50/50 is terrible for kids! Why does this nonsense persist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The kids should get to stay in the primary home, the home they grew up in. I agree with OP that 50/50 sucks for kids. All of you that do it can convince yourself your kids are fine with it, but they’re not. They don’t have options though so they have to go along with it.

This should be mandatory.

Are you a 5 year old?

Nope, just someone who had to deal with a selfish farther who seemed to enjoy forcing me to travel all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The kids should get to stay in the primary home, the home they grew up in. I agree with OP that 50/50 sucks for kids. All of you that do it can convince yourself your kids are fine with it, but they’re not. They don’t have options though so they have to go along with it.

This should be mandatory.

Are you a 5 year old?

Nope, just someone who had to deal with a selfish farther who seemed to enjoy forcing me to travel all the time.

What does that have to do with divorce? Lots of married parents force their kids to travel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:50/50 has been an absolute godsend for a couple of women of my acquaintance who finally have the time to pursue career, meaningful and healthy relationships, and their own health and well being.

Unfortunately the instances where a father fights for 50/50 to lower child support and then constantly flakes should be dealt with more harshly by the courts and penalized per diem in child support payments.

Your constant Dad bashing is pathetic. Many moms fight for full custody to get maximum child support and then don't spend it on the kids. It goes both ways. Its pathetic that the courts have zero accountability for child support and keep Dad's out of kids' lives as the other parent often manipulates the kids and situation for their best interests.

It’s not Dad bashing. I have nothing but respect for the men who seek 50/50 and actually take 50% without excuses or constant flakiness.

The ones that realize their weekend includes Super Bowl Sunday and expect to be able to either switch or drop the kids back with mom by 2pm tomorrow? Nothing but contempt.

Yes you are. Same post every time.

Do you think there should be consequences for men who don’t take their 50% if that’s what they sought in court?

Yes, there are consequences, they lose custody. However, there are no consequences if the Mom's don't spend the child support on the kids.

If she’s buying food and clothes and providing a place to sleep, she’s spending child support on the kids. Or are you claiming it’s common for people to starve their kids, not give the clothes, and make them sleep outside?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP.

Honestly, I think the issue is that there is even a presumption. Every case should be handled separately and by its own merits. There is no solution that works for everyone. 50/50 physical works well for some, and not for others. There's no reason any type of custody arrangement should be assumed.

The presumption is based on study after study stating both parents are equally important. Parents are free to to try to show otherwise in their particular case. It’s really weird to say that the court should not start with a presumption of equality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The kids should get to stay in the primary home, the home they grew up in. I agree with OP that 50/50 sucks for kids. All of you that do it can convince yourself your kids are fine with it, but they’re not. They don’t have options though so they have to go along with it.

This should be mandatory.

Are you a 5 year old?

Nope, just someone who had to deal with a selfish farther who seemed to enjoy forcing me to travel all the time.

What does that have to do with divorce? Lots of married parents force their kids to travel.

1. Because had he not caused a divorce by cheating and then moved ridiculously far away from my mother there would have been no reason for all of the traveling.
2. The fact that lots of parents do it doesn't mean it's not wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:50/50 has been an absolute godsend for a couple of women of my acquaintance who finally have the time to pursue career, meaningful and healthy relationships, and their own health and well being.

Unfortunately the instances where a father fights for 50/50 to lower child support and then constantly flakes should be dealt with more harshly by the courts and penalized per diem in child support payments.

Your constant Dad bashing is pathetic. Many moms fight for full custody to get maximum child support and then don't spend it on the kids. It goes both ways. Its pathetic that the courts have zero accountability for child support and keep Dad's out of kids' lives as the other parent often manipulates the kids and situation for their best interests.

It’s not Dad bashing. I have nothing but respect for the men who seek 50/50 and actually take 50% without excuses or constant flakiness.

The ones that realize their weekend includes Super Bowl Sunday and expect to be able to either switch or drop the kids back with mom by 2pm tomorrow? Nothing but contempt.

Yes you are. Same post every time.

Do you think there should be consequences for men who don’t take their 50% if that’s what they sought in court?

Yes, there are consequences, they lose custody. However, there are no consequences if the Mom's don't spend the child support on the kids.

If she’s buying food and clothes and providing a place to sleep, she’s spending child support on the kids. Or are you claiming it’s common for people to starve their kids, not give the clothes, and make them sleep outside?

Or, what if her boyfriend pays the rent and the kids are going without clothes and they are on food stamps....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:50/50 has been an absolute godsend for a couple of women of my acquaintance who finally have the time to pursue career, meaningful and healthy relationships, and their own health and well being.

Unfortunately the instances where a father fights for 50/50 to lower child support and then constantly flakes should be dealt with more harshly by the courts and penalized per diem in child support payments.

Your constant Dad bashing is pathetic. Many moms fight for full custody to get maximum child support and then don't spend it on the kids. It goes both ways. Its pathetic that the courts have zero accountability for child support and keep Dad's out of kids' lives as the other parent often manipulates the kids and situation for their best interests.

It’s not Dad bashing. I have nothing but respect for the men who seek 50/50 and actually take 50% without excuses or constant flakiness.

The ones that realize their weekend includes Super Bowl Sunday and expect to be able to either switch or drop the kids back with mom by 2pm tomorrow? Nothing but contempt.

Yes you are. Same post every time.

Do you think there should be consequences for men who don’t take their 50% if that’s what they sought in court?

Yes, there are consequences, they lose custody. However, there are no consequences if the Mom's don't spend the child support on the kids.

If she’s buying food and clothes and providing a place to sleep, she’s spending child support on the kids. Or are you claiming it’s common for people to starve their kids, not give the clothes, and make them sleep outside?

Or, what if her boyfriend pays the rent and the kids are going without clothes and they are on food stamps....

Going without clothes meaning the kids are barefoot and naked or meaning in your omniscience you don’t think their clothes justify the child support? Even if someone else pays rent, internet, heat and electricity aren’t free. Food stamp and other benefit adjudications take child support into account so obviously she’s not getting very much if she still qualifies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:50/50 has been an absolute godsend for a couple of women of my acquaintance who finally have the time to pursue career, meaningful and healthy relationships, and their own health and well being.

Unfortunately the instances where a father fights for 50/50 to lower child support and then constantly flakes should be dealt with more harshly by the courts and penalized per diem in child support payments.

Your constant Dad bashing is pathetic. Many moms fight for full custody to get maximum child support and then don't spend it on the kids. It goes both ways. Its pathetic that the courts have zero accountability for child support and keep Dad's out of kids' lives as the other parent often manipulates the kids and situation for their best interests.

It’s not Dad bashing. I have nothing but respect for the men who seek 50/50 and actually take 50% without excuses or constant flakiness.

The ones that realize their weekend includes Super Bowl Sunday and expect to be able to either switch or drop the kids back with mom by 2pm tomorrow? Nothing but contempt.

Yes you are. Same post every time.

Do you think there should be consequences for men who don’t take their 50% if that’s what they sought in court?

Yes, there are consequences, they lose custody. However, there are no consequences if the Mom's don't spend the child support on the kids.

If she’s buying food and clothes and providing a place to sleep, she’s spending child support on the kids. Or are you claiming it’s common for people to starve their kids, not give the clothes, and make them sleep outside?

Or, what if her boyfriend pays the rent and the kids are going without clothes and they are on food stamps....

And what if every dime of this minimal child support is going to a college fund to help make sure the kid isn’t living in poverty in the future?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:50/50 has been an absolute godsend for a couple of women of my acquaintance who finally have the time to pursue career, meaningful and healthy relationships, and their own health and well being.

Unfortunately the instances where a father fights for 50/50 to lower child support and then constantly flakes should be dealt with more harshly by the courts and penalized per diem in child support payments.

Your constant Dad bashing is pathetic. Many moms fight for full custody to get maximum child support and then don't spend it on the kids. It goes both ways. Its pathetic that the courts have zero accountability for child support and keep Dad's out of kids' lives as the other parent often manipulates the kids and situation for their best interests.

It’s not Dad bashing. I have nothing but respect for the men who seek 50/50 and actually take 50% without excuses or constant flakiness.

The ones that realize their weekend includes Super Bowl Sunday and expect to be able to either switch or drop the kids back with mom by 2pm tomorrow? Nothing but contempt.

Yes you are. Same post every time.

Do you think there should be consequences for men who don’t take their 50% if that’s what they sought in court?

Yes, there are consequences, they lose custody. However, there are no consequences if the Mom's don't spend the child support on the kids.

If she’s buying food and clothes and providing a place to sleep, she’s spending child support on the kids. Or are you claiming it’s common for people to starve their kids, not give the clothes, and make them sleep outside?

Or, what if her boyfriend pays the rent and the kids are going without clothes and they are on food stamps....

Going without clothes meaning the kids are barefoot and naked or meaning in your omniscience you don’t think their clothes justify the child support? Even if someone else pays rent, internet, heat and electricity aren’t free. Food stamp and other benefit adjudications take child support into account so obviously she’s not getting very much if she still qualifies.

Again, if they aren't paying the rent and utilities that should not be taken into child support calculations as you are saying that is what child support is for. The kids often went without proper clothing and shoes too small. And, no, food stamps and other benefits did not take into consideration the child support as if they did she wouldn't have qualified. More than likely she lied about the child support as no way she'd get food stamps and medical otherwise, especially dad had the kids on full medical coverage.

Surprise, some Mom's lie and don't use the money appropriately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:50/50 has been an absolute godsend for a couple of women of my acquaintance who finally have the time to pursue career, meaningful and healthy relationships, and their own health and well being.

Unfortunately the instances where a father fights for 50/50 to lower child support and then constantly flakes should be dealt with more harshly by the courts and penalized per diem in child support payments.

Your constant Dad bashing is pathetic. Many moms fight for full custody to get maximum child support and then don't spend it on the kids. It goes both ways. Its pathetic that the courts have zero accountability for child support and keep Dad's out of kids' lives as the other parent often manipulates the kids and situation for their best interests.

It’s not Dad bashing. I have nothing but respect for the men who seek 50/50 and actually take 50% without excuses or constant flakiness.

The ones that realize their weekend includes Super Bowl Sunday and expect to be able to either switch or drop the kids back with mom by 2pm tomorrow? Nothing but contempt.

Yes you are. Same post every time.

Do you think there should be consequences for men who don’t take their 50% if that’s what they sought in court?

Yes, there are consequences, they lose custody. However, there are no consequences if the Mom's don't spend the child support on the kids.

If she’s buying food and clothes and providing a place to sleep, she’s spending child support on the kids. Or are you claiming it’s common for people to starve their kids, not give the clothes, and make them sleep outside?

Or, what if her boyfriend pays the rent and the kids are going without clothes and they are on food stamps....

And what if every dime of this minimal child support is going to a college fund to help make sure the kid isn’t living in poverty in the future?

That would be great but many Dad's are paying a much higher amount of support. And, in that case ifs mom is able to save the money, they wouldn't qualify for benefits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:50/50 has been an absolute godsend for a couple of women of my acquaintance who finally have the time to pursue career, meaningful and healthy relationships, and their own health and well being.

Unfortunately the instances where a father fights for 50/50 to lower child support and then constantly flakes should be dealt with more harshly by the courts and penalized per diem in child support payments.

Your constant Dad bashing is pathetic. Many moms fight for full custody to get maximum child support and then don't spend it on the kids. It goes both ways. Its pathetic that the courts have zero accountability for child support and keep Dad's out of kids' lives as the other parent often manipulates the kids and situation for their best interests.

It’s not Dad bashing. I have nothing but respect for the men who seek 50/50 and actually take 50% without excuses or constant flakiness.

The ones that realize their weekend includes Super Bowl Sunday and expect to be able to either switch or drop the kids back with mom by 2pm tomorrow? Nothing but contempt.

Yes you are. Same post every time.

Do you think there should be consequences for men who don’t take their 50% if that’s what they sought in court?

Yes, there are consequences, they lose custody. However, there are no consequences if the Mom's don't spend the child support on the kids.

If she’s buying food and clothes and providing a place to sleep, she’s spending child support on the kids. Or are you claiming it’s common for people to starve their kids, not give the clothes, and make them sleep outside?

Or, what if her boyfriend pays the rent and the kids are going without clothes and they are on food stamps....

Going without clothes meaning the kids are barefoot and naked or meaning in your omniscience you don’t think their clothes justify the child support? Even if someone else pays rent, internet, heat and electricity aren’t free. Food stamp and other benefit adjudications take child support into account so obviously she’s not getting very much if she still qualifies.

Again, if they aren't paying the rent and utilities that should not be taken into child support calculations as you are saying that is what child support is for. The kids often went without proper clothing and shoes too small. And, no, food stamps and other benefits did not take into consideration the child support as if they did she wouldn't have qualified. More than likely she lied about the child support as no way she'd get food stamps and medical otherwise, especially dad had the kids on full medical coverage.

Surprise, some Mom's lie and don't use the money appropriately.

So, I call troll here-they absolutely check this when a parent applies for aid. Child support orders are court records. If this Mom 'lied' it must have been decades ago before computers were in wide use. Also, one can easily report suspected food stamp fraud. In fact, it's as easy as posting on DCUM

I really think there is one, or a few, posters in this thread whose last interactions with the family court system was in 1985 or so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:50/50 has been an absolute godsend for a couple of women of my acquaintance who finally have the time to pursue career, meaningful and healthy relationships, and their own health and well being.

Unfortunately the instances where a father fights for 50/50 to lower child support and then constantly flakes should be dealt with more harshly by the courts and penalized per diem in child support payments.

Your constant Dad bashing is pathetic. Many moms fight for full custody to get maximum child support and then don't spend it on the kids. It goes both ways. Its pathetic that the courts have zero accountability for child support and keep Dad's out of kids' lives as the other parent often manipulates the kids and situation for their best interests.

It’s not Dad bashing. I have nothing but respect for the men who seek 50/50 and actually take 50% without excuses or constant flakiness.

The ones that realize their weekend includes Super Bowl Sunday and expect to be able to either switch or drop the kids back with mom by 2pm tomorrow? Nothing but contempt.

Yes you are. Same post every time.

Do you think there should be consequences for men who don’t take their 50% if that’s what they sought in court?

Yes, there are consequences, they lose custody. However, there are no consequences if the Mom's don't spend the child support on the kids.

If she’s buying food and clothes and providing a place to sleep, she’s spending child support on the kids. Or are you claiming it’s common for people to starve their kids, not give the clothes, and make them sleep outside?

Or, what if her boyfriend pays the rent and the kids are going without clothes and they are on food stamps....

And what if every dime of this minimal child support is going to a college fund to help make sure the kid isn’t living in poverty in the future?

That would be great but many Dad's are paying a much higher amount of support. And, in that case ifs mom is able to save the money, they wouldn't qualify for benefits.

Why are “many dads” spending so much on child support if everyone always says 50/50 physical is presumed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:50/50 has been an absolute godsend for a couple of women of my acquaintance who finally have the time to pursue career, meaningful and healthy relationships, and their own health and well being.

Unfortunately the instances where a father fights for 50/50 to lower child support and then constantly flakes should be dealt with more harshly by the courts and penalized per diem in child support payments.

Your constant Dad bashing is pathetic. Many moms fight for full custody to get maximum child support and then don't spend it on the kids. It goes both ways. Its pathetic that the courts have zero accountability for child support and keep Dad's out of kids' lives as the other parent often manipulates the kids and situation for their best interests.

It’s not Dad bashing. I have nothing but respect for the men who seek 50/50 and actually take 50% without excuses or constant flakiness.

The ones that realize their weekend includes Super Bowl Sunday and expect to be able to either switch or drop the kids back with mom by 2pm tomorrow? Nothing but contempt.

Yes you are. Same post every time.

Do you think there should be consequences for men who don’t take their 50% if that’s what they sought in court?

Yes, there are consequences, they lose custody. However, there are no consequences if the Mom's don't spend the child support on the kids.

If she’s buying food and clothes and providing a place to sleep, she’s spending child support on the kids. Or are you claiming it’s common for people to starve their kids, not give the clothes, and make them sleep outside?

Or, what if her boyfriend pays the rent and the kids are going without clothes and they are on food stamps....

Going without clothes meaning the kids are barefoot and naked or meaning in your omniscience you don’t think their clothes justify the child support? Even if someone else pays rent, internet, heat and electricity aren’t free. Food stamp and other benefit adjudications take child support into account so obviously she’s not getting very much if she still qualifies.

Again, if they aren't paying the rent and utilities that should not be taken into child support calculations as you are saying that is what child support is for. The kids often went without proper clothing and shoes too small. And, no, food stamps and other benefits did not take into consideration the child support as if they did she wouldn't have qualified. More than likely she lied about the child support as no way she'd get food stamps and medical otherwise, especially dad had the kids on full medical coverage.

Surprise, some Mom's lie and don't use the money appropriately.

So, I call troll here-they absolutely check this when a parent applies for aid. Child support orders are court records. If this Mom 'lied' it must have been decades ago before computers were in wide use. Also, one can easily report suspected food stamp fraud. In fact, it's as easy as posting on DCUM

I really think there is one, or a few, posters in this thread whose last interactions with the family court system was in 1985 or so.

+1

If the dad had the information that she lied to receive benefits, he would have reported it.

And to be clear, a mother of two in Maryland only qualifies for food stamps if her total income is less than $30,000 annually. So if some dad is paying so little in child support that her income is under $30,000 it’s entirely possible she would struggle to get shoes for her kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We do 50-50 and we as parents shuffle Around

This is the only way to do it. The parents who make the decision to break up the family should be the ones doing the shuffling around.

I think only married people advocate for this. I am married, but if I ever got divorced, no way would I agree to this. The best part of being divorced would be not having to deal with your ex’s stuff and their mess - taking turns in the same house means that there’s still a million reasons to fight, with no clean break. It’s the worst of both worlds; all the hassles of living together with none of the benefits. If you can make this work; you should just stay married.

It's called family nesting and I know a family who have been doing this for 10 years. Kids stay in the family home and the parents go back and forth between an apartment. I get why it wouldn't work for everyone, but it was important to them both, that the divorce caused as little distraction for the kids as possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:50/50 has been an absolute godsend for a couple of women of my acquaintance who finally have the time to pursue career, meaningful and healthy relationships, and their own health and well being.

Unfortunately the instances where a father fights for 50/50 to lower child support and then constantly flakes should be dealt with more harshly by the courts and penalized per diem in child support payments.

Your constant Dad bashing is pathetic. Many moms fight for full custody to get maximum child support and then don't spend it on the kids. It goes both ways. Its pathetic that the courts have zero accountability for child support and keep Dad's out of kids' lives as the other parent often manipulates the kids and situation for their best interests.

It’s not Dad bashing. I have nothing but respect for the men who seek 50/50 and actually take 50% without excuses or constant flakiness.

The ones that realize their weekend includes Super Bowl Sunday and expect to be able to either switch or drop the kids back with mom by 2pm tomorrow? Nothing but contempt.

Yes you are. Same post every time.

Do you think there should be consequences for men who don’t take their 50% if that’s what they sought in court?

Yes, there are consequences, they lose custody. However, there are no consequences if the Mom's don't spend the child support on the kids.

If she’s buying food and clothes and providing a place to sleep, she’s spending child support on the kids. Or are you claiming it’s common for people to starve their kids, not give the clothes, and make them sleep outside?

Or, what if her boyfriend pays the rent and the kids are going without clothes and they are on food stamps....

Going without clothes meaning the kids are barefoot and naked or meaning in your omniscience you don’t think their clothes justify the child support? Even if someone else pays rent, internet, heat and electricity aren’t free. Food stamp and other benefit adjudications take child support into account so obviously she’s not getting very much if she still qualifies.

Again, if they aren't paying the rent and utilities that should not be taken into child support calculations as you are saying that is what child support is for. The kids often went without proper clothing and shoes too small. And, no, food stamps and other benefits did not take into consideration the child support as if they did she wouldn't have qualified. More than likely she lied about the child support as no way she'd get food stamps and medical otherwise, especially dad had the kids on full medical coverage.

Surprise, some Mom's lie and don't use the money appropriately.

So, I call troll here-they absolutely check this when a parent applies for aid. Child support orders are court records. If this Mom 'lied' it must have been decades ago before computers were in wide use. Also, one can easily report suspected food stamp fraud. In fact, it's as easy as posting on DCUM

I really think there is one, or a few, posters in this thread whose last interactions with the family court system was in 1985 or so.

They can check, but they don't check for private custody cases, just the ones that go through the Office of Child Support. There are two different systems. No, you don't report someone for food stamp fraud as that impacts the child. The systems for the private child support cases are not linked as the garnishment gets sent from the employer or the NCP sends a check directly.