Question on Parent Interactions

[Anonymous]

I am in a little bit of a dilemma. We have dear friends that we have known for years, and our DDs were best friends. We didn't know them from our school, but their DD came to our child’s school a couple of years ago. There was a lot of drama surrounding her DD and my DD (And my DD's friend group). In short in fighting for our friend's DD, my DD got thrown out of her group and our friend's dd got accepted. Now our friend's DD does not talk or acknowledge our DD and is pretty much super mean to our child. Other kids have said the same so I know my DD isn’t making it up or it is sided story. I am sure our friends know that things are not good with our children. I am really upset at our friend's DD but what can I do. Not my child to parent.

I am just wondering how our relationship should be with our friends. There is like an elephant in the room every time we interact. Should we still hangout. We have given space to each other for now since we know of the drama between our children, and I have no interest in talking about it unless she brings it up. Any advice is much appreciated.

[Anonymous]

I would not be friends with these people. My child comes first, and a rando parent friendship is no great loss to ponder.

[Anonymous]

I’m a big supporter of just bc parents are/aren’t friends doesn’t mean kids have to follow along.

However, in this case, I’d be done with those people. It’s too much for your daughter to endure.

[Anonymous]

thank you everyone. Yes my daughter comes first. I am glad I asked this question

[Anonymous]

You describe them as dear friends that you have known for years but then you go on to describe what seem like family friends or mom friends. So it's not clear what kind of friends they are.

If they are dear friends, then I would continue to be friends, meet up with them without kids, etc. If they are just mom friends, then it is time to pause the friendship since the children do not get along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not be friends with these people. My child comes first, and a rando parent friendship is no great loss to ponder.

This x 1000

Been in a similar situation and while it sucks to lose friends as an adult (so hard to make them at this age!), my kid always, always comes first.

[Anonymous]

They have instilled poor values in their child. I would not be friends.

[Anonymous]

Before cutting them out, I would address the elephant in the room. Ask what they hear, their perspective. See if there’s room to add yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They have instilled poor values in their child. I would not be friends.

Eh. Don't judge people by their kids, and vice versa. It doesn't work like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They have instilled poor values in their child. I would not be friends.

Eh. Don't judge people by their kids, and vice versa. It doesn't work like that.

I agree. My daughter was in a very similar scenario at the start of middle school but I don't think it was simple enough to blame on parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not be friends with these people. My child comes first, and a rando parent friendship is no great loss to ponder.

OP said they are dear friends that they have known for years. So not a "rando" friendship. Perhaps you can't comprehend the complexities of this situation.

[Anonymous]

This exact thing happened to my DD. She moved to a new group. We don’t interact with the family at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not be friends with these people. My child comes first, and a rando parent friendship is no great loss to ponder.

OP said they are dear friends that they have known for years. So not a "rando" friendship. Perhaps you can't comprehend the complexities of this situation.

They became friends through kids. I have older kids so I know how these friendships come and go. They might feel close at times but it is extremely rare for them to last once kid ties fizzle.

[Anonymous]

Move on. They are parenting a mean kid and support your kid by not having a relationship with that family.

[Anonymous]

I would not throw away a friendship over this -- maybe pull back a little, pause for now, but leave room to heal. Kids can be awful. In a couple of years, your friend's DD may seriously regret what she did and turn onto a lovely person. Or not, and her parents may be mortified, but they love their DD as much as you love your DD. You just don't know at this point.