DD traveling abroad with friend's high-profile family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD (20) has a close college friend ("J", 20) who has invited her to tag along on a family trip this summer for two weeks, with everything paid for by friend's (uber-wealthy) parents. Trip would be J, J's parents, J's high school aged sister, and DD. J and DD would be flying out together; J's family will already be there.

The trip is to a resort club in the Caribbean at which J's family is a member. DD has shared the country/island she'd be going to with me, but not the name of the club, which she says she doesn't know and doesn't care to ask (because, "I don't want to be weird about it.") I've got a couple ideas based on googling but no certainty. The details I've gotten are that J and her family go several times a year, it's a very hush-hush sort of vibe, and DD would be asked to take minimal photos and not post anything on social media (unclear if this is a travel safety rule for J's family, or a club policy).

I've met J a few times and she's come on trips to our beach house when DD has brought friends; not a ton of facetime with her but overall I get the impression that J is a great kid-- polite, super down to earth, hard working academically, and overall a good influence on DD (frankly seems to make better decisions than DD/steers DD down more responsible paths). DD and J are both sophomores at a highly selective university; DD is generally doing well there and has given me the impression that J is as well.

It's not a question of "letting" DD go-- she's an adult who can make her own choices and it's not like she's asking me to pay for anything. Husband is apparently not worried in the slightest, his reasons being
- DD has a ton of international travel experience-- with us, with school groups, and solo, and is a great traveler who has yet to have an issue
- DD, while a sometimes mischievous boundary-tester, is overall responsible, has never been in serious trouble, would for sure be on her best behavior with J's parents, and J has historically proven to be a good influence
- J's parents are high profile enough (think biglaw/business/politics, not entertainment) that husband is confident that nothing would happen to our kid as long as she's with J
- J's parents are a great career connection for DD and this should also be looked at as a networking opportunity ( )

My main concerns:
- I hate not knowing specifics on where she's going
- I'm mildly concerned that this is the rich kid version of "I tell my parents I'm sleeping over at yours, you tell yours you're sleeping at mine" and that there are major details DD is leaving out. What if J's parents actually aren't going, what if they end up in some sort of weird Epstein-adjacent situation, etc etc. The level of secrecy gives me pause.
- I know this is paranoid but I also can't help but think about it being something like White Lotus and am having visions of DD getting tossed off a cliff or something

I also think it's weird that J's parents haven't reached out to us in any way about this. I know DD would be mortified if I reached out to them, but I can't imagine inviting someone's college-aged kid on a trip like this and not checking in with the parents in any way (which I admit is a little insane for 20 year olds but they still seem so young to me!)

Should I keep prodding DD for more info? Do I try to get her to let me talk to J's parents? Do I just let it go, trust that this is going to be a once in a lifetime adventure, and stay hands off?

Isn’t it a bit early to know specifics? Does your daughter’s friend even know what the resort is? My child likely wouldn’t. Stop prodding and ask to speak w the mom or set expectations for her going. She really doesn’t have to tell you and being nice and reasonable versus nagging might get you what you are seeking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she doesn't trust you to not post about it on social media?

This or to brag to your friends about it rather than staying coy and respecting the privacy of this family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You could have asked this question without all the high-profile family details. Reasonable to ask your adult child for some itinerary basics.

Right? It was nothing but a humble brag for the first 75% of the post

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to know where they are staying. I get that DD doesn't want to be weird about it, but her friend's parents will totally understand even her friend doesn't.

Why? Why does she need to know where a 20 year old woman is staying.

I see it as a parenting fail if you don’t trust your ADULT child at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP lost me at “Epstein adjacent situation”

She failed as a parent if she believes her daughter would be an Epstein escort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m good friends with someone from an actually high profile family (high up in US politics). They go on vacation to normal rich person places (upscale boutique resorts, the 4 seasons, etc.). I sorta think this is either pure fiction or it’s a game of telephone.

One thing I’ve noticed with my rich friend family is that they actually don’t travel internationally much. Like, in the last few years not a single international trip (but tons of fancy domestic ones!!).

I actually think that [b]truly high up political families tend to stay in the US more than I imagined. It makes sense though from a security perspective. It can’t be a coincidence. I also think maybe they are intentionally demonstrating that they keep their vacation dollars in the US or something?[/b]

You know one family that has not traveled internationally in the past several years and make huge extrapolations.

Pp here. Yes I’m not fancy, I only know one high ranking elected official’s family

my parent was in politics and we always vacationed in our home state, partially because said parents is a workaholic. and partially because being a politician isn't lucrative so taking overseas trips was out of the budget.

i would also like to point out though that you are talking about the last several years. hello, covid. i haven't travelled out of the country since 2019 because i am avoiding long haul flights because if I get covid I want to be in the states where my health insurance is good and where i can get paxlovid. plenty of other people feel the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m good friends with someone from an actually high profile family (high up in US politics). They go on vacation to normal rich person places (upscale boutique resorts, the 4 seasons, etc.). I sorta think this is either pure fiction or it’s a game of telephone.

One thing I’ve noticed with my rich friend family is that they actually don’t travel internationally much. Like, in the last few years not a single international trip (but tons of fancy domestic ones!!).

I actually think that [b]truly high up political families tend to stay in the US more than I imagined. It makes sense though from a security perspective. It can’t be a coincidence. I also think maybe they are intentionally demonstrating that they keep their vacation dollars in the US or something?[/b]

You know one family that has not traveled internationally in the past several years and make huge extrapolations.

Pp here. Yes I’m not fancy, I only know one high ranking elected official’s family

my parent was in politics and we always vacationed in our home state, partially because said parents is a workaholic. and partially because being a politician isn't lucrative so taking overseas trips was out of the budget.

i would also like to point out though that you are talking about the last several years. hello, covid. i haven't travelled out of the country since 2019 because i am avoiding long haul flights because if I get covid I want to be in the states where my health insurance is good and where i can get paxlovid. plenty of other people feel the same.

No, they don’t. The his is neurotic and weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m good friends with someone from an actually high profile family (high up in US politics). They go on vacation to normal rich person places (upscale boutique resorts, the 4 seasons, etc.). I sorta think this is either pure fiction or it’s a game of telephone.

One thing I’ve noticed with my rich friend family is that they actually don’t travel internationally much. Like, in the last few years not a single international trip (but tons of fancy domestic ones!!).

I actually think that [b]truly high up political families tend to stay in the US more than I imagined. It makes sense though from a security perspective. It can’t be a coincidence. I also think maybe they are intentionally demonstrating that they keep their vacation dollars in the US or something?[/b]

You know one family that has not traveled internationally in the past several years and make huge extrapolations.

Pp here. Yes I’m not fancy, I only know one high ranking elected official’s family

my parent was in politics and we always vacationed in our home state, partially because said parents is a workaholic. and partially because being a politician isn't lucrative so taking overseas trips was out of the budget.

i would also like to point out though that you are talking about the last several years. hello, covid. i haven't travelled out of the country since 2019 because i am avoiding long haul flights because if I get covid I want to be in the states where my health insurance is good and where i can get paxlovid. plenty of other people feel the same.

Most people who get Covid don't get Paxlovid, you're not special

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One your kid is 20 and you are not paying so you have no say.

But if you think you do then the answer is Hell no.

She doesn't go unless you know the name of the place that is absolutely abusrd.

I call troll bec this is my world and there is no place in the Carribian that is that private that's ridiculous

It's clearly not your world or you would know about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter can say: "My parents have asked how to reach me if there is an emergency while we're on vacation. Can you please provide the name of the property and a phone number just in case?"

That's not weird, that's just common sense.

Alternatively, “can you give me the property name and a phone number in case of emergency back home?”

Totally reasonable request and if they think it’s weird then she shouldn’t go.

That's....the exact same thing as PP said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m good friends with someone from an actually high profile family (high up in US politics). They go on vacation to normal rich person places (upscale boutique resorts, the 4 seasons, etc.). I sorta think this is either pure fiction or it’s a game of telephone.

One thing I’ve noticed with my rich friend family is that they actually don’t travel internationally much. Like, in the last few years not a single international trip (but tons of fancy domestic ones!!).

I actually think that [b]truly high up political families tend to stay in the US more than I imagined. It makes sense though from a security perspective. It can’t be a coincidence. I also think maybe they are intentionally demonstrating that they keep their vacation dollars in the US or something?[/b]

You know one family that has not traveled internationally in the past several years and make huge extrapolations.

Pp here. Yes I’m not fancy, I only know one high ranking elected official’s family

my parent was in politics and we always vacationed in our home state, partially because said parents is a workaholic. and partially because being a politician isn't lucrative so taking overseas trips was out of the budget.

i would also like to point out though that you are talking about the last several years. hello, covid. i haven't travelled out of the country since 2019 because i am avoiding long haul flights because if I get covid I want to be in the states where my health insurance is good and where i can get paxlovid. plenty of other people feel the same.

Most people who get Covid don't get Paxlovid, you're not special

This. Maybe back in 2021 or even 2022. Not today. I had Covid and the symptoms literally lasted 6 hrs and were gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are being super weird

Agree. And I hope “J”’s parents’ house manager sees this.

Also, the “DD” is so incredibly grating. Stop writing that. One “D” is enough. She is your daughter. If everyone gets a screenplay initial, just use one “D.”

Have you been on a message board in the last 20 years?

[Anonymous]

Can your DD just get life 360 while she is traveling? Then you can see where she is

My kid is still a teen but she participates in an activity where for their safety the organization doesn’t announce publicly which hotel the kids are staying in. But I can see bc of Life 360 which is somewhat reassuring.

[Anonymous]

I’d want to know where / which ‘country’ and have a communication plan with my child. Is this private island like Bakers Bay? Places like this can be super unusual with the set of folks on island, who’s in charge, entitlement, RBP (rich boy problems), and so on. The power dynamic is massively shifted - and NOT in favor of your child. You need a line of communication AND you need to know where they’re going. Let your kid “blame” you with their friend and family if need be.

[Anonymous]

She’ll find out the name when she gets there and then she can text you. Not sure why you’d need that info before? Otherwise, she’s 20. She’ll be fine.