gets help. If the children or siblings need help the family steps in. If the parents or grandparents need help the family steps in.

This^. Nobody takes advantage of others but when one family member needs it, others voluntarily step up. There is no leeching or compulsion, just having each other's back.

[Anonymous]

And the person who is on receiving end, makes sure to only receive as much is essential, not an additional morsal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:simple
older parents were once/still are productive members of society, by both having jobs and raising children (ie the next generation of productive members of society).

adult children "leeches" have not yet become productive members of society, but they need to.

It’s not always that simple. What about those of us with parents who were never “productive members of society” ie never really had a job and lived off of welfare and assistance from extended family until we were old enough to provide for ourselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:simple
older parents were once/still are productive members of society, by both having jobs and raising children (ie the next generation of productive members of society).

adult children "leeches" have not yet become productive members of society, but they need to.

It’s not always that simple. What about those of us with parents who were never “productive members of society” ie never really had a job and lived off of welfare and assistance from extended family until we were old enough to provide for ourselves.

Then nothing owed to them. But that is an unusual situation and not the norm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:simple
older parents were once/still are productive members of society, by both having jobs and raising children (ie the next generation of productive members of society).

adult children "leeches" have not yet become productive members of society, but they need to.

It’s not always that simple. What about those of us with parents who were never “productive members of society” ie never really had a job and lived off of welfare and assistance from extended family until we were old enough to provide for ourselves.

This is an extreme situation, average advice doesn't apply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a spoiled 18-24 year old asking this.
Stats show Parents spend approx. $300,000 raising a child until age 18, plus tons more if they pay for college. That is enough.

For this, an adult child should then return the gift and help care for a parent for the last 5-10 years of their life when they become frail and need care. That’s the circle of life.

An adult age 22ish- age 60 shouldn’t need help or be leeching off anyone.

This. Parents spend money on their kids that they could have used to save for retirement, so they have less savings at retirement than if they didn't have kids. Or they could have used the money spent on kids to take great vacations.

Point is, they sacrificed one way or another.

"The kids didn't ask to be born" is a cop-out. If you asked any of these kids I'm certain they'd all say they're glad to be alive. They're also glad their parents put a roof over their heads and fed them.

<< The kids didn't ask to be born" is a cop-out. If you asked any of these kids I'm certain they'd all say they're glad to be alive>>

I wouldn’t. Non-existence is not a bad state to be. It’s different that being alive, known and then dying. Non-existing is neutral and possibly preferable to a tragic life. This is also the reason why l never understand opposition to abortion by the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of you are too entitled to see the contradiction between

"My parents should not only help me through college, they should also help me in my 20s with rent/car/down payment/wedding."

and

"Mom and dad don't have any retirement savings, that's their fault so why should I help them out?"

Retirement is a luxury, just like cars, houses, and weddings. It shouldn't be a given. It should be earned. If you can save up enough to retire on your own, then great, but expecting someone else to make sacrifices so that you can ample fun and free time is wrong. I don't see why an adult child should sacrifice their occasional bit of free time so that their parents can have nothing but free time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Families are united units and things go both ways. Whoever needs it gets help. If the children or siblings need help the family steps in. If the parents or grandparents need help the family steps in.

This^. Nobody takes advantage of others but when one family member needs it, others voluntarily step up. There is no leeching or compulsion, just having each other's back.

It's a nice idea, but as someone who's always on the giving end with family members lately, it sure feels like there is leeching, and I'm starting to feel resentful and it's causing problems in my marriage.

[Anonymous]

Parents are supposed to love their children unconditionally. Your parents are supposed to be the two people in the world who don't expect anything in return for whatever help and support they give you. Otherwise, what separates parents from a bank?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Families are united units and things go both ways. Whoever needs it gets help. If the children or siblings need help the family steps in. If the parents or grandparents need help the family steps in.

This^. Nobody takes advantage of others but when one family member needs it, others voluntarily step up. There is no leeching or compulsion, just having each other's back.

It's a nice idea, but as someone who's always on the giving end with family members lately, it sure feels like there is leeching, and I'm starting to feel resentful and it's causing problems in my marriage.

If one party is ALWAYS on the giving end and it causes problems for them, its not a good situation. Move back and only help with emergencies, you are only required to do the right thing, not keep giving what others expect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Saying this “the OP didn't ask to be born. The OP's parents chose to bring them into the world.” screams that you are an immature irrational kid and entirely self-centered.

If adults didn’t keep procreating, population would die out completely. Do you get that?
And if most parents didn’t sacrifice and try their best to raise decent human beings, the world would devolve into complete chaos.

Come back after you raise a kid or 2, or do something else giving to society, and reevaluate your ideas

Dp
Hogwash. I agree with that poster. We get no say in the financial decisions our parents make and I would refuse to pay for someone who made lots of selfish decisions. plenty of us had parents who took advantage of us financially. I will help my kids but I wouldn’t let a selfish parent of mine or my partners take from my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

What we need is safe and supportive childcare and eldercare in this world. These are basics, weapons and designer goods aren't. We as a society should be supportive to each other.

Traditionally, family filled those roles.

But when in your 40s, full time job, menopause, demanding kids and also need to look after your parents...


... you get suicidal.

The in-family eldercare has gone the way of the dodo, except in countries where household help is still cheap, or in places so underdeveloped that women are always home.

Finally someone who gets it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:simple
older parents were once/still are productive members of society, by both having jobs and raising children (ie the next generation of productive members of society).

adult children "leeches" have not yet become productive members of society, but they need to.

It’s not always that simple. What about those of us with parents who were never “productive members of society” ie never really had a job and lived off of welfare and assistance from extended family until we were old enough to provide for ourselves.

Then nothing owed to them. But that is an unusual situation and not the norm

I don't view it as a ledger where one owes the other this amount or that. What a strange way to go through life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:IDK, but sounds like you have a terrible relationship with your family. If my parents ever had a need, I would 100% take them into my home and take care of them. Right now they live with my brother. In our culture we take care of our elders. I have also told my kids they can always come back to me for help. It might be that they need an extra push to be more productive and get off video games and get a real job, but I'm not there yet with my kids. I will always have a room for them at my house when they are in need. However, if you're at the point when you feel that "I didn't ask to be born" that doesn't seem like a good place to support their parents. Seems like deeper issues.

Why? Because they're physically weak for the most part. But what a 25-year-old with a chronic illness or a handicap? Should they be denied care and help just because they're in the minority?