Advice on twins in terms of college acceptances

[Anonymous]

We have boy girl twins. They are close friends, but very different people. To our surprise, they ended up applying to almost all the same schools. We tried to guide and encourage them to find different schools, but they ended up with many of the same.

One of the kids is quite a bit stronger academically than the other, and also has a great Extracurricular with success on the national level. The schools they applied were a reasonable target/reach for the less strong twin, and a straight target/safety for the strong one but everything these days feels like a crapshoot.

We are obviously concerned as all ea decisions start coming in this week and rd in the next few months, the twin who is a fantastic kid but less strong academically and in terms of extracurricular will possibly get shut out.

Luckily, both twins are into safeties, so we are trying to really talk about how awesome those schools are.

Any advice on how to handle this situation when one twin gets into a school and the other doesn’t. We generally think handling disappointment is their issue and try to shrug and not make it a big deal but this is an added layer of complication with twin dynamics.

( if we’re honest, the twin who is stronger on paper worked harder and was more driven but it doesn’t feel great to point that out in a moment of disappointment so if there’s something we can say that is kind and more constructive we’d like to do that!)

Thanks in advance.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand. How will the twin get "shut out" if they are already accepted to a safety?

[Anonymous]

You should also be prepared for the opposite situation, if only the less strong twin gets in. Things can be unpredictable especially with yield protection.

[Anonymous]

Also have twins going through this process, with a much bigger divergence in terms of academic strength. One only applied to, and has been admitted to, a small college in FL specifically for kids with learning disabilities, while her sister has applied to a range of 10 more typical options, mostly in-state in VA. There is huge amount of FOMO happening with DD1 as the acceptances continue to roll in for DD2. Fearing things will get worse as we get into Admitted Students Days season, as I already have 2 overnight trips planned for DD2, and probably will do at least 2 more, while DD1 will just have the one trip. Trying my best to reassure her that this school is a great fit for her, and to get her to focus on that rather than what is going on with her sister, but it is certainly a challenge. Lots of love and support is the only advice I can give. Hang in there, it will all be good at the end of the day!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have boy girl twins. They are close friends, but very different people. To our surprise, they ended up applying to almost all the same schools. We tried to guide and encourage them to find different schools, but they ended up with many of the same.

One of the kids is quite a bit stronger academically than the other, and also has a great Extracurricular with success on the national level. The schools they applied were a reasonable target/reach for the less strong twin, and a straight target/safety for the strong one but everything these days feels like a crapshoot.

We are obviously concerned as all ea decisions start coming in this week and rd in the next few months, the twin who is a fantastic kid but less strong academically and in terms of extracurricular will possibly get shut out.

Luckily, both twins are into safeties, so we are trying to really talk about how awesome those schools are.

Any advice on how to handle this situation when one twin gets into a school and the other doesn’t. We generally think handling disappointment is their issue and try to shrug and not make it a big deal but this is an added layer of complication with twin dynamics.

( if we’re honest, the twin who is stronger on paper worked harder and was more driven but it doesn’t feel great to point that out in a moment of disappointment so if there’s something we can say that is kind and more constructive we’d like to do that!)

Thanks in advance.

This seems like the making of a great sit com. Can the smart twin accept two offers and have the other twin attend in their place? Maybe they have to switch at winter break and hilarity ensues?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have boy girl twins. They are close friends, but very different people. To our surprise, they ended up applying to almost all the same schools. We tried to guide and encourage them to find different schools, but they ended up with many of the same.

One of the kids is quite a bit stronger academically than the other, and also has a great Extracurricular with success on the national level. The schools they applied were a reasonable target/reach for the less strong twin, and a straight target/safety for the strong one but everything these days feels like a crapshoot.

We are obviously concerned as all ea decisions start coming in this week and rd in the next few months, the twin who is a fantastic kid but less strong academically and in terms of extracurricular will possibly get shut out.

Luckily, both twins are into safeties, so we are trying to really talk about how awesome those schools are.

Any advice on how to handle this situation when one twin gets into a school and the other doesn’t. We generally think handling disappointment is their issue and try to shrug and not make it a big deal but this is an added layer of complication with twin dynamics.

( if we’re honest, the twin who is stronger on paper worked harder and was more driven but it doesn’t feel great to point that out in a moment of disappointment so if there’s something we can say that is kind and more constructive we’d like to do that!)

Thanks in advance.

This seems like the making of a great sit com. Can the smart twin accept two offers and have the other twin attend in their place? Maybe they have to switch at winter break and hilarity ensues?

OP said boy girl twins so unfortunately that couldn't happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have boy girl twins. They are close friends, but very different people. To our surprise, they ended up applying to almost all the same schools. We tried to guide and encourage them to find different schools, but they ended up with many of the same.

One of the kids is quite a bit stronger academically than the other, and also has a great Extracurricular with success on the national level. The schools they applied were a reasonable target/reach for the less strong twin, and a straight target/safety for the strong one but everything these days feels like a crapshoot.

We are obviously concerned as all ea decisions start coming in this week and rd in the next few months, the twin who is a fantastic kid but less strong academically and in terms of extracurricular will possibly get shut out.

Luckily, both twins are into safeties, so we are trying to really talk about how awesome those schools are.

Any advice on how to handle this situation when one twin gets into a school and the other doesn’t. We generally think handling disappointment is their issue and try to shrug and not make it a big deal but this is an added layer of complication with twin dynamics.

( if we’re honest, the twin who is stronger on paper worked harder and was more driven but it doesn’t feel great to point that out in a moment of disappointment so if there’s something we can say that is kind and more constructive we’d like to do that!)

Thanks in advance.

This seems like the making of a great sit com. Can the smart twin accept two offers and have the other twin attend in their place? Maybe they have to switch at winter break and hilarity ensues?

OP said boy girl twins so unfortunately that couldn't happen.

I beg to differ

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0381707/

[Anonymous]

If you have two kids in college at the same time, you get aid from Private schools.

Go for private schools.

[Anonymous]

Your stronger kid could be the one not accepted. My high stats kid was rejected at Syracuse while a 3.3 GPA kid was accepted due to certain talents they possess. It happens.

I’d frame it as each school needs certain talents and qualities. If you are a tuba player from Montana and that’s what they need, bingo. If they don’t need a tuba player, you might be out of luck.

[Anonymous]

How is everybody having twins these days? Fertility treatments?

Look, OP, the kids know each other’s academic records etc and know that one is stronger than the other. That they’re siblings instead of just friends or classmates doesn’t matter. It shouldn’t surprise either of them or anyone else if their admissions results are different, and unless you raised them wrong, they shouldn’t take the different results as any kind of indicator of the merits of either one of them as your children or as human beings. They’ll get over it. End of story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is everybody having twins these days? Fertility treatments?

Look, OP, the kids know each other’s academic records etc and know that one is stronger than the other. That they’re siblings instead of just friends or classmates doesn’t matter. It shouldn’t surprise either of them or anyone else if their admissions results are different, and unless you raised them wrong, they shouldn’t take the different results as any kind of indicator of the merits of either one of them as your children or as human beings. They’ll get over it. End of story.

LOL... I'm PP with the 18 year old G/G twins and haven't encountered this "fertility treatment" snark in a really long time. Thanks for the blast from the past!

Maybe you think it shouldn't matter, or that they are just like any set of friends or classmates, but, in real life, that's not how it plays out.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I should not have said shut out. yes luckily they are both into safeties. I’m just afraid moving forward that may be it for one of the twins. Not a tragedy I get it, but there will be fallout between them.

In response to the PP : twins are different than regular siblings. They spend their lives being compared in terms of every achievement and benchmark, even if not by parents and family, (which we have definitely made an effort not to do)but by friends, strangers, teachers etc. More importantly, I believe we did “raise them, right” but, as parents,we don’t get to dictate our kids’ emotions. They inevitably compare themselves to each other and that’s something I can’t change or legislate.

I’m looking for advice, preferably from other twin parents who understand the specific issues at play, on how to handle this in a way that encourages resilience, but is also compassionate.

Also, to the other PP, who wondered “why so many people are having twins these days” yes, we had to use fertility treatment and I imagine the other families are doing that as well, not that it’s any of your business. Grrr.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is everybody having twins these days? Fertility treatments?

Look, OP, the kids know each other’s academic records etc and know that one is stronger than the other. That they’re siblings instead of just friends or classmates doesn’t matter. It shouldn’t surprise either of them or anyone else if their admissions results are different, and unless you raised them wrong, they shouldn’t take the different results as any kind of indicator of the merits of either one of them as your children or as human beings. They’ll get over it. End of story.

Have you not had kids in school for the last 13 years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have two kids in college at the same time, you get aid from Private schools.

Go for private schools.

Not likely. I have four in college and we never got aid - what they believe you can pay is laughable. I believe they also changed the rule on this recently.

[Anonymous]

I would just talk to them in advance about how there are so many uncontrollable factors that colleges consider. Some place more emphasis on test scores, some on GPA, some are looking for certain majors, blah blah. Sometimes it’s just different people who review your application. Sometimes it’s yield protection. I would just make sure to have that conversation well in advance.
If their counselors have prepped them well, they may already know all this.