5 1/2 year old niece only eats hot dogs…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Okay, I get that there are children with neurological and genetic eating issues. And I get fixating on bread or potatoes, noodles or something that would be realistically served with some frequency in your home as part of a balanced meal. But hot dogs? Let’s face the fact this family has some trashy eating habits for a child this young to have the degree of exposure that would result in a preference. Someone is purchasing those hot dogs again and again. It find it very sad and I am not above the occasional Costco dog.

What if it weren’t hot dogs? What if it were boiled eggs? What if it were plain oatmeal?

What if the kid who only ate boiled eggs was with you at Costco, and the parents had been trying everything they could think of to get them to try something else, anything else, even if it’s not the healthiest item? You tried to get them to sample all the foods but they wouldn’t even try the juice or the cookie samples. Then, on your way out, they smelled the hot dogs and said that smelled good, and you’re feeling stressed out from all the food rejection, and you think, “I’m not above a costco hot dog, and I’d love for this kid to eat something besides a boiled egg,” so you get one. Guess what that kid wants for dinner. And breakfast. And lunch. Why do you think it took several exposures to a food for them to love it? It was the right food at the right time. It tasted good, it felt good to eat it. It’s consistent and they don’t have to wait long for it to cook. It’s plentiful so they never have to worry about running out. It doesn’t matter if it’s hot dogs or boiled eggs or steamed broccoli or Boston cream pie flavored yoplait. The problem isn’t the parenting or the single food of choice, it’s the anxiety and whatever else is the underlying cause of the restrictive diet (in our case, autism among other things), and judgmental know it’s alls like you. Every comment about food to a kid like that is going to spark that fight, flight or freeze response. None of those responses promote eating. Not only is it counterproductive to the kid’s problem, but it makes the parent feel judged, and that’s the opposite of helpful. Grow up and worry about your own plate, and maybe quit eating hot dogs at Costco if you’re going to judge other people’s eating habits.

Our friends with an autistic DS catered to his tantrums and gave him chicken nuggets for every meal. He was 350 pounds by the time he finished high school and now they must institutionalize him because physically, they can't handle him. Anecdotes aren't universally applicable. Once that parent bought the Costco hotdog, they didn't need to go back and provide that again and again, because the job of parents is to do the hard thing when it is in the best interest of the child, even when they are throwing tantrums about food.

[Anonymous]

I think this is negligence. I would only be okay with this if they were working with an occupational therapist on feeding.

DH and I have struggled with our kids and our solution is that they eat the vegetable but don't have to eat the entre. There is no other food that gets offered. Vegetables were the hill we were going to die on. We consider nutrition akin to sitting in car seats and brushing your teeth (two other hills we were going to die on).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Okay, I get that there are children with neurological and genetic eating issues. And I get fixating on bread or potatoes, noodles or something that would be realistically served with some frequency in your home as part of a balanced meal. But hot dogs? Let’s face the fact this family has some trashy eating habits for a child this young to have the degree of exposure that would result in a preference. Someone is purchasing those hot dogs again and again. It find it very sad and I am not above the occasional Costco dog.

What if it weren’t hot dogs? What if it were boiled eggs? What if it were plain oatmeal?

What if the kid who only ate boiled eggs was with you at Costco, and the parents had been trying everything they could think of to get them to try something else, anything else, even if it’s not the healthiest item? You tried to get them to sample all the foods but they wouldn’t even try the juice or the cookie samples. Then, on your way out, they smelled the hot dogs and said that smelled good, and you’re feeling stressed out from all the food rejection, and you think, “I’m not above a costco hot dog, and I’d love for this kid to eat something besides a boiled egg,” so you get one. Guess what that kid wants for dinner. And breakfast. And lunch. Why do you think it took several exposures to a food for them to love it? It was the right food at the right time. It tasted good, it felt good to eat it. It’s consistent and they don’t have to wait long for it to cook. It’s plentiful so they never have to worry about running out. It doesn’t matter if it’s hot dogs or boiled eggs or steamed broccoli or Boston cream pie flavored yoplait. The problem isn’t the parenting or the single food of choice, it’s the anxiety and whatever else is the underlying cause of the restrictive diet (in our case, autism among other things), and judgmental know it’s alls like you. Every comment about food to a kid like that is going to spark that fight, flight or freeze response. None of those responses promote eating. Not only is it counterproductive to the kid’s problem, but it makes the parent feel judged, and that’s the opposite of helpful. Grow up and worry about your own plate, and maybe quit eating hot dogs at Costco if you’re going to judge other people’s eating habits.

Our friends with an autistic DS catered to his tantrums and gave him chicken nuggets for every meal. He was 350 pounds by the time he finished high school and now they must institutionalize him because physically, they can't handle him. Anecdotes aren't universally applicable. Once that parent bought the Costco hotdog, they didn't need to go back and provide that again and again, because the job of parents is to do the hard thing when it is in the best interest of the child, even when they are throwing tantrums about food.

You clearly have NO CLUE what some people go through. GTFO with your “I have all the answers” BS.

Ps - you’re not nearly amazing as you think you are

Signed,
Parent of two really good eaters who has no skin in this game but can’t stand people like you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Immigrant here. Honestly this kind of behavior does not occur in my country. One dish is prepared for each meal and the WHOLE family must eat whatever is served. Don’t want to eat it because of ‘pickiness’ then fine, go hungry. They eventually will eat some of what is served.

We don’t coddle the children like they do in the US.

complete rubbish!! Researchers at Childrens National Medical Center have traced this problem with eating to a specific gene. These kids would starve to death versus eat what they perceive as atrocious. It’s extreme. It’s called problem eaters, not picky eaters. It’s a real problem.

How common do you think this really is? It is much MORE common for parents to satisfy the tantrums thrown by kids who want to eat foods that we are genetically programmed to desire: high fat, high sugar, high salt.

My kid will happily eat all the vegetables on his plate but vomit at all forms of meat. If it's not a tantrum, but they literally vomit on the table, maybe people get the picture that it's not just about the parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Okay, I get that there are children with neurological and genetic eating issues. And I get fixating on bread or potatoes, noodles or something that would be realistically served with some frequency in your home as part of a balanced meal. But hot dogs? Let’s face the fact this family has some trashy eating habits for a child this young to have the degree of exposure that would result in a preference. Someone is purchasing those hot dogs again and again. It find it very sad and I am not above the occasional Costco dog.

What if it weren’t hot dogs? What if it were boiled eggs? What if it were plain oatmeal?

What if the kid who only ate boiled eggs was with you at Costco, and the parents had been trying everything they could think of to get them to try something else, anything else, even if it’s not the healthiest item? You tried to get them to sample all the foods but they wouldn’t even try the juice or the cookie samples. Then, on your way out, they smelled the hot dogs and said that smelled good, and you’re feeling stressed out from all the food rejection, and you think, “I’m not above a costco hot dog, and I’d love for this kid to eat something besides a boiled egg,” so you get one. Guess what that kid wants for dinner. And breakfast. And lunch. Why do you think it took several exposures to a food for them to love it? It was the right food at the right time. It tasted good, it felt good to eat it. It’s consistent and they don’t have to wait long for it to cook. It’s plentiful so they never have to worry about running out. It doesn’t matter if it’s hot dogs or boiled eggs or steamed broccoli or Boston cream pie flavored yoplait. The problem isn’t the parenting or the single food of choice, it’s the anxiety and whatever else is the underlying cause of the restrictive diet (in our case, autism among other things), and judgmental know it’s alls like you. Every comment about food to a kid like that is going to spark that fight, flight or freeze response. None of those responses promote eating. Not only is it counterproductive to the kid’s problem, but it makes the parent feel judged, and that’s the opposite of helpful. Grow up and worry about your own plate, and maybe quit eating hot dogs at Costco if you’re going to judge other people’s eating habits.

Our friends with an autistic DS catered to his tantrums and gave him chicken nuggets for every meal. He was 350 pounds by the time he finished high school and now they must institutionalize him because physically, they can't handle him. Anecdotes aren't universally applicable. Once that parent bought the Costco hotdog, they didn't need to go back and provide that again and again, because the job of parents is to do the hard thing when it is in the best interest of the child, even when they are throwing tantrums about food.

You clearly have NO CLUE what some people go through. GTFO with your “I have all the answers” BS.

Ps - you’re not nearly amazing as you think you are

Signed,
Parent of two really good eaters who has no skin in this game but can’t stand people like you

Thank you

Signed,

Parent of an autistic 6yo who weighs 35 pounds and has been to multiple nutritionists, Children's National, etc.

ps to those who think these kids and their "tantrums" are being "catered" to. YOU.DO.NOT.HAVE.A.CLUE. The terror of your child literally not eating is real and, btw, the nutritionists, etc all say the same thing-get them to eat anything and go from there. This process takes YEARS and it is so isolating to feel that kind of pressure. OP is likely not privy to any details regarding the niece's situation because the parent's can FEEL the sneering judgement emanating from her.

[Anonymous]

I have a child with restricted eating. I think the kind way to interpret op’s post is that she is concerned about her niece and whether her sibling has sufficient information. I’m sympathetic to that—I had a sibling with a child that could not speak at 3, and he legitimately did not realize how far behind his child was, and that they should be receiving therapy for it. It’s very likely that OP’s niece is autistic or has an anxiety disorder or OCD. They should be working with medical professionals. That’s a really hard conversation to have in a productive and tactful way. I would start with something like “so how’s everything going with Larla?” And maybe progress from there to “how long has she been on the hotdog kick?” One of my kids had an issue that no one flagged for me — I do wish someone had educated me that this condition even existed so I could have sought treatment for it when she was young. There’s a way to express concern and help potentially educate but it has to be done from a place of kindness, not condemnation.

[Anonymous]

Honestly I’m so repulsed by your incorrect use of “literally” that I almost couldn’t read the rest.

But sometimes we have to get over our judgment or behavior traits we ourselves find distasteful because they are, alas, none of our business.

In your case, if you want an enduring relationship with your sibling and niece, you need to butt out.

In my case I can tell you it would benefit you enormously as an individual and a member of society to read a book.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is very picky specific to protein sources and anything not plain. He loves hot dogs, but wouldn't touch even chicken nuggets for years. Or when he would eat them, only microwaved so they were soft, not crunchy, if they were crunchy he would gag. Would not eat pizza. No beans. Specific kind of cheese such as cheese sticks. Any "real" meat like homemade chicken or steak or even meatballs, hamburger, might come back out if the texture bothers him and/or taste is surprising. I've constantly worried about if he's getting enough protein and iron. Thankfully, inexplicably, is ok with plain vegetables and most fruit.

He's gotten a little better, but it's still tough. He has a sensitive gag reflex and it gets overactive with food that is unfamiliar.

I grew up with a strict single, widowed mom who was born in the 1930s (adopted me so I had a much older parent than others my age) who did the whole eat what's on your plate or go hungry, and eat enough of it or you'll sit at the table for hours. So I tried that, I was used to that. However, my son will starve. Or you can push him to take a bite and he might start to retch and has even vomited on the table. He's had a referral to a nutritionist for small growth year on year and picky eating. Now that he's older, he is better at verbalizing what is happening or what he is feeling when he starts to retch/gag. This is helping us to take steps to work past it because we can talk about figuring out how to get past that sensation and he is becoming slightly more willing to try some new things.

DHs parents are very picky and I think he gets it from his side. My FIL who is in his early 70s will only eat meat and potatoes and white wonderbread and balks at any vegetable that isn't a potato. If he takes a bite to be polite, he has the exact same look on his face as my son of trying to sort of force himself to swallow it. My MIL is OCD and bothered if different food touches on her plate.

If I hadn't had my son, I just wouldn't understand it as an outsider. I have a 2nd child who is slightly picky, but it's not the same at all. Please don't judge, it's just some kids are different.

I wish I knew you in real life/ protein is our biggest struggle to and my kid will also gag/vomit from meats. But eats tons of fruit and some vegetables. Would love to hear more about how you are helping your son. We have done feeding therapy but it doesn’t seem to help as much with the gagging (have had more success in expanding other food groups).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a child with restricted eating. I think the kind way to interpret op’s post is that she is concerned about her niece and whether her sibling has sufficient information. I’m sympathetic to that—I had a sibling with a child that could not speak at 3, and he legitimately did not realize how far behind his child was, and that they should be receiving therapy for it. It’s very likely that OP’s niece is autistic or has an anxiety disorder or OCD. They should be working with medical professionals. That’s a really hard conversation to have in a productive and tactful way. I would start with something like “so how’s everything going with Larla?” And maybe progress from there to “how long has she been on the hotdog kick?” One of my kids had an issue that no one flagged for me — I do wish someone had educated me that this condition even existed so I could have sought treatment for it when she was young. There’s a way to express concern and help potentially educate but it has to be done from a place of kindness, not condemnation.

It's possible that the girl has one of those conditions. It's equally possible that the parents are seeking treatment but aren't sharing that with their judgmental relative because it's none of her business and she's made it clear how she feels about them. Someone might be able to ask those questions with kindness, but it's not OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh honestly, not EVERYONE in any country does the same thing. I bet the people with kids who would rather starve than eat certain textures just hide it bette4 and live in shame.

Because even here there is shame around it. No one WANTS ago feed their kid five foods or less. Or spend money on books and specialists to be told don’t worry - they might outgrow it.

It sucks. It is embarrassing. But I also can’t fight 3 meals a day.

I’m the PP. No need to fight with your kid three meals a day. My mother would just calmly put the meal in front of me and basically that was all that was offered until the next meal (besides the occasional fruit.) If I didn’t eat any of it, that was fine….no one would get upset, shame me or flight with me to eat. I would just be hungry until the next meal.

My family also did this and I just didn't eat. I was an extremely thin kid and I'm the shortest woman in my family by a couple inches. I think I didn't achieve my potential height because I didn't consume enough calories to grow. I also developed a severe eating disorder as a teen, I think in part because I was so used to being hungry and not responding to hunger cues.

It was your decision not to eat. Blame yourself.

Ha! Sure. That's what I tell my kid about her asthma.

How did what she ate cause her to get asthma? You’re comparing apples to oranges.

The comparison was perfectly apt. You’re just dim.

(not PP)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a child with restricted eating. I think the kind way to interpret op’s post is that she is concerned about her niece and whether her sibling has sufficient information. I’m sympathetic to that—I had a sibling with a child that could not speak at 3, and he legitimately did not realize how far behind his child was, and that they should be receiving therapy for it. It’s very likely that OP’s niece is autistic or has an anxiety disorder or OCD. They should be working with medical professionals. That’s a really hard conversation to have in a productive and tactful way. I would start with something like “so how’s everything going with Larla?” And maybe progress from there to “how long has she been on the hotdog kick?” One of my kids had an issue that no one flagged for me — I do wish someone had educated me that this condition even existed so I could have sought treatment for it when she was young. There’s a way to express concern and help potentially educate but it has to be done from a place of kindness, not condemnation.

This post is very kind, & very on point. There is a way to inquire - and then if you learn that that they are dealing with ARFID or working with a professional or whatever, give them some grace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MYOB

This is the most common response on any Family Relationships thread. What do you think the purpose of an Internet forum on Family Relationships is? Do you think this is a helpful comment?

When it’s someone else’s child and not OP’s? Yes, it is a helpful comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Okay, I get that there are children with neurological and genetic eating issues. And I get fixating on bread or potatoes, noodles or something that would be realistically served with some frequency in your home as part of a balanced meal. But hot dogs? Let’s face the fact this family has some trashy eating habits for a child this young to have the degree of exposure that would result in a preference. Someone is purchasing those hot dogs again and again. It find it very sad and I am not above the occasional Costco dog.

What if it weren’t hot dogs? What if it were boiled eggs? What if it were plain oatmeal?

What if the kid who only ate boiled eggs was with you at Costco, and the parents had been trying everything they could think of to get them to try something else, anything else, even if it’s not the healthiest item? You tried to get them to sample all the foods but they wouldn’t even try the juice or the cookie samples. Then, on your way out, they smelled the hot dogs and said that smelled good, and you’re feeling stressed out from all the food rejection, and you think, “I’m not above a costco hot dog, and I’d love for this kid to eat something besides a boiled egg,” so you get one. Guess what that kid wants for dinner. And breakfast. And lunch. Why do you think it took several exposures to a food for them to love it? It was the right food at the right time. It tasted good, it felt good to eat it. It’s consistent and they don’t have to wait long for it to cook. It’s plentiful so they never have to worry about running out. It doesn’t matter if it’s hot dogs or boiled eggs or steamed broccoli or Boston cream pie flavored yoplait. The problem isn’t the parenting or the single food of choice, it’s the anxiety and whatever else is the underlying cause of the restrictive diet (in our case, autism among other things), and judgmental know it’s alls like you. Every comment about food to a kid like that is going to spark that fight, flight or freeze response. None of those responses promote eating. Not only is it counterproductive to the kid’s problem, but it makes the parent feel judged, and that’s the opposite of helpful. Grow up and worry about your own plate, and maybe quit eating hot dogs at Costco if you’re going to judge other people’s eating habits.

Our friends with an autistic DS catered to his tantrums and gave him chicken nuggets for every meal. He was 350 pounds by the time he finished high school and now they must institutionalize him because physically, they can't handle him. Anecdotes aren't universally applicable. Once that parent bought the Costco hotdog, they didn't need to go back and provide that again and again, because the job of parents is to do the hard thing when it is in the best interest of the child, even when they are throwing tantrums about food.

Oh, you think this is about “tantrums.” That’s why you’re confused. Got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a child with restricted eating. I think the kind way to interpret op’s post is that she is concerned about her niece and whether her sibling has sufficient information. I’m sympathetic to that—I had a sibling with a child that could not speak at 3, and he legitimately did not realize how far behind his child was, and that they should be receiving therapy for it. It’s very likely that OP’s niece is autistic or has an anxiety disorder or OCD. They should be working with medical professionals. That’s a really hard conversation to have in a productive and tactful way. I would start with something like “so how’s everything going with Larla?” And maybe progress from there to “how long has she been on the hotdog kick?” One of my kids had an issue that no one flagged for me — I do wish someone had educated me that this condition even existed so I could have sought treatment for it when she was young. There’s a way to express concern and help potentially educate but it has to be done from a place of kindness, not condemnation.

This post is very kind, & very on point. There is a way to inquire - and then if you learn that that they are dealing with ARFID or working with a professional or whatever, give them some grace.

I am a parent of a child with ARFID (previously posted once before) and I am not open to discussing my child’s medical condition with the majority of people. Unlike another of my child’s medical condition, people are consistently rude, dismissive and often tell me to disregard professional advice, as well as telling both me and my child that this happened to us because of my poor parenting and/or because my child is stubborn, often a combination of both. As a result my child started asking at 5 that I talk with her before disclosing her issues. So unless you are a very trusted family member who has demonstrated empathy in other situations I would not have this conversation with you. Please keep in mind this; if you decide to say your piece you are very likely doing for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a child with restricted eating. I think the kind way to interpret op’s post is that she is concerned about her niece and whether her sibling has sufficient information. I’m sympathetic to that—I had a sibling with a child that could not speak at 3, and he legitimately did not realize how far behind his child was, and that they should be receiving therapy for it. It’s very likely that OP’s niece is autistic or has an anxiety disorder or OCD. They should be working with medical professionals. That’s a really hard conversation to have in a productive and tactful way. I would start with something like “so how’s everything going with Larla?” And maybe progress from there to “how long has she been on the hotdog kick?” One of my kids had an issue that no one flagged for me — I do wish someone had educated me that this condition even existed so I could have sought treatment for it when she was young. There’s a way to express concern and help potentially educate but it has to be done from a place of kindness, not condemnation.

You know it’s common for children, especially autistic children, who don’t speak until later to start talking in full sentences when they are 5. There is nothing wrong with that. Don’t assume you as an outsider know what is best for a child.