DD traveling abroad with friend's high-profile family
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
DD (20) has a close college friend ("J", 20) who has invited her to tag along on a family trip this summer for two weeks, with everything paid for by friend's (uber-wealthy) parents. Trip would be J, J's parents, J's high school aged sister, and DD. J and DD would be flying out together; J's family will already be there.
The trip is to a resort club in the Caribbean at which J's family is a member. DD has shared the country/island she'd be going to with me, but not the name of the club, which she says she doesn't know and doesn't care to ask (because, "I don't want to be weird about it.") I've got a couple ideas based on googling but no certainty. The details I've gotten are that J and her family go several times a year, it's a very hush-hush sort of vibe, and DD would be asked to take minimal photos and not post anything on social media (unclear if this is a travel safety rule for J's family, or a club policy). I've met J a few times and she's come on trips to our beach house when DD has brought friends; not a ton of facetime with her but overall I get the impression that J is a great kid-- polite, super down to earth, hard working academically, and overall a good influence on DD (frankly seems to make better decisions than DD/steers DD down more responsible paths). DD and J are both sophomores at a highly selective university; DD is generally doing well there and has given me the impression that J is as well. It's not a question of "letting" DD go-- she's an adult who can make her own choices and it's not like she's asking me to pay for anything. Husband is apparently not worried in the slightest, his reasons being - DD has a ton of international travel experience-- with us, with school groups, and solo, and is a great traveler who has yet to have an issue - DD, while a sometimes mischievous boundary-tester, is overall responsible, has never been in serious trouble, would for sure be on her best behavior with J's parents, and J has historically proven to be a good influence - J's parents are high profile enough (think biglaw/business/politics, not entertainment) that husband is confident that nothing would happen to our kid as long as she's with J - J's parents are a great career connection for DD and this should also be looked at as a networking opportunity (  )
My main concerns: - I hate not knowing specifics on where she's going - I'm mildly concerned that this is the rich kid version of "I tell my parents I'm sleeping over at yours, you tell yours you're sleeping at mine" and that there are major details DD is leaving out. What if J's parents actually aren't going, what if they end up in some sort of weird Epstein-adjacent situation, etc etc. The level of secrecy gives me pause. - I know this is paranoid but I also can't help but think about it being something like White Lotus and am having visions of DD getting tossed off a cliff or something I also think it's weird that J's parents haven't reached out to us in any way about this. I know DD would be mortified if I reached out to them, but I can't imagine inviting someone's college-aged kid on a trip like this and not checking in with the parents in any way (which I admit is a little insane for 20 year olds but they still seem so young to me!) Should I keep prodding DD for more info? Do I try to get her to let me talk to J's parents? Do I just let it go, trust that this is going to be a once in a lifetime adventure, and stay hands off? |
Anonymous
| I would be very uncomfortable with one of my adult kids going on a vacation to a foreign country if I had no idea where they’re staying. I think it’s a very reasonable request to know that, for safety reasons. |
Anonymous
| Even my parents tell me their itinerary when traveling! |
Anonymous
| I would certainly ask to be given contact information for this friend's parents as well as the address and contact information for where she is going. This is entirely reasonable. |
Anonymous
| You could have asked this question without all the high-profile family details. Reasonable to ask your adult child for some itinerary basics. |
Anonymous
|
DD is an adult. Don't expect parents to reach out. Time to land the helicopter.
Just ask the contact details of where they'll be staying, in case there's some kind of family emergency that arises. That's it. |
Anonymous
| Tell your daughter to have the confidence to ask where they are going specifically and specific times for arrival and departure. No adult just goes off not knowing where they are traveling to with anyone. In fact, it’s a sign of immaturity that she feels weird asking. |
Anonymous
| You are being super weird |
Anonymous
Agree. And I hope “J”’s parents’ house manager sees this. Also, the “DD” is so incredibly grating. Stop writing that. One “D” is enough. She is your daughter. If everyone gets a screenplay initial, just use one “D.” |
Anonymous
| Your child is in college, so it’s not your responsibility to ask the parents where they are staying. However, this is a great opportunity to teach your child safe travel practices. Your child should ask for travel specifics including the home address. |
Anonymous
|
All you all are ridiculous. College kids stay with friends all the time, even internationally, without knowing their exact home address, and land lines are an artifact. Just demand that she give you emergency contact phone information there other than her friend, under the theory that both of them could be victimized simultaneously. And establish some kind of check in schedule, which the failure to observe would trigger you calling the emergency contact number.
She is 20 years old, old enough to be sent to war, for chrissakes. Should the USMC call mommy and tell her the address of the jump zone? |
Anonymous
|
It is reasonable to know the name of where she is going.
We go to a place in the Caribbean that usually has quite a few celebrities or notable people and there is a pretty widespread policy about pictures and posting to SM. I think you can prod her to give you the name for safety reasons. But talking to her parents? She's 20. |
Anonymous
| It's not like she's going off the grid, presumably she'll still have her phone and be able to contact you and vice versa. I think knowing the country, dates of arrival and departure, and an agreement to be in contact at some point should be enough. |
Anonymous
|
Make sure she has enough money to be able to extract herself from anywhere and get a safe hotel room. Make sure she knows she can call you under any circumstances for judgment-free travel home and support. Make sure she knows never to talk to any authorities without a lawyer or at least an embassy rep.
Otherwise, team DH, I wouldn’t be worried about this personally. Everyone can be attacked. But a lot of the most dangerous Epstein stuff has to do with power dynamics. So empowering your daughter both practically, with money, and by removing shame as a weapon as much as you can is important. |
Anonymous
|
I'd ask for the friend's and/or the parents phone numbers in case you all have some kind of emergency on your end and your daughter has to be called.
(Don't call them now, only in case you or your husband have some kind of family emergency.) My parents had no idea where I was staying when I was 20 years old. |