Would you attend a wedding if you were obviously on “the B list”?

[Anonymous]

A friend of mine is getting married at the end of this month and has documented a lot of the wedding journey on instagram - she posted stories of her save the dates, sending invitations, etc. I was a bit surprised not to receive either but I understand how expensive weddings are and the various issues surrounding guests lists, and made peace with the fact that we obviously weren’t as close as I’d thought. Well, I received an invitation today inviting me to the wedding, and my first thought was that she had received a number of declines and was moving on to her “B list” to fill seats. To be honest, I think this is pretty tacky and rude and I’m not sure if I want to attend.


I got married semi-recently and we did have a significant number of people unable to make it. We ended up not inviting any “new” people to fill their spots as I thought it would be rude to make it so obvious they weren’t on our “first choice” list. The only exception was that we allowed one guest, who had entered into a relationship between us setting our guest list and the time of the wedding, to bring their significant other.

Am I being petty?

[Anonymous]

Do you want to be friends with her?

[Anonymous]

I always feel like I'm the last person invited to a wedding. And that's FINE! Someone has to be the last invitee and I love weddings. Imma cha cha slide my way to the bar and say something embarrassing in the wedding video.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always feel like I'm the last person invited to a wedding. And that's FINE! Someone has to be the last invitee and I love weddings. Imma cha cha slide my way to the bar and say something embarrassing in the wedding video.

Same!! A list, B list, C list, D list, it's all the same! It's fun and I think weddings are so beautiful.

[Anonymous]

Of course I would attend. My ego wouldn't get in the way of someone else's happy occasion. I understand that people have to balance family obligations and dynamics - they must invite Uncle Ted to avoid family drama even if they haven't seen him in three years.

Be mindful and flexible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you want to be friends with her?

We were close in college, and would see each other a couple times a year - I did invite her to my wedding; but (thinking back) I guess it made sense I wasn’t invited to hers. I’m more put off by this obvious tier system because she posted multiple times about sending save the dates 9 months ago and invitations a few months back lol. I just think it’s tacky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you want to be friends with her?

This and, do you WANT to go to her wedding? Will there be other people there you want to see?

[Anonymous]

I would not attend. I would feel like a second rate seat filler. No thanks.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you're being petty. You either "understand how expensive weddings are and the various issues surrounding guests lists" or you don't - you can't understand that they had to limit the guest list and then be furious that when a spot opened up you were right at the top of the people they wished could've been included in the first place.

If you want to go to the wedding, go. If you don't, send your regrets. Don't show up with a chip on your shoulder thinking you're doing them a favor by filling a chair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you're being petty. You either "understand how expensive weddings are and the various issues surrounding guests lists" or you don't - you can't understand that they had to limit the guest list and then be furious that when a spot opened up you were right at the top of the people they wished could've been included in the first place.

If you want to go to the wedding, go. If you don't, send your regrets. Don't show up with a chip on your shoulder thinking you're doing them a favor by filling a chair.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you want to be friends with her?

We were close in college, and would see each other a couple times a year - I did invite her to my wedding; but (thinking back) I guess it made sense I wasn’t invited to hers. I’m more put off by this obvious tier system because she posted multiple times about sending save the dates 9 months ago and invitations a few months back lol. I just think it’s tacky.

The posting about it on social media is what's tacky, because it makes it obvious to people that they are on the B list. Having a B list and inviting them later is not tacky in and of itself.

[Anonymous]

A few years back my husband 's friend called and let him know that enough family members couldn't make it that we'd made it off the B list. It made me laugh as neither guy thought there was anything weird about this conversation. We went and had a terrific time.

[Anonymous]

I absolutely would not attend. Just politely decline and go on with life.

[Anonymous]

Honestly it would depend on a lot of things, including how big the A list was and who was on it. If it was 20 people and 15 were family, I’d be incredibly honored to be on the B list. If was 300 people on the A list, I’d pass unless it was a place/time that was convenient for me.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s fine unless she’s your best friend. If you want to go, and won’t hold a grudge, go without any bad feelings! If you can’t do that, politely decline.