Is this “boys will be boys” or an offense?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:if she was beneath the age of consent at the time, it is an offense. Report it. If she was of legal age, it is just despicable behavior on his part but not an offense.

.

She was below age of consent in every single US state.

United States Age of Consent Chart
STATE LEGAL AGE OF CONSENT
Alabama 16
Alaska 16
Arizona 18
Arkansas 16
California 18
Colorado 17
Connecticut 16
D.C. 16
Delaware 18
Florida 18
Georgia 16
Hawaii 16
Idaho 18
Illinois 17
Indiana 16
Iowa 16
Kansas 16
Kentucky 16
Louisiana 17
Maine 16
Maryland 16
Massachusetts 16
Michigan 16
Minnesota 16
Mississippi 16
Missouri 17
Montana 16
Nebraska 17
Nevada 16
New Hampshire 16
New Jersey 16
New Mexico 17
New York 17
North Carolina 16
North Dakota 18
Ohio 16
Oklahoma 16
Oregon 18
Pennsylvania 16
Rhode Island 16
South Carolina 16
South Dakota 16
Tennessee 18
Texas 17
Utah 18
Vermont 16
Virginia 18
Washington 16
West Virginia 16
Wisconsin 18
Wyoming 18

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not all asshole behavior is a crime.

This boyfriend sounds like a tool but come on, saying “I’ll break up with you if you don’t have sex with me” is not rape. If she had been a little older and wiser she probably would have seen this for the red flag that it is. He was selfish. He sounds like a crappy boyfriend and not a great person. That doesn’t make him a rapist though.

I hope your niece gets help and I hope she stays away from the jerk guys in the future.

saying he'll break up with her can be considered a threat

That doesn’t make it a crime if a reasonable person would not give in to the threat. Threatening to break up with her is not the same as threatening to kill or maim her. You know that, right?

This is an unfortunate situation but the girl has a role here. She ultimately agreed to have sex whether she really wanted to or not. That agreement = consent. She needs help figuring out why she kept putting herself in this situation of repeatedly going to his house for lunch when she knew what was happening and to agreeing to have sex when she really didn’t want to. Not saying the boy’s behavior is okay here either, but it’s not criminal.

It actually is criminal and she is suffering. She was 14 and below the age of legal consent in every single US state. He was 4 grades higher at school and close to legal adulthood.

He was in college? That’s 4 grades higher. It won’t be prosecuted.

It won’t be prosecuted if the family chooses not to press charges but if they do then they have a strong case.

She was below the age of consent in every single US state. He was at age of consent in most US states.

Demonstrable harm to victim since repeated rapes, and they can be legally
Treated as rapes since she was below age of consent.

It comes down to what is in the best interests of the victim. If she and her family want to fight, they have a strong case.

Spoken like someone who has never been the victim of a crime. Prosecuting attorneys never give a damn about "the best interests of the victim." Take a look at the news at the MANY crimes (of all nature) that occur and the perp is allowed to walk free.
No prosecuting attorney is going to prosecute a teenager because his ex girfriend is sad that he broke up with her. If anything, her parents might be brought up on charges of child neglect because her parents aren't helping her enough with the self harm she is inflicting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My niece, 14-year-old freshman, dated a 17-year-old senior at her high school. She liked him because he was popular and smart. He found out that she liked him and asked her out. With the exception of one date where they saw a movie, their relationship consisted of him driving her to his house during lunch period and things progressed sexually. She did not want to have sex, told him she didn’t want it, but he pressured her and coerced her. Told her he would break up with her if she didn’t. She reluctantly went through with it but hated it. She eventually started cutting herself and other self-harm. After he graduated, he called her to say he was breaking up with her because he was going to college. She became depressed and had substance abuse issues. She is in therapy. Is what happened to her just poor judgment or self esteem on her part, or did the guy commit some kind of actionable offense against her?

Nothing to add except the boy is a POS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not all asshole behavior is a crime.

This boyfriend sounds like a tool but come on, saying “I’ll break up with you if you don’t have sex with me” is not rape. If she had been a little older and wiser she probably would have seen this for the red flag that it is. He was selfish. He sounds like a crappy boyfriend and not a great person. That doesn’t make him a rapist though.

I hope your niece gets help and I hope she stays away from the jerk guys in the future.

saying he'll break up with her can be considered a threat

That doesn’t make it a crime if a reasonable person would not give in to the threat. Threatening to break up with her is not the same as threatening to kill or maim her. You know that, right?

This is an unfortunate situation but the girl has a role here. She ultimately agreed to have sex whether she really wanted to or not. That agreement = consent. She needs help figuring out why she kept putting herself in this situation of repeatedly going to his house for lunch when she knew what was happening and to agreeing to have sex when she really didn’t want to. Not saying the boy’s behavior is okay here either, but it’s not criminal.

It actually is criminal and she is suffering. She was 14 and below the age of legal consent in every single US state. He was 4 grades higher at school and close to legal adulthood.

He was in college? That’s 4 grades higher. It won’t be prosecuted.

It won’t be prosecuted if the family chooses not to press charges but if they do then they have a strong case.

She was below the age of consent in every single US state. He was at age of consent in most US states.

Demonstrable harm to victim since repeated rapes, and they can be legally
Treated as rapes since she was below age of consent.

It comes down to what is in the best interests of the victim. If she and her family want to fight, they have a strong case.

Spoken like someone who has never been the victim of a crime. Prosecuting attorneys never give a damn about "the best interests of the victim." Take a look at the news at the MANY crimes (of all nature) that occur and the perp is allowed to walk free.
No prosecuting attorney is going to prosecute a teenager because his ex girfriend is sad that he broke up with her. If anything, her parents might be brought up on charges of child neglect because her parents aren't helping her enough with the self harm she is inflicting.

I actually have been a victim and a victim while a minor at that. So many women have had such experiences. I am working hard to make sure my DD does not have this experience and I raised our son to respect women.

I think you are wrong in your assessment. The young man is not covered by Romeo and Juliette laws in many states.

He was close to adulthood and driving a 14 year old freshman off school campus regularly without parental knowledge or permission. He placed pressure on her to engage in sex after she repeatedly said no. He was a popular good student so she caved to his pressure.

I would seriously consider adding kidnapping to the charges. Many Authorities will take a senior driving a minor student off campus without parental knowledge or permission in order to have carnal knowledge with her seriously.

This young man represents a mundane face of evil.

Some of us heal better if we fight. Some better by quietly licking their wounds.

Right now this poor girl who was well below the legal age of conserving is self harming and abusing substances. She may find he

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not all asshole behavior is a crime.

This boyfriend sounds like a tool but come on, saying “I’ll break up with you if you don’t have sex with me” is not rape. If she had been a little older and wiser she probably would have seen this for the red flag that it is. He was selfish. He sounds like a crappy boyfriend and not a great person. That doesn’t make him a rapist though.

I hope your niece gets help and I hope she stays away from the jerk guys in the future.

saying he'll break up with her can be considered a threat

That doesn’t make it a crime if a reasonable person would not give in to the threat. Threatening to break up with her is not the same as threatening to kill or maim her. You know that, right?

This is an unfortunate situation but the girl has a role here. She ultimately agreed to have sex whether she really wanted to or not. That agreement = consent. She needs help figuring out why she kept putting herself in this situation of repeatedly going to his house for lunch when she knew what was happening and to agreeing to have sex when she really didn’t want to. Not saying the boy’s behavior is okay here either, but it’s not criminal.

It actually is criminal and she is suffering. She was 14 and below the age of legal consent in every single US state. He was 4 grades higher at school and close to legal adulthood.

He was in college? That’s 4 grades higher. It won’t be prosecuted.

It won’t be prosecuted if the family chooses not to press charges but if they do then they have a strong case.

She was below the age of consent in every single US state. He was at age of consent in most US states.

Demonstrable harm to victim since repeated rapes, and they can be legally
Treated as rapes since she was below age of consent.

It comes down to what is in the best interests of the victim. If she and her family want to fight, they have a strong case.

Spoken like someone who has never been the victim of a crime. Prosecuting attorneys never give a damn about "the best interests of the victim." Take a look at the news at the MANY crimes (of all nature) that occur and the perp is allowed to walk free.
No prosecuting attorney is going to prosecute a teenager because his ex girfriend is sad that he broke up with her. If anything, her parents might be brought up on charges of child neglect because her parents aren't helping her enough with the self harm she is inflicting.

I actually have been a victim and a victim while a minor at that. So many women have had such experiences. I am working hard to make sure my DD does not have this experience and I raised our son to respect women.

I think you are wrong in your assessment. The young man is not covered by Romeo and Juliette laws in many states.

He was close to adulthood and driving a 14 year old freshman off school campus regularly without parental knowledge or permission. He placed pressure on her to engage in sex after she repeatedly said no. He was a popular good student so she caved to his pressure.

I would seriously consider adding kidnapping to the charges. Many Authorities will take a senior driving a minor student off campus without parental knowledge or permission in order to have carnal knowledge with her seriously.

This young man represents a mundane face of evil.

Some of us heal better if we fight. Some better by quietly licking their wounds.

Right now this poor girl who was well below the legal age of conserving is self harming and abusing substances. She may find he

Sounds like you need help even more than OP's niece.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not all asshole behavior is a crime.

This boyfriend sounds like a tool but come on, saying “I’ll break up with you if you don’t have sex with me” is not rape. If she had been a little older and wiser she probably would have seen this for the red flag that it is. He was selfish. He sounds like a crappy boyfriend and not a great person. That doesn’t make him a rapist though.

I hope your niece gets help and I hope she stays away from the jerk guys in the future.

saying he'll break up with her can be considered a threat

That doesn’t make it a crime if a reasonable person would not give in to the threat. Threatening to break up with her is not the same as threatening to kill or maim her. You know that, right?

This is an unfortunate situation but the girl has a role here. She ultimately agreed to have sex whether she really wanted to or not. That agreement = consent. She needs help figuring out why she kept putting herself in this situation of repeatedly going to his house for lunch when she knew what was happening and to agreeing to have sex when she really didn’t want to. Not saying the boy’s behavior is okay here either, but it’s not criminal.

It actually is criminal and she is suffering. She was 14 and below the age of legal consent in every single US state. He was 4 grades higher at school and close to legal adulthood.

He was in college? That’s 4 grades higher. It won’t be prosecuted.

It won’t be prosecuted if the family chooses not to press charges but if they do then they have a strong case.

She was below the age of consent in every single US state. He was at age of consent in most US states.

Demonstrable harm to victim since repeated rapes, and they can be legally
Treated as rapes since she was below age of consent.

It comes down to what is in the best interests of the victim. If she and her family want to fight, they have a strong case.

Spoken like someone who has never been the victim of a crime. Prosecuting attorneys never give a damn about "the best interests of the victim." Take a look at the news at the MANY crimes (of all nature) that occur and the perp is allowed to walk free.
No prosecuting attorney is going to prosecute a teenager because his ex girfriend is sad that he broke up with her. If anything, her parents might be brought up on charges of child neglect because her parents aren't helping her enough with the self harm she is inflicting.

I actually have been a victim and a victim while a minor at that. So many women have had such experiences. I am working hard to make sure my DD does not have this experience and I raised our son to respect women.

I think you are wrong in your assessment. The young man is not covered by Romeo and Juliette laws in many states.

He was close to adulthood and driving a 14 year old freshman off school campus regularly without parental knowledge or permission. He placed pressure on her to engage in sex after she repeatedly said no. He was a popular good student so she caved to his pressure.

I would seriously consider adding kidnapping to the charges. Many Authorities will take a senior driving a minor student off campus without parental knowledge or permission in order to have carnal knowledge with her seriously.

This young man represents a mundane face of evil.

Some of us heal better if we fight. Some better by quietly licking their wounds.

Right now this poor girl who was well below the legal age of conserving is self harming and abusing substances. She may find he

Sounds like you need help even more than OP's niece.

Thanks for your concern. I have had plenty of therapy and am a fighter. I am happily married and am raising both children to respect women and girls.

Things won’t change regarding sexual Assaults against minors if everyone takes the malignant boys will be boys approach.

[Anonymous]

She is old enough to consent to somebody < 4 years older than she is so it is not a sexual assault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So she snuck around, slept with her boyfriend and hid it from her parents, and told her aunt when he broke up with her to go to college.

The aunt's role is to offer her a shoulder to cry on. Her role is to learn from the experience.

Do the parents even know about any of this?

What part of 14 do you fail to understand ? Did you have good judgment at 14? I sure did not.

She was almost a child. I am sure the parents of full of shame as they would not have known.

The boy picked her up and drove her to his house regularly without her parents permission. He was of legal age and she was not.

If the parents want to press charges they have a strong case. They need to consult with experts as to what would be in the best interests of the victim.

She's not a victim. She made some bad decisions and now she's dealing with the consequences.

Her parents should know that she's struggling and cutting, if they don't already know, and get her some counseling. Therapy may or may not help but it's the appropriate step for the parents to take next.

She is a victim. She was 14 and no where close to legal age of consent in any US state.

He was of legal age and taking her away from school grounds durinf school day without her parents knowledge or permission. She was too young to resist his pressure.

I would press charges if she were my daughter.

+1,000
Sure glad these posters blaming the minor victim and excusing his criminal behavior are not my parents.

Must add restrictions on leaving school without my knowledge and permission to basic HS rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is old enough to consent to somebody < 4 years older than she is so it is not a sexual assault.

Good lord she absolutely is not. She is no where near age of legal consent in any state …

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is old enough to consent to somebody < 4 years older than she is so it is not a sexual assault.

Good lord she absolutely is not. She is no where near age of legal consent in any state …

You don't understand the law.

the law is 16 to have sex with anybody you want.

If you are 14-15 you can have sex with anybody <4 year older than you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is old enough to consent to somebody < 4 years older than she is so it is not a sexual assault.

Good lord she absolutely is not. She is no where near age of legal consent in any state …

You don't understand the law.

the law is 16 to have sex with anybody you want.

If you are 14-15 you can have sex with anybody <4 year older than you are.

And actually I think it's insane that a 16 or even an 18 year old can consent to sex with a 50 year old or even a 28 year old, that is way more disturbing than 14 and 17.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So she snuck around, slept with her boyfriend and hid it from her parents, and told her aunt when he broke up with her to go to college.

The aunt's role is to offer her a shoulder to cry on. Her role is to learn from the experience.

Do the parents even know about any of this?

What part of 14 do you fail to understand ? Did you have good judgment at 14? I sure did not.

She was almost a child. I am sure the parents of full of shame as they would not have known.

The boy picked her up and drove her to his house regularly without her parents permission. He was of legal age and she was not.

If the parents want to press charges they have a strong case. They need to consult with experts as to what would be in the best interests of the victim.

She's not a victim. She made some bad decisions and now she's dealing with the consequences.

Her parents should know that she's struggling and cutting, if they don't already know, and get her some counseling. Therapy may or may not help but it's the appropriate step for the parents to take next.

She is a victim. She was 14 and no where close to legal age of consent in any US state.

He was of legal age and taking her away from school grounds durinf school day without her parents knowledge or permission. She was too young to resist his pressure.

I would press charges if she were my daughter.

+1,000
Sure glad these posters blaming the minor victim and excusing his criminal behavior are not my parents.

Must add restrictions on leaving school without my knowledge and permission to basic HS rules.

Sounds like this girl's parents already had restrictions on leaving school - she was already sneaking around.

Blaming the victim? Empowering the girl by saying that she's not a victim. She made some bad choices. But she's not a victim. She'll learn from this and move on.

[Anonymous]

There are a lot of assumptions being made on this thread. Laws regarding statutory rape vary from state to state. 14 is generally below the age of consent, regardless of the age of the other party. There are Romeo and Juliet laws in some states, but not in others. If the boy turned 18 during the relationship, that's another level all together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is old enough to consent to somebody < 4 years older than she is so it is not a sexual assault.

Good lord she absolutely is not. She is no where near age of legal consent in any state …

You don't understand the law.

the law is 16 to have sex with anybody you want.

If you are 14-15 you can have sex with anybody <4 year older than you are.

No there are states without Romeo and juliette laws where it is flat out illegal and some states where age differential allowed is only two years. Add on to the fact that the young man was driving a minor off campus without her parents knowledge or permission, there is probably
a strong case of the family chose to press charges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is old enough to consent to somebody < 4 years older than she is so it is not a sexual assault.

Good lord she absolutely is not. She is no where near age of legal consent in any state …

You don't understand the law.

the law is 16 to have sex with anybody you want.

If you are 14-15 you can have sex with anybody <4 year older than you are.

No there are states without Romeo and juliette laws where it is flat out illegal and some states where age differential allowed is only two years. Add on to the fact that the young man was driving a minor off campus without her parents knowledge or permission, there is probably
a strong case of the family chose to press charges.

Actually only half the US states have Romeo and Juliette Laws so OP’s scenario represents statutory rape in half the states.

Of the remaining half, most with Rand J laws allow for 0-2 year age difference so again statutory rape would apply.

Age of
Consent by State
Legal

Age of Consent
Acceptable

Age Difference

Alabama
16
2

Alaska
16
3

Arizona
18
2

Arkansas
16
3

California
18
0

Colorado
17
4

Connecticut
16
2

Delaware
18
0

Florida
18
0

Georgia
16
0

Hawaii
16
5

Idaho
18
0

Illinois
17
0

Indiana
16
0

Iowa
16
4

Kansas
16
0

Kentucky
16
0

Louisiana
17
3

Maine
16
5

Maryland
16
4

Massachusetts
16
0

Michigan
16
0

Minnesota
16
2

Mississippi
16
2

Missouri
17
0

Montana
16
0

Nebraska
16
0

Nevada
16
0

New Hampshire
16
0

New Jersey
16
4

New Mexico
16
4

New York
17
0

North Carolina
16
4

North Dakota
18
0

Ohio
16
0

Oklahoma
16
0

Oregon
18
3

Pennsylvania
16
4

Rhode Island
16
0

South Carolina
16
0

South Dakota
16
3

Tennessee
18
4

Texas
17
3

Utah
18
0

Vermont
16
0

Virginia
18
0

Washington
16
2

West Virginia
16
4

Wisconsin
18
0

Wyoming
16
4