Multiple urgent priorities-how to tackle?
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Anonymous
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I have multiple urgent priorities and feel paralyzed.
Help me move beyond this overhwlem, please! Tell me what to do! These are the projects: 1. DS suddenly started having major medical issues a few months ago and was hospitalized multiple times. He is 4. addition to some other medical issues). I just recently got him qualified for Medicaid/long term care. He needs therapies and additional follow up. But this is a huge undertaking-finding providers, scheduling it all, getting insurance to cover it, etc. So many phone calls and lots of calling and waiting for return calls which come back randomly. 2. Our roof is leaking. I got a company to come out and fix it, but then it leaked again. I have had a few different companies come out, and it’s a more complex issue than just the roof and is an issue with the stucco and potentially the foundation. Initial estimates are in the range of $30k-$60k to fix this. 3. I recently lost my job. It’s a long story but basically my job was 100% inflexible and my DS’ needs are significant. I took FMLA because he was in the hospital multiple times over the last several months. I ran out of FMLA and I still needed to get things in order for my son and I couldn’t be in person 100% of the time and my work wouldn’t give me any grace or flexibility so I quit. We burned through all our savings when I took FMLA and to fix the roof and to cover medical bills. We’ve got $700k in home equity but can’t access it I don’t think since I’m unemployed. DH doesn’t make a lot of money and his credit is not awesome so I don’t think he can get a home equity loan individually. I need a new job. We need to fix the roof leaking, I need to call contractors and our homeowners insurance (again). I need to get therapy and Medical care and respite in place for DS. I’m frantic and panicking. What do I tackle First? I find myself all over the place, moving from one task to another, meeting with contractors, submitting resumes, calling providers, etc. Is there a more systemic way to approach this? I’m so overwhelmed. |
Anonymous
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Can you afford to not focus on the job search right now? It sounds like your DS's needs are really all consuming and would be hard to balance with a new job. It can be hard when you need both incomes, I don't know how free your choices are, but even a few months could help to calm things down.
I wouldn't assume you and DH couldn't get a HELOC together based just on his income for less than 10% of the value of your home. Could he start calling around about that while you focus on DS and medical? |
Anonymous
Op here. Yes I agree I need a few months before I could work again but I feel like if I want to be working by like, April/May/June, I need to be applying now since processes are so slow. DH isn’t helpful. It’s a whole other issue. I’ve asked him over and over again to even just apply for a 0% credit card for us to use for a few months or to do a balance transfer. I can’t count on him. Yes, I have a DH problem but that has to be on the back burner for now. |
Anonymous
I'm sorry OP. It's a lot to put on you, then. My vote would still be to back-burner the job search; it doesn't have to be "until I fix all the other stuff," maybe a couple of weeks or some other deadline you set. Or alternate weeks when you look for jobs and deal with banking/house stuff along with DS. Again, sorry you are dealing with all this at once. It sounds really hard and lonely. |
Anonymous
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How much damage is the leaking causing? If it's something that can be worked around I would put this one to the side and not take on debt. My #1 priority would be my son, then on finding a job.
Can you make yourself a daily schedule? Such as: 9-11 AM medical stuff 11 AM break 12-2 PM submit job applications 2-3 PM break 3-5 PM household admin stuff (paying bills, looking for a contractor, grocery shopping) Of course, if you have a medical emergency or a call back from a provider, you drop everything else in that moment because that's #1. If you get a job interview, of course you can swap out that time (interview in the morning - do the medical stuff in the afternoon). I find it helps to make a very elaborate document with bullet points for everything and try to knock out a couple of bullets each day. For me when I was looking for a job, it was tasks like, upgrade to a better phone; pick my references; email my references; polish resume; make a list of potential sites to search; make an indeed account; make USA Jobs account; get a copy of my transcript; create spreadsheet for apps; submit application for job; followup on application. Just really little things like that so I could be accomplishing a few small things a day. |
Anonymous
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1. Kid
2. Job 3. Roof. Buckets and pray for sunny weather. But really, kid first. Good luck, it’s a crappy situation. |
Anonymous
Op here. Thank you. This is helpful. Where do you write the bullets? Just in a word doc? Or with a physical list? |
Anonymous
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I think you have received some good advice.
On the practical side, I have worked lots of jobs where part of the job is multiple competing priorities. I actually thrive on this at work. I like to write down the next five things I am going to on a sticky note and then throw it away and start again with five more as I plow through tasks. On the emotional side, don't discount your emotional side, basically. Personally I would want to prioritize the roof last so I'd make it last and then every day it would get easier and easier to move it down the list. So if you are avoidant like I am, I'd probably make myself tackle that first. That doesn't mean you can't call any doctors until the roof is all the way fixed, just that you have to make the calls to the insurance company and roof guy first. I would put the job on the back burner. |
Anonymous
I've done both. It is nice having a word docs with fancy headings and can also include things like callback numbers there. I think that would work better for you? Like you can have a bullet to call Dr. X to make an appointment for your son and note the number. And once you call you can note the date and time of the appointment or any follow up. And then you can use a strike through font to note its been done but without erasing it. I would use Google do so it's accessible by phone or computer. But when it comes to smaller things like my daily or weekly to do list I just use paper and cross things off. Considering your issues are bigger in scope a typed document is probably better. |
Anonymous
| Op here. Gosh you guys I’m really not ok. I’ve spent half the day in bed. I can’t get out of this overwhelm/paralysis state. I feel like I’m just a total loser. |
Anonymous
Hi OP. I just saw this. I totally and completely identify. Can you set a couple small goals at a time? Like, i am going to get out of bed. I am going to make coffee. Don't focus on the overall issues. Just one foot in from of the other. And take care of yourself - give yourself 15 minutes of downtime every couple of hours. Big hugs to you. |
Anonymous
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Breathe. You will get through this. You will do it all because you have to.
You apply for jobs after business hours. During the day your job is to work the phones. Maybe you pick days if the week where you focus on one topic - “today I am dealing with junior’s rehab therapy and insurance planning”. You want to get the house looked at because the costs will skyrocket. What’s the issue with the homeowners insurance, the big ones customer service is 24 hours. Make that DHS job. Also, do you have someone else you can enlist? I have had my busybody mom start doing the research and hunting down vendors. Hang in there. |
Anonymous
OK, you’re in a rough place and you took some time to recharge. Now it’s time to tackle your life before your crisis becomes impossible - and I don’t think you’re far from that point. You don’t have a job. You don’t have savings. You can’t pay our life expenses. You need to multitask, not prioritize. Everyone one of the things you cited needs to be your priority. Best way to get started is to organize yourself. Take the day or the weekend to do this. Make spreadsheets for contractors. Make spreadsheets for medical providers - BTDT and I prefer a separate one for each service I’m looking for. Make a to do list for your job search and a spreadsheet for your job search. If your resume isn’t up to date, get that done pronto and get someone to look at it for you because professionals at this can make you stand out. With respect to the contractors and medical providers, figure out the short list of questions so that you can weed out those that aren’t going to work within the first minute of your conversation. Are they taking new patients? Do they take your insurance? If they are taking new patients, can they do what your child needs -which means that you need a one sentence explanation of who your child is and what it is you need. If the answer is no to any of these questions, say thank you and hang up and move to the next provider on the list. See if your insurer has a list of providers to start with, otherwise go to the professional association website and look up providers in your area. This is going to be somewhat unpopular, but do an evaluation of what your child needs, what can wait and what you would like your child to have but won’t cause harm if he doesn’t get it now and then prioritize. Maybe some of the likes should come off the list while you are in crisis. You can always revisit later. This is an area where it’s hard, but you need to be brutally honest with yourself because in your current state, your child risks getting nothing. I guess what I am saying is that you don’t have the luxury of prioritizing. You have to tackle all of this now. Organize and make the first call. This should give you the momentum to tackle your life. If not, then you might need to find a therapist. |
Anonymous
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Op here. I do have a therapist and a psychiatrist.
I do think all of these priorities are urgent and it’s really impossible to rank them. As one example, I have the money for the March and April mortgage payments but after that it’s really and truly gone. I am thinking I need to either rent my house out or sell it and move to the cheapest place I can find. I’m leaning towards renting it because it looks like I could potentially get $7-8k/month and the mortgage is only $3500/month. But we can’t rent it or sell it without fixing the leaking issues….and I don’t have the money to fix those….and now I’m spiraling again. Plus executing a move and the decluttering/cleaning/organizing that would be required would be wildly time consuming. I have the opportunity to take on some remote contracting work that I could do from home immediately. I could maybe make around $60/hour, but it would be time that I could not work on any of these other priorities. We have high childcare costs (a nanny) because DS can’t be in a normal daycare setting. We could lay her off but then I’d be stuck caregiving for DS round the clock and I wouldn’t be able to work or to do any of these other things. Medicaid I think will help with this-they supposedly will pay for respite care and habilitation, but I guess there’s no providers so I have to find the provider myself and they get hired by an agency and then the agency sends the provider. This is also a huge undertaking, getting all of this in order. I can’t even get the darn insurance card for the Medicaid. I spent 3 hours on the phone chasing that down last week. I’m sorry I’m rambling. I’m completely off the rails right now. I literally do not know what to do. I can’t take the weekend to organize myself because I’m caring for DS which is a full time job. I appreciate you all listening to me and trying to help. Thank you. Truly. |
Anonymous
| Maybe you could post on SN forum and get some help with ideas for care for your child. It really sounds like you are spinning now and in an unproductive way. For example, Renting your house is not an option yet you’ve spent your time thinking about it. Time that could have been spent making provider lists. If you have a nanny, you’ve got time to work on this. It’s a sucky set of problems on your plate but they only go away by dealing with them. |