DD betrayed by friends—Should I let her stay home?

[Anonymous]

DD14 made a commitment to help a friend. Since that time, the friend went behind her back and betrayed her trust, causing some mean girl-type drama. She hasn’t spoken to the friend since. I was never particularly fond of this friend and always thought the vibe was off, so this didn’t surprise me.

This evening is the day of the commitment. DD doesn’t want to go, but is being a good sport about it. I’m sure it’s going to be really awkward. I have a feeling when she gets home from school, she might protest going.

Is this a time to stand my ground about commitments, and how she will have to deal with “mean” people she doesn’t like her whole life? Or is this an instance I can let her sit it out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD14 made a commitment to help a friend. Since that time, the friend went behind her back and betrayed her trust, causing some mean girl-type drama. She hasn’t spoken to the friend since. I was never particularly fond of this friend and always thought the vibe was off, so this didn’t surprise me.

This evening is the day of the commitment. DD doesn’t want to go, but is being a good sport about it. I’m sure it’s going to be really awkward. I have a feeling when she gets home from school, she might protest going.

Is this a time to stand my ground about commitments, and how she will have to deal with “mean” people she doesn’t like her whole life? Or is this an instance I can let her sit it out?

Let your daughter stand up for herself and not do the commitment. good luck!

[Anonymous]

I’m all for honoring your commitments, but even I as an adult would not help out someone who has treated me poorly. I would let her bail. It seems that they are no longer friends so maybe the “friend” isn’t expecting her to help anymore?

[Anonymous]

What’s the lesson here?
People F you over, but nice girls act like doormats and get used?

[Anonymous]

Does the commitment involve other people who will be negatively affected by her absence? If so, she has to go. If she was going to help this friend clean her room so the friend could go to a party then DD can skip it.

[Anonymous]

What do s the commitment?

[Anonymous]

Is*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD14 made a commitment to help a friend. Since that time, the friend went behind her back and betrayed her trust, causing some mean girl-type drama. She hasn’t spoken to the friend since. I was never particularly fond of this friend and always thought the vibe was off, so this didn’t surprise me.

This evening is the day of the commitment. DD doesn’t want to go, but is being a good sport about it. I’m sure it’s going to be really awkward. I have a feeling when she gets home from school, she might protest going.

Is this a time to stand my ground about commitments, and how she will have to deal with “mean” people she doesn’t like her whole life? Or is this an instance I can let her sit it out?

Let your daughter stand up for herself and not do the commitment. good luck!

This is the only answer.

[Anonymous]

I would make her go if it’s just mean girl drama (not racist/homophobic bullying). And that was the consensus on a thread about a babysitting class under similar circumstances before spring break too.

[Anonymous]

Depends on the commitment -- and if it involves other people.

But really -- are you teaching the importance of keeping commitments or how to be a doormat?

[Anonymous]

She doesn't need to go. You follow through on your commitments when you're feeling lazy or just not into it, not when someone is mistreating you. The obligation ended when she was betrayed.

[Anonymous]

OP I would stay the heck out of it. Your daughter is going to get in an argument with a friend like this every other month. This is just what girls do at this age unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

Because it is tonight, I think your daughter has to be the bigger person and make good on the commitment.

It sounds like there was time (weeks? days?) that both the commitment and betrayal were known about. If your daughter was going to back out, it would have been understandable if she had communicated her decision when there was time for the formal friend to find a replacement or reschedule.

[Anonymous]

I think it's important to honor commitments, but in this case not only would I not honor the commitment, I would drop the rope entirely, without alerting the other girl. Tough luck to the other kid. She needs to learn that you treat people with respect or there are consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m all for honoring your commitments, but even I as an adult would not help out someone who has treated me poorly. I would let her bail. It seems that they are no longer friends so maybe the “friend” isn’t expecting her to help anymore?

The mother, who may or may not know about the drama, texted to confirm plans with me today.