Would you attend a wedding if you were obviously on “the B list”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would talk to the bride and tell her what you are feeling. Then see how she responds.

DO NOT DO THIS

Why not? She has a right to express her feelings and understand why she is being invited so late

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not attend. I would feel like a second rate seat filler. No thanks.

+1

[Anonymous]

Only if it's close by and you feel you would enjoy it.

Otherwise, no. I definitely turned down a destination wedding that had less than a month's notice, I felt that was rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you want to be friends with her?

We were close in college, and would see each other a couple times a year - I did invite her to my wedding; but (thinking back) I guess it made sense I wasn’t invited to hers. I’m more put off by this obvious tier system because she posted multiple times about sending save the dates 9 months ago and invitations a few months back lol. I just think it’s tacky.

It’s incredibly tacky. I wouldn’t go. Either they wanted you there enough to take the risk with yield or they are not dying to have you there. A late invite, esp from a narcissist who thinks anyone other than her would actually care about her save the dates, invites etc enough to have them on social media, is a slap in the face.

It's pretty rich to imply that every invitation you've ever received was from someone who was dying to have you at their wedding, and then call someone else a narcissist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am past the age where friends are getting married, but I always went to weddings even if I was obviously on the B-list.

Especially when single. It was a chance to get dolled up, eat and drink for free, dance, and mingle.

Plus, generally, everyone at a wedding is in a great mood. So there is much fun to be had.

There's always some fun drama.

And everyone is so young, optimistic, and clueless about what lies ahead.

It's all eat, drink, and be merry!

I'd even spring for a nice present off of the registry. Not too nice, though, since I wasn't a first string, but like along the lines of china table setting nice.

Beautiful sentiment! OP ... maybe try therapy if you are not already. Not everyone is against you.

[Anonymous]

1. Unfollow her on social media; this is clearly making you unhappy

2. Attend her wedding if you enjoy her company/enjoy weddings; don’t attend if it’s a financial or logistical burden and/or you don’t enjoy weddings

(Me, I would be unlikely to attend if it required travel because money is tight and I’m a single parent and would have to find childcare. If it was local I’d probably go just to the ceremony.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you're being petty. You either "understand how expensive weddings are and the various issues surrounding guests lists" or you don't - you can't understand that they had to limit the guest list and then be furious that when a spot opened up you were right at the top of the people they wished could've been included in the first place.

If you want to go to the wedding, go. If you don't, send your regrets. Don't show up with a chip on your shoulder thinking you're doing them a favor by filling a chair.

OP “Understands” as in comprehends, but that doesn’t mean her who doesn’t feel stung with the realization that she didn’t make the cut.
It’s just a difficult pill to swallow.
I think OP should act with grace though, and attend the wedding.
And if she is feeling a wee bit spicy, then she can text the bride with an excited “omg I’m so happy I got an invitation to your wedding! Can’t wait to see you and Larlo tie the knot!”
(PS—if OP is reading this and is thinking “well we aren’t really close enough that I would text her”—then she realistically shouldn’t have expected to be invited to the wedding on the “A”-list anyway!)

[Anonymous]

Yes, if I wanted to go to see old friends, it was at a great venue or I had some other reason I wanted to go. Fun story: I was a B list invitee to a wedding once. I went because a lot of old friends were going and I thought it would be fun. Good thing I did go because I met my future husband there and the bride and groom grew to be dear, dear friends.

[Anonymous]

I went when I was on the B list. My roommate at the time got an A list invite that was addressed in caligraphy. A few weeks before the wedding I got one written in a scrawl. I still went. Haven't talked to the bride since but we weren't super close before!

[Anonymous]

You sound like you are in middle school.

If you understand why some people are left off the list (and did it yourself!) then you should understand why she had to limit her number of guests. It is the same logic. But now you know she would like you to celebrate her special day with you.

Embrace that and be happy for them.

[Anonymous]

It is very distasteful to have a B list for a wedding! Many people do not attend, there is always room for a few more! People’s feelings matter most!

[Anonymous]

Definitely not, because I wouldn't want to go whether A or B list so B list makes it socially acceptable to not go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A few years back my husband 's friend called and let him know that enough family members couldn't make it that we'd made it off the B list. It made me laugh as neither guy thought there was anything weird about this conversation. We went and had a terrific time.

Love this story. Men are so chill and so much better than women at relationships in certain ways

[Anonymous]

Yes. I am on the A list of a lot of people, and I am on the B and C list of even more people. Being on B and C list is more common for me, than being on A list.

I will attend, I will give a good gift amount, and I will participate wholeheartedly by having a smile and dancing with joy. I will take lots of pictures and I will not nit-pick about what I did not like or dislike. I will drink in moderation and I will not create any drama with anyone else. I will get with the program.

[Anonymous]

I think you’re being petty.

Yes, we had a B list. In our case, it was friends we really, really wanted to invite, but we have big families and limited budget/space. Once some of our family members RSVP’d no, we were free to invite some more people we really wanted to be there! I think we ended up inviting 5-10 B listers, most said yes, and we were thrilled to have them there.

From the other side, I’ve been invited to two weddings as a clear B lister (both invitations arrived after the preprinted “RSVP by” date had past, something I was careful to avoid for my wedding, FWIW). Went to both and had a great time!

Do you like this person? Y/N. Does going to their wedding sound fun? Y/N. If yes to both, go and don’t overthink it.