Uncertain future after divorce scares the heck out of me

[Anonymous]

Divorced a couple of years ago. Have been extremely uncomfortable from a mental/emotional standpoint since, mostly because my future feels so uncertain.

Before divorce, I imagined holidays where the kids come home, my spouse and I helping with grandkids, me and my spouse on vacation, our home filled with happiness.

With divorce, that idea is no more. I live in an apartment, I see my kids half the time, and I feel so lost. I feel like a total loser. I went into divorce knowing it would be hard, but I wasn’t expecting to feel this way.

Anyone out there experience similar feelings? I don’t know how to get past this and I find myself fantasizing about pre-divorce life, wondering if I made a mistake.

[Anonymous]

How old are your kids? Are they living in the apartment half the week?

Was there no saving the marriage? You talk of grandkids, life in empty nest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorced a couple of years ago. Have been extremely uncomfortable from a mental/emotional standpoint since, mostly because my future feels so uncertain.

Before divorce, I imagined holidays where the kids come home, my spouse and I helping with grandkids, me and my spouse on vacation, our home filled with happiness.

With divorce, that idea is no more. I live in an apartment, I see my kids half the time, and I feel so lost. I feel like a total loser. I went into divorce knowing it would be hard, but I wasn’t expecting to feel this way.

Anyone out there experience similar feelings? I don’t know how to get past this and I find myself fantasizing about pre-divorce life, wondering if I made a mistake.

Did you file? What did you think it was going to be like? You mention all the ways you expected your life to be, did you not think of that before filing?

Like other pp, I’m confused.

Midlife crisis divorce after listening to friends tell you how great divorce is?

[Anonymous]

Make your own happiness. Work on yourself. Join a divorce support group. Join a gym. Try a new sport (tennis or golf for example). There is no reason to feel like a loser. Divorce is common. You need to move forward and stop thinking of the past.

[Anonymous]

I was so happy when I got divorced. I made my little apartment warm and cozy, it was a safe place, I created the routines I wanted to have, wasn't tiptoeing around someone else, etc.

Yes, it was very cramped in the beginning and we were all sharing one bathroom. But SO worth it!

[Anonymous]

No OP I don't feel like that at all. I'm a divorced dad, living in a nice house in a nice neighborhood, and enjoying time with my hot young girlfriend who I met 8 years after the divorce.

[Anonymous]

You can always go back to your ex spouse and ask for forgiveness and ask to start over. People have reconciled after breakups before.
Sometimes you just don’t know what you got til it’s gone.

Marriage is more commitment and hard work and caring (like a family) than romantic love

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can always go back to your ex spouse and ask for forgiveness and ask to start over. People have reconciled after breakups before.
Sometimes you just don’t know what you got til it’s gone.

Marriage is more commitment and hard work and caring (like a family) than romantic love

As crazy as this may sound, if you want that life back, you can try reconnecting, there is no law against people not getting back together.

[Anonymous]

https://www.forbes.com/ad...tatistics/

"a total of 6% of divorced couples get remarried to each other. When this occurs, the odds of future success are high. A full 72% of reunited couples remain married after reuniting"

[Anonymous]

Let me guess: you got caught cheating or were cheating and thought you’d end up with AP or that you could do better than your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
https://www.forbes.com/ad...tatistics/

"a total of 6% of divorced couples get remarried to each other. When this occurs, the odds of future success are high. A full 72% of reunited couples remain married after reuniting"

And many more didn’t divorce—but reconciled instead of divorcing.

[Anonymous]

What is completely lacking in your post is any love or feeling for your ex-husband, glaringly so.

You want the lifestyle again. Your envisioned single girl life was t the Shangri-La you thought it would be.

You still don’t care about him at all—just your vision of grandkids and travel. Now you don’t have the funds to travel and have to split time with the grandkids—w/out a yard for them to play in.

[Anonymous]

I know the feeling that you are speaking of op. It’s awful. I am not fully through it. But a few things that help are: controlling the things I can control, looking at the ways my life has improved, remembering the horrible parts of marriage, valuing friends and family, establishing new rituals, beginning to create a vision for a new future (this one is the hardest for me).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[/b]What is completely lacking in your post is any love or feeling for your ex-husband, glaringly so.
[b]
You want the lifestyle again. Your envisioned single girl life was t the Shangri-La you thought it would be.

You still don’t care about him at all—just your vision of grandkids and travel. Now you don’t have the funds to travel and have to split time with the grandkids—w/out a yard for them to play in.

+1 he’d be a fool to take you back since even after the divorce, you take him for granted. No talk of missing him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me guess: you got caught cheating or were cheating and thought you’d end up with AP or that you could do better than your husband.

OP is a man. No woman would say she feels like a "total loser". A divorced female would be on dating sites dating endlessly.