S/O What makes this fair
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Anonymous
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One of 3 siblings offers to pay private school tuition for a 6th grade nephew due to specific circumstances. Nephew applies to a variety of schools and the cheapest option, after financial aid, is one that would otherwise be one of the most expensive. His parent enroll him and aunt pays the $10K that’s left each year of the $50K tuition.
The third sibling has 3 younger kids. His income is a lot lower than sibling 1, but solidly upper middle class, and much better off than sibling 2. Family has made choices like a large house in an expensive area (with great public schools) that would make it impossible for them to pay 3 tuitions at the kind of school the other cousin attends. Sibling 1 intends to be “fair”. While they initially made the offer due to specific needs for a specific child, they want to treat all evenly. They offer sibling $10K (will adjust for inflation) per kid per year for middle school and high school. Sibling 3 and spouse don’t feel that’s fair. They feel as though if one cousin gets a $50K education their kids should too. They also feel that limiting it to 6th and up is unfair as well. What do other people think? |
Anonymous
| Omg sibling 3 is a total A!!! I would give them zero. |
Anonymous
| No one gets to say that what a sibling decides to do with their money is “unfair”. That aside, the sibling is proposing that they are out of pocket $10k per year for each niece/nephew’s education starting in 6th grade. How is that unfair? Sibling 3 is a complete AH. |
Anonymous
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I thing Sibling 1 is being way more than fair offering 10k per child -- for 3 kids! -- for Sibling 3's kids.
Poor Sibling 1. Ugh. |
Anonymous
| If sibling 1 really wants to do something (which they don’t need to) they could put $10k a year in a 529. |
Anonymous
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Sibling 3 is insane. If his kids were not offered FA, that's not the donor's problem.
It would be nice to offer the $10K to cover an academic summer camp, maybe that would relieve this situation. |
Anonymous
Sibling 1 has said that it can go towards school or camp or an extracurricular activity. Sibling 3’s kids were at a $10K private school before this situation came up so Sibling 1 has just taken over those payments. |
Anonymous
| Wow that's really generous |
Anonymous
| Sibling 3 should get nothing. They can sell their big fancy house if their kids need private school. |
Anonymous
| I don’t even think sibling 1 needs to offer a red cent. I assume the first nephew has SN? Which presumably the other three kids do not have. So it is fine. |
Anonymous
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OP, I am assuming your are Sibling 1 who is paying. What can you afford?
I would make that determination, and then lay out your thinking to Sibling 3. I did this for Sibling 2's 1 kid for X reasons. You are not in the same situation AND you have 3 kids. I am willing to do Y for your kids. |
Anonymous
| I am guessing you can't really afford to do the same for all 4 kids, otherwise this wouldn't be a question. Sibling 3 clearly doesn't care if you can afford it or not. And for them to say something means they are clueless and selfish. |
Anonymous
No, Sibling 2 is very ill and unable to work, and they live in an area with not-great public schools. But no kid special needs in either family. |
Anonymous
| I do find it a bit arbitrary to limit it to sixth and up just because the first kid happened to be in sixth when it started. Not unfair technically, since they're not owed anything, but to me if Sibling 1 can afford it, it should be the 10k per child for their 1-12 grade education and that is very generous. |
Anonymous
Wow, and Sibling 3 expects you to do the same for him? I'd ask him why he hasn't helped Sibling 2? |