Tween daughter looks older
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Anonymous
| My shy 12 year old daughter looks older, she’s 5’4” and has curves. She wears the same sweatshirts and shorts/leggings as all of her 12 year old friends, no makeup, or anything special. She regularly has high school or older boys trying to talk with her or ask for her number and she is mortified. I’m not sure what to tell her other than to say no thanks and walk away but she is really embarrassed that she has developed faster than her friends and is getting this attention when she is a child. I know there are are worse things for 12 year olds, I just think it’s made an awkward phase even harder. Has anyone else had this problem with their daughter? |
Anonymous
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I have a family member who had this issue. She master the "are you an idiot???" looks followed by the incredulous, "Ummm...no. I'm 12," followed by an eye roll and flounce off.
As she got older it evolved into an excellent "drop dead, moron" look that usually served as enough of a deterrent. Seriously, though, I can only imagine how awkward and motifying that is for a tween. Helping her learn to brush them off and walk away knowing it's about them, not her, is the best advice I have. And sometimes the brush off is indeed more effective with some attitude than when done too politely, which teen boys may see as a sign of weakness. |
Anonymous
| Me again, adding - if she's shy, there's also the icy look and walk away without deigning to respond option. That's what I always went with as a shy teen/tween when receiving persistent, unwanted attention. It takes longer to work in my experience but eventually does. |
Anonymous
| I live right by the school bus stop and the middle school girls (and boys!) are all over the place in terms of how old they look. Same as it was when I was a kid. It will even out within a few years. Keep her busy with school and activities so she doesn’t get hooked on attention from older boys and you’ll be fine. |
Anonymous
| If a 16 year old boy walks up to a girl who looks 16 and asks for her number he hasn’t done something wrong and she doesn’t need to give him a rude response. A “no thanks I’m still in middle school” is fine. Sorry she’s dealing with this, it will eventually even out. |
Anonymous
| It’s the “No thank you, I’m 12 years old” response. That will shut things down with normal people. If they persist after that, tell her to ignore & get away from that person, they do not have good intentions. |
Anonymous
This is so rude though - the high schooler doesn't know she's 12, he thinks she's his age. Teach her to say no and walk away. She doesn't need to be an a-hole about it. |
Anonymous
| I've had to deal with this for a couple of years now. I try to run interference for her when we are out in public and minimize the time she comes in contact with boys who are older, so mostly same age activities. This was just for her peace of mind. Now that she is 14, I can back of a lot as she is better able to deflect attention. |
Anonymous
| DD has had a lot of this. She just says ‘I’m in middle school’. It’s sufficient to get the boys to apologize quickly and back off. |
Anonymous
| “Um, no thanks, I’m actually 12” should do it. She just needs a standard answer, almost every 16 yo boy will run the other way once they know she’s 12. |
Anonymous
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Empower your daughter that it is not now and will never be her responsibility to be pleasing to other people, or save them from discomfort. If you do this it will not be uncomfortable for her to say, “I’m not interested.”
Be it bc she is 12/disinterested/otherwise committed/ whatever reason in the world… that it is not her obligation to let people expressing interest or curiosity in her down easy. Empower your daughter to opt out, and remind her that she is not obligated to save other people from their discomfort. Remind her that “no,” is a complete sentence. |
Anonymous
It’s this. Teach her to be assertive, not rude. My daughter developed a lot earlier than 12 and had older kids asking for her phone number or snap when she was in elementary school and watching her older siblings games with friends. She would reply that she didn’t have a phone and was in 5th grade. Your daughter could say “no, I’m in 6th or 7th grade.” The 16 yo will leave quickly |
Anonymous
+1. Your family member sounds like a jerk. |
Anonymous
+1 Let’s not vilify young boys either and damage their self esteem and make them feel like bad people. She can just say no I’m 13 or I’m still a child and my parents said no. |
Anonymous
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I think I'd be questioning where is she regularly encountering all of these HS boys?
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