DD traveling abroad with friend's high-profile family

[Anonymous]

Re the exclusive locale and hanging with wealthy peeps, does your DD know how to act like she’s done it before. BC you’re definitely not the one to help her OP. Your description was so TMI - You couldn’t just say, ‘DD is going off on vaca with a family, high end resort, should I know where she will be staying?’ You are obviously out of your element with this.

She really should know where she is going for her own sake not just yours, always, so remind her of that and she should not be dropping her values or sense of safety bc she is ingratiating herself to a wealthy family. And yes,have her turn her findmy on, make sure she has access to money, and then wish her a fun trip.

[Anonymous]

One your kid is 20 and you are not paying so you have no say.

But if you think you do then the answer is Hell no.

She doesn't go unless you know the name of the place that is absolutely abusrd.

I call troll bec this is my world and there is no place in the Carribian that is that private that's ridiculous

[Anonymous]

OP, your mistake was giving so much unnecessary context. The question here should be:

"Would you want to know where your 20yo DD is and how to reach her if she was traveling internationally?"

The consensus answer to this would almost certainly be "yes." You can ask your daughter to let you know more details, in case there is an emergency and you need to reach her and don't want to rely on her cell service. She is free to say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be very uncomfortable with one of my adult kids going on a vacation to a foreign country if I had no idea where they’re staying. I think it’s a very reasonable request to know that, for safety reasons.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All you all are ridiculous. College kids stay with friends all the time, even internationally, without knowing their exact home address, and land lines are an artifact. Just demand that she give you emergency contact phone information there other than her friend, under the theory that both of them could be victimized simultaneously. And establish some kind of check in schedule, which the failure to observe would trigger you calling the emergency contact number.

She is 20 years old, old enough to be sent to war, for chrissakes. Should the USMC call mommy and tell her the address of the jump zone?

As the wife of a currently deployed servicemember, I can tell you that more than 4 people know where my DH currently is, even if I don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter can say: "My parents have asked how to reach me if there is an emergency while we're on vacation. Can you please provide the name of the property and a phone number just in case?"

That's not weird, that's just common sense.

Alternatively, “can you give me the property name and a phone number in case of emergency back home?”

Totally reasonable request and if they think it’s weird then she shouldn’t go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, At age 20 it would not be normal for friends parents to reach out to you about travel plans. Honestly, it would be weird and belittling.

Have your daughter ask the name of the place they will be staying.

+1

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just ask her to share her location on her phone with you.

This is the *one* thing I ask for. And because my kids know I’m not stalkery or helicoptery in any way, they do this without question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You could have asked this question without all the high-profile family details. Reasonable to ask your adult child for some itinerary basics.

Yup, OP is just being braggy here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are being super weird

Agree. And I hope “J”’s parents’ house manager sees this.

Also, the “DD” is so incredibly grating. Stop writing that. One “D” is enough. She is your daughter. If everyone gets a screenplay initial, just use one “D.”

Are you new here? DD is pretty common message board terminology for "dear daughter". Used everywhere.

[Anonymous]

OP lost me at “Epstein adjacent situation”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seriously, you need to let go. At this age I spent the summer traveling through Europe by train, staying in hostels and my parents had no way of reaching me or knowing where I was the whole time. I’m guessing that you already track your daughter’s phone so you will know where she is. But yes, the week before departure, it would be appropriate for your daughter to ask for contact info for her family in case of emergency.

Same. I did this when I was 18 before cell phones and email. As long as I checked in every few days, it was all good. I would ask for the contact info of either the parents or resort in case of emergency and ONLY USE THEM IF THERE IS AN EMERGENCY. Don't try to start a "fun bonding text chain" with the mom for god's sake. She'll see right through you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah…the only reason you are being a little nuts is because your kid is still in college and you feel like you still have control.

In two years, imagine your kid could easily just go on a trip like this and you might not even know it happened until after the fact.

BTW…funny how you mention famous and Big Law…unless your friend’s parent is Judge Judy or on the Supreme Court…or is the Morgan & Morgan guy on TV…there is no famous BigLaw person.

Nope, OP is only being nuts because she's a social climber.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your mistake was giving so much unnecessary context. The question here should be:

"Would you want to know where your 20yo DD is and how to reach her if she was traveling internationally?"

The consensus answer to this would almost certainly be "yes." You can ask your daughter to let you know more details, in case there is an emergency and you need to reach her and don't want to rely on her cell service. She is free to say no.

I think OP low key wanted to brag about her DD having this experience. Which no shame, I’m jealous and I wanna go too!

[Anonymous]

Seriously? We all share locations with each other in my nuclear family. My kids know it’s part of the deal with the free phone that they have in their pocket. And no, at age 20 parents don’t confirm with other parents any details of invitations or travel plans. I have college kids and I get a general location - X’s family beach house in Large Resort Area, no address and certainly no phone number. X city in Europe. “Where are you staying?” “With Friend A. I think they have a couch.” No address. Large Spring Break Destination in FL. “Where are you staying?” “Um. Like a Best Western or Holiday Inn, I think.” I know where they are when I see their phone location.