Should I tell my DD to not be pre-med?

[Anonymous]

You are a lunatic OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are a lunatic OP

Hmmm. I am not so sure that the OP is the lunatic!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your DC has a difficult decision to make. This sounds like the first time she has struggled academically and is likely really struggling to comprehend what this means for her future. You made plans to pay JH tuition. Please remove finances from this process and just be there for her while she sorts this out. All families and cultures etc have their own expectations and definitions of success. However, she sounds like a hard working and contentious person (two jobs, activism, rigorous major at a rigorous school) Who knows what impact she can have on the world? What about the quality of her life? The quality of your relationship with her? Please, OP. This is the time to communicate with your DC, see her for who she is and help her reset her idea of the future. You mentioned she seems off, please be there for her.

OP here. We'll try that out. We don't talk too much because she keeps herself so busy.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I'd encourage her to talk to her academic advisor or other academic counseling resources. It doesn't sound like she's likely to be competitive for medical school, but sometimes things can change. Which science courses is she struggling in (physics? chemistry? biology?)? What's her major?

OP here.
She was a neuroscience student and ended up with a D in her neuroscience course (which caused her to change her major to public health) and she ended up with a C+ in orgo 1.

Is that it in terms of the c’s and d’s? If so, I wouldn’t discourage her. Her grades could trend upwards. Has she been doing any extracurriculars for medical school, eg, research, clinical internships, emt type stuff? There are post bac. programs for kids with not so stellar grades she can do if med school is truly what she wants.

OP here. That's the only C or D she's gotten. She's been doing neuroscience research for the past two years and starting public health research in the spring. She does a billion other disability advocacy projects for her field outside of all this and tells me that's what's going to get her into med school.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:No. It’s her journey.

OP here. But, I'm paying for her school.

And you wouldn’t pay if she doesn’t get into med school?

Don’t do that, OP. You’re paying for her college education. What she does with it is up to her.

OP here. No, I would get her to transfer to a cheaper school if she decides not to be pre-med because full price for a public health degree is not worth it.

Wow.

+1 I mean seriously, what a way to destroy your kid.

+2. You’re a horrible parent, OP. The truth is out. No wonder your poor daughter is suffering.

+3 stay out of this op. You are awful and your kid will do better navigating it without you.

maybe she should pay her own bills?

Maybe mommy should honor her commitments as a parent.

No dog in this fight but the commitments work both ways. DD needs to keep up her end of bargain.

DS isn’t flunking out. She didn’t go into Hopkins promising to be in pre-med. Mommy has no right to force her to leave Hopkins now because she doesn’t like a Public Policy Major.

NP-Mommy has every right if she is paying for it. It may not be the most nurturing of choices, but parents can set the conditions on things if they are footing the bill. If the student wants to stay at Hopkins doing another major/path, then perhaps the student should foot it, or at least a goof portion of the cost. I think it's fair to have the student consider another college if major has changed and there will be a significant difference in what the parents have to pay. That's fair.

[Anonymous]

OP- you don’t send your kid to an Ivy or T-10 school because of higher incomes. Life doesn’t work that way as it’s usually what you do not where you go that determines life outcomes. My D is a freshman at a state u and is studying Biology. I don’t want her to go into medicine either but I’m willing to pay to give her a shot at her long shot dream. If she ends up in Public Health, Teaching, Nursing. physical Therapy etc , that wouldn’t have been my choice but I’m not her.

[Anonymous]

OP you are clearly ignorant about how things work so you should just keep your mouth shut, write those tuition checks, and let her do what she does.

If money was the issue you should have sent her to a cheaper school to begin with. But since you care about prestige, it is far better to get a non STEM degree from Hopkins than a no name school. Don't cut off your nose to spite your face.

[Anonymous]

Viewing your child as a financial investment is a good way to lose your kid. She's a person, not a portfolio.

I mean would you also force your kid to switch schools if she wanted a less lucrative medical career like pediatrics?

One of my professors in law school told us she started off woth a masters in public Health and does Health Law Policy. There are a lot of options.

[Anonymous]

OP, your daughter could become a doctor and then dedicate her life to serving low-income communities where she will barely earn enough to make ends meet. Would you demand that she reimburse you for her college education?

[Anonymous]

So many internet parenting experts. I bet 90% of you don't even know what your kids are doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your DC has a difficult decision to make. This sounds like the first time she has struggled academically and is likely really struggling to comprehend what this means for her future. You made plans to pay JH tuition. Please remove finances from this process and just be there for her while she sorts this out. All families and cultures etc have their own expectations and definitions of success. However, she sounds like a hard working and contentious person (two jobs, activism, rigorous major at a rigorous school) Who knows what impact she can have on the world? What about the quality of her life? The quality of your relationship with her? Please, OP. This is the time to communicate with your DC, see her for who she is and help her reset her idea of the future. You mentioned she seems off, please be there for her.

OP here. We'll try that out. We don't talk too much because she keeps herself so busy.

OP, you are worrying about the wrong thing. You don't not hear from your DD because she "keeps herself busy". You don't hear from her because she doesn't want to talk to you. You can always find time for someone you want to talk to. Worry about why she doesn't want to talk to. Don't worry about the future of this dedicated, enterprising, and generous young woman you raised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many internet parenting experts. I bet 90% of you don't even know what your kids are doing.

One of my kids is painting (not finger painting, she isn’t 4, on canvas on a easel a painting she’s been working on for a while). The other is taking a shower after eating some waffles.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:High performing kids (and OP's kid sounds like one) don't usually crash and burn like that. OP, are you sure there isn't something else going on that you don't know about? Do you believe she really studied hard but still couldn't make it?? I can think of so many possibilities - skipping classes, hidden boy friend, some other issues (mental and physical)..etc. YOu need to identify the issue first.

There was a death in the family in the spring semester. But, she had handled it okay then.

Something is off. She needs to dial back the extras. And keep in close touch.

[Anonymous]

OP our DD got accepted with scholarship to an insanely difficult top 10 school. It was a nightmare. Managed to finally graduate but at what price to self. Give your DD support and an out if she needs one. Kids over estimate how hard certain subjects/ majors can be.

[Anonymous]

Did you discuss what would happen if your child didn't have the grades for med school? If not, it's not really fair to say your kid needs to transfer somewhere else. I'm sure there are plenty of other majors your child can choose from.